As Cameron asked that question House knew they were getting to the part of the date where things became more personal. He did appreciate that her question was open-ended allowing him to decide the tone of the conversation. Maybe he could strike a balance between serious topics and playful banter, much like their half-date.
"I could use the same pre-scripted compliments, like on your earrings and shoes, but that didn't work out too well last time. So just let me say that I appreciate the whole sex kitten look you decided to adopt for tonight," House stated with an emphasizing leer.
"That sounds more like you," Cameron smirked at the compliment, "So who gave you compliment advice on our last date."
"Wilson," House answered taking sip of scotch.
"What else did Wilson tell you to do?" Cameron asked adding in a playful tone hoping House would joke around with her. Also she wanted to show him she didn't want to hold qualms about their last date.
House gave a grin seeing what she was doing, "Wilson did let me in on the secret of his philandering success… or as he called it his panty peeler talk."
"His what?" Cameron asked not being able to hold back her laughter.
Encouraged by her reaction he continued, "Apparently asking a woman her hopes, dreams, and aspirations is a sure fire way to get her to put out."
Cameron's laughter increased before she got serious, "I may have not seen through the compliments but I would have known that wasn't you… besides you wouldn't have needed Wilson's tactic."
House was shocked by the admission and paused before speaking, "I once told you that you're pretty enough to be a model… any man in this bar, and some women, would do anything for a chance with you. Why me?"
Cameron lowered her glass to the table and made eye contact with House, "You live under the delusion that if you keep pushing people away no one will care about you. You degrade, mock, and are an ass to mask the fact that you do care. The problem is that no one can constantly keep up a façade, not even you. Like the time when you found me in the chapel and told me you were proud of me… it was another brief glimpse of the person you keep hidden beneath the surface. You're guarded and don't want people to see that person, to feel vulnerable because you believe that anybody who gets inside will only disappoint you. I don't know why you don't like your father but I think he is the reason you don't trust people. You use Stacy and your infarction as a counter argument to "it is better to love and lost than to never loved at all." You want to love; you're just afraid to. You're damaged."
Throughout her analysis of him House kept his eyes locked on her, not wanting to give her the impression her words affected him, but they did. The problem was that she just described many of the ugly truths about him. However he was not going to let her know that for the most part she was right. He knew some part of him did care, hell why would he go to Cuddy to get treatments for his patients when he had already figured out the puzzle. House was pretty sure Cameron knew that and she would probably give him a speech about caring about patients at some point.
"And how would you explain why I am here with you," House didn't know if he wanted to hear more hard truths but this direct and blunt Cameron was interesting. Heck she actually had the gull to mention Stacy and his father, two sore subjects, at the same time and he had to respect that. Much like him she wasn't holding anything back.
Cameron kept a straight face but was amazed he didn't chew her out, "Without the pain you have nothing to hide behind. The pain gave you a crutch, both literally and metaphorically, to not care or love but without it you no longer have a reason to not try. Otherwise you would have to admit to yourself that you're afraid to do so."
House just studied Cameron not giving anything away before replying, Should I be worried you can channel Wilson… You still haven't answered why me."
Cameron was about to answer when Remy came over and gave them their food. Remy seemed to sense the intense moment and didn't stay to talk but still shot Cameron a longing glance.
After a few moments House didn't think she was going to answer before Cameron admitted, "Because I want to be the person who gets inside and doesn't disappoint you."
House who had been staring at his food looked up immediately at Cameron who than had her gaze on her food. His guarded half wanted to tell her how naïve she sounded, but the completely heartfelt tone of her voice left him awestruck. What amazed him was how quickly she went from strong to vulnerable in only a few seconds. How even after all the times he had attacked her for comments like that she still made them, she still held out hope he wouldn't crush her.
Cameron finally looked up at House and was startled to not find a look of defensiveness on his face, or a hard stare in his eyes. She felt relieved to see that he wasn't going to retreat back into his shell but he had that look of vulnerability she had talked about moments before. Part of her was deftly afraid as she gave House her analysis of him and even more when she admitted why she always tried so hard for him.
"That is exactly why I pushed you away on our last date," House said deciding to reveal another one of his secrets to Cameron.
"What?" Cameron asked confused and slightly alarmed.
House smirked to put her at ease; "You wouldn't have dared to say that back at our last date… except for the mushy line at the end, that is definitely the optimistic, hopeful, and ever resilient Cameron. You wouldn't have survived a relationship back then."
Cameron didn't reply, not knowing what to say. It was true she had become stronger and more mature than she had been two years ago, that she probably wasn't ready to deal with House. She also wondered if it was an admission that he thought a relationship with her could possibly survive now.
"How come every time we try this we end up in a deeply intrusive conversation?" House said sarcastically to lighten the mood, "So what types of wine do you like and what movies do you hate?"
A/N: I really don't want to put out a chapter this short but if this story is going to progress I needed to. You all don't even want to know how many versions of Cameron's answer to House I wrote, trying to decide what direction to take and what part of the character's psyche I wanted to explore next. So I am merely putting this out now to keep myself from rewriting it again.
Definitely would love to her your input on my opinions of the character's deeper motives.
