"I didn't want to take you away from the group..." Shiro began guiltily.

"Lance needs time with his older siblings," Maria shook her head, smiling, "Those chances are rare, and Lance loves them. It was good to leave for a moment."

"Oh," Shiro nodded, feeling a little better, but watching his surroundings constantly. Every time he didn't recognize a sound, he was made painfully aware of his missing arm, and therefore lack of weapon. He started cataloguing 'available weapons' as well as monitoring the bushes. They were mostly just logs and branches. Not very effective against a Galra weapon.

"Up this way," Maria instructed, picking her way up a small incline. Shiro followed.

Suddenly the trees cleared, and he found himself looking over a short rocky bluff. It was only about twenty feet above the ground, but it overlooked the a short stretch of trees and then shoreline. Visibility was much better up here. A ways off, Shiro could see the blanket and Lance laughing with his siblings. He could also look down into the forest, and see what was in there much better. And there was... nothing. Shiro felt himself relax the tiniest bit, but still...

"Can we scout along this bluff a little?" Shiro asked Maria. She nodded quickly.

"Yeah, it's safe." she pointed down the shore, "You take this way and I'll go the other way- it'll go quicker. Don't leave the bluff and you won't get lost. We'll meet back here in twenty minutes."

"Sounds good," Shiro nodded, turning to follow her directions.

Ten minutes one way wasn't a lot, but it was definitely enough to secure a perimeter around their picnic. He walked briskly, scanning above him and below him carefully, looking for anything- footprints, bruised plants, leaves moving against the wind. And he listened, too- most of the birdcalls he was starting to recognize as normal here, and he was able to dismiss them after hearing them several times. The important thing was that they didn't stop, because that would be a sure sign that something dangerous was lurking nearby.

Finally, Shiro knew about ten minutes had gone by, and he stopped, breathing lightly. He was much stronger than when he had first gotten here, but still, he hadn't done anything this strenuous in a long time. He made a mental note to start picking up his training again, to make sure he was a help and not a weakness to his team.

While he rested, he walked a few careful steps up to the edge of the bluff and looked straight down. There was still nothing indicating danger, and the rock face would be difficult to climb quickly. He knelt and rested his hand on the edge to steady himself.

The action dislodged several small stones and rocks, and they clanked against eachother loudly as they tumbled down to the foliage below. Shiro flinched involuntarily. That sound was bad. It was dangerous. It meant he was trapped-

Shiro looked up and he was standing in an arena. He tried to take a step back, but wobbled precariously as his foot met the edge of a cliff and dislodged rocks underneath him and fell... too far... to the bottom. There was nowhere to go, and he wasn't sure he could beat this enemy. He could see its reptilian face, it's eyes narrowing with satisfaction as it assessed the situation and came to the exact same conclusion he did.

He was trapped. He had no weapons- his right arm was still his original one. He was injured, and by the excited screams of the Galra audience, his time was running out.

He wasn't the only one- he had been released with several other slaves. It was a bet, a competition to see who could last the longest against this battle hungry monster. Six clawed legs were useful in this unsteady terrain- four could be used to stay steady against unstable rocks and structures, while the other two limbs could still reach out and-

No. It wouldn't end here like this. Not without a fight.

Shiro steeled himself, bared his teeth and snarled back at the monster. If it wanted to kill him it probably could- Shiro had felt its strength when they had first engaged- but not without taking on serious damage itself.

For the first time, Shiro saw the beast hesitate, recognizing the fight in his adversary and calculating whether it was worth the risk or not.

A scream further away brought its head up quickly. It glanced at Shiro one last time, then bounded off for easier prey.

Shiro wasted no time. He ran away from the cliff and ran for cover behind a stone pillar. There were several rocks dislodged by a further scuffle and he reached for them quickly. Another scream and wild cheers tore through the arena and Shiro flinched. He might have saved them, if he had been quicker.

But the exhausted trembling in his arms told him that slave had bought him time he desperately needed.

He could hear the creature coming for him again, but this time Shiro was ready. He slowly stood with his back against the pillar, clutching the two rocks and waiting... waiting.

