Days go by, ignoring my ever present internal dread. I still hadn't heard back from any colleges. My friend's letters came quickly and we all celebrated them. It seemed like everyone knew what the hell they were doing besides me.
I pace around my room at night in anticipation. Every morning I look out my window, watching for the mailman. No luck. As more time passes, I wonder if I even actually want the letter, or if I just want the satisfaction of being on a level playing field with everyone else.
My parents were getting restless, too. They'd come into my room and lay into me.
"Did you actually apply?"
"What's taking so long?"
"What are you hiding from us?"
Okay, maybe that last one is just my own fear that they'll see right through me. When I saw Eyeball Chambers in town I offered a smile. We shared cigarettes and brief talks where no one could see us. I was waiting for the storm that hadn't come yet. But I knew it was inevitable.
Jackie had a new boyfriend who was taking her to prom. His name was Joe, he was one of Jack's friends. Betty had Walter, who seemed like he might be more interested in a brunette sophomore girl than his own girlfriend. Georgia and I both longed for things we couldn't have. We'd come to find out recently that she had a secret girlfriend named Claire. A boy named Michael was taking her to the dance.
And me, well, my infatuation with a town delinquent wasn't exactly accepted by my friends and family. Betty had made her distaste for it known when she caught me with him a day ago.
"God, I can't believe you," her nose wrinkled when she said that.
"I should tell Jack."
No, you shouldn't. But that was her getting her point across that she didn't want a friend that dated hoodlums. It made me resentful of her. I avoided my friends as long as I could until they cornered me at home one day, demanding that I go dress shopping with them. Oh yeah, the prom was tomorrow.
I climbed into Georgia's car with all of those rowdy teenage girls, blabbing on about who cares, talking about their college plans, boyfriends, clothes. I want to go back home and crawl into bed.
"So, have you and Jack kissed yet?" Jackie looks over her shoulder at me from the passenger seat. Her eyes are wide and sparkling. Her perfect hair was curled and laid just right.
I go back to the night that Jack met my parents. It wasn't a romantic kiss. More of a 'I think this is what I'm supposed to do now' kinda thing.
"Oh, just once. He's a real gentleman," I feed into their diluted version of reality. Jackie gasps and holds her hand to her heart.
While watching her talk to Georgia, her expressions changing and mouth laughing, I remember the time I wiped her tears as she cried on the couch at her home.
"Fuck him, that piece of shit," she groans, sniffling. I pass her another tissue. She grabs it and wipes her nose.
"I mean...I'm beautiful. I'm better looking than any of those trashy Cobra girls."
I nod my head in agreement, combing a hand through her hair.
"I just don't understand why he didn't call," she sobs again, this time angrily, balling her hands into fists.
The Jackie I knew was devastatingly insecure and entitled. It was almost shocking to see, coming from a girl as pretty and seemingly well-adjusted as her. She got along with her parents, held good grades in school and was looking forward to a promising life. Underneath it all, she was as human as the rest of us.
That was Ace's legacy within our group. I hated him for months. His effect on one of my dearest friends was astonishing. I'd never seen her that torn up over a boy in all the years I'd known her. Once I met Ace, I understood. His cold, standoffish personality and charming wit made you feel like you were missing out if you didn't get a fix. He was by no means a nice guy and everyone knew that. But boy, did you want to be near him and in his good graces.
Betty looks over at me.
"You know, he might not be a gentleman once he gets you in the hotel room."
My breath hitches. I look at her with a twisted expression.
"What are you talking about?"
Jackie turns around again, and with a laugh, says "We got a hotel room, you know, for after prom. We can take turns."
I sit back, disgusted, with my stomach turning over the thought of having sex with Jack. It wasn't that he wasn't attractive, I couldn't deny that. I just couldn't think of him in an intimate way like that.
"I don't think Jack believes in pre-marital sex," Georgia chimes in. I send a mental thank-you to her.
"Oh please, he slept with Barbara Calhoun last summer, the guy is no saint," Jackie scoffs.
"In fact, I think he's going to jump your bones, Dolly," she winks at me.
When we finally get to the outlet store, I all but jump out of the car to get away from them. I'm the first one at the entrance, pulling open the doors and walking back to the dress department. They stay a good few feet behind me, asking me to wait up, slow down.
There are a few other girls from our school there, giggling and sifting through dresses on the rack.
Jackie and Betty leave Georgia and I to try on some gowns. I have two in my arms that I plan to try after them. One was blue and the other was a deep purple. Georgia had a bright yellow one.
"Do you ever feel like you're doing this for someone else, not yourself?" She leans and whispers to me, nodding at the dress in her hand.
I scoff and look up at the ceiling.
"God, yes. Everyone except me," I reply, letting out a sigh. We both give each other smiles of understanding.
"My parents have this idealized version of me in their heads. Sometimes I wonder if thats who I could be, if I try hard enough."
I feel like I can't comfort her adequately. Her dilemma is much more life-altering than mine. It feels silly to even compare the two, though we seek solace in each other. I know for the moment, we are one in the same. I lay my head on her shoulder.
"I love you just the way you are. Let's run away together," I offer. I feel her chuckle and she wraps her arm around my head.
"Alright, it's a deal."
The door for the dressing room flies open and out comes, Jackie in a bright pink dress, Its frilly and girly and everything that I'd imagined she'd wear. Betty follows in a green dress. Her eyes light up in it.
