CHAPTER 7- a new attraction, a rather handsome distraction!

The feeling of being loved by someone of the opposite gender is an amazing thing, especially when that someone is truly amazing themselves. It is a feeling of euphoria, looking into their eye, not noticing that time is flying by. The way he holds you like you are only safe in his arms, the warmth of his body, the smell of his deodorant, the way he engulfs you with his gianormus arms. The way he jokes about you and makes fun of you, all the while with loving eyes and a beautiful smile. When he says he loves you; there is not a touch of regret, the words flow easily from his perfect lips. He simply takes your breath away.

But as you realise that no one is perfect and he makes his first major mistake, you forgive him, because you love him so. Time and time again, he speaks out of turn or says something stupid (as only boys can do) you begin to wonder, and your perfect man becomes tainted, just as a photograph gets damaged by the sun, and takes on a yellow tinge.

Finally, one day you snap, all hell breaks loose as you let out everything that has been annoying you, relevant or not, it is all the same. Have you ever wondered if you were the only one hurting? If he felt the same, or was he completely immune to emotion.

All relationships are mysterious at first; they are exciting, but as time goes on, they begin to feel more of a hindrance, rather than a blessing. Yet all girls, me included, practically line up to, in essence have our heart squashed over and over by boys that don't understand. Even if it's not their fault, or you break up with them, it is still the same; it hurts, but that's the way God made us, to desire the attention of the opposite gender and to feel the need for love.

The more I think about it, the more I loathe it. I loathe the feeling of complete happiness because I know that it is soon to be over and all that hurt will come flooding in. Tears and and the late nights of reading over journal entries, of dragging up old memories, because the perfect boy shattered my heart and he didn't even help me put it back together. But instead he goes off and flirts with some other girl.

The feeling of euphoria, the thing I have grown to hate returns when he holds me. I closed my eyes, relaxing. "Get off me NOW!" I screamed, struggling against his arms, which continued to coil around me. I looked into his eyes and there, instead of a warm, loving feel, there was a bitter and angry disposition. He wasn't the person I thought he was. He wasn't going to let go!

I blinked, letting my surroundings influence what I said next. I had had a nightmare. And obviously yelled rather loud, the twins were staring at me confused and intrigued. There also was Seth, whom I was quite surprised to see. "What?" I mumbled, sitting up.

The girls looked at me stunned, it was Seth who spoke.

"Nice dream?" he smiled, but the smile didn't reach his concerned eyes.

"No" I gasped as it all came flooding back to me, I winced.

I stayed sitting down for the next half hour feeling self conscious. Eventually the girls sent Seth out and went back to sleep. I was in the shower the moment they began to settle. I was afraid to sleep again, but I knew that Seth would be waiting for me outside, I remained in my dorm. I couldn't deal with him; I couldn't deal with the feelings that arose when I was with him. I had to know who the boy in my dream was, was it sky? Seth? Maybe someone I hadn't met yet? Could it be Reilly? I shuddered at the thought.

The sun was beginning to rise for the day, I peered through the curtain. Seth could not possibly still be outside, I ventured out; peeking around the corner just to check. From the seat outside my cabin, I watched the pinks and oranges splash across the sky lingering in the clouds. Suddenly the grass sparkled, every water drop reflecting its light. It was peaceful, I would never forget it.

"Today is what we call inspiration day" the director said over the loud speaker at breakfast. "We are making a journey to the local markets. You will be required to stay in groups of two or more."

Everyone seemed to enjoy this idea. I watched as people looked around the room, finding their partner. As I looked from boy to boy, not one of them was looking at each other, but at a girl. Was that all they thought of at this age? Everyone was smiling, except one frown, upon me. Seth. I should have known. Funny that as soon as he realised that I was looking at him, the frown vanished. Too late.

A bus was taken to the market. This was such an interesting place. Fresh food, gross food: Chickens hanging in the sills of the store, raw meats laid on plates, whole fish lying in ice.

"Go have fun!" the director called. It was like she just sprayed insect repellent and we were the insects. Scatter. Flee. Girls grabbed each others hands and grinned as only girls can do, before they ran down the crowded aisles. The boys just looked at each other and almost shrugged, and followed after. I was surprised that no one stopped for a minuted to take in the enormity of the market. There had to be thousands of stores all selling what they thought was the best product. It seemed that all the girls went straight to the middle aisle, the closest like they couldn't wait.

At the far side all the permanent shops stood, these were the ones that held the meats and a lot of the large items like lounges and dressers. Some of these stood right beside the meat shops, and on the other side would be a shop that was completely different. Like chalk and cheese. Irregular. Random. Abstract. Remarkable. Interesting. I still hadn't moved. Wondrous. Extraordinary. Phenomenal. Bizarre. Exciting. Astonishing. Unexpected. Unexpected. Marvellous. I could have stood there all day, painted a million pictures, come up with a countless amount of words to describe the moment. But that would ruin it. It was indescribable. I took my first step: the rough pebbles crunching under my shoes, the new smells, the fresh air that danced with my hair, the electrifying energy that arose with ever second. Another step: the new perspective of the busy shoppers, the shops that stood beside each other, entirely unlike, yet harmonious. An intriguing thought. I took slow steps, I started at the very far side; the first shop sold fabrics, designs so intricate, the fabric so soft. I went from shop to shop, stopping at each, giving them all a small piece of my time. If I liked something, I bought it; money seemed such a worthless object is such a place, yet it was the reason so many people were gathered here. Simple, yet so complicated.

