Marriage Material – Chapter 7 The Stag Party
Claire POV
I gaze up through the wrought iron gate, peeking through the bars like an inmate wishing for freedom. It is a beautiful old church. Gothic. Brick with leaded windows. I am told the organ is amazing. Should I go in, I asked myself? It's early enough. I could sneak in and find a seat in the balcony or the back row. He would never know. I look around Church Street. Everyone in Inverness seems to be out today. It was a beautiful, sunny day. Not a cloud in the sky. Perfect for a wedding.
Shit, I tell myself. Keep running. Instead of listening to that smart little voice inside my head, I stepped up through the gate and jogged the dozen brick steps up. I tread lightly on the path that led to the church, like it would prevent anyone from noticing me.
I walked to the end of the path, passed the entrance to the church, stopping almost in front of the turret and watched the guest arrive. The time 10:35 am.
XXJAMMFXX
I had settled on my couch with a large bowl of buttered popcorn and a mineral water, wearing my favorite yoga pants and an old U2 2014 Glasgow concert t-shirt ofhis that he'd had left months ago that I'd never bothered to return. I cocooned myself in an old plaid of his that he left the night I removed the bullet from his shoulder and set a large box of tissues on the coffee table in front of me. Fred crawled into my lap as I prepared to watch any number of chick flicks to help me get through this night. First up, one of my all time favorites, Taming of the Shrew; the good one with Taylor and Burton. As wired as I was from today's A&E, I probably still hoped I wouldn't make it to the end. That I would just pass out on the couch.
When one of my favorite scenes came on... the one from the balcony, Katherina had just thrown the stool at her sister's suitors, Lucentio and Hortensio... there was a knock at my door. I had not ordered any take away so I decided to just ignore it.
A long pause then another much louder knock, more of a pound, like with a fist. I elected to ignore that one as well. The third was rather more like one long multiple pounding noise. Someone was using their fist.
"Go away. No one's home." I yelled.
"Ha, ha, Lass," the tenor voice shouted from the other side of the door "I ken yer there, now let me in."
"Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin Murtagh," I said. "Now, Go Away." I turned the volume up on the television.
There was cursing and fumbling about then a key turned the lock and the door opened. Shit, I had forgotten he knew where I hid my extra. Mental note to self... move key to new hiding spot.
And there was Murtagh, with a scowl across his face. "Are ya drunk?" He asked.
I raised the opened bottle of mineral water for him to see and said... "Stone Cold Sober. But the night is still young." I turned my head as he plopped his ass on the couch next to me. Fred looked up and blinked. "I know honey," I said as I scratched the top of her head. "The unpleasant furry man isn't staying. He has a party to go to."
"Have ye any beer?" He asked as he got up and walked to the kitchen. I heard the fridge open and glass clink, the utensil drawer opened and the sound of someone shuffled the drawer's occupants in search its contents. Murtagh must have found whatever he was looking for, for the next sound was that of the drawer slammed shut followed by the pop of a cap seal breaking. Two hear beats later he was seated back on the sofa, beer in hand, taking mouthful of popcorn.
"Sure, make yourself right at home. Help yourself to whatever you need." I turned and gave him a sarcastic smile as I threw him one of my crumpled paper napkins. "You know the bottle cap was a twist off, right?"
He narrowed his eyes for a split second. "Is that Jamie's shirt yer wear'n? The one he's been ask'n about for more than a month?" He responded and gave me that knowing half smile of his. "What are ye watching?" The part where Katherina and Petruchio are snarking it out in the barn is playing. Murtagh continued, "Taming of the Shrew? Really?" and his gaze shifted back to me.
"I like it. It's my flat. I choose." I said as I gave him an evil eye. "You don't like it, there's the door" and nodded my head toward it. "Don't let it hit you on the way out."
Petruchio gave Katherina such a look when she stormed away. I sighed. He was already smitten with her.
"To Jamie" Murtagh said as he raised his bottle and took a deep drink.
My body went ridged as I said nothing. I stared straight at the TV. I did not even blink.
"Why would ye not raise a glass te him?" Murtagh asked as he picked up the remote and turned the volume off. "Are ye no happy for him lass?" the evil little rat like man asked, knowing full well how I felt.
