Lots of thanks to my wonderful beta, Suilven, who went through this chapter patiently and fixed all of my numerous mistakes


Hand in Unlovable Hand

Alistair was having a bad day.

He trudged silently behind Aedan and the two mages, glaring at the ground and ignoring the refugees rushing about as he and the others walked towards the inn. It had been made painfully obvious to him that no one wanted or cared about his opinion on anything, so he grudgingly kept his thoughts to himself.

But, he couldn't understand why no one would listen to him. He might not have taken his vows, but he was still raised as a templar, and had most of the skills that a templar did. He had been trained in the Chantry, raised from a young age to follow the words of Andraste. He knew how evil blood magic was; he wasn't just protesting against it for the sake of hearing his own voice.

Fine, he could reluctantly see why Morrigan had no problem with Lilyth's blood magic. She was, after all, an apostate witch, raised by an old woman who might or might not be the Flemeth from ancient legends. Obviously, her moral compass didn't exactly point north.

But Aedan? He wasn't a mage; he was a member of the nobility. How could he not see how evil blood magic was? He'd said he came from Highever; he had to have been raised by the teachings of the Chantry, and the Chantry was very clear on its opinion of such magics. Even if he didn't follow the Chant of Light, or wasn't a devout Andrastrian, they had all seen Lilyth get into the head of that one bandit and force him to turn against his allies.

Why was Alistair the only one who saw the problem with this? If she could do that to a bandit, a man she'd never met, what was to stop her from doing something similar to any of them? She'd claimed that it wouldn't work on just anyone, but why should they trust her word? It was obvious to all of them that she had few scruples; what was to stop her from turning on them if it suited her?

Not for the first time, he wished with all his heart that Duncan was still here. Alistair was in desperate need of his advice, his calm assurance that everything would be okay. But, more than that, he wanted to know what Duncan had possibly been thinking, recruiting a blood mage into the ranks of the Grey Wardens.

To be in the Grey Wardens was one of the highest of honors! It wasn't a title handed out to just anyone! The Grey Wardens were an elite order of heroes, destined to protect the world from the threat of the darkspawn. They gave up everything; their lives, their homes, everything they ever knew , to protect the world in secret. Why would Duncan give that title to such an obviously dishonorable woman?

Alistair found himself wondering if what Ser Jory had said was true; was it possible that Lilyth had done something to Duncan's mind, tricking him into recruiting her? But, there was a problem with that thought. She had been very angry during the Joining ritual, and had even tried to leave. Duncan had been forced to threaten her into drinking the blood. That didn't seem to fit with the thought that she was controlling his mind.

Alistair balled his gloved hands into fists, staring at the ground so no one would see the tears threatening to fall. Why? Why did Duncan have to die? Why did he have to leave behind all of this confusion? Did he know something about Lilyth that Alistair didn't? He felt like everything he believed about the Wardens was suddenly open to question. And the worst part was that he'd never again be able to ask Duncan for his thoughts or opinions, or question his commands. Duncan was dead. All that was left was an empty void, and a mire of confusion that could never be cleared.

As they approached the small building called "Dane's Refuge", Aedan turned around to face the group of them. "I don't think it would be wise to tell anyone here that we're Grey Wardens. Call me paranoid, but I think it would be best to tell anyone who asks that we're part of Fergus Cousland's guard. They were out scouting the Wilds before the battle; we can say we got separated when the darkspawn attacked and are on our way to Highever."

"And what are Morrigan and I?" Lilyth asked irritably. "We're hardly dressed like soldiers; I assume we're supposed to be servants?"

Aedan smirked. "If you don't like it, we can always say that you two are our doxies."

Both women scoffed arrogantly; if they weren't of different races, Alistair might have thought they were related, what with their ability to remain disdainful and narcissistic at the same time. He shook his head, trying not to imagine how hard this journey was going to be with both of them harassing him every step of the way.

Morrigan looked around at the nearby houses where small families were trying to finish packing their belongings and get away from Lothering before the Blight fell upon them. "Look how they scurry about! I doubt many will question us too closely. They have other things on their minds."

