Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip girl! If I did (like so many other GG fanfic writers) Chuck and Blair would manage to stay together for more then just a few episodes.


I wish that without me your heart would break,
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.
I wish that without me you couldn't eat,
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.

Basically, I wished that you loved me.

- The nicest thing


Chapter Seven:

"B you can do this" Serena encouraged lightly as she pushed Blair out of her bedroom and into the hallway; she was dead weight, fumbling forward slightly. Serena moved to face Blair, pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear while stooping as best she could on the end of her heels to match the height of her companion.

Blair was frozen in place un-naturally pale, her red lips hung open in a jagged square. Serena frowned as worry bubbled in her chest, searching for a way to break through the thick fog of Blair's thoughts.

"Your clothes barely fit anymore B!" She whispered jokingly, trying to jumble the mood a little as she touched the sleeve of Blair's purple empire waist dress. Blair didn't flinch, she barely even blinked and Serena wondered if she had understood her.

She waited a few long moments praying that Blair would respond somehow before turning on her right foot so that once again she was directly behind the petite brunette. She gently placed her hands on either side of Blair's shoulders and started inching towards the stairs when suddenly her best friend swung around, a singular tear falling from her cheek and dropping onto the white carpet.

A frown fell upon her features as she jutted her bottom lip out in agony, directly gazing into Serena's eyes. She felt sick with shame; her legs were lead, heavy and clumsy. She couldn't walk another step and she wouldn't, she quickly assessed the distance from where she was standing to her bedroom and then glared meaningfully at the one thing intercepting her from being where she should have been. Serena.

Serena met Blair's fierce gaze with reassurance that if she ran there would be no problem in dragging her right back. Blair opened her mouth to protest, whine, or scream, something to get her out of what had to be done but thought better of it and clamped her mouth shut hard.

I should not have to do this, things aren't supposed to go this way.

She turned, feeling the weight of her hair as it fell around her, hitting her back with a light thump. With a sigh she placed her bare feet on the first step glancing back at Serena who flashed her teeth in a weak smile; attempting to ease Blair's nerves.

Descending the stairs as quietly as possible she reached the cold marble of the foyer and scrambled in the direction of the living room. Collapsing onto a velvet beige couch, she her head into the arm; inhaling as best she could the faint smell of dried roses. Imagining being swallowed by the cushions without a trace helped to keep her mind off of what she was waiting for.

Blair was leading herself into the lion's den unrehearsed, and reeking with fear. She would be lucky enough to get out half mangled, and somewhat mentally intact.

"Blair?" Eleanor's voice boomed from the corner of the room as she flittered her eyes open to watch her mother come to a halt in front of her, a questioning look on her face. She rarely ever spent time in the living-room unless it was for some type of social obligation or on Eleanor's command.

Blair stood fast, faltering as she felt a rush of adrenaline pulse through her body. Steadying herself after a moment she began twisting a ring around her finger nervously.

"Mother," A black ball of ugly feelings had invaded her stomach and was quickly latching itself onto any unused space "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Eleanor nodded as Blair led the way into the dining room taking a seat in one of the chairs, trying to focus on the window behind her mother and the deep yellow of the sun as it hung in the sky. Her heart was beating fast and it took several deep breaths before she could gather enough courage to look into her mothers eyes.

"What is it, I have a meeting in less then two hours"

Blair noted that Eleanor's voice sounded slightly irritated as she slowly checked her watch, obviously wishing she was already at the office, reaching across the table with one hand to pat Blair's cheek "Your wearing too much blush it makes you look cheap".

She flushed even more, feeling the bitter taste of resentment nip at her tongue. Just get it over with, now or never

"Mom," She started; opting for informal "I'm pregnant" her voice a half sob as she continued "around 3 months." Letting out a long breath she watched as her mother's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open involuntarily.

In a second her face turned from tan to an unhealthy green and then to an indefinite and worrisome purple. Tension was building all around them, the glass table they were seated at would have shattered and cut wrists if looks could kill.

"Charles" She sputtered between heavy breaths.

Blair made no effort to respond, that in turn was enough for Eleanor. She sat in a mixture of emotions as relief finally washed over her while her mother started.

"YOUR RUINING YOUR LIFE YOU KNOW THAT?" She slammed her hands so hard into the table Blair flinched as her mother's bracelets bent with the force.