"Hey," I grumbled again. "I am watching that." Fred, not caring for my tone, hopped down off my lap and sauntered into the bedroom for some peace and quiet. "Traitor" I yelled after her.
"Yoo ken still watch it" he said. "I just turned the volume off so we could chat 'tis all" and sunk low in the cushions next to me, staring at the now soundless picture on the TV.
I turned to look at him. Without a doubt, I knew why he was here. Why he had come by my flat. I did not need to ask. Plain and simple, he came to talk me into going to the Stag Party with him. Why else? His tanned face, from being outside his whole life, was clean. Who knew Murtagh had freckles? His beard and mustache neatly trimmed. I noticed the wrinkles around his eyes and the grey hairs flecked through the dark brown hair that was neatly tied back in a queue. He wore a new button down, plaid shirt, a tie and jacket. And pants, my eyes opened a little wider in surprise. I could not remember the last time I had seen him in trousers. Shoes polished until they gleamed. He was certainly dressed like he was going. I sniffed. He'd pulled out all the stops for Jamie, had taken a bath, used soap and he was wearing cologne, as the subtle scent of Fierce reached my nose. "Gee Murtagh, you look and smell nice. Hoping for some action then, are you?"
"I was hope'n ye'd changed yer mind and come with me lass." He stated, staring at the TV, his hands played with the end of his tie and he said what he'd come here to say, "Claire, if you don't tell Jamie just how ye feel and he marries the lass…"
"The Black Widow" I interrupt. This would be the third marriage for Ms. Laoghaire MacKenzie MacKimmie. I was of the belief she had killed the first two off. Both were military men. One died in a conflict overseas. The other died in a hostage situation, leaving her with two young girls. Both of her doings, I was convinced. Jamie better watch his back, or he would be dead husband number three.
"Aye, that then." He agreed, to placate me and continued, "You need to tell him. Ye owe him that…."
"I don't owe him shit, Murtagh." I got my ass up off the sofa and stomped to the kitchen. I set the bowl of popcorn down next to the sink. Suddenly I didn't want it anymore. I needed something besides water for this conversation, but I could not have alcohol. I was on call for the hospital. Plus, I refused to get drunk over him. "Remember, he said there was room for secrets but not for lies. He said he wasn't in love with HER" I yelled. "Not a secret, a blatant lie. He is marrying her, isn't he?" I poured a tall seltzer and pomegranate juice, heavy on the ice. Maybe sugar could be a substitute for the alcohol. I broke out the Toblerone and set it on the counter, unopened.
"Aye, Claire, maybe ye don't owe it to him then but ye do owe it to yourself." He said to me as he followed me into the kitchen. "Try, Lass. One last, all out, 100% effort, at making the rock heid'd grommel understand just how ye feel about him."
"Murtagh, I love you, you know that," I stated as I sat on a kitchen chair. "Remember this table, Murtagh?" I asked as I rubbed my hand across the smooth, newly painted wood. I had found it at the local Charity Shop and you and Jamie came and helped me drag back and up the three flights of stairs to this flat. Remember?"
"Aye, lass. I remember" he said with a sigh.
"You know you are more than just a friend to me, Murtagh. I know I had Uncle Lamb, but what you and I have is not the same. Lamb was always working. Work was his life, I was just a extension of that. A responsibility to his brother. But you? I know Jamie is the reason you get up every morning. You are so proud of him. Every time you look at him there is so much pride on your face. You have helped raise him into this amazingly smart, strong, caring human being. You were there for him when his parents died and have been there ever since, for every milestone, every achievement, every promotion." I broke eye contact with him and played with my hands. "You know you make me feel the same way. Like I'm the daughter you never had. You care, you listen, you love me, almost unconditionally" I said and smiled. "Don't try to pretend that you don't. You would not be here now if you didn't."
Murtagh turned red. I think it's the only time I have ever seen the man blush. His foot kicked the leg of my table gently and he made a harrumph noise in the back of his throat. He came to me and placed a calloused hand on my cheek. "Aye Lass, I do at that." He placed a soft kiss on my forehead, then moved to lean against the counter, arms folded across his chest. Preparing to do battle.
