Hey guys can I please have some pairing requests? You can send me any that you want I will do X Deuce ones but I won't do sex scenes. I am choosing to do x Deuce ones because they are a challenge and I like a good challenge now and again…
I am still going to do the kind of collab thing with awokenmonster and I am very excited for it because of their reputation within the fan fiction community and they are amazing people. So look out for those at any point.
I still have some half written one-shots and demon inside is going to get real interesting soon. I need to figure out how I am going to end to Love a Teacher because that will happen within the next ten chapters' I'd say. Then I'll focus more on demon inside and what I go to school for before I get to undead puppy, I am tempted to scrap that story as I am struggling so much with it…
Anyway I noticed that a person following me on Instagram whose name has escaped me but they wanted more Murgan so that is what I am going to do for them….
Idk if you read these anymore.
3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3
13th of January 2010
Ever feel like someone is scaring you without really trying? Well unfortunately for me my major crush happens to be like that. Let me explain it to you, well I'll try to anyway. It all started in a small café in Los Angeles and it involves one band, Hollywood Undead and they managed to turn my life upside down just over two years ago. I am still deciding whether or not it was for the better or the worst.
I was just a simple fan, I loved how they performed and their whole band works and the level of creativity is amazing. I knew my own band was a flop, I mean I did a lot of tours and I got to see a few fans but the audience participation was never there, there wasn't much money in it either and I always stressed out at the touring schedule.
I gave up and decided to work in a café, it gave me a steadier income than I got from my other job and it was nice to do something different. I'd been to a few shows of them, I was in awe. I was a music graduate so I could perform to their level and everything but I didn't have half the fans they did. Then I met them, they came to the café just like any other person would. Little did I know how much my life would change….
They ordered their coffees and I was busy making them. One of them recognized me from high school and asked how I ended up in a café when I was talented musically. I told him that my band failed, something had to pay the bills. He chuckled and gave me their numbers, telling me if they saw me at a show then they'd see what they could do to help me out.
One of them, he looked so intimidating and to be honest I was really afraid of him at first. I still am a little. He just stood there, listening to his friend talk to me about stuff. He never gave any input into the conversation, he just listened. I handed them their orders and gave them all small smiles, even the scary one. I got called cute then they left.
They started texting me, one by one I became friends with most of them. I knew that one of them hated me so he wouldn't bother texting. I was surprised when the scary one texted me, he asked me a lot of questions about what I was into and we got to know each other, I still found him intimidating if I saw him in real life but in texts it was okay.
Then around six months after I got to know them all, well, all but one I got a phone call saying one the members didn't show up so they needed someone to fill in for him and J-dog mentioned I was perfectly suited for Deuce's lyrics. So I went and I sang my heart out, it didn't go unnoticed by any party involved.
It was also the day I realized I had a major crush on Johnny 3 tears. No, it wasn't a phase, I remember liking him in high school as well but it wasn't until I hung out with him that I realised who he was. Yeah I saw him unmasked but I didn't remember him by face, I only knew his name and I hung out with his friends as like he did in the conversation I had in the café just looked on.
I am determined to keep my crush a secret that goes with me to my grave. I can't tell people I have crush on someone who is in a relationship and has a child with that other person. What are you crazy or something? Saying that I am if I am talking to myself in a book.
Anyway I got asked more and more to fill in as Deuce kept dropping out. Then I got called out as he dropped out of a tour. They welcomed me like a friend but George still intimidated me. I sometimes played with his daughter if she was there and he had to go and do an interview. He thanked me for it and offered to pay but I refused, her smiles and his gratitude were enough for me.
Anyway Deuce eventually got kicked out, they couldn't cope with his behaviour anymore and his lack of passion for the band that he helped create. It all blew up in a big argument I was a spectator of, let's just say some nasty things were said and I was mentioned and attacked verbally during it.
Now I am in a dream job, I feel a little happier than before. Still stressed but I am sure that it will all calm down once I get used to being in the role and everything settles down. When I joined them they were all welcoming. Well George was a little hostile but they said he was always like that until he knew the person better, he didn't like forming false relationships or friendships with anyone.
Recently George's girlfriend broke up with him and took their daughter with him, only granting him limited access to her. He was moody to everyone but I felt he took it out on me more. I also felt a bit guilty for some reason, was I the cause of the break up? Not sure to be honest, like I said no one was to know about my crush on him.