Eleanor's eyes were centered entirely on Blair, nothing else mattered, everything she could have brought into her gaze was being streamed directly at her daughter and Blair felt it. It made her want to run for miles in any direction, as long as it was far away from where she was.

"WHAT ABOUT YALE BLAIR? YALE!" She turned away; a disgusted look on her face, and for a moment Blair was convinced she was about to witness her mother throw up all over the hardwood. Twisting her body back to her daughter after a long minute of unused silence her eyes softened to an almost desperate pleading.

"Blair what about your life, this will change everything" she whispered, near tears herself.

Blair knew she was shattering the expectations that had been placed on her at birth, she felt that pain and had embraced it but her mother would have to understand, she would have to know.

"Mom—"

"No, I don't want to hear it." she interrupted quickly; voice thick with tremors "Does Lily know?"

Blair sat back a little, why did it matter?

"I don't know, Chuck's made himself nobody's business since Bart died" Blair spat back. If you ever paid attention to one word I've said in my life, you would know that.

Eleanor slumped into her chair, folding her hands under her breasts as she leaned into the table.

The only sound in the room was the laboured breathing of Eleanor as broken sobs started escaping her chest. Blair closed her eyes as tight as possible, allowing her hands to stroke her stomach. The ugly pit of feelings had dissolved and all that remained was an overwhelming sense of right.

She had done all she needed to do, handled it better then she thought she could have. Maybe this is possible after all; maybe I'm not as lost as I feel

Blair lifted herself from the chair and exited the room feeling elated, she had achieved the impossible and nothing felt too far away anymore. Everything had fallen into perspective and she felt confident in her own strength to live her life the way it was meant to be lived. And in that moment despite all the mistakes she had made, she couldn't regret the human growing inside of her. The moments that had lead up to its creation, she was less inclined to think that life was a series of random events thrown together haphazardly.

No, for once Blair Waldorf was fully believing in fate and standing as she did in the foyer, 3 months pregnant with a broken dream lying in the dining room; she knew she was exactly where she was supposed to be and it freed her. She was no longer confined to tradition, politeness, obligation, or passive aggressiveness. It was the best feeling in the world and she never wanted to let it go.

She skipped to her room, flopping onto the bed with a smile. Serena sat in front of the vanity re-applying grey eye shadow to her eyes as she noticed Blair combing her fingers through her hair and casting a downward glance at the bathroom.

"Are you okay?" Serena was unsure at how to react; Blair had brought a wave of happiness with her as she entered. Considering that she had just told her workaholic mother that she was pregnant with the spawn of the most infamous womanizer on the Upper East Side a grin and laughter was the last thing she expects to slip from Blair's lips, butthey did. Echoing off the walls and swirling around the two best friends excitedly. Serena watched Blair from the mirror as she got up and threw a sweater around herself. Prancing up to Serena and bending down, breathing warm air onto Serena's cold cheeks as she placed a dry kiss on her cheek.


Blairs knees were shaking violently as she stood in front of the door, coughing a few times she raised her hand in a tight fist to knock. Anxiety was taking over, her chest constricted rapidly as she dug her long fingernails into her palm, whitening her knuckles.

Despite feeling absoloutely ecstatic earlier Blair had reduced herself to a mess of insecurities as she had made her way through the Palace hotel, standing infront of suit 1812 she was fighting just to keep her heels planted firmly on the ground as the muscles in her arm began to ache from being stiffened for too long.

I can do this, I can do this

She chanted. Mouthing the words without making a sound, hoping they would stick to her skin and absorb well enough to be taken to heart. Wincing in anticipation of movement she turned her head to face the elevator as her fist made loud contact with the door in front of her several times.

Listening intently for Chuck, needing him to forget all aspects of their rendevous in Sip last week.

The door gave way to a darkness as Blair strained to see past it an arm extended grabbing her purse and pulling her forcibly inside.

Chuck stood before her, even in absoloute darkness she could make out the purple bruises under his eyes, smell the stench of fine cigars and malt scotch as it lingered on every surface, in every stitch of his clothing. His brown hair was gelled to perfection, a blue polka-dot tie loosened considerably around his neck as a creme coloured overshirt buttoned only halfway up his chest gaveway to ashen skin.

"I knew you'd come" He exclaimed gruffly, moving towards her as she stepped backwards into the wall; he placed his hands on both sides of her. Inescapable. "I just didn't think it would take this long." His breath was sweet against her neck, inviting.