"I will always be grateful for having you in my life." I continued having turned a little red myself but looked him straight in the eye. "But he lied to me, Murtagh. Jamie does not feel the same way about me as I do about him. Plain and Simple." My look begged Murtagh to understand and listen to me. "You know that in your heart," and I placed my hand gently above my heart. "Just because we, you and I, both want something, does not mean it should happen nor that it will happen. He loves HER. He chose HER. He is marrying HER. Nothing we can do is going to change that, Murtagh."
Murtagh made a grimaced face and harrumphed again.
"He only had eyes for her at the procession, you know that. You saw that" I reminded him.
It was a gorgeous day. One of the few rainless afternoons I can remember since I had moved to Scotland. Only a few puffy white clouds in the sky. Graduation from Officer's Training is a pretty big deal and they put on one hell of a show for the people that attend. All the big wigs were present, families, friends and loved ones. At the end of the exhibitions, Jamie had ridden Donas up to the stands and asked Laoghaire to come down and ride away with them. So romantic. Right out of a fairy tale. He was resplendent, dressed in full uniform, kilt and sword and dirk included. The earth tones of the tartan, against the auburn of his hair, mounted on this beautiful, midnight black beast that did not walk, but pranced. His majestic head, flowing mane and swishing tail. And those lovely, feathered legs dancing as he moved; it was like watching a Lipizzan performing dressage. Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, it took my breath away to see Jamie and Donas together as one. Every woman, married or not, in those stands wanted to run down there, climb on that horse and ride away with him, myself included, and his own fiance declined the offer; the stuff of dreams and the idiot SHE is, SHE doesn't go.
"You know Jenny, she just sat back and laughed at me while I sat there in the stands and mooned over her brother when he did that" I said shooting daggers at Murtagh.
"Ye'll never have him" Jenny said and smirked. "He'll never be yours. He'll marry her because she's a Scot and because I am happy with the choice. If he does'na marry soon, he won't ever have a family and he is meant to be a father. There will be no Sassenach blood in this Fraser Family Line. The Laird Broch Tuarach will have pure Scots for bairn" and she firmly nodded her head in satisfaction.
"I can't make this stuff up, Murtagh. That's what she said to me." I looked away from his face and down at my hands folded on the table. "I guess she'll be right as of this Saturday."
"Now Claire, you ken you ended up in the saddle with him. He brought you back to the stables with him" Murtagh reminded me.
"Oh yeah. That was really special." I said thick with sarcasm.
SHE turned him down cold. Embarrassed Jamie in front of everyone. Ok, maybe Donas had something to do with it. When she walked down to get on, Donas wouldn't let her anywhere near Jamie; tried to bite her every time she came within reach. God I love that horse. The audience laughed. Jamie was mortified. He tried to get Donas under control, to stop him, but couldn't. I actually thought I could help. That's why I went down. To keep Donas occupied while Jamie got Laoghaire situated. I figured she'd get on the bloody horse if I went down to help. Donas nuzzled me but the minute she put her hand in Jamie's, Donas turned and bit her then went right back to nuzzling me. Laoghaire stormed away from the stands and the field. Screamed and left. A large, wet, bite mark on her ass, plain as day.
So who ended up saving who? Jamie, being Jamie, one of the reasons I truly loved the man, rescued me, instead of my rescuing him. He smiled that amazing smile of his, and held his hand out to me. Oh God, I know I am 900 shades of red. I just want to crawl under a rock and die. But I can not say "No" to him, not now. He can not be turned down by his fiance and a friend both. I could not do that to him.
So I held my head up, as Donas nibbled on my jacket sleeve, and ask, "Do you want to take me in the Front or in the Back?"
Jamie, being Jamie, threw his head back and laughed. Loudly.
Suddenly, as laughter ensued, I realized what I had said. Oh God, how many people heard that? I turned another 300 shades of red, lower my head and started to back away.
Donas gripped my jacket in his teeth.
"Sassenach." Jamie said in that voice that sounds like smooth, aged whisky and held out his hand to me. "Come. Come to me."
I stepped forward, whispered "thank you" as his hand guided my ass into the space between his thighs. And if that touch wasn't enough, he wrapped his arm firmly around my waist and pulled me tightly against him. He patted Donas' neck, "tha deagh ghille ann (there's a good lad), turned him and we rode away... away from Jenny, away from the stands, away from the stables, away from everyone and everything. We couldn't go far enough for me.