Danny p.o.v
I stopped writing as I was getting emotional. I really felt like I was to blame but I wasn't even sure if I was and how I'd done it. The others keep telling me it is because I am the new guy and he wants to find out what boundaries he could push to their absolute limits. Well I guess I am really weak as he found them easily and manipulated them so well I reached breaking point within days.
The hate I am receiving at the moment doesn't help either. A lot of people didn't like the fact that I took Deuce's role in the band. They didn't mind so much when I toured with the guys before and I performed. Then again Deuce wasn't stirring things and making allegations out of spite. He was really angry that I took his role, but I was the only one who do it in such short notice and I apparently fit in more with the guys than anyone else they tried.
I couldn't feel more alienated even if I tried. Yeah Jorel, Jordon, Dylan and Matt tried to make me feel welcome and like I was naturally a part of their group and even if George didn't try I knew he meant well but I couldn't help but feel like I couldn't fit in at all with them. I was just a music grad who can sing a few songs and play some instruments there is nothing special about me that makes me stand out as the perfect guy.
"Hey, what are you getting stressed about?" George asks me. I jump in surprise and try and get a poker face working. I didn't want to whine and cry like a baby in front of him. I couldn't show my weakness to him. "Oh hey, it's nothing I won't be able to handle," I tell him, trying to keep as calm as possible. He wraps his arms around me and gets me out of my bunk so he could hug me properly. "Are you sure?" he asks. I hug him back, smiling at the comfort I was receiving. "Yeah, I'm sure," I tell him.
"Sorry if I haven't felt welcoming to you recently, it's just with everything going on it is hard to adjust sometimes," he says, squeezing me then releasing it. "That's okay, I wouldn't be happy if I was in your situation," I tell him. I pat his shoulder as he puts me back into the bunk. "don't forget anytime you need to talk to us, you can," he says, he walks into the main living area and leaves me alone with my thoughts.
I didn't even realise I held my breath until I took another one. What was he doing to me? I didn't even know why he decided to talk to me, I am not even sure he knew he what he was doing to me. I knew sooner or later we would have to talk to each other and try and get along. Jorel appeared in front of me and I struggled to not jump for a second time. "Hey Danny, what's got you puzzled?" he asked jumping into my bunk and hugging me.
"George, he is so hard to work out. One day he ignores me and gives me death stares and the next he is hugging me and trying to ask me if anything is wrong," I explain, I didn't want to tell him about my crush yet. I know I can trust Jorel. "I know but he wants to be that way, I kind of asked George to talk to you and stop blocking you out. We all need to get along if we are going to get anywhere," he tells me.
I tilt my head to one side. "I know but it doesn't help that I have a major crush on him," I told Jorel, my voice barely above a whisper. He still heard every word I said and his eyes went wide. "You like him? How long?" he asks, keeping quiet in case George heard us. "Since high school, I haven't told anyone about it, especially not him and especially not now," I say, keeping my voice quiet.
"That's okay, I won't tell anyone, if you need help to get with him then I am your cupid," he said, acting a little goofy. I smile and laughed a little, he was accepting all of this better than I expected him too. Then again I know Jorel is kind of the agony aunt of the group so he would be willing to help anybody no matter. The cupid thing is a bit weird if you picture him in the outfit commonly associated with cupid.
"Yeah but I feel like I am going to get rejected by him, he is not a bisexual or a gay guy Jay, it is just going to be a crush, nothing more and nothing less," I tell him. I was getting emotional now, the walls I have put up around myself will be torn down easily by anybody who even tries. They aren't that strong. Tears were building up a bit, "I wouldn't be so sure Dan, he might have his eye on you," Jorel says, winking.
"Anyway come and socialise with us for a little bit. We have the show later." Jorel says getting up and pulls on my sleeves. "Do I have a choice?" I ask him. He pulls me up and picks me up, making me squeal. "Ha-ha nope," Jorel says carrying me on his shoulder into the main living area of the tour bus where everyone else was sitting and staring at us. "what are you doing to the poor guy?" Matt asks Jorel as I get dumped onto George's lap who holds me.
"Making him less shy, or trying to anyway," Jorel says, winking at me as George was holding me. I was trying so hard not to blush. I relaxed into George's arms, Jorel was grinning like a Cheshire cat. Was he already trying to set George and I up? Was he being cupid already? I don't think his plan is going to work though, like I said he was a straight man, he is never going to fall for a flawed individual like me.
