A/N: So I know that you were all just a little disappointed by my last chapter, and I'm sorry. Here's what you were all waiting for.

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter or characters/

Chapter 7

"I had been keeping an eye out for any news on Voldemort, and I heard what he had promised to werewolves that had joined his side."

Remus scoffed, glaring at me coldly. "And so you automatically assumed that I would rush to work for him?"

I shake my head quickly, finding myself incapable of meeting my friend's gaze. "No. No Remus. My first thought was that you'd never believe a word of what he promised, and that even if he was capable of giving you all that said he would, the rights, the spells, the protection, that you'd never want it if it meant betraying your friends."

"So what changed your mind," Remus asked, and I could hear the bitterness in his voice, clearer than it would have been, since I wasn't looking at him.

"You stopped talking to me," I whispered, voice breaking at the end. "You stopped talking to me, wouldn't even look at me for more than a fleeting moment, and whenever I brought up Voldemort's name, you'd run out of here as if a stinging hex was hitting you right in the crotch."

Remus continued glaring at me, letting me know my explanation wasn't pleasing him in the least. "I didn't run out because you were speaking of Voldemort, Sirius. I ran out because every time you spoke of him, spoke of what he was offering, of what he was doing, you'd get closer to me, so close that I could feel the heat of your body, smell the scent of your skin, and I had to escape before I did something stupid, something I'd regret."

I flinch slightly, because his words were just another reminder that the only thing he had ever hid from me was how much he really loved me. "Look, Rem, I'm so…"

"Don't apologize again," Remus snapped, turning away from me. Don't apologize. I don't want you to say that you're sorry till I actually have a reason to accept it."

Crap, this definitely wouldn't be easy.

"Ok, fine Rem, no more apologies. Like I said, at first, when I first found out what Voldemort was promising to werewolves that would come and do his dirty work, I didn't even think about the possibility of you joining him. Every time I found out a new werewolf had joined "the dark side," as we have so deemed it, I'd feel a sense of pride, because one of my best friends just so happened to be a werewolf, and he was on our side, not this crazy for power maniac's that could possibly give him everything he deserved. But eventually, Remus, as the reports on werewolves grew in size and frequency, you stopped talking to me. You'd come to the Order meetings, then leave immediately, even after I had just gotten an owl from you hours before stating that you'd come and have a drink with me. You wouldn't look at me, you wouldn't talk to me, you wouldn't even touch me, when you use to hug me and pat at me at a regular basis."

"I told you why," Remus shouted, growing red with either rage or embarrassment.

"Yes, Remus, you told me why. You told me why just a moment ago, but I didn't know that last month, I didn't know that three months ago, when Dumbledore told us that he was sure that there was a spy amongst us, and that that spy, whoever it was, was selling us all out to the very man we were at war against. I didn't know that when Peter began talking about werewolves, and the fact that some of Voldemort's most trusted men happened to be dark creatures. I didn't know that you loved me when you suddenly disappeared during the night of a full moon two months ago, only to show up three days later, saying you didn't need Prongs or Wormtail or me anymore, that you found another way to keep yourself from being battered and scarred! I didn't know back then. The only thing I knew was that you were pulling away from us, and you wouldn't even explain why."

"And because of all that, you automatically concluded that I was a traitor?"

"Dammit, Remus! Stop putting words into my mouth. You have no idea how it feels. You have no idea how it feels to be in love with someone, only to have them push you away every time you reached out to help. You have no idea how much it hurt me every time you turned away, every time I tried to make a joke or something, just to hear you laugh, only for you to give me a strange look, and some lame excuse as to why you suddenly had to leave. You don't know how it felt, to have you look at me the way you some how would, to suddenly think that maybe, just maybe, I was making progress, only for you to clamp up as soon as my eyes met yours. You have no idea Remus. You have no idea that I love you just as much as you love me."