"I know he explained everything Murtagh. How he thought he loved her but realized he didn't. Said he couldn't, not after meeting me..." I took a long, deep breath and wiped away my tears. "But that was two months ago and look where we are. In the same place with Jamie still engaged to Laoghaire. Getting married in two days, no less. So, Thank you but no, I do not think I'll be going to his Stag Party. Have fun and good bye."
"Claire, did ye no think that Jenny may not ken Jamie's heart. He does'na tell her everything. No lad tells his sister everything." Murtagh sighed. "What she wants for Jamie, may no be what Jamie wants or needs. Maybe yer getting up on that horse was just what he wanted all along. Did ye no think of that?"
"You don't think I've played that whole thing over in my head a hundred different ways, Murtagh? There was no way Jamie could have known, let alone gotten Donas to do what he did... so that always leads back to Jamie salvaging a bad situation. That's all there was to it. Let this go, please, for my sake. While I still have some of my pride intact." I pleaded with him. Set my hands in prayer for him to see.
Then the bastard said the one thing that he knew would make me get up off my ass, get dressed and go. He said, "Jamie asked for me to bring ya, Lass. He wants ya there." and then the Bloody Bastard smiled. I rescind my original comment; I did not love Murtagh, I hated him, with every fiber of my being.
"Shit, Murtagh," I said as my defenses crumbled to the floor. "It's a Fucking Stag Party. The whole bloody team will be there. I will be the only woman there in clothes, you know that, right?"
Murtagh just smiled and nodded his head. "It will make Jamie notice ya for sure, then. He's always noticed ye because yer not like the rest of the lasses he kens. We need to use that to our advantage." He knew he'd won. I was going to go.
"This is going to be an unmitigated disaster, mark my word, Fraser. I said sadly, shaking my head. I hope you have a fire extinguisher on you. Because we, my fine friend, are going down in flames" and I gently pulled his beard.
Murtagh selected my dress and shoes. The dress bought Once Upon a Time Ago, in the hopes that Jamie would ask me out over Christmas/New Year's holiday in another two months. Now it will never happen because he will be a married man. Might as well wear it tonight. At least Jamie will see me in it.
The dress was a Michael Kors that I purchased when I was shopping for the Soiree with Gail. It was Christmas red with a jacquard floral print. About three inches above the knee, Straight skirt, fitted top, with darts that started and the waist and ended just under each breast, accentuating them. I needed all the help I could get. The neck was slightly scooped and allowed you to see a hint of the clavicles. Just a hint, no more. Capped sleeves. From the front it appeared to be a nice, conservatively cut dress. The back had all the action. There was almost no back to this dress. It made a plunging V from the top of the shoulders that ended at the waist with a large bow and a 3" slit in the skirt so one could actually walk. I had four inch smoke'n black Jimmy Choo stilettos with peek a boo toes and matching black clutch purse.
Murtagh approved my make-up, minimal – 0nly mascara, flaming red lipstick, and hair, down and uncontrolled, just the way Jamie liked it. A cup of coffee later and dressed to the 9's, I kissed Fred goodnight. We were out the door, in a pumpkin carriage called Uber and on our way. Even I knew I looked hot.
We arrived at Jamie's favorite local bar. Of course that's where this would be. Where the staff knew me, because I had been here several times to meet the team for drinks, and they all knew Jamie's team. Even some of the bartenders called me by name. Great. I was going to embarrass myself in front of everyone. I accepted the fact that, before this night was through, I would never be able to frequent this bar again. Ever.
"You know, I could have worn jeans and a t-shirt and at least be comfortable" I growled at Murtagh. "If I am going to be totally miserable on the inside, I could have at least been dressed agreeably on the outside."
There was a group of guys exiting the bar just as we pulled up. Three out of four gave me an appreciative look as I walked by, one even threw a whistle my way. The fourth held the door open for me. "If you'd like to loose your grandfather, I'd be happy to buy you a drink." he tossed at me and gave me a toothy smile. That gave my courage a slight boost, enough to get me through the door.
"Claire? Claire is that really you? Sean called out from behind the bar. "You clean up pretty good lass. Why are you so dolled up..." and suddenly he stopped talking and glanced toward the back of the bar. He knew why. He looked back at me and gave me a nervous man's attempt at a smile then broke eye contact as he turned to hand someone the beer he'd just poured. He never looked back. At least I knew where to find Jamie.