"Well it is nice to have Danny around anyway, he has improved the atmosphere around here so much," George says. I struggle so much with trying not to blush. He is affecting me again, maybe he does like me after all. "Yeah but that is because he is a cutie," Jordan says. I pout, I hate people calling me cute. "I'm not cute" I tell them, still pouting. They start laughing at me which doesn't help me out at all.
"Sorry Danny you are a bit easy to tease right now," Matt says once he calms down, the others are still laughing. Well George quickly stopped once he saw my face. I was not impressed by the teasing. The guys take a few minutes to calm down and they said sorry for upsetting me. I told them it was fine; I wasn't used to being teased that's all.
While we waited to go backstage for the show we started doing warm ups, it was funny to see how each member did it. I went through the songs I knew I had to do and which bits I might struggle through so I could get them right in front of the fans. There is so much pressure put onto me with being the new member, I had to be either just as good or better than the person who was there before me and if I was worse, well that couldn't do at all. The pressure also meant that I wasn't really sleeping well.
Well I would be sleeping poorly anyway as we keep changing time zones every few locations so I didn't really have enough time to adjust to the time differences. The others slept a little better than I did as I feel like they had more time to get used to it as they have done this before. I've been on a break from touring for a year or two as well so basically I am going to struggle in every aspect of my every day to day life.
The show itself actually went really well so that was a plus for me. The fans started to get a bit happier about my presence. There was a lot more audience participation and I think they are getting used to me being with the guys now. We had a meet and greet and a few of the fans actually hugged me. I was so happy and so were they. They told me a lot of nice things which started to outweigh all the hate I've been receiving lately. It didn't mean that everybody liked me being there but people were being nice so I consider that to be accomplishment.
"well done little lion, I'm proud of you," George says, hugging me briefly then walking away to go talk to some fans who called for him. I was frozen in shock. What does this make us? This is too confusing for me.
20th of January 2010
After the night of the thirteenth I started avoiding George. I didn't really know why, but at the same time I kind of did. He was confusing me, was he in love with me or was he just teasing me like the others love to do? I certainly wanted no part in it if all he was going to do was just drag me along and make me believe we has something when in reality it was nothing and he was just playing me to see how I'd react to it.
I haven't told Jorel about this even though he keeps trying to force us to have alone time. I was appreciative of his efforts to get me with my crush but all this doubt still in my mind over whether or not he liked me took over. I rarely spoke before but now I was completely silent not saying a word to anyone until it got closer to show time. They were worried about me but Jorel was there with the answer that I was still adjusting so just give me some time.
I knew all the stresses and fears were logical. My life is upside down, I'd been uprooted from my little café job and taken all over the states. I was so close to my crush it hurt. Due to these reasons I failed to sleep since that night he called me his little lion. I am regretting that decision so much, I am not constantly yawing but I know I am exhausted and I might do something bad soon.
I haven't slipped up on my lyrics and more and more fans are getting used to me being there and supporting me. Well they might not really like me, they guys did get mad during an interview and said I was here to stay so if they didn't like it then they knew what to do. They could leave, they didn't want people who supported the guy who they had to bend over backwards to accommodate.
I think the guys know I haven't been sleeping. They keep encouraging me to sleep during the long journeys to the next location. I just shake my head and tell them I am fine; I don't need sleep. They didn't believe me but they haven't forced me into taking a nap or sleep or anything like that. They are a lot stronger than I am so it would be easy for them to pick me up and place me in my bunk or make me lie down on the sofa and cover my eyes until they know I am asleep.
They were capable of those things but why didn't they do it. I have no idea why they didn't, but if I told them I was fine enough times for them to get a hint that I wanted them to leave me alone. Part of me wanted them to help me but I knew they were still angry over Deuce and they weren't sure what to do with me as I have told them little about me and I have changed so much since high school if some people saw me they wouldn't recognise me.
I am losing my mind over something that I will look back on and call myself an idiot. I feel like a teenager in high school again. I feel like I am going down on a rollercoaster and I can't see the way up. It is like I am in a dark tunnel and I am nowhere near the light that's at the end. I take one little step forward and too many steps back. I am getting nowhere. Will I end my life over these little worries? No, I will be a lion and come back strong.
It is like a song I wrote. "But damn I could write a book about every little hook that kept me up all night," That quote was from Showing Bones. It describes my life almost perfectly. I mean this journal is a book and I am currently writing every little thing that has or is keeping me up every night. It completely works. The amount of time I spend staring at the ceiling wondering why on earth I can't sleep then start worrying about all the little things in my life that might not be going so well.
