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Chapter seven – Stay with me
"Yang, get a crash cart!" Alex ordered as Evelyn Shepherd went into cardiac arrest again. Christina stood frozen in the doorway. "Yang!"
Christina jumped into motion and pulled a crash cart into the room. Alex grabbed the paddles and ordered someone to charge it. "Clear!"
Christina held her breath. No change.
"Not again, Evelyn! Come on." Alex ordered another charge and did it again. Still no change.
"She's lost too much blood." an intern commented. Alex shot him a fierce look.
"I'm not about to let Meredith and Derek's daughter die on my watch! Charge again!"
"But –"
"Charge it!"
Christina watched as little Evelyn Shepherd's body was shocked to life again. She had never felt so huge a relief than when she could hear Evelyn's heart beating again.
"Oh, thank god." Alex mumbled under his breath.
Evelyn's eyes fluttered open. "Alex, she's awake!" Christina exclaimed. She rushed to her side and grabbed her hand. "Hey Ev, its Aunt Christina."
"You gave us a big scare, kiddo." Alex said, still trying to catch his breath from just a moment ago.
Evelyn looked into their familiar faces, still dazed and disoriented, and then drifted back into unconsciousness. Christina squeezed her hand and then left the room with Alex. "She's going to be ok, I think." She said. She and Owen didn't have any kids, but that didn't mean Christina didn't have a soft spot for Meredith kids. If she felt overwhelmed by this, she couldn't even imagine how Meredith was feeling now.
Alex glanced back at Evelyn. They both wanted to believe that Evelyn would be fine, but only time would tell. "Yeah, I think she's going to be fine, too."
"Get her on a stretcher!" Izzie ordered. "Meredith, can you hear me? Meredith?"
"What's wrong with her?" asked another doctor that had come to help.
"She just passed out in the hall. I think she had an anxiety attack."
"Is she under a lot of stress?" He asked. Izzie let out a cheerless laugh. It wasn't really funny at all, but clearly he had no idea.
"To say she's under a lot of stress would be the biggest understatement of the year." Izzie told him.
"I think she's waking up. Meredith? Can you here me?"
"Iz?" Meredith murmured. "What happened?"
"You passed out. Right here in the hallway. How do you fell?"
"I'm fine, Iz. I'm not the one who you need to be worried about."
Izzie helped Meredith to her feet. "Well, come on. You probably haven't eaten anything in a while. Let's get some food in you. That might help."
"Izzie, you'd be better off helping my family than helping me." Meredith insisted. "I'm fine."
"You are far from being fine, Mer. Not one in your shoes would be. And there are plenty of your friends helping Derek and the kids. Someone has to look out for you."
"Thanks, Iz."
Izzie took Meredith down to the cafeteria and shoved a tray of food in front of her. "You better eat all of it." Izzie warned. Meredith cracked a small smile and started eating. She was silent while she ate.
"You're going to be ok, Mer." Izzie broke the silence. "Just keep hanging in there."
"All I care about is if my family is going to be ok."
"I know."
Meredith's pager went off. She jumped up ad broke into a run.
"Who is it?" Izzie asked.
"Hunt. Derek must be waking up!" Meredith yelled over her shoulder.
She made her way to Derek's room, practically sprinting the whole way. She was exhausted by the time she got there and had to remember she wasn't as young as she used to be. Hunt met her just outside the room.
"Is he awake?" Meredith came right out with it. Owen smiled.
"He is. Go on in and see him."
Meredith opened the door and paused in the doorway. She eyes found Derek's stunning blue eyes. Eyes that she thought she might never see again. Her heart sped up a little and she managed a smile of relief.
"Hey, beautiful." Derek murmured. Meredith could take it any longer. She closed the distance between them until she was practically draped over him on the hospital bed. Then the tears came. Once they started, it forever to stop.
"If you ever pull something like this again…" Meredith said once she'd regained control.
"I know, I know, you'll kill me." Derek teased her gently. Meredith buried her head on his chest.
"I'm just so glad you're ok."
"Hunt said I was in an accident, but I don't remember it at all."
"You hit your head pretty hard." Meredith reasoned. "Besides, it must not be that pleasant of a memory."
"I suppose you're right, I just hate feeling like I'm missing something. I hate that I experienced something and have no recollection of it. It's weird."
"Well you might get it back as your brain heals. You know that. Just give it time." Meredith ran her hand through his hair and leaned in to press a kiss to his brow. "I must say, I've never been more terrified than when you and the kids were brought out of those ambulances. It nearly gave me a heart attack." Meredith noticed Derek making an odd face.
"Kids? Did I hit a car full of kids? Is that what happened?"
"No… a drunk driver hit you and the kids." Meredith explained. She was getting a chill down her spine. Why was this conversation freaking her out?
"What kids? Why did I have kids in my car?" Derek was genuinely confused. How much of his memory was he missing?
"Because… You… Derek, you were in the car with our kids."
"Meredith, we don't have any kids." Derek gave her a weird look. "What's going on?"
Meredith back away from him, shaking her head and wanting to run away. "Hunt! Get in here now!" Meredith screamed. Just when she thought this couldn't get any worse…
Lexie sat in the galley watching Greyson's surgery. Dr. Wyatt, the second best neurosurgeon at Seattle Grace was performing the surgery while Mark stood nearby overseeing it. He had insisted on being in there. After all, he had promised Meredith. They were stitching Greyson back up so Lexie ran down to meet Mark when he came out. He was just washing up as Lexie entered.
"How is he?" Lexie needed to know.
"It went as well as could be, but we'll still have to see how he responds."
"Will he respond?" Lexie asked, knowing exactly what he was implying.
"There is a chance that Greyson won't wake up from this. He could end up in a coma."