I stopped, looked desperately at Murtagh and tried to pull my arm free. "Please, Murtagh" I pleaded, "even Sean knows this is a really bad idea." Jamie hadn't seen me yet. I could still leave with my pride in tact. Instantly I felt a hand on my back. Not Jamie's, I could always tell when it was Jamie's touch; there was always that little electrical charge that ran through my body. I stiffened. Then, just as suddenly, there was Ian standing in front of me, smiling.
"Claire," He simply stated, "You look beautiful. "For Jamie?" he quietly inquired. "You gonna to finally tell him?"
If looks could kill, I'd have killed Murtagh right then and there. He would have been dead before he hit the floor "You know?"
Ian nodded. "We all do."
"We?" I hoped against all hope.
"The team, the hospital, the bar, the entire world just about." Ian spoke softly as he gave me one of those smiles that had endeared him to me when he was my patient. "Anyone that has ever seen the two of ye together. 'Tis the way ye look at him. Ye have a glass face, Claire. If Jamie weren't such a clot-heid, he'd know it too," he said as he rubbed my arm.
"Please Ian, explain to Murtagh here why this is an imbecilic idea and let me leave before I totally humiliate myself in front of everyone I care about." I closed my pleading eyes and prayed.
He chucked my chin and made me open them again. He looked at me with a understanding softness and smiled, his wonderful, I love my wife kind of shit silly grin that husbands sometimes get when they watched their wife sooth their injured child. "Claire, you are one of the most amazing lasses I have ever had the good fortune to call a charaid. You look bonnie tonight and mo bràtherair is a fool for not seeing you for the true treasure that ye are. Come sit with me. I'll buy ye a glass of the good stuff for being so braw and come'n all this way. Ye have the heart of a lion. Come, let us share a drink and innis dhomh do chridhe (tell me ye heart). Then I'll drive ye home myself, for I'll be want'n to leave the clot-heid's party myself for not pick'n ye for my sister-in-law.
"We'll just go find us a booth then, aye Ian?" Murtagh said as Ian made his way to the bar to fetch the drinks. "I'll have whatever she's hav'n since ye buy'n," Murtagh added.
Ian laughed, gave Murtagh the finger and kept walking.
I smiled as I watched Ian walk away, I realized just how far he had come since that accident. He was walking on his new prosthetic, without the aid of a cane or crutches. He had come a long way in the very span of three months. I smiled. He was truly the braw one. I was a cowardly lion.
Murtagh, afraid that I might bolt, held my hand as we moved forward, in search of an available table. Further into the bar; deeper into the belly of monster. As we walked, I scanned the room. The Pig and Whistle wasn't terribly large as bars go and yet I saw no sign of Jamie; the 6' 3" red-headed Scot was almost impossible to miss, even in a crowd. He must be here somewhere, doing God knew what. I reminded myself that it was a Stag Party. The further toward the back, the louder the chants of "More, More, More" became. Murtagh continued to steer us in that general direction. When we finally entered the back room, it became clear what all the commotion was about. I found myself standing still as a statue, as I watched a very drunk Jamie attempt to kiss a young woman wedged tightly between his thighs. His large hands had a firm grasp on the female's ass, barely covered in what must be the shortest skirt on record. When he gave up trying to kiss her and tried his damnedest to place money in places I'd dreamed of him touching me, I realized the team had chipped in and gotten him a lap dance. After he managed to place the note in her partially exposed bra, he grabbed her ass and pulled her scantily clad body toward him, so quickly that she fell forward, both extremely large breasts slapped him in the face. He buried his face in them while she grabbed the back of his chair to keep herself from completely falling forward. I whimpered. Loudly apparently, because Murtagh suddenly turned and looked at me. Damn, I'd have practically paid Jamie to do any one of those things to me.
"Doc" someone shouted. Several of the team members turned and noticed me for the first time. Led by Rupert and Angus, they begin to make cat calls and lewd hand gestures in their nether regions at me.
"Very Funny Guys. Regular Comedians" I shouted and nodded my head. I knew a few of these guys were married and some had steady girlfriends. But it is Team First so I bit my tongue and did not reprimand any of them. They needed a night to blow off steam with the kind of work they did. They couldn't take it home. Every mission they laid their lives on the line. Sure I was Doc, but I was also the girl they left behind. I saw it in their eyes, my being there reminded some of them of that. I did not think that was fair. I should not be here. I knew I had to leave. I tried to leave, once again. This time I almost completely turned around before Murtagh grabbed me with his free hand.
