(Recording Booth)
Jackie does a high five with a big wide smile.
"Bottom o' the afternoon to you, ladies! My name is JackieSepticEyes and welcome to..."
Suddenly, a phone rings somewhere nearby and Jackie goes to pick it up. Once she returns, she's holding a short sword like a phone close to her ear.
"Call of Sword."
Like last time, Jackie is now on a screen at the top left corner while the game loads, and on the background some guys are fighting.
"So, I was in the mood for something destructive today, and I found this game. Apparently you play as a dude, going around somewhere murdering other dudes with a sword. At least, that's what I can get from the dudes in the background, hehe."
Jackie waits as the game loads up, which soon takes a toll on her: her smile slowly turns into a frown and she gets more and more exasperated up until the loading is halfway done, upon which she demands, "Load up, bitch!"
One hour later, Jackie snaps at the still loading game. "Well, game, if that's how you're going to be, I only got one thing to tell: Go fuck yourself!"
Jackie flips the bird at the screen and turns to the camera. "Let's look for something different."
One cut later again, Jackie sees the title screen of Sword of Storms with excitement. "Okay, this is different! Let's do the intro again!"
(Take 2)
Jackie does a high five with a big wide smile.
"Bottom o' the afternoon to you, ladies! My name is JackieSepticEyes and welcome to..."
Suddenly, storms are heard and Jackie takes out a sword, which makes the storm go quiet before she turns back to the camera proudly.
"Sword of Storms!"
Jackie then appears on a small rectangle at the top left of the screen as she starts the game.
"Okay, so this is a retro styled game-" Jackie immediately mutes the game before continuing, "That fucking music's in the way of my talking, anyway, this is a retro style game, about the gameboy era, and it is pretty simple to play: Z or space bar's for jumping, C is for interacting with objects, and X is for SWINGING SHIT TO DEATH!"
Jackie moves her character and goes through the "tutorial" as she continues talking, "Also, there's a story in this game too: A student used a sword that destroyed my school, so I need to find the titular item in order to get sweet, sweet vengeance."
As she continues to play, she eventually finds the save point, which is the statue of a woman. "Well, look who we got here." she makes her character look at the statue and then says, rather suggestively, "Hey baby, Heaven lost an angel, and I think I just found it."
She does the "click" sound and winks at the statue. Then, some seconds later, she looks at the ground in shame. "I need a fucking boyfriend."
Some more playing later, Jackie finds some enemies: first up is a slime, which she kills in three swings. "Okay, I got you slime, now what else do we-"
Then she finds a jumping spider, which makes her flinch. "...Is that a Pogo Spider?"
Before she can react, Jackie is hit by the spider. "Shit, I forgot to attack it!"
And when she respawns, she's back at the beginning of the game. "No way, one hit and I'm dead, and I go all the way to the start?"
Jackie laughs at the revelation before sighing in frustration.
When she returns to the statues and does what the instructions...instruct, she finds out that it saved her progress. "Oh, you're used to save my progress!" Jackie laughs for a bit before uttering in a somber tone, "I'm a dumbass."
She then continues and opens a gate, tries to walk through it...and her character can't get past it. "Seriously? You can't go through that gate?"
And she jumps, making him be able to go inside. "WAIT, WHAT?!"
She continues to play until she finds treasure. "I have found treasure! The booty! The royal jewels! I'm goddamn rich! Now can I stop playing this game? No? Fuck!"
As she plays the game in rather noticeable boredom, Jackie says, "Also, I remember one of you guys once asked me to play Superman 64. I'm not doing that for two reasons: The first is that I don't own an N64 console, I think those went out of production a bajillion years ago. The second is that, well, I've heard how terrible it is, and while I can make a reaction out of it, what is the point if it won't be entertaining?"
Eventually, she finds an open door gate to a weird door-like thing, she interacts with it, and it turns out to be a magic door. "Ooh, I wonder what will happen once I cross it!"
She interacts with it again...and nothing major happens. "Well, I guess nothing happens."
"And that's all for today, folks, I'm going to be honest, this game isn't that disappointing. It has decent graphics, the animation is fine, but the monotonous gameplay just kills it for me. I like games that can entertain me and not be repetitive, and when you get the hang of it, not to mention the one-hit-and-you-die difficulty. So, play it if you want, it's just not for me."
"Anyway, thank you guys so much for watching! If you liked it, slam that favorite button, in the face, LIKE A BOSSASS! And, high fives for everyone!"
She high fives the air. "And I'll see all you dudes...IN THE NEXT FANFICTION!"