Aedan nodded. "I agree, but I don't want to draw too much attention to us. As far as we know, the three of us are the only Wardens to survive Ostagar; I don't want people asking too many questions about how we managed that." He pushed the door open and walked into the inn.

Alistair looked around the bar area, at once noticing the distinct stench of fear and desperation. There were crowds of people clustered around tables and in the corners, whispering furiously, occasionally glancing over their shoulders as if they feared being overheard. Normally, at a bar like this, one would hear loud laughter, obnoxious singing, and serving girl's giggling. But this... this was too quiet, giving off a chill of fear that sent shivers down his spine. People nursed their drinks quietly with their shoulders slumped; it seemed as though they had already given up hope of outrunning the Blight.

As he glanced around the room, taking in the scene, he saw a young man put an arm around his sweetheart, holding her against his chest while her body shook with what were possibly tears. Alistair felt his resolve strengthen. This was why Grey Wardens were needed. This was what they protected the world from; the threat of the Blight. The darkspawn hadn't even attacked Lothering yet, and already people were giving up hope. They knew it was impossible to outrun the Blight; all they could do was wait for death, with a drink in their hand and a prayer on their lips.

This was why Alistair had wanted to become a Grey Warden. To protect these people.

"Oi! Lookie 'ere men; I think we just been bless'd!"

The rough voice shook Alistair from his thoughts; he looked towards the sound and saw three armed guards standing in front of Aedan and Lilyth with sneers on their faces. Alistair studied the guards and saw the decorated bands around their upper arms; he could tell that they were from Gwaren, Loghain's land. His heart plummeted. Maker only knew what they wanted.

"We've spent all day lookin' for you three Grey Wardens," one of the guards said, looking from Aedan, to Lilyth, and then to Alistair.

"Oh look, some of Loghain's servants," Aedan said with a sarcastic grin. "Well, here we are. So you can either tell us what it is Loghain wants with us, or get out of our way."

A small crowd was beginning to gather around them to watch the confrontation, and a redheaded woman stepped out. She was a pretty woman, with a delicate face and cropped hair, dressed in the robes of the Chantry. She had a sweet smile on her face as she glanced towards the three guards. "Surely, gentlemen, there is no need for trouble." Alistair recognized her accent as Orlesian. "I should think you have plenty enough to do without disturbing those who are obviously simple travelers."

One of the guards reached for a sword at his side. "They're more than that; they're Grey Wardens, those who abandoned our king at Ostagar. Now get out of the way, miss. You protect these traitors, you'll get the same treatment as them." He pulled the sword from its scabbard and faced Aedan while the other two grabbed their own weapons. "Loghain has declared all Grey Wardens as traitors to the Crown. Our orders are to take you all in, dead or alive."

Alistair reached for his sword and shield, preparing for a fight, while Aedan pulled out his daggers. "If it's a fight you want, we're more than happy to oblige," Aedan said.

The ensuing fight wasn't too terribly difficult. There were only three guards and, with the aid of the Chantry sister—Alistair was surprised to see her whip out a dagger and fight alongside them—there was five of them. If anything, their greatest problem was dealing with the environment, as it was difficult for Alistair to swing his sword around while trying to avoid the tables and chairs.

Dimly, he heard the people in the area screaming and scrambling to get out of the way, and had to do his best to avoid hitting an innocent bystander. As he struck one of the guards with the pommel of his sword, he noticed Lilyth send a chain of lightning that hit all three guards, while Morrigan sent a curse that slowed their movements.

With so much stacked against them, the fight was over in a matter of moments, and Alistair was pleased to see that they had only broken one table. Two of the guards were dead, and he saw Lilyth crouched over the last one with a knife out, ready to slit his throat.

Suddenly, the Chantry sister was by Lilyth's side with her hand out, gripping tightly to Lilyth's arm to hold her back. The blood mage looked up irritably. "What do you want?"

"Do not kill him!" the sister protested.

Lilyth scoffed and yanked her arm away from the redhead's grasp. "Why should I not? He was ready to see us dead."

Much as Alistair hated to admit it—though he would never say it out loud—he kind of agreed with Lilyth. The guards had tried to kill them, and almost injured many of these innocents in the tavern. Why should they leave him alive?

