A/N: This is a repost; I am supposed to get an email every time this fic is updated as the author of it, but I do not, most of the time. That is why I repost often, until I get an email, to make sure everyone gets notified of the update. Also, I am very saddened by the lack of reviews! :( If you could leave a review, the next chapter would come sooner. I am done updating frequently for awhile, because the lack of reviews depresses me. Sorry.
Lily could feel the glares burning into her skin as she walked down the stairs leading to the Gryffindor Common Room.
"Just act like you don't give a shit," Daisy said.
"I do care," Lily objected.
"Yeah, but no one has to know that," Mary said. "Remember last year after your breakup? Just hold your head high and let no one know what you really feel,"
Lily harrumphed, discontent with her current situation and the advice she was getting.
"But I slept with the fucking traitor of Gryffindor house," Lily said, feeling guilty, feeling like she too had genuinely betrayed the house that had given her so much.
"Well, no one's perfect," Daisy said.
"His cousin is the spawn of Satan," Lily said. "She tortures fucking first-years for fun," The redhead was of course referring to Bellatrix Lestrange.
"I think that's an understatement," Mary said matter-of-factly. "She's Satan. Grindelwald's got nothing on her,"
"I think Satan would be offended," Daisy said, and they all burst out laughing.
No one said anything when she went out of the Common Room; they only stared and whispered. This wouldn't have been the first time a Gryffindor had hooked up with a Slytherin, and it certainly wouldn't be the last either; Lily was fairly high on the social ladder and thus, they wouldn't give her as much shit as they would give Frederica Simone. As much shit as she had given to Frederica Simone yesterday. She gulped the guilt down and tried to divert her thoughts.
She couldn't help but heave a sigh of relief once she had climbed through the portrait hole and was away from prying eyes. Lily knew this meant that they wouldn't give her anymore shit either. Or at least, she hoped.
"See, you did it," Mary said kindly, clapping her on the shoulder friendlily. Daisy grinned at her proudly too.
Lily's eyes sparkled brightly; she was blessed to have friends like these two. Even if the entire Gryffindor House now despised her, having these two girls besides her made her trials bearable.
The three walked down the staircases to have breakfast, talking and laughing freely. Lily tried not to notice the angry glares – not just from Gryffindors, but Slytherins, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs as well – and the hushed whispers.
"You guys should have stopped me," Lily said accusatorily. "You guys should have used the Petrificus Totalus on me, and then I wouldn't be in this situation,"
She suddenly didn't feel like they were such good friends anymore; one's emotions changed radically.
Mary heaved a sigh. "I told you," she said. "We didn't want to make a scene; remember all the times you were drunk the summer? If someone did something you didn't like, you nearly always picked a fight. We didn't want to humiliate you by hexing you! We seriously didn't know what to do,"
"Why did you let me get so drunk?" Lily snapped.
"You were really snappy for some reason," Daisy said. "You wouldn't tell us why so we thought we'd help you the only way we could think of. By giving you a few shots. It seemed to work, but then things got out of hand,"
Lily was about to open her mouth to retaliate, but then closed it. She knew her friends had genuinely wanted no harm. She remembered how many times she had picked fights, sometimes even messing with her own friends because boy was she aggressive and bossy when she was drunk, and it was a miracle they had even forgiven her for all the trouble she had caused. She felt ashamed. How could she not have noticed how terribly she had been acting? Why did people have to have something akin to an intervention to realize their own mistakes that they were oblivious to but stared everyone else in the face?
She felt like such a bad person.
When she was out partying, drinking, smoking, even doing drugs during the summer, she didn't have time to think about what she was doing – whether it was right or wrong. All she had cared about was having fun and forgetting who she had been. There was no time for regrets between one party and then the other. In a way, she had accomplished what she had wanted; she had had a blast during the summer, became a much stronger person, and no longer felt anything for James Potter, not even hatred, which was surprising to her as well. She thought she would always want to take revenge, but she realized his life was miserable enough without her involvement – he made sure of that himself. He was just a generally destructive and toxic person who was unable to appreciate it even if his dreams came true, judging by the way he had treated Lily, who had been the epitome of all the characteristics he desired in a woman.
The summer had passed, however, and she was forced to think about the kind of person she had become.
The first thing she thought about was asking Catherine what she would do in this situation. It felt weird even to her own self that this was the first thing she thought about.