I saw Remus shoulders hunch out of the corner of my eye, before he finally turned to face me, and I relented before turning to do the same, and was surprised to see tears in his eyes.

"I guess I don't Siri, I guess I don't. But I do know what it feels like to have the person that you love most call you a traitor, to have the person you love call you disgusting and weak and a coward, and to have them look at you as if you're the lowest, foulest sort of slime. I know what it's like to have the ma I love more than anything in life think I'm a filthy beast, so forgive me if I can't quite believe you love me quite as much as you say you do."

I flinch as I remembered all those things I had called him on the night I found out that he loved me. Oh, how mistaken I was.

"Remus," I plead, reaching out for his hand. I wasn't really surprised when he flinched away. "Please, Remus, you have to understand. The only reason I thought you could betray us that way was because I heard of what Voldemort was offering, and everything he offered, you deserved. You work so hard Remus, and you deserve the rights werewolves are prohibited, and you deserve a way to get out of the pain you suffer. I know you'd never betray us, but you deserve everything Voldemort is offering. "

"I still wouldn't betray you, no matter what Voldemort offered. And you know he won't follow through with any thing he promises."

"I know, Remus," I whisper. "But please, understand."

"I do understand," Remus told me, looking at me with those sad, brown eyes of his. "I do understand, Sirius, and I think that that is what hurts the most. You took my pulling away from you as a sign of betrayal, when I only did it to spare myself the heart ache of rejection. I'm sorry if I hurt you Sirius, but you've hurt me so much more."

I watched as tears welled in Remus' eyes once more, making my heart ache. He's the strong one, I think guiltily, and yet look at what I've done to him. Remus rarely ever cried, and as I think back on it, the only times I've ever seen him shed tears is after I've managed to hurt him in some way.

I was a bastard. I didn't deserve Remus, but that wouldn't stop me from fighting for him, it wouldn't stop me from doing everything I could to make him happy.

"Remus, I know I've hurt you, and I know that I was completely wrong to think you'd betray us. I know you, and I know how loyal you are. Please Remus, you're sitting there, torn up over this misunderstanding, and I can't help but think if you'd just let me in, if you'd let me touch you and hold you like you use to, I'd be able to make it better."

"Or you'd make it worse," Remus whispered miserably.

I sighed. "Yes, I could make it worse. We all know how bad I am when it comes to thinking of anyone other than my self, but I love you Rem. I love you, even if everything that I've done, everything that I've thought in the last two months proves other wise. Just please Rem, forgive me on this, and let me show you that I didn't mean any of those things I said to you."

I watched as a shudder racked through Remus' body, causing him to shudder harshly, before he smiled at me softly. "I want you to show me that you love me too, Siri. Please don't hurt me again."

I nod, and reach for Remus hand. He didn't pull away this time.

"So you forgive me," I ask aoftly, fearing Remus' reply.

Remus shakes his head, but he's still smiling softly, so I know it'll be ok. "Not yet Sirius. Not yet, but I'll actually try to now, instead of being stubborn and trying to hold onto my pain."

"Does this mean we're together now. Like a couple or something, I mean."

Remus shakes his head again, and I frown softly. "We have to take this slow Padfoot. I don't want to be hurt again. But like I said, I'll try, and I'm sure you'll wear me down. And for now, I'll let you hold me, and touch me freely, because I know you need this just as much as I do"

I smile, softly nuzzling Remus' face. "You bet I will break you down, Moony. And really, I'm so, so sorry."

Remus nods, wrapping his arms around me. "I'm sorry too Pads. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have blocked you out the way I did."

"Just don't do it again," I say, hugging Remus back.

I sigh as I feel him relax against me. I knew now that everything was going to be ok.

A/N: ok guys. No time for a long closing note. I have to hurry before my aunt wakes up and catches me still up. It may be a while till the next update, cause I'm going into surgery tomorrow, but bear with me. I'll try to get back to you all soon.

Please review :D