A satisfied hiss came inches from his ear and he wasted no more time. He rounded the pillar and swung the rock at the monster as hard as he could at its head. The rock shattered and the beast staggered, stunned by the impact. The second rock came down and it collapsed with a grunt- dead.

Stunned silence filled the arena, and then slowly, clapping and cheering. He vaguely heard an announcement over the loudspeaker.

"In a stunning turn of events, a slave has managed not only to kill the Ùlkarum, but it is also the last standing survivor of this bloodbath match. Take a look at your new champion!"

Last standing survivor? Shiro wondered hazily, falling to his hands and knees in exhaustion. Had he not been able to save one other slave? He had wasted time. He was too slow-

"-iro? Shiro! Hey, you're okay, look at me- that's it..."

He knew that voice, didn't he? Who-

"I was too late." he choked, trying to catch his breath, trying to make this person understand. He didn't deserve help; he had failed. "They died. I didn't save them."

"I-I know, Shiro. Keep breathing anyway. It's over, you're okay. You're okay." the voice persisted, quiet but commanding.

Shiro's vision cleared the rest of the way and he found himself on his knees staring at- Maria? He blinked in surprise.

"Are you with me again?" She asked gently, watching him carefully. She looked concerned, but not pitying.

"Y-yeah, I'm here," he nodded jerkily, sitting up and running his hand over his face, "Um, what, what happened-"

"The twenty minutes was up and you weren't back," Maria explained simply.

"Oh. Oh. Sorry."

"Don't apologize," Maria shook her head firmly, "I'm glad you're safe."

She sat back, facing the ocean and watched the water for a few minutes, giving Shiro time to compose himself. Slowly, his breathing returned to normal, and the flashback was starting to fade little by little. He closed his eyes and listened to the waves.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The voice brought Shiro back again. He opened his eyes in surprise, and then shook his head.

"No, I'm okay." he replied, staring at the ground. He knew he wasn't, but it was too close, too real for him still to talk about it. And Maria didn't need to deal with it.

Maria didn't respond right away, hugging her knees to her chest and watching the ocean with him.

"When I got my nursing license and some experience under my belt," she started finally, her voice tight and stiff, "I volunteered with a project that needed medical personnel. Um, no one really realized how close to the war zone we would actually be. I mean, they told us in numbers when we were assigned, but it didn't translate into real life. Sometimes... sometimes we would respond to a call..." she bit her lip, "we'd get there and it would be too late. It happened more than once.

"I used to wonder if I could have gotten there sooner. Would we have saved more people? But... we always went in as soon as we could. M-my team were some of the bravest people I knew; we followed protocol and stayed safe, but they never backed down, or let fear controll their actions. If we would have gone in any earlier the chance of being killed and not being any use went up drastically. And then how many more would have died?

"In such a dangerous situation, you just can't save everyone. You can do everything right, but that's how it goes. As long as you're doing everything you can to get to the person but using common sense, it's not your fault if something happens. It always feels like it, believe me. But it's not."

Shiro went completely still, listening. He'd had no idea, but all the things he had noticed were making sense. And... it felt better knowing that someone understood. Not completely better, but some of the guilt eased and it was replaced by relief.

"I don't regret going. But it's taken a while to believe that all the way," Maria continued, "It's taken a while for the flashbacks to become less frequent, and they've never truly left me. But I promise it gets better. And I promise you're not alone. I will always listen if you want to talk to me about it."

She stood, laying a light hand on his shoulder briefly, and then she was gone.

Shiro thought about her words for a long time afterwards. Although it made sense, it had never occurred to Shiro that he wasn't the only one who suffered from flashbacks and PTSD. By himself, those things seemed like the traits of a broken soldier, like Sendak had said. But...

Maria hadn't seemed broken. It had affected her, yes, but not broken her. And while the images of earlier still haunted him, Shiro clung to the hope that some day it would get better, and he was relieved that he wasn't the only one who had come too late at some point. And maybe it wasn't his fault. Maybe he was going to be okay.


So, some backstory on Maria! Apparently packing for college is inspiring, because I wrote this almost right after the last chapter, I've just needed to edit. XP