It had been a rather useless month and a half. Tonks felt increasingly frustrated as she put up the posters around Diagon Alley from Auror's Headquarters—Have You Seen These Wizards and Witches? Wanted by the Ministry of Magic for Various Heinous and Unspeakable Crimes. There were eleven moving, disturbing pictures—the ten who had escaped recently and the infamous Sirius Black.
You're all at Malfoy Manor, thought Tonks angrily at the pictures. Well, except for you, Sirius.
The Aurors had been on-call, tense, alert, like soldiers waiting for the enemy to ambush. But there was nothing. A few, false tips from senile old witches were all they got.
Tonks Apparated to Grimmauld Place. She went straight to the parlor and collapsed on a chair, fuming.
"You look glum," accused Lupin, as he came to sit on the sofa near her. Sirius followed shortly.
"Have you seen Kreacher?" he asked.
"No," replied Tonks grumpily.
"Hmph," he replied, frowning, stalking out.
"It's infectious," noted Lupin cheerfully. Even though Tonks shot him a glare for being so happy, he remained unfazed. He took out his wand, tapped his closed fist and opened it. There was a pretty, pink orchid, the exact hue of Tonks' hair, sitting in his palm. She took it gingerly out of his hand, not wanting to destroy it with her clumsiness. She tucked it behind her ear and her ill mood evaporated. "Happy St. Valentine's Day, Tonks."
"Is it Valentine's Day?" she asked, incredulous.
"It is. Though I have no idea why, this has always been a favorite holiday of mine." He smiled and stood up, brushing some of the dust off of his robes. Tonks squinted at him.
"Finite Incantatem," she said, pointing her finger at him in place of a wand.
"Very funny," he said, still grinning. "Care for some tea?"
"As long you spike it with whatever you're taking," said Tonks, regarding him suspiciously. A moment later he brought a steaming pot of tea and two cups. Tonks had barely taken a sip before he broke out in another smile.
"I have a surprise to show you," he said. Although his demeanor and facial expression remained that of a thirty-something man, his tone was that of a teenage boy.
"I think your condition's kicking in and that you should have a bit of a lie-down first," said Tonks slowly.
"Not at all," he said dismissively. He set his barely-touched teacup down on the tray and Tonks followed suit. "Come with me, you'll like it, I think."
He stood up and led her past the second bedroom where she had taken care of him that morning a month and a half ago. After the third bedroom (used by Dumbledore on his rare overnight visits), there was a door at the end of the corridor that Tonks had never used.
"I wouldn't go in there," a portrait labeled 'Elladora' in gilded script sneered at them. It was an eight-year-old witch with very frilly robes and mousy, bouncy curls.
"I wouldn't wear that dress, either," Tonks said, eying the frills. The girl gave a huff of indignation and stalked off to another portrait.
"In here," said Remus, gently pushing the small of Tonks' back. She closed her eyes to enjoy the sensation, but regretted it when she opened them. It was completely dark when Remus closed the door. Tonks got nervous—they could have been in a closet or a ballroom for all she knew. She drew her wand.
"Lumos," she said, but Remus shouted 'No!' and grabbed the length of her wand arm and her waist, pulling her close into the cushion of his body, protecting her. Tonks got a little lightheaded, but didn't fail to notice the Venemous Tentacula that snapped ferociously out from the wall at the space that she had just occupied.
"Nox," he said, taking her wand out of her hand. He released her body as the light went out and they were plunged into darkness again, but he held onto her arm.
"Hey!" she called indignantly, groping in the darkness for her wand back. She found his neck and tried to, as professionally as possible, slide her hand down his arm to get it. She found his other hand and snatched the wand.
"Sorry. I didn't want you to set off another trap."
"You coulda told me-"
"I didn't want to scare you-"
"I'm an Auror, Merlin's beard, Remus!" Although she found she couldn't really be angry at him, it did miff her that he lacked confidence in her.
"I wanted you to be surprised, that was all," he said guiltily. "But we have to go in the dark. No outside light is allowed in here, or it sets off curses and nasty hexes."