I didn't want to recognise anyone, I didn't want to share this piece of my life with anyone. So when I passed a member of the camp I turned away, the nearest shop had my undivided attention; then as they passed I also passed onto the next shop. I had all these pieces of shops that I had visited. Bangles, fabrics, baskets, anything that caught my interest; as I said money seemed so unnecessary.

The person I was afraid to pass was Seth, knowing quite well that he would not let me pass by as just another shopper; and obviously the director, purely because she would send me off to find a group. I was at a shop that sold jewellery: silver, gold, wooden, rope, every piece that I touched had its own story. I found lots that I liked, buying them all, of course. I said goodbye to the woman at that store and turned to walk down the alley some more. Some girls and most likely boys too from the camp were approaching. Oh no. I recognised their faces: Jill and Sophie, not only them, but Seth as well. How amusing. He seemed to be soaking up their adoration and attention. They were not here for the same reason as I. I passed by, they did not even notice me. This was what I wanted, but why did it feel so wrong? Why did I want them to notice me, even though I would hide? They just kept walking. Not one shop did they stop at, not one moment did they look around and see all the amazing things waiting to surprise them. I did not fit in there. But why did I feel betrayed? I was running away from love, and they all seemed to be trying to find it. I was one step ahead; I had found it, frolicked in it, been too happy in it, then was dumped by it. I was afraid to find it again.

I was overjoyed that I did not run down the first aisle that was there, that I was able to reveal the mysteries and wonders this place had to offer. To see it all through untainted eyes: unbiased, with nothing to distract me.

Time passed quickly, I was so caught up in all the things that I never realised the time. It was half an hour passed the time we were supposed to leave. I was going to be in a lot of trouble, not only that but I had just ruined the schedule for the day. I jogged up the aisle and saw the car park a fair distance away; at least I knew I was going in the right direction. I ran faster, and faster until I was pelting down the walkways. I found the bus, all the students piled inside. The director decided she would deal with me later: Wonderful. I sat alone at the back of the bus, going back to my thoughts before realising the time: The way that I was avoiding love. I couldn't avoid it, it was so deep inside me, for my mother and father, and there was another. Someone that was closer than either of them, Reilly. I love you too. He whispered. I was suddenly alert that Reilly was listening. I froze, trying not to think, but I couldn't help notice the fact that this was the first time either of us was able to communicate with each other, except that one time at school. I don't know either, but it will be okay. Trust me. He spoke again, louder this time.

"Em." I looked up, dragging myself out of my thoughts. Seth was standing, wanting to sit beside me. I shuffled to the window.

"What are you thinking about?"

"The markets" I lied

"Cool wasn't it," he smiled

"How would you know" I murmured, under my breath

"I was there" he looked at me

"What?" I met his eyes

"I was there Emma, at the markets, just like you."

"Not really." I said quietly

"Huh?"

"You weren't really there." I said louder, more confidently

"Honestly Emma, sometimes you make no sense." He chuckled

"No really I do." I said flatly, "Did you see that really nice coffee place, it sold home-grown coffee beans? Did you see the stall that sold all that amazing glass sculptures? Did you even notice any stall? Did you buy anything? Did you even look up to see all the wonderful things?"

"There was nothing that I liked." he smiled awkwardly, "You seem to have bought tonnes."

"Would you like to see them?" I said casually, he nodded. I pulled out the bracelets, there was one really masculine one. it was a dark worn-out leather band, with other pieces buckled on.

"Wow, I really like that! What store was that from?"

I smiled smugly. "I got it from the bracelet store. I thought you didn't like anything?"

"I didn't see that."

"That's not what you said. You said 'there was nothing that I liked.'"

"What the hell is with you this arvo?"

"Did you even see me when you passed?"

"No, when was it? Emma, I was with Jill and Sophie. We were having really good conversations."

"Oh, my mistake."

"What did you do?" he asked, his eyes concentrating.

"It wasn't me that made the mistake this time--"

"It's going to be alright." he soothed

"What?" I snorted. "Let me finish. It was you; you were the one that made the wrong choice, the mistake."

He thought for a while. I glared out the window.

"Are. You. Jealous?" he looked confused, but sure and almost arrogant that he thought that I was that desperate for him. Ha ha

"Not at all," I said calmly. "I just didn't know you felt that way about the twins, I understand now. That you were just using me to get to the twins." This I said loud enough for the twins, who were sitting two rows in front of us, probably eavesdropping anyway.

"Emma." He hissed. I looked deep into his eyes, but I couldn't find anything. I got up from my seat, his hand reached for the seat in front of him, making a barrier. "Sit down" he hissed again. His jaw was clenched, wrinkles forming between his brows.

"No." I wasn't afraid to step over him if need be.

"Please?"

"No." I said more politely, I looked up to see how far we were away from the campus. The bus was pulling into the driveway. GREAT. I couldn't have been more pleased.