It wasn't worse, but it was cold. Ianto was cold. Jack was still dead and Ianto still felt adrift in a sea of other people's emotions. Owen wouldn't look at him and Gwen just sat there with Jack's body while Tosh lost herself in equations and computer readings. Leaving him floating in the background trying to remember to breathe. To anyone looking in it looked like Gwen was the mourning lover waiting for Jack to come back to her. Not him. She still didn't know he had been having, he paused at that thought. What was the right word to complete that sentence, had they been having a relationship or just sex. Wonderful, soul enhancing, gentle and loving sex that held you as you fell asleep together. That was what he thought they had. But Jack?

Ianto wanted to push Gwen away, he wanted to be the one touching the man in his morgue bed, wrapped in the unsealed body bag. To throw himself on the body of his lover and weep. She had Rhys to go home to, he however could probably look forward to another awkward evening with Tosh. Jack was his lover, not hers and he hated her right now. With her gap toothed smile and shouty voice and the way she mourned Jack as if she was the one he had always wanted. He hated her guilt over fucking Owen and ignoring Rhys, a relationship Jack had told her not to let drift. She had resented being told that and he hated her for that too. What about his drifting relationship with Jack?

He also hated that she didn't look beyond herself and see that they were all hurting right now. For different reasons, but they were all in pain. He stood in the background of his and they carried on around him. If he faded away who would know, who would mourn him when he died. Or would he just fade and blow away like dust, no tears shed, no funeral pyre. Nothing. He was grey and incomplete and the longer Jack was dead the less of him there was left.


He didn't know how many days folded in on themselves as he stood in the background waiting, just waiting. Watching from a distance and falling further into the darkness of his soul he grew less than he was. Each night spent in the darkness with nothing to hold onto except a pillow and memories. And the unasked question, how long was Tosh going to take it upon herself to babysit him. He wanted to be held by Jack, to be kissed by Jack. To be loved by Jack. All of which was made difficult by the death of Jack.

How many times could he hold Jack's coat to his face and bury his tears in the fabric that smelt of the man who should have been wearing it. How many cups of tea with honey could he stomach made of Tosh's pity. He didn't like honey in his tea but he didn't see how he could tell her. It was a link to her mother and he understood that links to the dead or absent were difficult to break. So another day folded in to the next and Ianto wondered if today might be the day Jack woke up from the coma of his death. If today might be the day he himself could wake from the coma he was in. Had it been two days or three. He no longer knew.


He looked up and was sure he was finally losing the last thread of his sanity, hallucinating as Jack walked towards him. He saw nothing else, just Jack and his braces and the blue shirt. Blue eyes. He went in for hug and Jack felt real. Jack however wasn't content just to hug him.

Jack saw the others but his eyes were greedy for only one person, Ianto Jones and when he saw him he actually felt alive again. He pulled Ianto into his arms and into a kiss. Of all the kisses they had shared, this one was his new favourite as the others just looked on. He had forgiven Owen for shooting him, although he wasn't sure Ianto had judging by what Gwen had told him when he had woken up. She of course hadn't fully understood why Ianto might be so annoyed at Owen for that. He forgot it all as he felt his soul sigh in Ianto's arms, against Ianto's lips. This was what he had come back for.


Gwen looked at Tosh who was grinning as the two men snogged each other, even Owen was rolling his eyes but looked relieved. 'What?' Gwen looked from Tosh to Owen.

Tosh sighed, it was an indulgent sigh as she looked at Gwen. 'You really didn't see what was happening between Jack and Ianto?'

'No, never, since when?'

Tosh considered that a moment and gave a faint almost Ianto like smile. One with just the ghost of friendliness in it but little warmth. 'I think it started sometime between when Mary tried to kill you, and the time Suzie came back from the dead and she tried to kill you.' Tosh smiled a sweeter smile. 'Yes, that's when they first got together.'

'But that was ages ago, why didn't anyone tell me?'

'Like you told us when you first started shagging Owen?' Tosh rounded on Gwen, later she might reflect that some of her ire was related to Gwen sleeping with Owen in the first place. Right now she just wanted to be happy for Ianto. She had spent the last few evenings watching him disappear into himself without Jack. While Gwen sat there making cow eyes at a dead man. 'Why would anyone tell you? I thought the Cardiff police were supposed to be observant so they could work things out for themselves. Or did you sleep your way though training?' Tosh turned to walk away, looking back at Gwen. 'Maybe not everything is about you Gwen Cooper.'

'That was uncalled for.' She looked at Owen for support.

Owen shook his head. 'You didn't walk in on them, I've still got that image burnt into my brain. Give it up Gwen, he's with the tea boy, god knows why but he is.' Owen followed after Tosh. 'Oi, Tosh, do you think we could interrupt them long enough to get the tea boy to put a pot of coffee on?'

'Don't be silly Owen, and don't call him that. We can just go to Starbucks if you want a coffee.'

Gwen frowned, the whole world had gone mad.


Jack breathed Ianto in before letting him go.

'I was afraid you were coming back this time.'

'So was I.'

'This not really dying thing...'

Jack nodded. 'Yeah, I've got a few things to explain haven't I, over dinner?' He looked around. 'I never want to do that again.'

Ianto touched him again as if to convince himself Jack was really standing there. 'I know I don't want to, I.' He stopped and sighed softly. 'I never really know what I'm saying to you half the time Jack.'

'It's a bit like that isn't it and we need to talk. Right now however there are too many people around for me to give you the proper attention you deserve, to do what I really want to do.'

'I think they all know now, Sir.'

Jack grinned. 'I think maybe they do.' He leaned in close to Ianto and told him what he had in mind for later. Still grinning as Ianto blushed a soft pink. 'Is that a yes Ianto?' As he breathed gently on Ianto's ear.

Ianto nodded and tried to swallow. 'Um, yes.'

Jack kept grinning. 'Good, now, where did the others get to?'

Tosh called over to Jack. 'We're going for coffee if you want one?'

Jack nodded. 'Ianto, go with Tosh and Owen and we will continue this latter.' He gave Ianto a quick kiss that spoke of promises made as Ianto nodded watching Jack walk towards his office, his voice fading.

'Gwen, a word. Do you want to get fired...'