Thank For Nothing

Ratings: PG, nothing graphic or explicit.. yet

Setting: Takes place after X2, but Jean did not sacrifice herself. I also bring in a couple of comic book elements to the story. Seeing how Scott/Cyclops got screwed over in X2, how could things get worse for him.

Summary: After half a year, Scott returns to Westchester for Thanksgiving.

I don't know why I agreed to go back to the mansion for Thanksgiving. I should've went with Alex down to San Diego, but no I'm back here in Westchester. The only bright side was that I knew that Jean always spent Thanksgiving with her family. I wasn't ready to face her. I don't know if I would ever be.

Things went as smoothly as they could go upon my arrival, the Professor and Ororo were all glad to see me, as well as the students. Visibly absent was Logan. I over heard someone say that he went "out." Was he out with Jean at her parents' house? The thought of that hurt. I've gotten to know the Grey's over the years and I'd like to think they liked me. But now this stranger is coming into their home, sharing in their meal, when it should've been me. I don't know … I am over thinking again. As Jubilee once said "the holidays suck" and although I was never too fond of the holidays, I have to agree with her this year.

We sat down before a grand feast. As usual, the Professor presided over grace,

"We thank you lord for gathering us here in front of this delicious food. This year has been a difficult year for me personally. There is little I am thankful for.. but being here with all of you.. I am thankful for that. That despite all the terrible things that has happened we are all here, although many have left us to go to Scotland, they continue to be with us in spirit. We can not feel sorry for the things that have gone but Thanksgiving reminds to be grateful for what we have now. Amen"

After dinner, I retired to the guest bedroom on the first floor. I thought of the Professor's words and thought about what he said about things gone and being thankful for what we have now. What I have right now is nothing, well not literally but I don't have the one thing I want most in this world, Jean. Despite how much she hurt me, I still love her and for that I am little mad at myself. I guess I am thankful for finding Alex. I was hoping Jean would be my wife, my family, instead I found my brother, my real family. And I still have my "adoptive" family, I look to the professor as a father and Hank and Warren as brothers. I guess I have to be grateful for that. "Try to think positive. .act positive." Hank told me a couple of months ago. I am trying.

I tried to go to sleep but I couldn't. I went for a glass of water but someone beat me to the kitchen. From across the hall, I could see Logan in the kitchen. I studied him for a moment while he looked through the fridge. Just then the kitchen door open slowly and Jean entered. For a second I was happy, that this meant that he didn't go with her to Thanksgiving dinner at her folks. And then reality struck and I was reminded why I left Westchester in the first place.

I saw them greet each other, and hug and kiss. It shouldn't be a surprise to see this. But seeing it for the first time, for real. It was almost unbearable to watch. Needless to say I wasn't thirsty any more. I went back to my room and laid on my bed. Thoughts of the two of them together in the kitchen lingered in my mind. Everyone was gracious enough to never bring up Logan to me or Jean. I guess it gave me some false sense of hope that maybe it wasn't really happening. Stupid I know but I got my definitive proof. After half a year, you think it would hurt less but at that moment I took back everything I said. I have nothing to be thankful for.

I thought of maybe staying for the weekend but after what I just saw, there was no way I was sticking around here. I woke up early and got my things ready to leave. I didn't have my own bathroom so I had to use the showers down the hall. I packed everything up and had my change of clothes ready on my bed. I got out of the shower and put on my robe and dried my hair with my towel as I made my way back to my room. I turned the lights on and not even noticing it, Jean was sitting down on a chair on the opposite side of the room.

At first I was startled. "Hi Scott. Happy Thanksgiving."

"Jean.. what ..what're you doing here?" Rude I know but I was just too stunned at the moment.

"I'm sorry for sneaking up on you. I came down to talk to you."

"You sure have great timing."

"I wanted to make sure we talked and by the looks of it I came at the right time, you're leaving already?"

"Yea.. yeah I am. I have to get back."

"You haven't returned any of my messages."

"Well like I told you, I've been busy."

"Yeah, Warren told me all about how 'busy' you've been. You know.. tutoring, going to class, to the gym, staying at your apartment not doing anything… Why haven't you called me back?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Scott, I don't want to leave it like this. I know I hurt you."

"Hurt is putting it mildly."

"I'm sorry Scott, you have to believe me. I never thought it would be this way… but I do miss you, despite the fact we're not together anymore I still want you in my life. You were my friend once."

"We were good friends, heck best friends, and lovers or so I thought.. not any more Jean."

"Scott."

"Don't Scott me. You left me! YOU LEFT ME. You say you never thought it would be this way, well I never WANTED any of this."

We were both quiet.

"I deleted every e-mail, threw away every letter you sent. I guess you could say I was in denial. That maybe I dreamed all this up.. That if I didn't hear it from you, it was not really real .. or that it was real and you would give this conversation right now.. how you still wanted to be friends.. and .."

"And what?"

"and you'd tell me why.. why you left.. what I did.."

"Scott, really there was nothing you did."

"Or didn't do? .. cuz obviously I did something .. something wrong for you to pack up and throw away years of what we had!"

"Scott.."

"You know.. I don't want to know.. it doesn't matter why anymore.. what's done is done.."

"Scott I don't know how many times I said I am sorry but .. you .. you shouldn't leave so soon.. you shouldn't have left at all.. this is your home."

"No, this isn't my home.. not anymore. Home was when it was just us four.. as students .. and then Warren left.. but it was still home and then Hank but it was still home .. and then Ororo came and the students but it was still home because you and I were still together.. that this place didn't feel like home until I met you.. ever since my parents died I had no home and I ran from place to place hoping for something better… and I found it here with you but now…. so no."

"I know we're not together anymore but despite everything you said this is your home.. I mean for Christ sake's you were our leader." And I couldn't tell if she was about to cry or that she was just getting angry. "… and don't give me this lame excuse about getting your master's, there's a million schools in the area you could've gone to."

"I did such a terrific job in that role didn't I? .. We stopped Magneto only to give rise to Stryker … and when he was out taking over the mansion.. where was I? Nowhere.. I did nothing .. things would've actually been better if I wasn't there.. I mean it was because of me that the dam busted open.. we could've gained more insight into Stryker's operation.. heck even had Stryker in custody… but no .. some leader I turned out to be.. shit Logan's done more in the past couple of months than I have in years .. I guess I don't blame you for dumping me for him.."

"Scott! Listen to yourself .. you know that's not true."

"Really.. name one thing I just said that wasn't… yeah I thought so."

"Well I didn't leave you because you were a bad leader."

"No you left me cuz I was a bad boyfriend.. an ineffective boyfriend much like the ineffective leader I was."

"Oh my God Scott, you were always your worst critic, don't be so hard on yourself, at please stay for the weekend."

"So I will be reminded of all the things I'm thankful for.. no thanks Jean." By this time I was already dressed. I grabbed my stuff and headed for the door. Before I left the room I said. "I am sorry.. for failing you.. for failing everyone and for failing myself."

And I was gone. As I stepped out, I could've sworn I heard her start to cry.