"One drink. Ye promised Ian." Murtagh reminded me and I was prevented from leaving, yet again, but my back was to the party, The Team has their privacy back and I could no longer see Jamie. My position had improved, or so I thought.
"Can we get a table in the front of the bar at least, Murtagh. I need to give the guys some down time, without eyes..." and I gave him a stern look.
Rupert shouted from across the bar, "Hey Jamie, the Doc's here. All dressed up with a pretty bow on her arse for yoo." He laughed at himself then shouted, "If Jamie is 'na interested in swiveling ye Doc, come over here and let's see what I can do for ye." Rupert reinforced the suggestion by gyrating his pelvis at me lewdly.
I knew enough to just flip him off. I didn't need to turn around to know what he had done behind my back. "Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, Murtagh," I snarled. "Just let me the fuck go already."
Rupert, at the site of my gesture, roared with laughter. Glad someone was having fun.
Murtagh shouted, "Jamie, ya wee idiot. Claire's here, just like ye asked. Aren't ya gonna come say Hello?"
Why I turned around, I'll never know.
Jamie stopped placing money in the infinitesimally small bra of the woman between his legs and looked up. "Doc's here? Where?" and he started to scan the room. His eyes passed right by me as he did. Never even saw me. The lap dancer, gyrated and swiveled and pushed Jamie's head back into her breasts. He laughed and went back to whatever he was doing. I really didn't want to learn what. I was fast approaching the I Don't Shit Stage about our non-existent relationship, anyway. He was beyond drunk and I needed to leave.
"I'm done." I said to Murtagh as I got up and headed for the door.
Murtagh, realized I was serious about leaving, shouted "Jamie, man!" and grabbed my arm in one last attempt to keep me there.
It was very apparent to me just how inebriated Jamie was. I would never see him again after tonight. I didn't want my last images of him to be like this. I felt so stupid, so gullible. It had been a really bad idea to come. I had known it would be, yet I let myself be talked into this because I wanted Jamie that badly. Shame on me. "Let go of me." I snarled as I turned and gave Murtagh The Look – the, I'm going to make you bleed if you don't let go of me now, look.
Murtagh, shocked, loosened his grip. I jerked free, spun on my heels and almost broke my neck when I lost my balance in the turn. I turned right into Ian returning with the drinks. I had to catch myself using the shoulder of the guy sitting behind Murtagh.
"I love you, Ian. I truly do. I really wish you were going to be my brother-in-law, but you aren't, so sadly, this is goodbye" and I kissed his cheek. I had not even stayed long enough to take a sip of my scotch. "Give it to Jamie. Tell him I offered him one last drink as a good-bye" and off I wobbled toward the door as fast as I could without breaking my neck.
Murtagh, god bless him, tried one last time, exclaiming loudly, "Jamie, I brought Claire like ye asked, and now she is leaving, ye clot-heid. Do ye no have no'thing ye want to say to the lass? This is yer last chance, ye ken."
I almost made it. Two step more and I'd have been out the door, when I heard Jamie bellow, "Sassenach, where are yoooo?" I stopped, like the love crazed idiot that I was. Like Ulysses when the Sirens called, I turned. Where was wax for my ears when I needed it? And like any good soldier being led to stand before a firing squad, I stood tall, straightened my shoulders, looked straight ahead and walked back to him.
Murtagh, downed the shot he was holding in one swallow. He took the one from Ian's hand and swallowed that one too as they watched me walk by. Eyes tracking me the entire death march.
"Mo Neighan Donn, don't go, pleeeaaassseee," Jamie pleaded in a voice that sounded as if his soul was being ripped from him.