"You guys are gorgeous," I say, jaw dropped.
"I love them, you have to get those. Seriously. I don't even want you to try anything else on," Georgia cheers, clasping her hands together.
They twirl around and giggle and pretend to pose.
"Oh, thank you, thank you." Jackie curtsies.
"Alright, out of the way," I say, standing up and heading to the dressing room.
Once I have the door closed, I stare at myself in the mirror. I pinch the extra skin on my arms and turn around and look at my butt, nothing special. I sigh and drop my arms to my sides. Once I finally break my staring contest with my reflection, I try on the blue dress first. I remember Jack saying he wanted me to wear blue. I don't know if it was just me being dissatisfied with my date, or if I really didn't like the dress.
It had ruffles and a white ribbon around the waist. I only look at it for a few moments before I take it off and put it back on the hanger to die. The purple one was much better. It was satin and sleeveless. I pull my hair back off my neck and examine every part of myself.
I felt good enough to resign to it. I come out of the dressing room and my friends shrieking fills my ears.
"Dolly! You're beautiful," Betty gasps. Jackie gives a toothy grin and nods.
Georgia comes out after me in her yellow dress. We look at each other and smile.
"Yellow is your color," I say, shaking my head. She tosses her blonde hair off her shoulder and bats her eyelashes.
We all wait in line at the cash register, getting our dresses boxed up and coughing up the money our parents gave us. We walk out excitedly, but a cloud of tension hangs over us like an impending storm.
Georgia drops me off at my house and I climb up the porch. My father is home, but my mom is not.
"Hey dad, where's mom?" I ask, closing the door behind me.
"Groceries," he states, not taking an eye off his model plane. He has a Johnny Cash record playing in the background.
"Oh, I wanted to show her the dress I bought."
"I'm sure she'll be home soon, honey," he says, a little irritated. I take that as my cue to go to my room. I set the box on my bed and take the dress out of it carefully. I run my hand down the length of it, feeling the satin in my palm. I sigh with a soft smile. I hang it up in the closet and shut the door, locking it in the dark.
I sit on my bed and look around my room. My vanity mirror looks back at me. Theres a small potted cactus on it, a Christmas gift from my aunt in Arizona. There's some framed pictures of flowers on my walls and posters of Elvis I'd torn out of a magazine. My bedsheets are turquoise and my pillowcases are pink. I fall backwards on them and close my eyes.
I can hear a small tap on my window. And another. Another.
I sit up and walk over, pulling open my curtains.
Who else then other than Eyeball Chambers. He waves me over, trying to get me to come outside. A smile erupts on my face. I hesitate, but give in.
"Hey, dad, I'm gonna walk down to the store and get a piece of candy, okay?"
He was too busy with his work to care too much about me, he shoos me off.
"Be back before it gets dark."
I shut the door behind me and run around the side of my house.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, crossing my arms.
"I was bored," he says nonchalantly. I roll my eyes.
We walk through the back field behind my house where I'm sure my mom wont see us. There was only an hour or so of daylight left, but I almost pleaded with sky for more time.
"So, Jack Dolan, huh?" he asks. I look at him and raise my eyebrows.
"What about him?"
"He's your boyfriend, ain't he?"
I laugh out loud and shake my head.
"Oh, please. Prom date," I correct him. He smirks a bit.
"How'd you know that anyway?" I ask curiously.
"Small town, word gets around."
Its feels like my dirty little secret has been aired. I didn't want Eyeball to know about Jack, even if there wasn't really anything to know about. I still felt ashamed in an odd way.
"My parents like him, way more than I do," I admit.
He doesn't say anything. I take this as permission to vent.
"I don't like him at all, actually. He's clingy, religious, his parents are uptight," I groan. "I'm dreading going tomorrow."
"So bail," Eyeball suggests. I look at him, we lock eyes. I break away.
"I can't do that," I deflate with a sigh.
"Why not?"
"He's coming to pick me up, my parents want pictures..."
"So take the pictures, get to the prom, and leave," we stop walking and he looks at me seriously.
"And do what?"
"I'll pick you up. We'll find something to do. Something better than that stupid fuckin' dance," he grins. I'm swooning.
I know my cheeks are bright red and I know he sees it. I bite my lip in thought.
"You're gonna get me in trouble," I giggle shyly.
"What do you say? Yes?" He raises an eyebrow.
"Okay, okay. Yes."
There's this weird lingering feeling in the air, I want to wrap my arms around him and kiss him like my life depends on it. But I don't. I wonder if he can feel it, too. We stand there for a moment longer, taking in everything around us. I wish he'd grab my face and full me in. But he doesn't.
We start walking again and the moment passes. I'm a little disappointed, but not surprised. Sometimes our hands brush, but he doesn't grab mine and we don't interlock fingers. It's clear to me now that life isn't a movie and men are much more complicated than they may seem.
He buys me a chocolate bar and we split it, walking back home, chatting about anything that comes to mind. He makes me laugh and puts butterflies in my stomach. I guess that should be enough for me. Maybe we're just meant to be friends. I don't like that thought, but life isn't always what you want it to be.
Before we part ways, he slips me a cigarette and a wink.
"See you."
Supporting OCs need love too. Look forward to more Ace in the next chapters. ;)
