She raced toward Robert's room, fighting her new luggage that seemed to be alive with a perverse desire to trip her up at every opportunity. And then there had been the snarling traffic downtown. It had made her late, and he hated that.
"Oooh, sorry I'm late," she apologized as she opened the door and backed into his room, intent on keeping the roller from nipping at her heels. "The traffic was absolutely murder. Robert?"
She stopped still, staring around the room, into the hallway and back, her voice echoing in her ears. "Wha –"
The room was empty.
No. I can't believe it. He's already gone. Oh, Robert, no.
-----
She sat on his bed, next to his discarded suitcase, reading the note again. 'I'll be waiting with the Mai-Thais, once I'm back to myself. Robert.'
Footsteps sounded behind her as she swiped with a tissue at her burning tears.
"Where's Dad?" Robin asked.
Anna grasped at the tattered remains of her composure and cleared her throat, trying to dislodge the lump of sorrow that had taken up residence there. "He's gone."
"What do you mean, he's gone?" Robin demanded. "He was just here."
"Ah, he left. Without me." I understand why, but it still hurts so much.
Behind her she could hear Robin huff with frustration. "I'm gonna call you a car, you can meet him at JFK."
"No, don't," she stressed, turning. Don't. He doesn't want me with him. The realization burned in her mind, and never had there been a more bitter pill for her to swallow. But I need to reassure Robin. "He'll be fine."
She down stared at her hands as Robin protested. "Mom, he can't do this alone."
Yes, he can. Robert had never taken illness or injury well. She could still clearly recall all those years ago, the explosion in the police station when he had so nearly died. After he left the hospital she had insisted on taking him home and acting as both bodyguard and nursemaid.
He had suffered her care, but it had been a fraught, tormented time for them both. He had felt useless and stifled and raged with frustrated impotence, while she'd considered killing him herself when she could no longer bear his resentful, churlish attitude toward everyone who tried to help him. And then, to top it all off, he went and – still full of stitches and pain medication – rappelled off a balcony in a misguided effort to protect her, heedless of his own precarious health.
Perhaps it was for the best, then, that he was doing this on his own. He needed all of his attention – all of his formidable focus – to fully heal, and if she were there she would be a distraction from that. Not by anything she did or said, but by simply being there with him he would always be looking out for her, always putting her life and her wellbeing before his.
Maybe by being so damned selfish and proud he really was doing the best thing. And doing it on his own would restore his self-esteem, which she knew without question had taken a serious knock over the past few years. Yes, it was the best thing, after all. She nodded quickly several times as her conviction grew. "He has to do it alone."
Robin moved to sit beside her on the bed.
Anna closed her eyes, listening to the sound of her aching heart echoing in her ears. But oh how I'll miss him! Sometimes it just isn't fair.
"Oh, Mom." Anna both loved and hated the sympathy suffusing her daughter's voice. "I'm so sorry."
"It's ok." It's not, not really. "I suppose, um…deep down, I kind of knew that it had to be this way, you know?" The confession was as difficult and painful as crawling over broken glass.
She turned to look at her daughter full on. Robin deserves to understand. "Your father, he…he has to put himself back together." Trying for a smile, knowing that it didn't reach her eyes. "You know, he has to…become 'Robert Scorpio'" – she mimed the italics – "again."
"I just…" A sound that was part sigh, part sob escaped her. "I got…caught up in the moment." Seduced yet again by Robert Xavier Scorpio. How many times has it been? You'd think I'd have learned by now. But I really hoped that, this time, he would be ok with my help, my presence. I'm so tired of being alone.
Robin sighed and leaned close, putting a comforting arm around Anna and resting her head on her mother's shoulder.
Anna closed her eyes in gratitude and gave her daughter a squeeze. I'm not alone. Not completely. Nor is Robin. She has me, and Patrick… "You are so lucky," she whispered, letting just a little bit of her heartbreak show, "because…you get to spend the rest of your life with the man you love."
As I love Robert. But I can bear this. And if I stay behind, if I do as I know he wants me to, it will give him a goal, something to get well for. Someone to come back to.
And if he doesn't? a tiny, traitorous corner of her psyche demanded.
If he doesn't…I'll survive. As long as he's alive, as long as I know he's out there somewhere in the world, I'll be alright.
But he'll come back. He's promised. And Robert Scorpio always keeps his promises.
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