"What's in here? What is this?" she asked. He took her by the hand, tightly and led her into the darkness. She followed blindly, frightened, but not doubting him.
"This is the Black family Collection Chamber," he informed her. "Sirius mentioned it in passing. He had been here a few times but he has no interest in it. As the family name suggests, one must be comfortable with darkness—pure blackness—to gain admission. This is only the antechamber."
"A Collection Chamber?" asked Tonks, thinking. "My mum never mentioned it. I bet Moody would know something about it."
"Maybe in general," replied Lupin. "Of it specifically, I doubt it. Before even Gringotts was open—which was many centuries ago—old families preferred to store their treasure in their private manor homes in catacombs or subterranean caves. While the Blacks do have a vault at Gringotts, it contains only gold, while their heirlooms are stored—here."
Tonks felt him stop, then realized they had reached the other side of the room. A tap of Remus' wand three times and a whisper of "toujours pur" opened the door to the Collection Chamber. When Tonks looked in, her heart sank when she saw that it, too, was pitch black.
The door closed, but suddenly sallow light illumed all around the Chamber from ancient candelabra. Although the light was not cheery, the windowless room was now well-lit.
The light revealed something that resembled, to Tonks, the structure of the Hufflepuff common room—old furniture with antiques spotted all around the room, but with none of the warmth and sunshine that Hufflepuff seemed to let in. The furniture was claw-footed and—what else?—black. But besides the furniture, there was a suit of armor that stood stationary alongside a trophy case that housed several ancient Orders of Merlin, third and second class. A sword, with black, crusted blood clinging to the blade, was hanging on the wall over a large chest without a lock. The Black family crest hung over the fireplace, where a black flame burned next to a decrepit, ebony piano in the corner. The only feature that seemed out of place was a tall mirror that looked older than anything else in the room, with a glittering gold frame. Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi, it read at the top.
"Well?" asked Lupin, perhaps with a tinge of nervousness. "What do you think, Tonks?"
"This is cool," affirmed Tonks. "Creepy, but cool. Like a secret hideout for the Black family. Pretty low security, though, don't you think? For your most valued possessions? I think I'd choose Gringotts any day."
"Well, this house itself used to be as a Gringotts vault. I remember visiting 12 Grimmauld Place once, the summer after my third year at Hogwarts, with Sirius, Peter and James. Sirius' mother—your great aunt—wasn't as horrible as her painting, at least not outwardly. She was tolerant of James, who came from an ancient although somewhat reclusive wizarding family. James was allowed to go to Sirius' room to collect some things, while his mother did everything but expressly forbid Peter and I from going any farther than the parlor. Sirius spent the rest of those holidays apologizing for his mother. He only went back one time after that, to get his trunk and leave for good. Until now, of course."
"I guess the screaming portraits show we've gone deeper than they ever thought possible when we're all in the dining room."
"Exactly." Lupin touched a key of the piano. "How do you feel about Beethoven?"
"Who?" asked Tonks. Lupin laughed, sat down and began to play a slow, melancholic piece that seemed to flow in waves. Tonks found it eerie and compelling, as though she were dreaming. She wandered toward the mirror and looked into it.
She breathed in air suddenly as she saw Remus behind her. Had he Apparated? But no, he was still sitting at the piano. But he was standing beside her now, holding her hand, holding her close. Then, beside Tonks was a blue-haired boy that was as tall as her hip. At the height of her knee was a green-haired girl, tugging on Tonks' pant legs, looking up at her with an unmistakable look of admiration, love and need.
Tonks felt as though she were lost in a reverie. She felt the music swallow her. The children were unmistakably Metamorphmagi, as their hair turned different colors and shapes, but they had the solemn looks of Remus Lupin. If he and I had children, that's what they'd look like, probably! She touched the mirror's frame. Did it show the future? Or was it a Dark artifact, causing despair by showing what would never be possible? She wanted to ask him, but she blushed with fear. He finished the deep strains of the piece and Tonks snapped out of her dream state, stepping to the side. She could no longer see herself in the mirror.