Blair felt light headed, with his body being in such a close proximatey all her thoughts were letting loose, memories mixed with fantasy and she found herself digging her nails into her palms once more in order to peel away from her imagination.

"Chuck please" She scoffed loudly, ducking underneath his arms and walking around to the large bay window. She pulled the curtians back rapidly enough that the brass screeched in compliance as the sun cast light on the room before her.

Clothes were thrown in every which direction, as several plates of room service adorned every flat surface. The sheets on the bed were wrinkled and tossed aside, while open bottles of champagne, whiskey, and vodka fit themselves on almost every plate, a crystal glass for each. She scrunched her nose, Chuck hadn't left his suite in days that was more evident then it needed to be.

Inhaling deeply she sought to hold any feeling of calm her body might have posessed as she looked up at him once again.

He was staring right back at her, his pupils enlarged considerably, still drunk from the night before or the early morning. He didn't move towards her or even move at all, he just stood against the far wall, giving her time to take him in bit by bit. She arched an eyebrow as her eyes fell to his waist, he wasn't wearing pants only bright yellow boxers. Under normal circumstances Blair might have laughed at this but there was a seriousness to him in that moment that told her it was better to taste blood then mention it.

She took a step towards him cautiously, still staring as she placed her hands on her hips. She desperatley wanted to break the silence, to make the air less humid with complication but couldn't find the right words.

"I'm almost three months you know" She quipped, it may not have been the best starter but at least it would widen the spectrum of conversation.

Chuck's brow furrowed as he turned to the table behind him picking up a glass of scotch and downing it rapidly.

"I know," He breathed smirking, "and how do you feel?" It seemed like an honest direct question but Blair was wary of answering it.

"I'm fine ... sort of. It's not as bad as it was for the first little while-"

"Like the doctor said."

Blair nodded, she stood tall feeling bold yet so breakable. For a second she wondered if he could see just how fragile she was, how breakable and how broken she managed to be all at once. She knew he was torn to pieces, she'd caught it on his face a few times but he was generally very good with his masks and rarely slipped up, afraid of being human. They weren't those kinds of people. They couldn't discuss their problems or their feelings very openly. It just wasn't them.

"Anyway," Blair shifted her weight and exhaled all the negativity she could gather before continuing " I told Eleanor." That's it, it's out.

She observed Chuck's facial expression as his smirk fell to a straight line and his face grew pale. It's not like I wanted to have to tell you this, you insist on being included so there you fucking go.

"I suppose I should be expecting a call from Lily this afternoon then" he assumed, focusing all his anger into souding nonchalant as he choked down yet another glass of scotch.

"Probobly." she had given up on looking at him, staring instead at the trim of the room behind him as he spoke.

"Without me"

"Yes, without you."

He was in front of her in seconds, a hiss escaping his teeth as he took her chin in his hand.

"And you didn't find it necessary for me to be there at all" he countered sharply.

"No I actually didn't" she responded angrily, trying to pull out of his hold as he tightened his fingers around her cheeks.

He moved towards her ear slowly, not breaking her gaze as his lip brushed the shell of her ear deliberately.

"Funny" Blair felt like she couldn't breathe, her heart was hammering loudly, practically silencing his low tone. "Last I checked it takes two to tango." He glared into her eyes a moment too long before releasing her head in a deep shove.

"What the fuck!" She yelled, rubbing at her jaw as he made his way across the room. Taking a seat on the bed and facing away from her as he brushed something off of his shoulder, draping his hands over his face.

She wanted to reach out to him, bridge the gap, build something out of the destruction, but then it occurred to her that none of what could happen would ever be worth it. It was true they would be forever bound together in one way but in reality they would always exist in separate worlds. There were no words and no materials that could be build a bridge strong enough to connect the two, at least not now.

"It doesn't even matter Chuck don't be so offended, you make absoloutley no sense to me anymore." Her words stung the inside of her mouth as she spoke them.

He wasn't supposed to confuse her, she was always one step ahead and then one day it was like she woke up 2 miles behind with a severe handicap. He was running the show somehow, the scenes had been switched up and the dialogue had been thrown away before she could even blink. It needed to stop, she needed to be at the helm, without the terrible ache of emptiness, and take back what was hers.

So what if he's angry, he has no right.

She walked as gracefully as she could to the bed, taking a seat beside him. She was going out on a limb, but the anger and hostility boiling under her porcelian skin would crack into a million pieces if she didn't give it air.

