Chapter 7 - So, This Is Love

Author's Note: I'm really sorry for not posting for quite a while. Real life got in the way. But, here's an update. Hope you guys like it and really, thank you for sticking around.

Oh and yeah, this is still a Randler story. Rachel and Chandler end-game. So, seriously, if you don't like the pairing or can't stomach it or what not, please feel free to move on to the next story. There are a lot of stories out there that suits your preference.

Disclaimer: Friends. Not mine. Borrowed some lines though.

/

As they have agreed, Rachel and Chandler ate their lunch together again. They are on a different restaurant this time, agreeing to try a different restaurant everyday. It warms her heart that Chandler is planning something long term with her, even something as mundane as having lunch together everyday.

She is not sure though if having lunch with Chandler everyday will be good for her in the long run. The rational part of her thinks that she is playing with fire which she is sure will burn her to ashes in the end. But the other part of her, the part that is hopelessly falling in love with Chandler, refuses to give up the short time of the day that she gets to spend with Chandler alone. If or when she get burned in the end, she'd cross the bridge when she gets there. For now, Rachel is taking whatever she could get with Chandler.

"...what do you think Rach?"

"Huh? Umm, sorry what?" Rachel asked, feeling embarrassed that she was caught zoning out.

"Pay attention, Green!" Chandler snapped at Rachel.

Rachel just rolled her eyes at Chandler.

"What I was saying was, Ross was already having trouble with the other tenants of the building because he doesn't want to give a hundred bucks contribution for their building's handyman who will be retiring. What do you think? Should Ross just give the hundred dollars or like what he said, should he just stick to his principles?" Chandler continued.

Rachel took a sip of her drink first before answering "Well, I think if he wants his neighbor to like him then he should just pay the hundred dollars."

"Well, Ross said he's just gonna throw a party for everyone in the building then he's gonna sit them down and explain to them that he's not a bad guy but just a guy with principles." Chandler said, getting some fries from Rachel's tray.

"See, that's what I'm saying. Why don't he just pay the hundred bucks? The party's gonna cost him way more than that anyway" Rachel argued.

"Oh you know Ross and his principles" Chandler did the air quotes upon saying the word principles.

He stole some more fries from Rachel's plate again, causing Rachel to slap his hand. "Hey, stop stealing my fries!"

Chandler stuck his tongue out at Rachel first and continued "...and he's pretty confident that their neighbors would like him when they come to his awesome par-tay."

Rachel couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes at that and teasing Chandler "and that crazy party animal will be your brother-in-law."

"Very, very funny, but don't say things like that in front of Monica. I don't want you putting any ideas in her head."

The whole gang had been teasing Chandler and Monica since this morning. Well, it's more like they're trying to freak Chandler out by talking about marriage and kids. It was actually pretty hilarious the way Chandler freaks out.

There's a very small part of her that wants to rejoice at the thought that with the way Chandler is still freaking out at the talks of marriage and kids with Monica, that maybe they're not that serious yet and that maybe there's still a chance for her after all. Rachel immediately squashed that part of her though.

"Umm Chandler, you do realize that those ideas are probably already in Monica's head?" Surely Chandler already knows that, right?

"Wh-wh-why would she think that?" Chandler asked obviously already starting to freak out.

"Chandler why are you acting so freaked out? I'm telling you something you already know. Do you not know Monica? I knew Monica since we were in diapers. She had her wedding planned since we were 8. Come on, she broke up with Richard because she didn't want to have babies!' Rachel elaborated.

"I don't see it that way, okay? Because, I see two Monica's. The one that was my friend, who lives across the hall and wanted to have a lot of babies and then the new Monica, who I just started to date. Now, who's to say what she wants! I'm right. I'm right. Am I right?' Chandler tried to explain, frantic.

At that moment, it was like the shoulder angel and devil appeared on each of her shoulders. The devil telling her to milk Chandler's freak out for all its worth and use it as an opportunity to plant a seed of doubt in Chandler's mind about her feelings for Monica and the future of their relationship. It's telling her to freak him out more and to ultimately push him to end it with Monica. While the angel on her other shoulder was reminding her that these are her best friends and she can't do that to them. She can't get in the way of her best friends' happiness.