I stopped. My brown haired lass, was that what he just said? I'd heard the phrase before, but it's the please that ripped my heart from my chest. My breath caught like a lump in my throat. I couldn't swallow. I couldn't breathe. My heart was pounding in my chest, painfully. I knew I shouldn't go to him but I couldn't stop myself. I looked up and there he was, making his way toward me, with a ground eating gate and that goofy, half smile thing he did with his lips, that made me love him the way that I did. My heart had become an Olympic Gymnast in my chest; I felt every flip, spin and jump it made as he closed the distance between us. He stopped right in front of me, then reached and tucked a curl behind my ear. I closed my eyes as his fingers skimmed my cheek. I lifted my chin and readied myself for his kiss. The next thing I knew, he grabbed me, with both of his lovely, large, strong hands on my ass and lifted me up from the floor and into his chest.
My eyes flew open. That was not what I expected. At all.
"Oh my, Jamie." And I giggled. Why did this man unrest me so that I reduced myself to a love sick teen, and giggled? I rested my forearms on his very broad shoulders and started to run my fingers though his hair. I am sure my glass face told him exactly how I felt. What I'd forgotten was that he was too drunk to care, let alone be able to read it.
He started to knead my ass with his fingers like it was bread dough. I sighed, looked into his gorgeous blue eyes and started to lower my lips to his. There was absolutely no one else in the bar right now. Just me and…"
"Doc, I am soooo verrrra glad ye came. My heart is full of joy for it." His breath was rank and blasted me straight in the face. All forms of alcohol assaulted my senses. A mind sobering experience that an entire roll of breath mints would not even have begun to help correct. He then decided to let go of me and I dropped to the floor like a deployed bomb. "Gee, ye sure look lovely," he slurred as he patted me on the head like a good dog. He then turned and walked away, screaming "Frank, paging Frank Randall. Where are ye man?"
I almost fell on my ass when he dropped me. I am not good with heels walking, certainly not when I am dropped more than two feet. Luckily, I am a cat that landed on her feet though I reached out and grabbed the nearest shoulder to keep myself from falling to my knees. I bent over to adjust the shoe that almost fell off as the shoulder turned around. This fairly handsome guy attached to it, looked down at me and smiled. Then he did this thing with his tongue and his lips. I guess it was a signal he liked what he saw…though I am unclear. It's true meaning was open to interpretation.
I put my foot down, stood up straight and started to back away. Every step back I took, he took one forward. We did this three step tango kind of thing, then I stopped, extended my hand, palm facing him and said, "Ok, I'm sorry. I am with the Groom," and took my purse and swung it behind me in a directional gesture toward Jamie.
"Sassenach, what are ya do'n? Flirt'n? Stop that, aye?" Jamie was back and grabbed my extended arm by the wrist. Firmly. Possessively. He growled, "Hey, she's spoken for," to shoulder guy and poked him in the chest with his index finger. He pulled me with him as he strode toward the back of the bar. Jamie used his normal stride, while I did a run/shuffle kind of gait to keep up with him, in a very tight dress and heels. If Ginger Rogers could do it in heels and backwards, I could certainly manage forwards. We were headed to the back of the bar. Alone time with Jamie, perhaps, as my thoughts went wild with ideas, as he dragged me along. I smiled even as I tripped and stumbled and fast stepped my way in an effort to keep up with him. It was all good. I was fine. I was beyond fine. I was euphoric as my mind created possible scenarios and played them out in my head, all of which ended with us happily ensconced in a bed. Oh, Murtagh, dear, sweet Murtagh had been so right. Jamie loved me. My head was in the clouds. This was finally going to happen. I was being led away, to a back room, where we would declare our love for each other and he would call off the wedding with Laoghaire... and there would be a heart shaped bed, champagne and doves and...chocolate and... and suddenly we had arrived. And Jamie stopped. And where, instead of being alone, I found that the room he had brought me to have what I considered to be a life changing conversation and consensual petting at the very least, was crowded. Filled with a great many more men, all playing darts and billiards and drinking and having very loud conversations.
So, not alone time then... the champagne disappeared along with the doves and chocolates and heart shaped bed with a mirror on the ceiling. Crash.
"Frank. Frank Randall." Jamie practically shouted as he looked around the room.
"Who are you looking for Jamie?" I stupidly asked.
"Frank." He answered looking at me with a very drunken smile on his face. Suddenly he waved his free hand while he held onto my wrist with the other.
He was inebriated. He had no earthly idea what he was doing. You're an idiot, I told myself. I tried to step back, away from him, all the while twisting my wrist, to gain my freedom.
Still scanning the room, his grip tightened as he felt me attempt to free myself.
