Chapter 7: The Box
A/N Expanding on the comment about a box from Senior in 'Shell Shock Part 1'
Tony sat on the sofa with his coffee mug in his hands. Ziva watched as emotions flitted across his face, and then as he tried to bury them. He was failing miserably at hiding the raw emotion. "Tony," Ziva spoke quietly and gently. "I am here ready to listen when you are ready to talk." She placed a hand on his knee.
Tony stood up and brought the box from the corner of the room. He set it in front of where he sat on the sofa and stared at the flaps. Did he really want to go down this memory lane? He remembered words he had spoken to Ziva not so long ago: 'Bottling it up hurts you; talking it out gets it out.' Could he share this with her? Yes, he could; the post-elevator them shared.
Tony lifted the box flaps and took out the blue plush bear that was on top of the other stuff. He held it in both hands, and gently stroked the soft spot on its belly. Ziva watched him; this bear had some special meaning. She could also see why the bear she had won would trigger the memories. The two bears were nearly identical except that the one Tony was now holding was clearly well loved and worn from being held and loved by a child.
"My mom got me this when I was about three. She won it for me at a street fair. I slept with it every night. Mom always tucked me and the bear in and told me a bedtime story. When my father was home, after I had started school, I would hide the bear in a box under my bed so he wouldn't see it. He said that I was too old to have teddy bears when I was five. I hated when he was at home because he found fault with everything I did.
"When my mom died, I held my bear for three days straight. Dad threatened to take it away, so I hid it in a shoe box in my closet. Only the string of nannies and I knew that I still slept with this bear every night. It was like having my mom back near me. Dad came home drunk after one trip where he had been away for almost four months. I was about ten or eleven. He came in late, and I was asleep. He came into my room and saw me holding the bear. He grabbed it away from me, telling me to man up. I cried for my bear until the nanny found it in Dad's desk after he left for another long trip.
"When he sent me to boarding school, he had my entire room redone from paint on the walls to furniture to carpets. He took all of my toys away, including the bear and I never saw them again until the other day when I opened this box in the squad room. It was like he had stripped away every item and connection to who I was before I left for the first boarding school."
Tony pulled the bear to his chest and held it there. Ziva watched with tears in her eyes. Senior had been as cruel to Tony as Eli had been to Ziva when she was forced to give up all her toys to train for Eli. She put her hand on Tony's arm, and slowly stroked with her fingers. Tony looked at her with tears in his eyes. She opened her arms to him and he leaned into her hug, putting his head on her shoulder and letting the tears fall.
After about ten minutes, he sat up and wiped his face. He looked in the box and saw that almost all of the toys he remembered that Senior took away were in the box. His Batman cape, his bright yellow Tonka trucks, the plastic cowboys and Indians, soldiers and spacemen, and his old Kodak Instamatic camera were all there. Even his other stuffed animal, a small turtle, was in the box. Down in the bottom were some of his board games: Monopoly, Clue, Risk, and his first chess set. Underneath the games was a large envelope. Tony pulled it out of the box and placed it on the coffee table.
Ziva had moved to Tony's side, her leg touching his to let him know she was there for him. He drew strength from Ziva's presence and nearness. He knew that she cared just by how she touched him. He opened the envelope and dumped the contents on the table: photos, postcards, grade school report cards, a card made by Tony for his mother, and the bracelet that was on newborn Tony were among the contents.
Tony picked up the baby bracelet. "DiNozzo, baby M" it said on one side. On the other side were his birth date and time, plus his weight and length. He handed the bracelet to Ziva. She looked at the information, and commented, "Twenty-one inches long and eight pounds, fourteen ounces. You were a big baby." She smiled at him, and thought, 'I wonder if our children will be big babies.' "Why does it say 'baby M'?"
"Mom and Dad argued over my name; she wanted Anthony D. DiNozzo, Junior. Dad wanted to name me Carmine, after his grandfather. I'm glad Mom won that argument!"
Tony looked over the pictures, trying to put them into chronological order. He found several of himself as a baby, including one with a big toothless smile. Ziva commented that his smile had not changed one bit over the years. She liked the picture of toddler Tony sitting on his mother's lap, a big grin on his face and a sparkle of mischief in his eyes.
A picture of three year old Tony with the blue bear made Ziva smile. Tony was dressed in a sailor outfit, and he had the bear hugged to his chest. He was grinning his classic grin at the camera. She noticed that the bear was still by his side as he looked through the pictures.
Tony's kindergarten report card had some interesting comments, and 'NI' (needs improvement) grades. In the skills for kindergarten, the 'NI' appeared for all four grading periods in three categories: listens when others are talking, shares appropriately, and follows directions. Both Tony and Ziva laughed at that. "See, I was ALWAYS that way! Gibbs should see this," Tony joked. The comments section had the best one yet: 'Tony often shares references to movie plots when asked to contribute to the class discussion.' Ziva laughed out loud.
In his first grade picture, Tony was missing his two front teeth on top, but his hair was still lighter than currently, almost a blond color. In the later elementary school years, his hair had darkened to the current brown color. One comment from his fourth grade report card had them both laughing: 'Tony is an intelligent boy, but he forgets that he should find something quiet to do, such as reading a book, when his assignments are finished. Throwing paper balls and paper planes is not acceptable.'
In the school pictures from grade three and higher, Tony was wearing a tie and suit jacket. In the boarding school pictures, the jackets had the school crest on the left chest. Ziva noticed there were four different crests in the six pictures. "I got kicked out of three schools," Tony explained.
The card that Tony had made for his mom, a birthday card, showed two figures at a movie theater. He had printed 'I love you, Mom. Happy Birthday.' on the inside and signed it 'Anthony D. DiNozzo, Jr.' On the back, written in ink, was a date and Tony's age. Tony ran his finger over the writing, his mom's, and fell silent. Ziva watched him, and after seeing the date, realized that must have been the last birthday that his mother had been alive. She took his hand in hers and kissed the back of it. Tony looked at her, and whispered, "Thank you."
Ziva helped Tony put the pictures back in the envelope and they moved the box back to the corner. Tony picked up the two blue bears and put them side by side on Ziva's bookshelf, so that it appeared that the bears were holding hands. Ziva smiled, "Is that the post-elevator us?" Tony nodded and grinned, and then drew Ziva to him.
"Where were we when I got distracted?" He kissed her and led her to the bedroom.