"Interesting mirror," said Tonks, as though she had been admiring the frame.
"A recent addition," said Lupin, closing the cover over the keys of the piano. "It was Dumbledore's, he had brought it from Hogwarts and placed it here. I suppose it has an enchantment of some kind—Dumbledore felt rather secretive about it."
"Hm," said Tonks. She looked around the room and grinned. "This is really cool, Remus."
"I know," he replied, beaming ear to ear. "It's been so long since I've shared an adventure like this, it's somewhat exhilarating." He surveyed the room once before looking to her. "Ready to go back."
"Definitely," she said. She grabbed his hand again as they started out into the pitch blackness. "I can't believe there are no other enchantments guarding this place—you just walk through the room in the dark?"
"Is that so hard to believe?" asked Remus. "Beside the fact that it is deep within the House of Black, a thief who would turn on the light—should he escape the snapping plant—would not likely venture forth in the dark. Darkness is, for many people, their deceptively greatest fear. If you are in your own room in the dark, what fear do you have? Indeed, it is a comfort and allows you to sleep. If you are in the dark in a strange place, what fear don't you have?"
"You've spent a lot of time thinking about this," said Tonks. After a moment, they found the door and Tonks shivered as they passed the Venomous Tentacula.
"Dumbledore occasionally shares some of his philosophy with me," said Remus, as he opened the door to the corridor in the house, "when he finds the time. One of the reasons—and there are many reasons—that I respect him so greatly is his abundantly healthy attitude toward the unknown and his own death one day, making him so very different from Voldemort. I find great confidence in that, and I know he will not lead us astray."
He let go of Tonks' hand as they walked past the first bedroom and into the sitting room.
"Where were you?" asked Sirius suspiciously. He had a pile of Daily Prophets in front of him.
"We were checking out the Black family Collection Chamber," replied Tonks.
"Oh," said Sirius blankly. "Well, if you see anything you like, it's all half-price. Which was nothing in the first place." He stood up and collected the papers to bring them upstairs with the other piles.
Remus tapped the pot of tea he had left on the table with his wand to reheat it. He did the same to his cup.
"So, it's Valentine's Day," said Tonks. She was significantly cheered up. "Let's go out!"
"What?" asked Remus, spilling some tea on his robes.
"Scourgify," said Tonks, wiping the spill away with a flick of her wand. "I know a great place in Covent Garden. What do you think about dinner?"
"I haven't got—I mean, I can't-" he stuttered, embarrassed.
"My treat," said Tonks graciously, setting down her tea cup. "Aren't you hungry? Come on."
"Nymph-"
"Tonks, Remus. My name is Tonks," she sighed with faux exasperation. She dragged him to the front step of Grimmauld Place and Disapparated.
They appeared in a broken phone booth, very close together. Tonks let them out—none of the few Muggles on the street had seen anything. They walked down the road, both receiving odd looks because of their robes and Tonks' pink hair.
"Here," she said, pushing him gently into a small, crowded restaurant that Remus could only surmise was French, by the smell of the food and style of the place. At least no one was paying attention to their appearances here—everyone was vying for a table. Remus looked around, but Tonks had vanished. He looked everywhere around the dense, bustling crowd, but her bright hair was nowhere to be seen. Had she pulled some sort of prank on him? His heart sunk slightly. That was probably it. Had he actually hoped that a nice woman would treat him to dinner? Like normal people? He felt a fool—the fate of most wizards was a cozy marriage and children, or at least a family life of some sort. But he was not normal—how had he overlooked that? And Tonks was so young, had he really forgotten that she was probably still a juvenile prankster at heart? She seemed so composed and mature when dealing with Order business and even listening to his problems. But here she was on her time off when she didn't have to be the way all the older adults wanted her to be. She was free to be as spirited as the Weasley twins, if she wanted, while he was graying and fading into the dirt like his robes. He turned toward the door to leave.
