There was no way in bloody hell Cartman was going to go back to class after he told the nurse where Wendy was. Way too frickin close for his comfort. I mean, she was dating Stan for Jesus' sake! And lord knew that he might have been a lot of bad things, but he wasn't about to freakin kiss his bro's unconscious bitch. And that's really all she was: Stan's girlfriend. Nothing more, nothing less. All that Cartman's little crush was turning out to be was a ginormous pain in the ass.
If there was one thing that Cartman had learned over the years, it was how to totally and completely forget about all of his problems. After ducking out of the school building, he headed down to Patch's Liquor.
Cartman's mom's latest boyfriend own the liquor store about a half mile from school: prime location to reel in underage business. But Cartman wasn't interested in getting drunk. He had a secret hangout (yes, another one) under the store.
In actuality, it was more of an evil lair than a hangout. The basement of Patch's had been his go-to place after his mom had officially kicked him and his shit out of their basement. She said she needed the space for -recreational- purposes. Cartman gagged just thinking about it.
He walked around to the back of the pale robin's egg cinderblock building and found a rusty old tornado shelter entrance leading strait to the basement below. He bent down and retched open the squeaky door with a bit of effort, making a note to bring oil the next time he came.
It was dark, but Cartman was used to it. He moved stealthily towards the middle of the room and reached up to tug at a worn string. The lights sputtered on.
Cartman looked around fondly at this place that had become his greatest ally. In the back, a wall full of filling cabinets; this is where he kept on his blackmail. Pictures, videos, documents and taperecordings of almost everyone he knew. He personally had three whole cabinets filled up with dirt on Kyle. Stupid Jew didn't know how to hide his personal life. There was his brother Scott, the teachers at his school, his friends' parents.
The only person in South Park that he couldn't find anything on was that damned Wendy Testaburger. As far as he knew, she had no dark secrets to speak of. This idea infuriated him, not only because this was ruining his resolve not to think about her, but because it ruined his credibility as an evil bastard. If anyone ever found out that he didn't even have a way to threaten Wendy Testaburger, people might stop fearing him. He had to admit, it was a long shot, but it wasn't a risk he was willing to take: he had to dig up something on Wendy, and fast.