"I don't know what you think is going on between us" She stated while her eyes glued themselves to the floor, a cowardly warrior.

He brushed a hand through his hair and looked up at her as she concealed a smile at his flushed cheeks and forced a frown onto her lips "but there's nothing. There always has been nothing. I wouldn't be talking to you if it weren't for this baby" Blair squeezed her eyes shut quickly to fight back salty tears. She didn't know why she was crying, in all honesty it felt like the truth to her, it was what she needed to say. To get off her chest, to releive the weight of Chuck from her dreams.

She stood as he opened his mouth to speak, staring down at him.

He looked taken aback, he had never looked smaller to her.

"Blair," He struggled for the explanation, almost pained at having to do so.

"If I knew what to say, beleive me I'd say it" he finished mumbling, unsatisfied with how he was handling the situation.

She could see so many things in him she wanted to take, so many things she needed, but she also caught a darkness in him as his eyes traced over her body. It pulled her into him and she was melted in his weakness, in his glimpses of humanity, too captivated to notice how thin the ice she was treading had become.

She broke the image in two and sent it to the back of her mind before interrupting the silence.

"I know."

Smiling briefly before making her way to the door she reached for the handle and felt him fall in step behind her, conforming to the position of her body. She didn't breathe or turn around as his lips grazed the tip of nape of her neck tracing a thin line of warmth to her shoulder.

"I feel sorry for any child of yours already."

The gloves were off, he wasn't going to let her leave without kicking her down a few notches even if it was through blatant lies. Blair struggled to keep her tone light, she should have known better then to think he would let her escape his clutches with more then nothing.

"Don't do this"

"Do what? It'll definatley be inappropriate to have a whore as a mother" He breathed sympathetically into a fistful of her hair "We'll have to see what can be done about that."

Chuck was hitting a vein, turning it the deepest purple with his words.

Blair's heart skipped a beat as she lifted her hand and turned quickly, smacking him across the face as hard as she could manage.

He laughed lightly, pulling on Blair's strings had been so complicated before. Now, he need only mention the idea of a custody battle and she was taken apart in pieces instantly. He didn't want to hurt her but she had started it and Chuck Bass would not walk away emptyhanded at any cost.

"You make me sick" She seethed, grabbing the doorhandle and storming into the hallway.

"It's too bad you don't like that about me anymore" He called sarcastically as she stepped into the elevator.


Chuck growled angrily against the wall as frusteration fueled him. Succumbing to the numbing feeling of the scotch he walked over to the closet and pulled a leather suitcase from the top shelf.

He didn't know what he was doing or where he was going to go but anywhere felt better then there, trapped between suffocating regret and desire. He started throwing pieces of clothing into the suitcase at random, he would pay someone to pick up the rest later, pushing all thoughts of Blair out of his head with countless sips of vodka as he went.

Tripping into the shower a few minutes later, he tried to sort himself out.

A thousand different reasonings were dropping in front of him, waiting patiently for aknowledgment but unseen as iggnorance was chosen over truth. Chuck's vision gained a fuzzy edge as he stepped out of the shower and started drying off, yet another reason why he was entirely thankful for a bottomless supply of hard liquor. It kept him from having to truly face himself and those that he wanted. It was the perfect excuse, the best remedy, the most exquisite lover. Yes, achohol was all Chuck Bass needed.

An hour later he sat stiffly in his seat as the jet prepared for take-off, feeling foolish for a few moments. He imagined himself as as a child who knew what was right and wrong but went with wrong anyway just because he could get away with it.

It was clear that Blair didn't want him in her life, or in their baby's life and maybe he didn't want to be either. Or maybe he did. It was all getting blurry as he stopped the flight attendant and requested a refill in slurred speech.

One thing he could make out between all the useless things falling through his thoughts was the defined rage in Blair's palm as it met his jaw, her body retreating from his suite without so much as a backwards glance, carrying the only worthy part of Chuck Bass beneath her heart.


A/N: Gasp! Okay that might not have been what you imagined happening next but trust me I thought about this and we all know how Chuck get's when things don't work out the way he wants them to especially if he's not sure of something. And well, when you add Blair Waldorf to that you can definatley see the outcome! I'm sorry it took so long to update but I've been swamped with grad stuff =_= I'm going to try to update at least once a week though. Thanks so much for your continued support! Please review!