"Finally," sighed Tonks, reappearing. "That was worse than fighting Bellatrix, but I've got us a table, come on." Remus instantly felt ashamed for his thoughts about Tonks' maturity. All he needed was a quick look into her face to see the honesty and cheer etched into it. She grabbed his wrist and felt warmth all around it. Although his spirits somewhat rose as she chattered away about Confounding the maitre d' and the place's lobster bisque that was worth all the gold in the Black family vault, he still felt the shadow of the dark reality of his thoughts.
Their table was crushed in the corner by the kitchen, but there was a sweet little view of the street from the nearby window. Tonks' crossed legs smushed into the table slightly and the back of Remus' chair was touching the back of a Muggle's. They had to lean in closely to discuss wizarding things, although no one was really paying attention to them—it was, afterall, Valentine's Day.
"Good evening," a waiter greeted them almost immediately. Tonks winked at Remus while he gave her a slightly reproving but mostly mischievous smile back. The quick service was most likely not the usual order of this Muggle business. "Would 'oo like to 'ear ze specialty tonight?"
"No, merci," said Tonks. "I'll have the filet mignon and pumpkin ju—I mean, apple juice."
The waiter raised his eyebrows at Tonks' beverage request but did not say anything.
"Bien, miss. And you, sir?"
"Avez-vous le coq au vin?" asked Remus. Tonks smiled while listening.
"Ah, oui. Et pour le bouvoir?" replied the waiter.
"Un verre petit d'aperitif, ca suffit, merci," said Lupin.
"Bien. Comment est-ce que vous parlez le francais si bien, monsieur?" asked the waiter curiously, jotting something down, but Lupin was a little wary and tired.
"C'est ma mere, elle est venue d'Avignon," replied Lupin. Tonks had lost all sense of the conversation, except that Lupin had something about someone's mother.
"Hm—alors, bon appetit," he said, bowing slightly and leaving quickly to another table.
"Show-off," accused Tonks, drinking from the water glass.
"What?" he asked, scratching the back of his neck.
"All that French. But it won't work," said Tonks, her eyes twinkling. Lupin wondered if it was just the flame from the stubby little candle that burned by the pepper or if it was just something inside her.
"Work? What do you mean?" Remus asked, sipping from his water glass.
"If you want to impress an Auror, you'll have to read Top Ten Things that Impress Aurors, a Complete Guide. By Mad-Eye Moody." Remus snorted quietly, dribbling water down his chin. He wiped it off hastily, to his embarrassment.
"I haven't seen such a work," he shot back with a grin. Tonks rested her elbow on the window ledge and looked out at the bright, electrical lamps on the Muggle cars moving quickly on the street.
"Oh really?" asked Tonks. "Number Ten—replace a limb or vital organ with a Dark detector. Number Nine—only drink from a private flask. Merlin, Remus, if you got yourself a hook for a hand and insisted watching every time Molly makes tea, I don't think I could possibly admire Dumbledore more than you."
"I wasn't trying to impress anyone," he said, looking down at the surface of the table. He couldn't quite blush but his cheeks looked less ashen. However, he hadn't spoken a full sentence of French for eight years and he couldn't account for it. "But a hooked hand sounds appealing. Or how about a foot that stomps the feet of Dark wizards?"
Tonks pretended to sigh like a thirteen-year-old witch at the sight of Gilderoy Lockheart. She toyed with the pink orchid, sticking her nose in it and inhaling—it smelled like the sea, curiously enough.
"What's your favorite Valentine's Day memory?" asked Tonks, closing her eyes to enjoy it.
"I'm not sure," replied Lupin, his eyes looking reminiscent. "I can't recall."
"Never? I thought you said this was your favorite holiday. You can't remember a card, a dance, a kiss-"
"No one but my mother," Remus laughed quietly. "She always sent me some chocolates. I've never had a Valentine's like this before—never with anyone like—that is, with such good company." He hastily took another sip of water. "Valentine's romance was more of a James and Sirius thing. Sirius always had a good line up his sleeves for any random girl he fancied, especially Madam Rosemerta at the Three Broomsticks, but James was more of a one-woman man. In our Seventh year, James took Lily to-"
"Sh," said Tonks, silencing him. "You know I love to heart stories about your friends at Hogwarts, but you always make it sound like they should be the only ones enjoying life, which they don't have, and that you are living your life like some sort of sad penitence for it. I want tonight to be about you."