Later on, she still asked Catherine however. After the cat-calls, the spit balls in her hair, the crude remarks made both to her and Sirius Black, she decided she couldn't solve this alone. Catherine has all the answers, she thought, and ran to the person she hero worshipped.
Catherine looked regal and beautiful when she stepped into their dormitory. Lily was crying on the bathroom floor, legs up to her chest, hiding her face between her legs. Daisy and Mary had run to get her, because between two sobs, Catherine had been the one she had asked for. (Mary and Daisy couldn't help but feel slightly hurt by that, but they did what they thought was best for their friend anyway by carrying out her wish.)
"Sweet Jesus," Catherine said, mortified. She looked like a silent movie actress with her beautiful blonde curls, red lips and pearl earrings and dark blue robe. Lily looked up when she heard the girl's voice; her face lit up with joy and the hope of redemption and being saved from the mess she had gotten herself in. "Catherine!" she said with genuine joy.
"Oh my God, Lily Evans, who did this to you?" Catherine asked, shocked, kneeling down beside her on the bathroom floor. Mary ran out of the room to get more tissues for the sniffling Lily. Daisy stood in the doorway, wondering what to do.
"Everyone," Lily replied. "The whole house hates me. They are ridiculous."
"They hate Sirius Black just as much, to be fair," Daisy said, suddenly finding use in her being there.
"But they hate me even more," Lily whined, pining for Catherine's attention and sympathy.
"Actually, they hate Sirius more because he's also the greatest traitor of the Gryffindor House ever to exist, actually," Daisy said.
Lily glared at Daisy – why did she have to say that? This way, Catherine would think she was stupid for making things up. She did feel like she was getting more hate than she deserved, either ways.
"Lily just doesn't really see that, I think," Daisy said. "But I talked with van der Leer who's on the Quidditch team, and they're giving him hell. They actually like freaking Potter, who is obviously not thrilled with this unexpected turn of events even if he isn't admitting, so that makes things even worse for him,"
"Really?" Lily asked, eyes wide, sniffling. "I thought they hated me more because I was a girl and I am supposed to have morals or something,"
"Well, for the most part, people are saying it's all James's fault and they think you did it to piss him off," Daisy said.
"Oh, no! That's even worse!" Lily said, making Catherine giggle despite the situation. Even Daisy cracked a smile.
"Trust me, it's not though. Not this time. That is why they're giving you less hell. They sent Sirius up to the Hospital Wing twice today; Madame Pomfrey doesn't even want to let him out because she knows he'll just be back in a matter of time and she doesn't want him to suffer. And it's only going to get worse; Potter really, really hates him now. Like, you can't imagine,"
That was when Mary returned with the tissues. Lily's eyes sparkled with genuine gratitude when she took the tissues from Mary, then blew her dripping nose into them.
"What have I missed?" Mary asked. "It took me a long time to find the tissues. I totally forgot where I put them," she said, giggling. The others giggled despite the situation; they had to ease the tension somehow.
"No prob," Lily said.
"Nothing, except what you heard van der Leer tell me on the way back," Daisy said. "The Quidditch team especially is giving Black hell, because they hold Potter in high esteem and Potter's mad at his best friend for shagging his old girlfriend,"
Lily blew her nose noisily, hiccoughing all the while.
"Oh God, I'll get the water," Mary said, hyperventilating, rushing out of the room again. The other girls giggled and Lily was incredibly grateful for a friend like her. Lily hiccoughed again and the girls burst out laughing again. Lily's spirits were lifted, but she genuinely wished they could get back to the problem at hand. They still hadn't found a solution to her problem; she knew she had caused it herself, but that didn't mean she should just sit around without doing anything to improve her situation, if she had already ruined it.
"So anyway," Daisy said. "I don't think you should do anything. Just play along with being the victim. That way they'll forgive you quicker. Maybe you'll even get back together with James; God knows he's smitten with you,"
"Ew," Lily said, wrinkling her tiny, upturned nose in disgust. "I don't want to play the victim."
