And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed
They say it's my fault but I want her so much
Wanna fly her away where the sun and rain
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame
When they stop and stare - don't worry me
'Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
All The Things She Said by T.A.T.U
Finally rising from the comfort of the couch and her partners touch Brennan stood and started to say goodbye to Booth, but not to possibilities.
She stood tired in front of him as he look into her blue eyes that dance back and forth in his dark ones. She offer a small shy smile and he brings his finger under her chin tilting her head up just the slightest so as her eyes wouldn't leave his own orbs which were transfixed on hers.
Brennan felt her pulse pick up as Booth's eyes answered a question hers had asked. Did she dare kiss him? He rests his forehead on hers and her hands wrap around his neck as his hand slid gently into her hair. He ran his hand along her cheek and she lean into his touch her eyes a bit misty, both of their eyes filled with excitement, warmth, and want. He hesitantly leaned in first but suddenly, Brennan's cell rang and she turned away. Leaving Booth wishing cell phones hadn't yet been invented at that moment-a moment that had been lost. Her attention now on the cell, she flipped it open as if nothing had ever happened. Though, that was just it-nothing had.
"Dr. Brennan." Booth watched as she looked to him eyes a bit large. "No, he is with me Cam, I can tell him. We will be right there." She hung up and Booth looked at her a bit curious.
"Angela has gone into labor. I told Cam we would meet her at the hospital." Said Brennan.
"She's in labor now?" Booth
"Yes I just said that. We have to go to the hospital Booth." He smiled at her and she offered a small smile in return.
The sliding glass automatic doors of the hospital opened for Booth and Brennan as they waltzed through them. Brennan wasn't necessarily behind Booth yet she wasn't in front of him either as they quickly walked toward the elevator.
They stepped into the elevator and Booth pushed the number five as they ascended to the maternity ward together. Silence was loud for it was odd to be the only two people in a hospital elevator. Though, they were and both of their minds were racing of the previous conversation and incident moments ago in Brennan's apartment.
She felt a bit cornered metaphorically speaking. What exactly did he mean? He said that her heart could see things her brain would miss. Did that mean he wanted another chance? He told her to let go of logic, yet she could keep it she had a decision to "cash out" if she wanted.
Did that mean he wanted a relationship? For at the moment she had nothing to cash out with, her heart was still crushed. Could she trust him to mend it or even to hold it ever again? He once told her he would never leave her and in her eyes, he had. Now what? Hell, did she even have a choice?
Angela and Booth claimed that when it came to matters of the heart one didn't have a choice. She had almost kissed him tonight! Good Lord, she felt all mixed up inside. She knew she loved him and that he loved her he had said it and she had said it. Though, what did that mean? What did 'I love you' or feelings of love really mean? For expectations came with love either sex, a serious relationship, or...were they almost to the fifth floor yet?
Though, she was still scared of that risk as much as he had hurt her and as much as she could try to pretend she was pissed at him. When she glanced at him in the elevator she couldn't forget all of the good times, all of the yesterdays and the 'remember when's'. Her mind simply couldn't shake him and she as hard as she had tried and denied neither could deny their heart.
She couldn't forget the comfort of his arms and how with just a simple touch he could bring so much emotion and comfort out of her and to her. She inhale and exhale as she took her eyes off of Booth forcing herself to look at the buttons in the elevator. She knew he had seen her watching him, but Angela was in labor there were more important things going on right now then their screwed up relationship.
Booth didn't plan on being the only two people in the elevator on the way up to the maternity ward and it didn't leave the greatest feeling in the pit of his stomach. His mind raced going over their previous conversation and incident in Brennan's apartment. She was scared of hurting him? What a huge heart, and all along everyone had thought she was too afraid to be hurt. She just had a very large fragile heart.
He felt like such an ass for hurting her. Did he really hear her right when she said another word for risk is possibility. Had she insinuated that he, that they were a possibility, a romantic possibility? Then there was the almost kiss before her cell rang. He still couldn't believe he had drunk dialed her but he had and everything was out now. He felt horrible about it and had a hard time shaking that he had actually done that and most of all the fact he had hurt her. He had hurt the one person he promised himself he never would.
He loved her, he had told her although he was an emotional wreck that night. It wasn't the best of nights to tell her how he felt not the best of times either. Considering, she had been near tears when he found her drinking in the Founding Fathers. Though, the way she had clung to him in her apartment as she gave him a "guy hug", the way she cried on his shoulder, and the way she took his hand in her own as a comfort for the both of them.
She had to be feeling for him what he was for her, right? Had he scarred her heart that badly that she would never trust him with it again? God, he prayed not. He glanced to his right catching her looking at him she quickly averted her eyes off of him to stare at the buttons of the elevator in front of her. He couldn't get her out of his mind or his heart.