Lupin didn't know what to say to that, but he was luckily spared by the arrival of his appetizer wine and chicken.
"And for you," the waiter said quickly as he quickly set down a glass with amber liquid and a steak in front of Tonks before rushing off back to the kitchen. "Enjoy."
"Merlin's beard, this is delicious!" exclaimed Lupin over his chicken a little too loudly, getting a warning look from the Muggle he was sitting so closely to. The chicken was baked in wine and exceptionally tender. All his jumbled thoughts were chased away. "I've never had anything this good since—years-"
"Better not let Molly hear you say that," said Tonks with a wink, but his mouth was too full to reply. She dug into her tiny steak.
They ate quietly, leaning forward, almost close enough for their foreheads to touch over the tiny, circular table. Tonks looked up slowly after she finished her meal and found herself so close to his face; his hair over his forehead, ginger and gray; his nose, of normal and noble proportion; and his eyes, always hiding something. She might have been a little too tempted to kiss him if his mouth wasn't occupied with the coq au vin. She looked out the window to avoid thinking about it.
The waning of the evening, even in this busy little restaurant, made her feel quiet and romantic inside. She twirled the orchid between her fingers, smelling the sea.
"I'm sorry I can't pay for this," said Remus mournfully as he wiped his mouth.
"I said I'd pay, Remus, it's no trouble." Tonks still felt serene.
"I'm sorry that it's a bit unorthodox-"
"Shut it," she said calmly. "Look at my hair and tell me if you think I give a Leprechaun's crap about what is orthodox or not."
"Better not let Molly hear you say that," said Remus said, chuckling quietly. All they needed was one sour look from a waiter that suggested irritation at their lingering over an available table to vacate it. Tonks paid for the meal in Muggle bills ("I find them in the street sometimes") and the couple found themselves outside on a chilly evening under the streetlamps.
"Would—that is—I mean to say, would you like to go for a walk?" he asked, offering his arm to her as the bustle of the restaurant faded into quieter night, despite the traffic.
"Sure," said Tonks, taking it with pleasure. She loved the feeling of being close to him. Something about him radiated the sense of an instinctive protector, and she couldn't deny feeling safer with him, as if they were alone in a bubble of joy while the rest of the world stewed with fear. They walked into a public garden. She watched his breath make small clouds against the night. Somehow, the stiffness of Lupin's proffered arm melted, and their arms folded down to hold hands instead.
They walked for a time in silence before they reached Tonks' apartment. Lupin walked with her to the outside and let go of her hand to face her. He stuffed both of his hands into his pockets and looked away as she stood before him. She grinned because he looked so young—his usual, serious demeanor was made into that of a young lad looking as though he was trying to hide an ill-disguised lie from showing on his face.
"Thanks," he said finally, as he brought his eyes back to hers. "For a great day."
"Don't mention it," said Tonks. "It wasn't torture for me either."
His head was bowed and he shuffled his feet a little closer to her.
"I was wondering—no—I mean—I'm sorry," he said, looking imploringly at her to decipher his request.
"I didn't catch any of that, sorry," said Tonks. She was afraid grinning might scare him off, or make him think she was mocking him or something. She settled for a sympathetic look.
"I want to—Merlin's pants, Tonks," he said breathlessly.
Suddenly, before she could tell what was happening, his head lowered and swiftly caught her mouth. She felt his soft lips touching hers gently at first, then a little harder; her eyes were closed as she felt his arms around her. Her own hands found the back of his neck, touching it lightly and letting his hair run through her fingers. It felt wild, for some reason. He was kissing with an insistent need now, something she didn't anticipate-
"I'm sorry," he said, breaking away and letting his arms relax from around her. "I apologize for that, Nymphadora-"
"Tonks," she corrected quietly.
"I'm sorry, I mean Tonks," he amended quickly. "It was inappropriate."