Rachel shook her head to clear the voices away.

"Am I right?!" Chandler asked again.

"No, you're right. You are absolutely right. I mean that makes everything different." She sarcastically answered.

"Okay it's not different at all, is it?"

"Not unless different means the same" Rachel rubbed her chin, pretending to be deep in thought about Chandler's explanation.

Chandler groaned and started banging his forehead on the table.

/

Later that evening, Rachel was sitting on their couch in their apartment, reading her latest copy of Vogue. She just came home from work and was waiting for the others to decide what to do for dinner, when Monica came storming in. Their door opened and closed with a slam, startling her a little. She looked up from the magazine she was reading and saw Monica's frowning face, "Hey Mon. What's up? Everything alright?"

"Hey Rachel. Do you have any plans tonight?" Monica greeted back.

"I was just actually waiting for you guys to know what we'll be doing for dinner."

"Do you wanna go out for dinner? Just you and I? We haven't been out just the two of us for quite a while" Monica invited Rachel.

Rachel knew right away that Monica and Chandler had a fight or something. She knew it's a last-minute invitation. Though it's true that they haven't been out just the two of them for quite some time because Monica has been busy with Chandler and she's been busy, well, crushing on Chandler, she is sure that going out with her for dinner wasn't really part of Monica's original plan for the night. She probably want to spend some time away from Chandler to cool off and to maybe talk to her about it. So, best friend duties it is then for her.

"Sure, Mon. Do you wanna go now?" Rachel put her magazine away.

"Yeah let's go now. What do you feel like having for dinner?" Monica asked her.

"Japanese? I'd like some salmon skin rolls." Rachel suggested, getting hungry at the thought of one of her favorite food.

"Japanese? Eh...How about our favorite Mexican place on the other block?" Unlike Rachel, Monica isn't really fond of Japanese food.

Rachel, as once described by Phoebe as a pushover, did not bother to insist what she prefers and just agreed with Monica. "That sounds good too. Let's go?"

/

Rachel doesn't know why but she actually feel nervous being alone with Monica. This is the first time that they have really been alone since she started having feelings for Chandler. She's worried that Monica would see right through her and be able to tell that she's in love with her boyfriend.

"Not that this is not nice, but Monica, what's wrong?" Rachel decided to ask Monica since she is still frowning and all.

"Chandler. Chandler is what's wrong!"

Rachel knew it!

"He's really pissing me off. I can't even look at him right now!" Monica said, annoyed.

"Why? What did he do now?"

"It's Chandler being his usual commitment-phobic self. He's freaking out because everybody was talking and joking around about marriage and stuff." Monica continued.

"But Mon, didn't you know this about Chandler even before you guys got into a relationship?" Rachel couldn't help but try to defend Chandler a little.

"Yes, I knew that about him. I mean, I knew he's going to do this at one point or another."

"Okay? So, what's making you mad then?"

"What's making me mad is he's freaking out because he thinks he knows what I want. You know I hate that Rach. He just assumed that I want all of that. Marriage and kids. He even accused me of having baby fever! Can you believe that?! He acted like he knew all that for a fact." Monica ranted, her voice getting louder and louder.

Rachel had to bite her tongue to stop herself from saying that they all do think that that is what she wants. She knows it would just piss Monica even more. She's thinking of what's the best thing to say when Monica said "Things like this, it makes me think if I made the right decision of getting into a relationship with Chandler."

Rachel was astounded and somehow confused. "What are you talking about Monica?"

What she really wanted to ask though was how could she even say those things!

"...you love Chandler, Mon! You guys are in love with each other, right? Right?"

"Yes, I love him and I know he loves me but I just don't think that he's ever gonna grow up. Do you think Chandler's gonna ever grow up and get over his fear of commitment...or...or...to maybe to ever stop freaking out at the mere mention of marriage or kids?!" Monica said, all riled up again.