The guard's eyes were widened with fear as he tried to stare at the point of the knife sticking to the skin on his neck. The sister looked down at him with a pitying gaze. "He has surrendered. There is no honor in slaughtering an unarmed man."

Lilyth grinned at that, a feral smile that made the hair on the back of Alistair's neck stand up. She reached down and patted the guard's cheek, as one might pet a friendly mabari. "It is a cruel world, and this poor man chose the wrong side of a fight. This is what happens when you choose the wrong master."

"Perhaps, he can serve a better purpose," Aedan suddenly remarked thoughtfully.

Lilyth sighed dramatically and looked up at him in contempt. "This is really very annoying. You do not wish for me to kill him, either?"

Aedan waved the remark aside as if it was beneath his notice. "I don't really care if he lives or dies. But I was thinking that maybe he can do something more for us." He rubbed the stubble on his chin. "If we let him go, we can send him with a message to Loghain, to warn him about coming against us."

Lilyth grinned like a little girl promised a special treat and pulled the knife away. She sat back on her heels and clapped her hands together, ignoring the guard, who whimpered in relief. "Oh, I rather like that idea!" She hopped to her feet, acting like an excited child. Was she completely immune to any sort of feeling? "What shall we tell Loghain?"

Aedan grinned, as if he was actually amused by her behavior. Alistair watched the two of them and found his heart sinking into his stomach. They were making him nervous. Aedan turned back to the guard, who slowly climbed to his feet, favoring his left arm, which had blood dripping out of a wound. "You will take a message to Loghain; is that clear?" Aedan demanded.

"Y-yes, ser."

"Tell him..." Aedan thought for a moment before continuing. "Tell him that the Grey Wardens know what really happened at Ostagar. Tell him that we're coming for him, and this time he won't have the chance to turn tail and flee."

"Right away, ser." The guard dipped a shaky bow and ran out of the inn as fast as he could.

With the fight over and the guards either dead or gone, everyone was starting to slowly calm down and go back to their drinks, laughing nervously about what had happened. The bar keep kept muttering about the cost of a broken table but, after Aedan tossed him a gold sovereign, he changed his tune rather quickly. In fact, everyone seemed rather glad that the guards were gone. Apparently, they had been causing all sorts of problems; demanding answers, roughing people up, or just generally being obnoxious. Everyone was glad to see them gotten rid of.

Three of the servants started to pull the two dead bodies away, while Aedan ordered an ale for him and Alistair only, since both Morrigan and Lilyth turned their noses up at the thought of drinking. Maker, they even found drinking to be beneath them.

They found a corner table to sit at, and as they went towards it Alistair noticed that the Chantry sister was following behind them. Before he got a chance to mention it, Aedan whirled around and faced her. "Is there something that you wanted, sister?"

She smiled at them all, looking somewhat simple-minded, in Alistair's opinion. "I wanted to apologize for interfering with your business. But I could not stand by while you were threatened."

Morrigan looked down her nose at the redhead. "Is that merely a clever way of saying that you always insert yourself in the affairs of others?"

The sister's eyes widened, as if surprised by the insinuation. "No! That is not it at all! I simply..." She trailed off and glanced around the room before lowering her voice. "I heard the men say that they were looking for any surviving Grey Wardens. I stole a peek at the sketch they had of you, and I knew who you were when you first entered. That is why I spoke up."

Aedan crossed his arms. "You were waiting for the Grey Wardens? What did you need us for?"

The sister clasped her hands together as if praying. "You are fighting the Blight, yes? That is what Grey Wardens do, is it not? I know that you will need all of the help you can get. I wished to offer you my services."

"Why so eager to join us?" Aedan asked skeptically. "If Loghain has declared us traitors to the Crown, I assume that being seen with us isn't exactly healthy."

The redhead smiled up at him. "The Maker told me to."

Lilyth choked on a laugh. "Oh, this is just what we need. A Chantry sister who claims to hear the Maker." She continued to giggle until she saw the thoughtful look on Aedan's face. Then, her laughter died. "You are not seriously considering this, are you?"

Aedan shrugged. "We have a seemingly impossible task; I should think we'd be fools to turn away help." He turned to the sister. "Tell us your name and what aid you can offer. I'm afraid we need more than prayers."