I have no idea what is going to happen. I am not sure if I am ever going to be able to fit in with the guys of Hollywood Undead. I am nothing like them, I am just a shy newbie who doesn't fit it with them at all. I have tried so well to fit in with them and I am falling at every little hurdle I come into contact with, flat on my face and I don't know if I am strong enough to get back up and carry on anymore.
Would I be able to allow myself to be picked up and helped by the others? I don't know, how could the help me even? How would I tell them that I need help? I need someone to help me find who I am and what I am supposed to be doing with my life. Where does my heart belong, where am I meant to be? All these questions in my mind and no way of answering them. No way of figuring out what I am supposed to do. I'm so lost.
"where'd you go, where's your home, how'd you end up all alone? Can you hear me now? There's no light, there's no sound, hard to breathe when you're underground, can you hear me now?" these new lyrics for a song we are working on also sum up my life right now. That's probably why I wrote them, it is how I feel right now and it might be how some of the fans feel so it makes it more relatable.
I close the journal once more, rubbing in between my eyes as I get a bit light headed again. I open it just to look over what I have written before putting it under my pillow. These sleepless nights aren't doing me any good and I should really sleep but we have been so busy I always get scared I am going to be yelled at if I do manage to nod off. Well I know at night I can sleep but that is when the thoughts are most active, I have come down from the adrenaline from the show and now the doubt comes in.
The guys had left me and George so they could party, George wanted to read and they stopped me from going. They wanted me to sleep so I headed to the bunk rooms and tried pleasing them. I can't sleep, my mind is too active. Well it is less now that I wrote down all the things that have plagued it. I am supposed to be avoiding George but there is not point to it, he might get mad if I disturb his reading but I can't sleep and I don't feel like being alone anymore.
He noticed me almost straight away when I walked in, it was like he was expecting me. Or maybe he was taking a break from reading his book. "Hey Danny, you okay dude? You look really pale," he asks me. He looks like he is about to get up and hold me or something. "Uh, yeah. Can't sleep and I didn't want to be on my own," I admit to him, his face softens. "How long have you not been able to sleep?" He asks, avoiding asking why I have been avoiding him. "A week," I say, the light headed feeling I had been feeling is still there and getting worse. He walked up to me and stood behind me.
All of a sudden it feels like either I or the room are getting warmer. Black spots appear in my vision and I have to put my hands on the counter to support myself through a major dizzy spell. It was like the whole room was spinning and I had no control over my symptoms either. I feel myself falling to the floor and my vision fades to black.
George p.o.v
Shit! I reacted quickly enough to catch the poor new member as he falls to the floor. I knew he had fainted as soon as I caught him, he was limp I didn't even need to see his eyes which are closed. I carefully placed him down on the sofa where I was reading moments before. Why didn't I act sooner? I had a feeling he was suffering from insomnia and wasn't sleeping much but as he avoided me I couldn't really do anything about it.
I push some hair out of his face and get a feel of his skin, he was feverish. There are some napkins and a bottle of water in the fridge, that should bring it down. What else can I do at this point to help him. I scan both him and the room with my eyes as I start working on the fever trying to work out a plan. He might not appreciate it if I called the medics so I didn't. He had a thick jumper on so I carefully took it off.
Jorel came in completely sober and his face fell when he saw me trying to cool Danny down. "Jeez, what happened, I thought he went to bed?" he asks, coming a bit closer but at the same time keeping some distance. "He fainted, he hasn't slept in a week and couldn't sleep earlier so he came in and then we started talking then he fainted, he has a fever too," I tell him, putting the napkin to the bottle to make it cold again so I could put it back on Danny's forehead.
"A week with no sleep, that's bad. He won't want medics around so we'll have to wait for him to come round and make sure he drinks plenty and rests. It really isn't easy having your life turned upside down," Jorel says, he starts pacing a little, glancing back to me and Danny every now and again. "Are the others still partying?" I ask him, watching as he gets his phone out. "They weren't before as we couldn't find a decent club but they won't be now. They are worried about him as much as we are," he says as he texts.
There are a few minutes of silence as Jorel sets his phone down and I still work on Danny's fever. "He hasn't told you has he?" Jorel asks eventually, his voice breaking that silence. "Told me what?" I ask, confused, was Danny supposed to tell me something? Am I missing something important here? "He will hate me for saying this but you needed to know before it eats him, one of the reasons, mainly the only reason he has been avoiding you is because he likes you, a lot and he is terrified of rejection," Jorel explains.