It was simple he loved her and she loved him, they only had to get over the hurt, fear, and broken trust before they could even consider a possibility to be a prospect. Booth glance at her as the elevator slowed to a stop. He wondered would she look at him before she stepped out or walk straight ahead leaving him behind. Brennan quickly glanced at Booth then looked down before she walked out of the doors to the elevator toward the waiting room.
"Hi Cam how is she?" asked Brennan
"So far everything is going good Hodgins is in there with her, the baby is coming quickly she is already at five centimeters but she isn't pushing yet." Cam
"Strange her first child is coming so quickly, usually it's only after you have had a child that labor is easy on a person." Brennan
"I didn't say she was having an easy time Dr. Brennan only that the child was coming fast." Cam
"Yes, that is true although you did say everything was going good. Is she okay?"
"Yes, everything seems to be fine." Cam
"So, Angela is okay?" Booth
"Yes, so far." Brennan
A couple hours later Michael Joseph Hodgins entered the world. One by one Angela's dad, Cam, Booth, Brennan even Sweets came to see mother and son in their hospital room. Angela shone as she held her newborn she looked tired and felt it as well. Though, when she held Michael in her arms he seemed to give her a little added strength that she needed.
Booth walked up to Angela "He is adorable Angela, you guys did a fine job." He turned smiling at Hodgins.
Angela countered "Would you expect anything less? I mean look at his gorgeous mother and adorable father. A blue eyed brunette is bound to make the girls go crazy."
Everyone chuckle as Angela yawn her son content on her chest. Brennan walked up to her and Booth watch as Angela offered Michael to Brennan and she decided she would in fact like to hold him. The room grew a little quieter as everyone watched Michael and Brennan.
While, Michael was adorable Booth's eyes were on the person whose arms Michael rest in. As she gave the newborn a crooked smile and in her eyes shone a light that he hadn't seen but once or twice in his partner's life. A longing for what her friend now had but she didn't, a child-a family.
"Angela he is adorable, you are going to have your hands full and oh God I don't know how we are going to get on without you at the lab. You know what? I'm not going to even go there." Cam said
"Oh, you're really going to miss me that much?" Angela looked to Cam
"I think she was referring to your handy work skills." Sweets added to the conversation and Angela rolled her eyes.
"I would tread lightly Sweets." Hodgins
Everyone continue to talk except Brennan and Booth. Brennan stared at the small human in her arms with a certain wonder and appreciation she had never felt for a small child before. She was his proud to be his Godmother and it was apparent.
Booth stared at her with almost the same wonder and appreciation she had for the baby in her arms. He remembered back to the night he had held her in his arms as she took a knife out of her arm and told her that he would always be there. He had called her baby as she curled up into him that night. He longed to hold her again, though where did they even begin?
As the conversation started to pick up in the room a bit more Brennan look up only to find herself looking into his eyes. She didn't look away as her mind raced with what had happened right before they had come to the hospital. Instead they locked onto his unable to look away as if transfixed.
Angela looked to her son in Brennan's arms and caught her friend starring at Booth both of them oblivious to the rest of the room as they looked into each other's eyes. Angela thought she looked almost sad as did he then again wouldn't anyone in their situation. Michael whimpered a little breaking their stare as Brennan now turned her attention to Michael handing him back to Angela.
"He is very well mannered for so young." Brennan
Angela laughed, and then mused aloud. "You are right he is a very laid back baby." She smiled at her son and Hodgins came up and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear as she looked up at him.
Eventually everyone said their goodbyes and trickled out of the hospital leaving the new parents to get some rest. Booth and Brennan had taken one vehicle and were on their way back to Brennan's place now. Booth drove and Brennan stare out the window as it started to pour out the lightning striking every few seconds.
Her mind race again as to what he meant and back to what she wanted. Was she sure she wanted it? Though, was it too soon after Hannah? Though, how could she not want it? She was driving herself insane thinking of them over and over. He had betrayed in her a certain manner and then expected her back so soon. Though that was just it, she felt like going back and wasn't that wrong? Shouldn't she try to control her feelings?
Booth glanced at her as he drove and as the lightening strike he caught her reflection in the window starring back at him. Her eyes, wow so many emotions it saddened him to know the sadness in them was caused by him.
Someone had to break the silence it was becoming too much to bear. "Bones?"
She didn't turn to look at him yet kept starring out the window. She caught his eye as they came to a red light in the windows reflection and murmured a "Hhmm?"
He was going to bring up the forgotten Girl Scout cookies he left in her apartment for an excuse to go up, he didn't. "You have one adorable Godson Bones."
She turned and looked at him a slight smile in her eyes "Michael is a cute baby, Angela and Hodgins produce lovely offspring." She would have just said he was cute and that Angela, Hodgins and Michael make a lovely family but she needed distance.