Lexie shook her head, wanting to deny it. "He has to wake up." She whispered.
"Come here, Lexie." Mark wrapped her in a hug. He wasn't looking forward to telling this to Meredith.
"He doesn't remember our children, Owen!" Meredith yelled for the third time. "Clearly, something is wrong with him so don't tell me he's fine!"
"Meredith, calm down."
"No! I can't stay calm! The four people I love most in the world could die today! I thought I had my husband back –"
"You do. Derek is fine, he just –"
"Don't! Don't say it! He's not fine because Derek, my Derek, would never forget his kids. Do you know how excited he was when I told him that I was pregnant with Zoe? He grabbed me and spun me around and around and I nearly lost my lunch all over him, but he didn't care because he was so ready to be a dad. And the first time he held them, he was hooked. You could tell he adored them just by watching him. The first time he held Zoe was fourteen years ago. He has loved them for fourteen years and now you're telling me he can't remember any of them? All those years of telling them bedtime stories, taking them fishing, and cheering them on at their games is all gone? And you think he's fine? Derek is the best dad I know, so don't tell me it's nothing if he can't remember his kids. Find out what's wrong and fix it. Please."
Owen stood mute for a long while before he simply nodded and left Meredith alone. She sank into a chair, no longer able to support herself. Callie appeared and approached her cautiously.
"Please don't tell me more bad news. I don't think I can handle it." Meredith informed her.
"Zoe's surgery went perfectly. Her hip has been relocated and her knee was repaired as much as could be done. I think after some physical therapy, she'll be walking again really soon."
"Thank you, Callie. How soon until I can see her again?"
"She won't wake up for a little while, but you can go sit in her room if you like."
Zoe consciousness was slowly surfacing. She felt like she was halfway between sleep and wakefulness. There was a beeping sound and a chair creaking. She felt the cool sheets on her body and someone's warm hand in hers. She finally opened her eyes and squinted against the lights in her room. She looked over to see her mom with her head resting on her arms. Zoe couldn't tell is she was sleeping or just resting for a moment. She squeezed Meredith's hand lightly to see if she would respond. Meredith head shot up and her face broke into a smile.
"Hey, Sweetheart!"
"Hi, Mommy."
Meredith stroked her face and kissed her hand and then her cheek and hugged her tightly.
"Ok, mom, that enough!"
"Deal with it." Meredith teased. "I was worried about you."
"Well, how did it go?"
"Callie said she fixed you right up no problem. She said you couldn't have asked for a better surgery. You're going to be ok, kiddo." Meredith felt the tears coming. She bit her lip and tried to blink them back.
"Hey. It's ok, mom. You just said I would be fine."
"I know. I know. And I'm really happy about that. You're the first one out of the woods and it's got me a little emotional about it."
"Aww, mom!" Zoe reached an arm around Meredith. After a moment, she had a pressing question.
"Does this mean everyone else is in really bad shape?"
Meredith took a deep breath. She wasn't sure if she should tell Zoe right away. Could she handle it? Meredith decided she couldn't. Not right now.
"Everyone is fine for now. I meant you're the first one to wake up." It was lie, but in a way, it was also true. The real Derek wasn't awake yet.
They started talking about Zoe's long journey in getting better. Meredith told her there was lots of physical therapy ahead of her.
"When will I be able to play again, mom?"
"What?"
"When will I be able to play soccer again?"
"Zoe, I… After the extent of what happened to you and to your leg, I'm afraid you won't be able to play soccer again."
"Ever?" Zoe asked incredulously. "I won't ever be able to play soccer again?"
"I'm so sorry, Zoe." Meredith murmured.
"No! I'll get better. I'll do as much physical therapy as you want me to. I'll get better!"
"Zoe, your leg will to heal to the point where you'll be able to walk, but you can't keep playing such a competitive sport where you could risk an injury. I –"
"No. No, no, no. You're wrong. I'll just keep doing physical therapy until I can play. I'll be fine."
"Baby –"
"Mom, I can do this! I can do this. I'll be fine. Don't tell me I'm finished with soccer. It's all I've ever wanted to do."
"Zoe, Honey, please. Please listen to what I'm telling you."
"I can't! Because if what you're saying is true, then all my dreams are dead! Everything I've worked hard for is worthless! I was going to play in college. I was going to be great. Now I'm supposed to be happy if I can ever walk again?"
"You will walk. You will probably even run, but I know that's not what you want to hear and I am so sorry this is how it had to end, Baby Girl. You would have been the best damn college player there was, Zoe, because you had so much passion in you."
Zoe finally broke. The anger drained and the grief set in. Meredith held her while she cried over her shattered dreams and the future that no longer seemed so bright. She pulled back and looked up at Meredith with tear fill eyes. "What am I going to do, Mom?"
Meredith wiped the tears from Zoe's face. "You are going to be ok. I'll be here with you the whole time. We'll get through this together, Zoe, I promise. You will find something else that makes you happy and when you do, it'll make loosing soccer a little easier."
Meredith paced the length of the hallway. Zoe had fallen back to sleep after Meredith told her to rest. She had run down to check on Evelyn. Her poor baby. She had barely seen her since she came into the hospital. Evelyn seemed to be hanging in there. But then there were Greyson and Derek. What was she going to do if her husband never regained his memory? How were the kids supposed to feel about this? And what about her little boy lying in a bed that might become his permanent home? She couldn't bare to think of the possibility of him never waking up, never seeing his mischievous smile or hearing him whisper "I love you" as she tucked him in at night, never seeing him come into the house covered in mud or walking beside Derek with a sparkle in his eye because he was Derek's buddy. He was so lively and active. How could his future possibly be lying in a bed for the rest of his life?
"Stay with me, Baby Boy." Meredith whispered. "This family can't go on without you."
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