"I am Leliana, one of the lay sisters here in the Chantry." She dipped her head formally. "But, I was not always a sister. I can fight; I can do more than fight. My skill is best with the bow, but I can carry daggers as well. I put aside my previous life when I joined the Chantry, but if it is the Maker's will I shall gladly take up my arms again."

"Perhaps Aedan's skull was cracked worse than Mother thought," Morrigan remarked casually.

Alistair was barely listening to them; he couldn't keep silent any longer. Leliana seemed like an innocent, a simple-minded innocent. If she was raised in the Chantry, she had been secluded away from the rest of the world; she would be unable to handle the evils of a blood mage. It was his duty to warn her about Lilyth. "I doubt you want to join us, Leliana." Everyone turned to look at him, but he was determined to continue. "Apparently, the Grey Wardens recruit blood mages; your life would be in danger."

His intention had been to simply warn Leliana, so that she could go back to the Chantry. And, if she happened to alert the templars, well, then it wouldn't be his fault, right? But, he hadn't really taken into account the fact that they were in a crowded bar. If he had, Alistair might have kept quiet. Or, maybe he would have still said it. He couldn't be certain. Part of him wanted to drag Lilyth to the templars for what she was; the other part wanted to force her to do something good and help them end the Blight.

"Did you say blood mage?" a woman gasped loudly. They all turned to see her staring at them as if afraid they were going to suddenly slaughter everyone in a blind rage. "A blood mage?"

The whole tavern suddenly went quiet. Alistair glanced at Lilyth, and was inwardly pleased to see the color drain from her face. She took a step back, as if she wanted to run, and Alistair fought the urge to smile. Maybe this mob would spare him the choice of deciding whether or not to alert the templars. Good. If the templars dragged her back to the Circle Tower, the world would be free of one more blood mage.

However, Alistair hadn't really realized that, of the two mages with them, Morrigan was the one who looked far more wild than Lilyth. With her strange outfit, gold eyes, and ebony hair, at first glance she looked far less normal than Lilyth, who at least gave off the appearance of a simple elf. The witch even carried a staff, whereas Lilyth didn't. So, when the panic began to set in amongst the crowd of people, one of the women pointed at Morrigan and began shrieking. "She's a blood mage! She'll kill us all! Someone go find Ser Bryant!"

Soon everyone was screaming and trying to run from the inn, knocking over tables and chairs in their haste to escape. "Dammit!" Aedan swore loudly. He grabbed Morrigan's arm roughly and shoved her unceremoniously from the inn, avoiding the people who screeched and dove out of their way. Alistair, Lilyth, and Leliana followed him silently.

Once outside, he dragged Morrigan to a silent area behind the inn, where they were hidden by shadows and no one could see them. Once they were hidden from sight, the witch took the form of a raven and hovered in the air, angrily squawking. Aedan told her to go wait outside the village and, with a sharp peck to Alistair's head, she flew off in the air.

Rubbing the sensitive spot on his head, Alistair noticed that Lilyth was watching him with a slight smile curving on her lips. But before he could make a sharp comment, Aedan twisted around and roughly grabbed him by the collar, slamming him against the wall of the tavern. "What the fuck were you thinking?" he shouted.

Alistair shoved Aedan away from him. "I was just trying to warn Leliana of what she'd be walking in to!"

"Bullshit! You wanted everyone to hear what you said; you wanted them to alert the templars!"

Alistair was beginning to grow really angry. Why was Aedan mad at him? She was the blood mage;she was the one who tricked people's minds and forced them to do things. "So what if I did? She's a blood mage, a maleficar! How can we trust anything she says or does?"

"Excuse me, but is it truly wise to argue here?" Leliana ventured hesitantly.

Aedan ignored her, instead looking at Alistair as though he was ready to punch him. "You decided that I was in charge," he snapped. "Since I'm in charge you will follow my orders. Lilyth is helping us against the Blight, and we need her magic. If you so much as breathe one word of her magic to the Chantry, the templars, or anyone, I will personally run you through." He fingered his daggers, as if to drive the point home.

