Light wheezed, scrambling to pull himself upwards from the mammoth mound of boobie cups, glaring at his rival. "You... You bastard!" he shouted, eyes narrow. "I'm Light! I'm Light Yagami! You can't say anything bad about me, you asswipe! At least I am totally not carted around by some old smelly pervert who innapropriately touched me while I slept!"

L stared at him blankly, void of all emotion minus the ghost of a prideful smirk phasing his lips. "I'm sorry, what was that, Monsieur Jelly? And Watari never innapropriately touched me. He just innapropriately stared. For a genius, you really must get your facts straight."

"Pft! You're just about as straight as a fucking circle."

L paused, pondering how to retort to his rather rude comrade and or bitch before blinking- yes. L blinks. He is still slightly human.

"Well, your Soichiro is so old that he was a waiter at the last supper. And might I add, not a very attractive one, either."

Light glared, "Son of a Kira-"

"Even Misa would never mate with you to give you a son."

"..." Light thought it over carefully. "Yeah, well, your Watari is so old that he has Jesus in his yearbook." Light smirked triumphantly, arching an eyebrow.

L grimaced, his grinding teeth clenching as Light smirked down. His face lit up. It was pretty creepy on L though...

"Your Soichiro is so old he was the original star of the "Land Before Time Movie."

"Your Watari is so old that he knew the Burger King when he was a prince."

"Your Soichiro is so old that his birth certificate is expired."

"And your Watari existed before birth certificates existed!"

L raised his keg, shooting out a kick to the face.

"What the hell was that for?!"

"I felt like it."

"DICK!"

"Your Soichiro is so old, his birth certificate is in Roman Numerals."

"WELL SCREW YOU TOO!" At the mouth of the room, stood Soichiro with Misa, glaring daggers at L. Except for Misa, who was drooling puddles and staring longingly at Light, who was hiding behind L in terror. L stared before throwing a bra at Soichiro's face. Soichiro seemingly calmed down, coughing into his sleeve while stuffing it into his pants,

"Mhm, well, perhaps we should must forget this incident ever happened."