"No one likes being the victim and the damsel in distress," Daisy said. "But it will get you farther this time. People like the victim. People like to feel sorry for the victim and do something to help them, especially if it involves simultaneously being able to ruin the supposed perpetrator's life,"
"They weren't so keen on helping me when James broke up with me," Lily said snappishly. Was she supposed to be grateful to people who wanted to ruin Sirius's life, who had only slept with Lily, over ruining James Potter's life, who had taken her virginity, emotionally abused her and practically raped her on her first night? What were these people's priorities? She was genuinely disgusted with them and couldn't be thankful for the help they were willing to give her if only she played along with their rules.
"No one knows how you lost it with him," Daisy said.
"Why, how did you?" Catherine asked, curious.
Lily shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it," she said.
Catherine looked disappointed, but didn't press on. She decided to respect her privacy. "Alright," the blonde said and Lily smiled gratefully at her for respecting her boundaries. Daisy smirked when the two girls weren't looking; there were things after all that would only stay between them, connecting them, binding them together, and this way the three of them would stay friends forever. As much as she liked Catherine, she didn't want to let her and her best friend Reid in on everything. Her connection with Lily and Mary was much more precious than to allow just anyone to be part of their fellowship.
"But, Daisy, still – you expect me to be grateful?"
"I don't expect you to be grateful," Daisy said. "The world is unfair and it sucks. I know. But playing the victim is the best choice you have right now,"
Lily was discontent with her possibilities, and with the coming days, though she had no way of foreseeing, she would only become even more dissatisfied.
After three days of constant humiliation, she decided to visit Sirius in the hospital. She hadn't talked to him ever since she had broken up with James, so she knew this was going to be awkward. She just felt incredibly bad for pretending to be the victim and getting much, much less hate than this poor boy who was only trying to ensure he wouldn't become homeless once he graduated, and had only done what she had done. She didn't think he was guiltier than her or that she deserved to be sent to the hospital over something as trivial as interhouse hate. She also thought she didn't deserve all the sympathy she was getting from her fellow girls especially.
Lily walked to the end of the Hospital Wing, where Sirius lay, wide awake, in one of the uncomfortable hospital beds. He looked helpless and miserable and pitiful; Lily's stomach constricted. He didn't deserve this; she could see how hurt he was in his eyes.
"Hello," Lily said softly. Sirius slowly turned to face her, eyes narrowed, unfriendly.
"What are you doing here?" he barked. "Don't you know it was only a shag for me?"
"Seriously, no need to be so rude when I am the only person even visiting you," Lily said. "Where are your Slytherin friends right now?"
Sirius's expression turned sour. "So are you happy now? You have everything you wanted, didn't you? Potter's adoration and the entire house's sympathy?"
"Since when have you been calling him Potter?" Lily asked, trying to change the topic from her to something else.
"Since I realized he was a dick who only cared getting into virgin girl's panties and then leaving them," he said. "Plus, he has no future. That's still all he cares about; he literally has no career plans, and you know his OWLs were at best mediocre. You know the kid has no future, right?" Sirius's eyes softened and became melancholic at the mention of his old best friend. He still cared about James, just not as much as he had used to when they were still friends. All they had now was memories – their friendship was long lost.
"I didn't hook up with you because of him," Lily said. "I hooked up with you because I was drunk and you were just kinda there," Lily said, laughing awkwardly. Sirius considered her, then snorted.
"Then what's up with all this bullshit that everyone's been saying?" Sirius said. "Your beloved ex-boyfriend came here to gloat today. Told me how he was going to get you back. And how much of a loser I had become since I had turned over to the Dark Side," he said mockingly. "Seriously, just because I hang out with them doesn't mean I like them. I just have to." Sirius looked deep into Lily's eyes, searching for understanding and compassion. He only found pity. "Ah, forget it, you wouldn't get it. Everything is just so hunky-dory for you, isn't it? The loving Muggle family, the crazy ex-boyfriend who's still obsessed with you – why aren't you happy?"
"I came here because I wanted to help you," Lily said. "In any way I can. I don't care about James. I care about you, as strange as it is. I don't want you to get hurt for something as trivial and stupid as this,"
"It's important to some people," Sirius said. "The majority. That is why I suffer. Because I am a minority who doesn't think houses are that important,"
"Yeah, you care more about the money," Lily said with a derisive smirk.
"Did you come here to judge me then?" Sirius asked disgustedly. "I told you you wouldn't get it; everything is just so easy for you. Everything comes handed to you on a silver platter. The only things that cause you pain are things you fuck up yourself."