Alistair could barely believe what he was hearing. Why was Aedan getting so worked up about this? Was he just stupid? Didn't he realize what blood mages could do? "Why do you care about this so much?"

"Because we have a Blight to defeat! We have an Archdemon threatening the whole of Ferelden, and I'm not going to spend the whole time wondering whether or not you can work with our allies! Whatever you think, Lilyth is a Warden and if you can't accept that then tell me now." Aedan crossed his arms and stared Alistair down. "Can you, or can you not, work with her?"

The silence stretched out for a few tension filled moments while Alistair considered his options. He didn't want to fight with Aedan, especially not over an evil blood mage. If he left the Wardens, he'd be abandoning everything he believed in. But, how could he work with her? Maybe... maybe it was better to keep his enemies close. He had templar skills; he could keep an eye on Lilyth, and if she did something threatening he could protect them from her. Yes, that would be a better option than leaving the Wardens. "I can work with her; I won't mention her blood magic." The words tasted disgusting in his mouth, but he managed to get them out.

He heard the bitch snicker cattily. "A pity. I had half hoped that we would finally be rid of him."

Aedan rounded on her. "And you! Stop harassing him and egging him on! If he is not allowed to mention your magic to others, you are not allowed to mess with him. You are free to use your blood magic in areas where you won't get caught, and only if it will help us, but I won't have you causing problems either!"

Lilyth raised an eyebrow, looking very displeased at his words, but simply sniffed dismissively and walked off towards the other side of the village without a word. Aedan threw up his hands and followed after her, but Alistair heard his muttered comment, "Maker, I should just kill both of you and save myself the headache."

Alistair and Leliana were the only two left standing. The redhead watched Aedan and Lilyth for a moment, and then turned back to Alistair with something of a nervous smile. "Well, that was... interesting, no?"

"Interesting?" Alistair let out a hard laugh. "That's not the word I would have used."

"We should follow after them." Leliana inclined her head towards Aedan and Lilyth. "I doubt we will be able to stay in the village now."

She glided off after the other two and Alistair hurried to catch up with her. "Wait, you still want to help us? Even though you know what Lilyth is now?"

Leliana nodded. "Of course. I told you that the Maker asked me to aid you against the Blight. That will not change simply because one of your companions is a maleficar."

"But, you agree with me that she should be taken to the templars, don't you?"

The Chantry sister hesitated. "What I believe is of no importance. It is not for us to judge." She raised her eyes to the sky. "Only the Maker is deemed fit enough to judge the hearts of others. But, perhaps by helping us against the Blight, she has a chance to atone for her past mistakes."

Alistair scoffed. "She's not planning to fight the Blight, you know. She's only planning to stay with us until we reach Denerim; then she's going to just leave."

Leliana smiled sweetly. "Who can say what will happen? The Maker works in mysterious ways, no?"

The two of them fell into silence for a time until they saw Aedan and Lilyth standing by a large cage with a strange, giant man standing inside. Aedan was trying to speak with the giant, but he seemed disinclined to say anything. As they approached, Leliana whispered to them that the man was a Qunari who had slaughtered an entire family, even the children. The Revered Mother had put him in the cage so that the Maker could decide his fate.

Lilyth stared at the cage with a hard edge to her eyes. "What does it matter what he did? This is a strong man; he should not have been put in a cage like some sort of exotic animal, set out for all to come by and gawk at him."

Alistair was surprised; she sounded almost... sympathetic? "Why would you care?"

Immediately, the look was gone and she waved her hand, as if the matter was unimportant. "I don't; not really. I merely offered an opinion."

"I'm more inclined to leave him there," Aedan remarked, studying the giant. "If he killed an entire family in cold blood, I doubt we could trust him to help us."

"A wise decision," the Qunari replied coldly. "Now, leave me be."

Aedan shrugged. "Very well." He looked at the others. "Come, let's find Morrigan and get away from Lothering."

oOo

Lilyth peeled her boots off and rubbed her sore feet, wincing as her fingers pressed against a particularly painful callous. Dammit, this was so annoying. If not for that idiot of a failed templar, she could be sitting on a comfortable bed at the inn, soaking her tired feet in a scented bowl of hot water.