"What?" asked Tonks incredulously. "Inappropriate? You're on my doorstep after a lovely dinner. On Valentine's Day. When would it be more appropriate? During your grandmum's funeral?"
"Tonks—I do not want-" he started, seemingly unable to express himself.
"What? Me?" she asked quietly, looking down. A blissful balloon was hissing out air inside of her. She didn't want to see his eyes when the ax fell.
"No!" he said quickly, and loud enough that a few Muggles turned to look at the odd pair as they passed by on the street. "I didn't mean that. I meant that it's just not right. It's inappropriate between a—a person like you—and a person like me."
"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Tonks, affronted. "If this has got something to do with my half-blood—but I'd never suspected you of-"
"Of course it doesn't have anything to with your parents," said Remus, waving away her accusations. She knew it was true by the look in his face.
"Is it my hair?" she asked, a hand indignantly on her hip. "I can change that. Easily. Or my face, or-"
"Nymphadora, you are one of the most beautiful women I know," he said with frustration. "It's got nothing to do with that."
"Well, tell me," she said. "What's wrong with me?"
"Nothing is wrong with you," he sighed finally, after a moment's hesitation. "It's me that's the problem."
"You?" she asked in disbelief. "Nothing's wrong with you."
"How can you say that?" he asked, laughing with slight insanity. "Have you seen my robes? Have you noticed that I live on my best friend's wealth day after day, that I have no paying occupation? If I even had a Gringotts vault, there wouldn't be a Knut's ghost in it. I'm quite useless."
"Rubbish!" Tonks cried. "You're busy with the Order! I'm sure once everything quiets down again you'll find a job all right-"
"You don't understand," said Remus through his teeth. "Not only that I'm poor—Maybe you've noticed that I only missed going to school with your mother by a few years? I'm far too old-"
"Rubbish again!" countered Tonks. " 'Old!' You can't be more than ten years older than me-"
"Eleven, actually," he muttered under his breath.
"So what?" asked Tonks. "Like there are laws against that! If I don't care, you shouldn't."
"But I do care," replied Lupin. "You are—amazing, sometimes. You don't deserve…this. I have nothing to offer you. I mean, can't you see my face? I'm a broken man."
"I see a whole man in front of me," said Tonks slowly. She lifted her hands to his face to smooth it with the back of her hand. "With a whole heart."
The wind blew the hair out of his face for a moment. He seemed entranced by her touch for a moment, then grabbed her wrist gently and pushed her away.
"Please—can we leave what happened tonight—just for tonight?" He was pleading now. "I don't want this to become anything. I can't."
"Oh," said Tonks. She wasn't quick enough to hide her blush, but something was crumbling inside of her. "I'm sorry—why didn't you just say that in the first place?"
"I don't know," he said, looking toward the apartment building. "I'm not especially articulate tonight, for whatever reason."
"No, that's fine. Great, actually—I mean, what was I thinking, that's the question," she said as she mustered a fake grin. "I mean, we're both in the Order, it would be really weird. Now that I think about it, it's kind of a bad idea."
"Right," said Remus. She couldn't tell if he was sad or not. "So I want to apologize again-"
"No," said Tonks, waving him away. "If you can't get a nice bit of snogging in on Valentine's Day, when can you? Forget it, Remus." She turned to go inside to the building and looked back at him. "Good night."
"Good night, Tonks," he sighed at her, thrusting his hands in his pockets again and vanishing with whip of snow and wind.
A/N: There is a little deviation from canon here—Tonks and Remus are actually 13 years apart, but the basis for that is the date that Tonks joined the Aurors. I kind of imagined her fooling around with odd jobs before becoming serious and deciding to fight Dark wizards, instead of purposefully joining directly after Hogwarts like Harry might.
A/N2: Thanks to you kind reviewers: Yayforgredandforge, mrscribble, tonks-lupin524, Cricce, ILoveDoctorMcDreamy, recklesslyconfined, sharon and Flo M Nimo. And double thanks for double reviews: sarah. And the winner for triple reviews is Ashes2Dreams. Thanks you guys, I appreciate all your comments!