All of a sudden, the angel and the devil on each of her shoulders seem to have appeared again. The one telling her to agree with Monica, tell her that she's right, that she thinks Chandler's never gonna grow up. Rile Monica even more. Water the seed of doubt that she couldn't believe was already planted in Monica's mind. Maybe push her to end it with Chandler.

While the other one was telling her to tell Monica what she really thinks. That Chandler is very much capable of growth, that he can overcome his fear of commitment, of marriage and kids. It is pushing her to defend Chandler and build Monica's confidence on him back again. Make sure that Monica will remain in love and continue to love Chandler, that he will remain loved by the one he loves, even if it wasn't her.

"Look Monica, you know Chandler. We know Chandler. He had screwed up before and he can screw up again, yes, but Mon he just needs guidance. Your guidance" Rachel started to persuade Monica.

"But I can't keep on being his relationship tutor. It's tiring you know. I mean, if he's too afraid to be in a real relationship then he shouldn't be in one." Monica argued.

"You're right but you gotta see too that he's really trying Mon. I think that he's better in relationships than he lets on and I really do think too that he can overcome his fear of commitment. For you." She tried to assure Monica some more.

"You really think so?" Monica asked, voice now soft and calm.

"Yes, I really do." She patted Monica's hand.

"Alright, but he needs to figure this one out on his own and besides I'm not yet done not wanting to talk to him."

"Oh of course" Rachel agreed, understanding exactly what Monica meant.

Monica went back to eating her food and then said, "So Chandler told me you're lunch buddies again."

Rachel's heart skipped a beat. She looked at Monica to try to gauge her reaction and see if there are any hint of suspicion in her voice or any sign that indicates that Monica's bothered with the fact that her best friend is having lunch regularly with her boyfriend. She knows that Monica would not deliberately tell her not to have lunch with Chandler anymore if she's bothered with that idea, but Rachel would have to stop it voluntarily if that would be the case. So she is hoping against all hope that Monica is okay with it because right now she doesn't think that she could give up yet that short time in a day that she gets to spend with Chandler.

"Umm yeah, kind of. Are you okay with it?" Rachel hesitantly asked, holding her breath while waiting for Monica's answer.

"Oh yeah, yeah sure, of course. You're friends too. Actually, I was thinking since you guys have lunch together everyday, maybe you can be his relationship tutor!"

"What? Why me? Monica, I'm not even it in a relationship right now." Rachel exclaimed.

"So? That doesn't mean you don't know a thing or two about relationships."

"I thought he needs to figure things out on his own?" Rachel remembered Monica's words earlier.

"Yeah but you also said that he just needs guidance. Besides, who knows me better than anyone else? You! You're perfect for it. You can help steer him to the direction that will not make him screw it up with me." Monica explained.

"Isn't that some kind of manipulation?" Rachel asked, dubious.

Monica thought for a moment then answered "Hmmm...okay fine, I mean you don't have to tell him exactly what to do and you know, all the time. Just help him out when he confides in you or when you know we're having some problems or something. Chandler is pretty transparent. He doesn't have to say anything but you'd know if something is bothering him or if he's upset or anxious."

"Okay. But you know you're right, Chand;er's pretty transparent and Mon, lately I can see that he's very happy. Happiest that I've ever seen him actually" Rachel sincerely said.

"Really, Rach? Well, despite this, I'm happy too."

Rachel can see tears in Monica's eyes. Happy tears.

"I'm really happy for the both of you." She really is. Her heart may be breaking but Rachel is still happy for her best friends.

/

The following evening, all of them minus Chandler were hanging out at the girls' apartment before dinner when Chandler came barging in the door, surprising them all.

"Where's Monica? Where is she?! I need to talk to her! It's urgent! Is she here?!"

All of them were just looking at Chandler like he had lost his mind. Monica was just right in front of him.

Monica raised her hand and said "I'm Monica".

Chandler approached Monica "I need to talk to you. It's urgent! Okay, I've been doing a lot of thinking about us, you know a lot of, uh, us thinking. And, uh, well I guess there's only one way to do this." He then got down one knee.