But, no. Thanks to the boy Warden's idiotic fear of blood mages, now she was in the middle of some filthy forest, sitting on the ground like some common peasant woman while that mutt barked obnoxiously in the distance and Morrigan tried to cook a decent meal from pitiful ingredients.

Eventually, she gave up on her feet; she was going to have to just accept the pain. For a moment, Lilyth almost wished herself back in Mistress Brinna's beautiful house in Amaranthine. The Mistress had always ensured that her pets were indulged, given almost anything they needed. They did, after all, bring in more money than the rest of her servants. And Lilyth, as one of the Mistress' especially favored pets, was treated like a princess.

She was fed delicious delicacies from all over Thedas, and was pampered like an exquisite jewel. Mistress Brinna had always said she would make a fortune as long as Lilyth kept her looks, and so Lilyth was given special hair treatments from Antiva, scented body cream from Orlais, and exotic perfume from Rivain.

Lilyth sighed and looked around the small camp. Now where was she? Living like a common foot soldier, covered in dirt with callouses on her feet. Her fine clothes were streaked with filth, half of her nails were broken, and her entire body was sore.

She ran a hand through her hair, grimacing as she felt how greasy it was. She had been reduced to a servant, forced into manual labor like some filthy street urchin. Lilyth glanced back at her pathetic tent. It had taken her two hours to figure out how to set it up, and then she had had to endure the task of actually pounding the sticks and pegs into the ground herself! Her arms felt like they were going to fall off.

Then, when she had finally managed to get it set up, she had discovered that it provided absolutely no privacy whatsoever! The tent was nothing but a giant piece of cloth tossed over a stick, open at the front and back. What sort of barbaric heathen had decided that?

Well, it wasn't like she had many things anymore. Lilyth pursed her lips and fought the urge to curse like some uncultured fishwife. Most of her things had been lost at Ostagar, and that dwarven merchant they had encountered on the road, Bodahn, only had some pitiful tunics for them to wear, which meant that technically she had only this one outfit. If her leggings were torn, she'd be forced to either wear them with holes, or go without.

Morrigan finally announced that the evening meal was finished, and everyone stopped what they were doing to gather around the fire and grab a bowl of her soup. Lilyth toyed around with the idea of refusing to eat—she was better than that, after all—but her stomach vehemently protested the thought. Reluctantly, as if she had no pride whatsoever, she followed the others and took the bowl of soup handed to her.

At least the witch knew how to use herbs and spices; Lilyth had to give her that. It almost made up for the horrid taste of peas and half-wilted potatoes, which was pretty much all the soup was since, of course, there was absolutely no fresh meat anywhere and no bread whatsoever. All they had was this thin stew. Lilyth felt that life was playing a cruel joke on her.

While everyone slurped down their pathetic idea of a meal, sounding like a pack of dogs lapping up water, Aedan glanced up from his bowl and looked around at them. "I've been thinking about where we should go from here."

"Somewhere with an inn, preferably," Lilyth muttered crossly, idly playing with her spoon while she tried to work up the courage to take another sip.

Aedan continued on as if he hadn't heard her. "Thanks to Flemeth, we have the three treaties that Duncan wished to use. One for the mages of the Circle Tower, one for the dwarves of Orzammar, and one for the Dalish elves. The treaties contain signed promises; promises to aid the Grey Wardens against the Blight. We can use them to convince these people to help us."

Alistair held up his bowl right to his mouth and tipped his head back, draining the last of the soup. Lilyth grimaced to see him wipe his lips with the back of his hand. "I think we should go visit Arl Eamon, at Redcliffe Castle."

Aedan looked at him curiously. "I know Arl Eamon; I didn't know that you were acquainted with him."

The boy Warden shifted nervously and avoided the comment. "He wasn't at Ostagar; he still has all of his men. We could appeal to him for aid against Loghain. I'm sure he would be willing to help us."

The nobleman scowled. "If we can trust him. Remember: Eamon's men were supposed to already be at Ostagar, to help with the king's army. I want to know why he didn't show, but I don't know if it's a good idea to trust his help."

Alistair looked offended at the insinuation. "Arl Eamon is a good man! He would never have abandoned the field like Loghain did. If his men didn't show, I'm sure he has a good reason for it!"