I take a minute to kind of crouch and study the perfect figure of Danny lying in front of me. I knew he was intimidated by me; I knew he was scared of me at first but I would never have guessed he liked me. The perfect brown eyes like melted chocolate, currently hidden behind closed lids. Then I moved to his lips, they looked so kissable, his small yet muscular frame which is amazing to cuddle when you need it.
I liked him back, that's why my girlfriend dumped me. She knew I looked at him the same way I looked at her and she got jealous, she didn't have to be so mean when it came to our daughter though. I'll have the last laugh, Ava refuses to call the new guy in her life daddy. She is a sassy baby, she will only call me daddy and I hope that lasts.
"I never knew he felt the same way, he doesn't have to worry anymore. I'll be there for him, he won't be in dark places anymore," I tell Jorel quietly. He smiles, "I know you will, I knew you would get together someday with or without my help," he says, putting a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "The guys are wasted; they won't respond to the text. Well they said they found a club." He says after his phone buzzed.
Jorel takes Danny's hand and Danny starts responding a little. He was starting to come round ten minutes after he fainted. His eyes slowly flutter open and he looks very disorientated. "hey buddy, welcome back, you fainted," I told him, keeping my voice calm and quiet. His eyes go from me to Jorel. "He knows Danny; you should have told us you were having sleeping problems. We can help you," Jorel says, squeezing the younger man's hand.
"I like you too Danny, if you were wondering," I said, kissing his cheek. He blushed and I saw the amazing melting smile I saw at the café which helped me fall in love with him. I played with his hair so he had the chance to process everything that just happened to him. His blush started fading but he looked deep in thought as he becomes less disorientated. I helped him sit up a little and Jorel helped him drink some of the water we had when we tried to break his fever which has now been broken and he should be okay.
"How are you feeling now?" I ask him, some of the colour had started to return to his cheeks but he still looked pale and ill. "tired, I love you George, I was so scared of it and the stress of the band and the hate didn't help so I guess I didn't get much sleep," he says, his voice quiet. "I know; I love you too. We will help you start sleeping again and ease some of the stress" I tell him, wrapping my arm around his waist.
I kissed his cheek but he moved so I ended up kissing him on the lips instead. Something neither of us seemed to mind. Our lips sealed and fireworks were going off in our heads. We had almost forgotten Jorel was still in the room, almost. "I ship it," he says. We break our kiss and turn to look at him, "ship it?" Danny asks, just as confused as I was. "It is when you like the idea of two people being in a relationship," Jorel explains.
So we are in a relationship now, we didn't need to ask each other. I feel like the kiss was enough and I'm sure Danny did too. "I like that idea," Danny says with a smile, looking up at me. "I like it too bear," I say kissing his temple. He is still smiling but then he yawns, he is still tired. He needs to go to sleep soon. "Come on sleepy, bedtime," I tell him. I pick him up and he doesn't struggle, he wraps his arms around my neck and snuggles into me.
"Night you two," Jorel says, smiling at us. It was actually late evening and Danny had been hiding from us all day, this was the first time I had seen him. Jorel went and talked to him briefly to say the plans for the day. "Night Jorel," I say, I was expecting Danny to say goodnight or something but when I looked to him, he was peacefully sleeping in my arms. He is to damn adorable, I'm so happy he is here with me and mine to care for.
I carefully get him changed and lie him down in his bunk. He didn't stir from that but I get the feeling he might do soon from lack of cuddle contact. I quickly get changed and lie down next to him, holding him close and covering him with the blanket. Jorel came in with my book and put it in my bunk. "Go to sleep if you want, I'll handle the drunkards tonight, let the adorableness which is Danny be your main concern for now," he tells me.
I smile, Danny will have a rocky start in this band, the hate will never truly go away but there was one thing I did know. He had his four brothers and his lover's support no matter what we go through during the next few years. He stirs in his sleep but it is only to cuddle into me some more. I am sure he will feel a lot better in the morning, he might be tired still but at least he has started sleeping again.
I love you Daniel Rose Murillo.
3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3~3
And that is another one shot done.
I hope you enjoyed.
I did the journal format again as I am really starting to like it.
I don't really know what happened during the beginning of the one shot but it got better as I starting writing more.
Please leave requests for me as many as you want.
I have two CS X DM one shots coming up so look out for those.