"Angela isn't a horse Bones."
"Of course not, although Michael is Hodgins and her offspring." She stated matter of factly and Booth could only shake his head, chuckle lightly and hap hazardly roll his eyes.
"Booth?" Her voice had taken on a new tone a bit serious and low all at once.
He glance at her as they drove "What is it Bones?"
"Before…when…at my apartment earlier? What did you mean because I'm confused?" Brennan said making little sense. Though he was glad she felt just as confused as she.
"If you are trying to ask what we are?" he glanced at her to confirm his suspicions. "I was wondering the same."
"I know we are partners, I know you claim to love me, and that I too care for you. Though, I don't know where that leaves us. I do know I still don't trust myself that I'm still scared, plus my heart is metaphorically scarred now and I'm afraid of being hurt myself. I didn't like having my best friend taken away. Even if I told you to move on, I didn't mean it. I never use to care if someone hurt me, I was use to it and knew I would always be fine, though I couldn't stand to hurt you." said Brennan
Brennan didn't realize what she had said as she said it, didn't realize she just admitted she more than cared for him. She wanted him all to herself she was in love with him as well. Still in love with him after all he had done and unable to move on.
Booth sighed "Yet, that's just what I did to you Bones, hurt you. I can never apologize with only words for doing what I did, it's going to take time to heal the hurt I caused in your heart."
She looked out the window and caught his reflection as the lightning lit up the sky once more. She nodded yes slowly as a tear slid down her cheek. Booth thought how ironic the storm was, he had turned her down in the pouring rain once before and now here he was apologizing for that night and all of the previous nights she had most likely laid in bed having trouble sleeping.
"It's not your fault Booth, things just happen and I did tell you to move on. I did reject you." Brennan
"Bones, you shouldn't be laying blame on you. I'm the one who acted like an ass toward you and practically aban-"She was looking at him with sad yet attentive eyes and he couldn't get that word out, he had promised himself he would never abandon her. She turned and looked out the window again. "Nothing just happens Bones, there is always a catalyst or build up. It doesn't just happen."
"I know Booth, but I find I can't let you go even if you did act like a jack ass. I can't move on and that scares me because I can't explain it. I can't explain why I only thought of you on the blind date Angela set up for me. Even though I'm supposedly over you…nothing I feel makes sense to me Booth."
"You can't move on either?" asked Booth
She turned to look at him.
"I find it quite difficult to carry on in another relationship when uninvited thoughts of you invade my mind all the time." Brennan huffed quickly at him then went back to safely starring out of the window.
Booth stare ahead as he drove she had opened up so much tonight, but he still had yet to find an answer of where they truly stood in their partnership, relationship, friends, or best friends. Whatever and wherever they stood, they both needed a break to find each other again. To get back to where they started and show the other they both were in fact the same person or could be a them again.
Damn him! How did he do what he did to her? Why did she allow a tear to slide down her cheek in his presence, most likely because she always had? She had almost kissed him tonight well he had almost kissed her, but she knew she would have kissed him back.
She couldn't believe she had told him another word for risk was possibility, and that she secretly yearned for that possibility to be their possibility. That he was her prospect, not Ryan the engineer Brennan had gone out with once. They had said so much tonight she just wanted to go to bed and curl up under her comforter. Curl up under her comforter to another sleepless night where all they said and did tonight would invade her conscious and unconsciousness. He was with her in this reality and her damn dream world as well.
That night as she lay in her bed tossing and turning all she could think of was how comfortable she had felt in his arms on the couch last night. How she had felt for a lack of better words as if they were finding their own version of normalcy again. She closed her eyes and wondered what was to come of their odd partnership, of them. One thing was for certain, the uncertainty of tomorrow.
Booth stared at the ceiling as he lay awake in bed he couldn't get her out of his mind. He couldn't forget the almost kiss and the moment she had said that another word for risk was possibility. That she never wanted to hurt him, that in her own way she loved him. Would she ever let him back into her heart as much as she had at one time? After what he had done to her, how could she?
Though, she claimed she couldn't move on either. Did that mean she never really let him out of her heart? He did know one thing for sure, tomorrow would come bringing with it time and with time came healing.
So much had been said yet still so much remained unspoken. He sigh and roll over watching the numbers on the clock change from two forty four to two forty five. Yeah, he thought he watched the time just slip away and pass by him as he tried to sleep. A woman on his mind, her voice echoing past conversations and her face flashing before him he came to the conclusion sleep was not going to happen tonight. Though, there was always tomorrow.
So, what do you guys think...as horrible as it is your reviews actually seem to give me some motivation on this one. I will take all suggestions into consideration as well. I know I shouldn't care and should write on my own but hey it is what it is...I am writing two stories at once...just posted another silent night chap as well called "Time"