Leliana cleared her throat tactfully and set her bowl down. "Redcliffe Village is not too far from here. It should only take a week or so, traveling on foot."

The tension between the two men slowly drained away, and Aedan nodded a bit stiffly. "Very well. Then we'll travel to Redcliffe first. From there, we can travel along Lake Calenhad and reach the Circle Tower."

Lilyth almost dropped her spoon. "The Circle Tower? Why so soon?"

"You lived in the Tower for years; the mages and templars there know you. I thought you could help convince them to join us."

Lilyth scowled down at her soup. She didn't want to go back to the Tower. If she had her way, she'd never set foot there as long as she lived. It had taken her nine years to finally escape the templar scrutiny; she didn't want to go back again. But, she had promised to help Aedan and the Wardens until they reached Denerim.

Finally, she sighed. "Very well." She jabbed a finger towards Alistair. "But, you must make him swear not to speak one word of my blood magic. No one in the Tower knows of it, and I'd rather keep it that way. I will not be much use to you if the templars kill me or turn me Tranquil." She tried to keep her voice hard, but she could hear the quaver of fear in it and worried that the others could as well. The Rite of Tranquility was the one thing she feared above all else. Every sensible mage feared it.

Aedan nodded. "Alistair has already agreed to keep silent about your blood magic, didn't you, Alistair?" The boy Warden nodded reluctantly. "And, I assume that Leliana will keep silent as well?"

They all looked at the Chantry sister, who nodded solemnly. "It is not my place to condemn another for their mistakes. Only the Maker may do that."

Lilyth pursed her lips. She didn't trust either of them farther than she could throw them, but it seemed as though she had little choice. She refused to run from something, or admit her hesitation. She wasn't afraid of Alistair or Leliana. She wasn't afraid of anyone. "Then, I will help convince the mages to join us. Irving should be willing to listen to me."

Soon the evening meal was over, and everyone gathered up their things and wandered off to either sleep, clean their weapons or, in Morrigan's case, bury herself in a book. Bodahn and his son, Sandal, took the bowls and utensils and put them back in their cart before seeing to the horse they used to pull their belongings.

Lilyth wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and sleep for days. Exhaustion seeped through her entire body; her legs were sore from walking, her arms were sore from setting up her tent, and she could feel dirt in every pore of her body. She dearly wished for a soft bed piled high with thick blankets and plush pillows, but she had nothing but the hard ground and an itchy cloak to serve as a blanket. She didn't even have a pillow to lay her head on.

Pulling her legs up and resting her chin on her knees, she stared glumly into the fire. Though she desperately wished for sleep, it probably wasn't going to happen this evening. She knew that she could never get comfortable on the bumpy ground, with rocks and sticks poking into her back or side. Perhaps she should go try to take a bath? Bodahn had some plain soap for them to use, and Aedan had chosen a camp site near a small stream. But, that water was going to be freezing.

While she was brooding silently and trying to decide what she wanted to do, the Chantry sister walked up and quietly sat down next to her. Lilyth was immediately irritated; she really didn't feel like being pestered by a slave of the Chantry. But, Leliana didn't say anything, and eventually Lilyth grew vexed enough to speak. "Is there something you needed?"

Leliana shook her head, her cropped red hair brushing against her cheeks. Lilyth would have died if she had been born with such hair. Perhaps some people might find it attractive, but in her opinion it made women look ridiculous. "If I am to travel with the Grey Wardens, I should get to know them," the sister remarked sweetly.

"Then you should go speak with Alistair. He is a templar; I am sure that the two of you would have plenty of common interests to discuss."

"Oh, I have already talked to him. He is such a sweet man."

Lilyth rolled her eyes, not even bothering to dignify that with a response. Leliana saw the look and glanced at her curiously. "You do not think so? I know that the two of you have had disagreements, but there is no reason that that should continue."

Lilyth straightened up and tossed the sister a contemptuous scowl. "What do you want? If you've come to gossip, then you can do so with Alistair. If you've come to study the evil blood mage, then get what you need and be on your way."

Leliana's eyes widened in shock. "I... I was just trying to be polite, and start a conversation. There is no reason for you to be so angry."