Monica understood right away what Chandler was trying to do and started to freak out."Wait what...wha-...what are you doing?"

Chandler took a ring from his pocket, still down on one knee. "Monica..."

"No, no, don't. Don't do it!" Monica interrupted Chandler, trying to stop him from proposing.

"Will you marry me?"

All five of them were in total shock. Phoebe covered her eyes, too embarrassed for Chandler and Monica. Joey and Ross was rendered speechless. Monica didn't know if she's gonna laugh or cry.

Rachel, she was stunned. "Oooh, I cannot look"

She didn't realize she said it out loud. She was too shocked to feel hurt at that moment. She didn't want to look at it but was just too stunned to even move, not even to cover her eyes.

"Chandler why are you doing this?" Monica asked.

"I don't know. But I know that I'm not afraid to do this." Chandler answered which earned him a disbelieving look from Monica.

"Chandler...?!"

"I'm doing this because I'm sorry?" Chandler hesitantly answered.

"Do you really think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry?" Monica asked him, exasperated.

"No, the best reason to get married is pregnancy. Sorry is pretty much fourth you know, behind being ready and actually wanting to get married. Will you be my wife?"

Rachel would like to think that Chandler was actually joking with his answers but it looked like he was actually serious about it.

Monica, who looked like to be really feeling incredulous with the words that came out of Chandler's mouth, knelt down to be on the same level as Chandler and told him "Chandler, umm, I want you to take just a minute and I want you to think about how ridiculous this sounds."

"Yeah, I'm kinda wishing everyone wasn't here right now" Chandler whispered to Monica. He was actually embarrassed.

Monica reached out to Chandler and said "Honey, do you know that none of those stuff came from me? I mean, I never said I wanted to have babies and get married right now!"

"Yeah I know, but I was really confused and then I talked to these guys..." Chandler pointed at Joey and Ross.

Oh that's why! Rachel thought.

Monica apparently thought the same. "Who? Two divorces and Joey?!"

"Hey!" Ross reacted.

"She's right you know" Joey commented.

"Yeah, but still, cheap shot!" Ross said, a little hurt with Monica's comments.

"Oh my God, what would you have done if I said yes?" Monica asked Chandler.

"Well I would have been happy because I would've been able to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. Or you would've seen a Chandler-shaped hole in that door."

Rachel didn't know if Chandler's answers made her want to laugh or cry.

/

Later that night, lying on her bed alone, Rachel thought out loud "So, this is what love is?"

She had loved Ross. He was, in fact, her first love. Yet, the love that she's feeling for Chandler right now seems to be very different from the love that she felt for Ross.

Rachel is not a bad person but she knows she's no saint either. She is definitely not the most selfless person there is. Growing up from an affluent family, she was used to getting whatever she wanted and wasn't really trained to share. Although she can confidently say that she had grown up and had changed ever since she ran away on her wedding day and became independent, she still have her bratty moments from time to time. She was after all daddy's spoiled princess. That's why this selfless love she's feeling is very new for her. She didn't know she can ever consider anyone's happiness over her own, that she'd rather herself get hurt than hurt them. Yes, them. She'd rather get herself hurt than to ever hurt Chandler and Monica.

She loves Monica. She's her best friend. She's family.

And Chandler, Rachel loves him too. As a friend and more. This selfless kind of love she never thought she could feel was all because of him.

He stirs a myriad of emotions in her, love as the most prominent. He is somehow changing her views on love. She knows though that loving him is wrong but, as the cliche goes, she just doesn't want to be corrected. Loving him entails sacrifices on her part, she knows that. Sacrifices that would never be acknowledged, would never be known by anyone, not by Chandler especially, to appreciate or thank her for. Loving him would bring on a world of pain. It's a love story with no happy ending.

Yet, somehow, she does not see herself giving up anytime soon. She couldn't even if she wanted to. And she just doesn't want to.

So yeah, Rachel guess, this must be what love is.

/

"There's no love without pain" - Irving Stone