"Don't tell me that's not the same for you," Lily snapped. "You're in this trouble because you hooked up with me. It was your choice. I was drunk too, so don't even use that as an excuse!" Lily said when Sirius was about to open his mouth to retaliate. "You're in this hospital bed because people hate you more than they hate me, because you turned from Gryffindor heartthrob into enemy number one because you chose to shag your cousin instead of another nice Gryffindor girl,"
"So shouldn't they be happy I shagged you?" Sirius asked, grinning.
"Logic doesn't work with the masses," Lily said, and Sirius's grin broadened and became genuine instead of forced and derisive. "So, they hate you even more for hooking up with a Gryffindor."
"I'd do it again," Sirius said. "You're amazingly good in the sack, Evans. James was lying,"
"Ew," Lily said. "Unfortunately the same cannot be said about you, but I want to help you,"
"Why? I shagged you and then left you,"
"What makes you think I wanted anything more? I was frustrated and you were there, and sex is a perfect outlet for frustration, and well, things happened. They didn't happen because you wooed me with your personality or something, I tapped you on the shoulder, I started dancing with you, I initiated it, not the other way around. I used you as an outlet for my frustration. I couldn't care less about you. The only reason I care about you is because I hate injustice. I hate that somehow they still appreciate Potter despite what he's done to me; that anybody is even nice to him after I told him I was only sleeping with him because he wanted to marry me, then out of the blue one day he breaks up with me, not caring if he had shattered a lifelong dream or anything. I care that someone who hasn't done anything half as bad is getting treated like this because of a perceived affront to the Gryffindor House. I hate how the world works, and I came here because I think you do too. And I want to help you; because if we don't help each other, people like James are going to get much less for something much worse than what you did and what we did. Do you remember people throwing rocks at James after he broke up with me? Nah, neither do I. We need to win this. They're assholes, and we are not."
Sirius was grinning, and his eyes sparkled with genuine joy and appreciation of Lily's character. He was still testing her, however. "How do you know I'm not an asshole?"
"You're entire house is in Slytherin, yet you still had the guts to go to Gryffindor. You've probably had suffered enough humiliation at their hands for it to have changed you."
"I screwed over lots of girls," Sirius said. "And boys too. People who were my friends."
"I have too. I have hurt lots of guys too," Lily said, growing somber. "Pain changes people, you know. Usually, for the worse at first. Then, they become better."
"I am still at the worse stage then," Sirius said. "Have been for nearly seven years now," his grin was painful and derisive.
"Stop it, Black," Lily snapped. "I know James and I know you. You're both just damaged – you especially. James told me things about you. Besides, I did the same thing you have this summer – I know what you feel like and I cannot blame you for anything, especially since you have gone through ways worse at your mother's hands than I will ever go through at anyone's. I used the other sex to get back at James for what he had done to me too. But I no longer care about that. I just want to become a better person now."
"For the first time, then," Sirius said. "Pain has changed you for the better," he said, referring to the humiliation she was receiving now.
Lily smiled tightly. Her eyes were sad and her shoulders were slumped; she looked vulnerable.
Sirius smiled back at her, genuine joy returning to his previously dull, dead grey eyes. "Fine, Evans. Count me in. What's your plan?"
A/N: So much inspiration I couldn't even sleep tonight. I have to somehow cut down on the length though, otherwise I could go on writing this story forever, and the chapters would all be at least 20 pages longer. More scenes coming tomorrow. I honestly cannot get this story out of my head! I always have lots of ideas for the story and I cannot help but want to write them down...
Thank you all for your lovely reviews for the last chapter; you guys are genuinely amazing. It would make me happy if you kept up the review count; feedback is what makes being a writer worthwhile. Otherwise, if I wasn't dying to hear your opinion, I'd probably just keep this all to myself. So, please review! It keeps me going. Even if it is something like 'Cool, I liked it', it makes my day. I love long reviews, but short reviews are freakin' great too.
I am dying to hear your opinion about a few things - Lily's development, Sirius, the Lily and Sirius hookup, James's sudden interest in Lily, Lily's obsession with Catherine...? But you can give your opinion on Daisy, her development, that of Mary too... anyone or anything. I am curious to hear your opinions!
Lots of love to you, the reviews had really put me in a good mood, haha. 3
Katherine