"You're a sister of the Chantry," Lilyth snapped. "I already have one fool barking at me for my blood magic. I do not care to add another."

The sister lowered her eyes, as if in prayer. "It is not my place to judge you for your blood magic, Lilyth. Only the Maker has the right to judge others."

"Oh, how fortunate for me." Lilyth's voice dripped with sarcasm. "Now, I would thank you to leave me alone. I do not care to listen to you preaching about the Maker."

Leliana looked up at her hesitantly. "Do you... not believe in the Maker?"

Lilyth had had enough of this; she jumped to her feet, ignoring the pain that shot up her legs. "If I told you that I did, would it get you to stop talking?" Without bothering to wait for a response, she stormed off towards Bodahn's cart and snatched one of the bars of soap, a plain tunic, and some cloth.

She left the camp and walked towards the little stream; if she was going to be kept up all night by chattering sisters and barking dogs, she might as well take a bath and get rid of some of this dirt and grime.

Once at the stream, she chose a spot hidden by trees and bushes, where she could at least have some semblance of privacy, and stripped off her clothes, laying them carefully on the ground before diving into the water. She came up with her teeth chattering; as she had expected, the water was absolutely frigid. It was almost as if her entire body had turned to ice. And she couldn't even use her magic to heat it up; the stream was too wide. She'd end up exhausting her energy.

But, she endured the cold. The water came up to her shoulders, and she scrubbed the bar of soap over her skin roughly, as if she could scrub away her thoughts.

Stupid Chantry sister. Of course Lilyth didn't believe in the Maker! How could she? She had been sold to the Mistress by her own parents; she had lost her little sister, the only pure thing in her life. If the Maker existed, he would never have allowed little Letia to die; he would never have allowed Lilyth to be sold.

Lilyth grit her teeth and scrubbed her skin until it was red and raw. Then, she tore at her scalp and hair, rubbing her fingers through it to work out the dirt until strands of hair fell into her hands. Only when she had gotten herself as clean as she could did she swim to the bank and climb out of the water, her body shaking. It was cold for a spring night, and after being in the frigid water she felt as though it was winter. She snatched the piece of cloth and dried herself off as best as she could.

It didn't matter. Lilyth repeated the words to herself over and over like a mantra, a spell to etch into her mind until she could convince herself of the truth of them. The Maker didn't exist. The past was the past. She couldn't change what had happened; there was no point in whining about the past like a frightened child. The only thing she could do was push forward.

She slipped into the worn tunic. It was of a pitiful quality, a horrid brown color, and scratchy against her skin. But, at least it would keep her from sleeping in her regular clothes; this way, she could at least try to preserve her clothing for as long as possible.

Lilyth picked up her clothing, burning with anger. She hated being a Grey Warden; she hated the stupid allies Aedan had picked up. She especially hated Leliana for putting those thoughts in her head. But, with a defeated sigh, Lilyth reminded herself that she had given her word.

For the first time in her life, she had been given a choice. Cost what it would, Lilyth would never go back on her word. She might have chosen wrong, but she had been free to choose. There was a strange power in the freedom of choices, and Lilyth would never turn her back on that. Fingering the crystal amulet around her neck, she walked silently back to camp.


A/N: I apologize for any confusion, but I changed the location of Mistress Brinna's business from Gwaren to Amaranthine. Based on some suggestions/questions that Suilven posed, I realized that it would be far better to have the house situated in Amaranthine. The reasons for it will be made clear later on in the story, but I do apologize for any confusion.

Lots of thanks to Wyl for his suggestion about Alistair. He posed the thought that I should write a section explaining why Alistair wasn't storming up to the templars and giving Lilyth up. He gave me a lot of other ideas as well, which were a huge help when I was writing that first section. So, many thanks to Wyl for his support and ideas :D

Thank you to everyone reading, reviewing, and requesting alerts and I'm very sorry that I made you guys wait so long for an update. I really don't have an excuse for it except that I was busy with my friends' wedding, and my husband finally convinced me to start playing Mass Effect (where I discovered Thane). I'll make sure to update the next chapter sooner. Thank you all for your patience.