"Owww. You're hurting me, Jamie" I told him. "Let go of me." I tried to sound commanding as I attempted to extricate myself.
Jamie looked at me. His face soft and loving and happy as his eyes scanned me from the top of my head to the tips of my shoes. Pausing, I swear almost longingly, at several points along the way.
This was wrong. Something felt really wrong. Like at the Soiree, it did not feel right. I didn't want to be here anymore. "Let go of me, Jamie. Please. You. Are. Hurting. Me." I spoke firmly as I tried to pry his fingers open. I looked over my shoulder, trying to find Murtagh or Ian. "Murtagh" I called out. "Ian. Help!"
"Nice dress, Sassenach. I'd forgotten how well yoo clean up. Verra bonnie. And legs, verra nice legs, lass. Have I ever seen them?" he asked with what I wanted to think was a bit of a growl. "Frank Randall!" He called out again. He returned his focus on me and grabbed the skirt of the dress and pulled it up, almost exposing my very small, very lacy, black knickers. I had purchased and worn them just for him and he was never going to see them if he kept this behavior up. I slapped his hand, hard and pulled the dress back down. All he had managed to do thus far was piss me off. Who the bloody hell was this Frank he was screaming for? This was not going the way Murtagh said it would. The way I hoped. The way I had expected. Not one little bit.
"Oww" Jamie said surprised and let go of the dress. He straightened and stood to his full 6' 3" height and glared at me. "What'cha do that for?" He was imposing. And just as quickly, he was all smiles again. "Yoo play'n?" He asked with a impish smile.
I heard a strange "Hi" and turned to face a very clean cut gentleman dressed in what I assumed was a very expensive, all-be-it boring, brown, suit, minus the jacket. I was quite sure it had an equally nice a hat and a leather briefcase that went with it, somewhere around here. He had on a starched, white, oxford shirt and a matching, equally boring, brown tie.
"Oh God" I whispered out loud and tried hide behind Jamie.
Jamie, in response put his hand on my back and pushed me forward, toward Frank.
Frank looked at Jamie, then to me. He looked me in the face and smiled a very pleased, very happy, very drunk smile. This Frank was not at all sober either, though not nearly as shit faced as dear, soon to be dead, Jamie. Frank was about my height, maybe a little taller and stood steady on his feet, not swaying like the idiot that just practically pushed me into the arms of a complete stranger. Frank was of slender build and did not appear to be athletically inclined, unless maybe it was a weekend match of tennis or cricket. His hazel eyes, looked pleasant enough as he took in my facial features. His dark brown hair was cut short, his face without whiskers or side burns. An academic of some kind. A Uni professor most likely, I'd have guessed.
Frank said "Hi."
"Hi," I responded back and looked quickly around for Murtagh. I knew he could not be far. "Murtagh" I squeaked. No sign of him. "Ian" I attempted in desperation.
I turned back to find "Frank" quite obviously, giving me the once over. I could tell he was a leg man because he slowly took in my legs and a breast man for he paused there as well. Finally, he's eyes were back, resting on my face. He clearly did not approve of my very red lipstick, his nose scrunched when he looked at my lips and really did not like my hair. His face actually twitched when his eyes moved around it, taking it's chaos in.
"Murtagh!" I yelled out. "Ian? Please..." I begged.
Slowly this Frank allowed his eyes to wandered back down from my face, paused briefly at my breasts where he licked his lips then bit his lower lip – all things I had hoped for... that I had pictured Jamie doing, not this stranger. He continued down until he reached my shoes. He returned to my face for the third time and smiled again. "This is her, Jamie?" Frank spoke. "Wow, you really understated the package. She is really quite lovely."
Like I wasn't even here. Murtagh Fraser was a dead man was the only thought I had in my head. I would kill him for this. I was no longer a little confused about this Frank thing; my head was coming out of the fog… I reached up and smoothed my hair from my face. I had a knot in the pit of my stomach. My gut churned. I knew exactly what Jamie was about to say and closed my eyes tightly as he began to speak…
"Dr. Frank Randall, I'd like to introduce you to my co-worker, Dr. Claire Beauchamp."
Co-worker. That was the word he used, selected, chose... was all that played in my head. Over and over again.
Not missing a beat, Jamie continued... "Claire, this is Dr. Frank Randall. He's an historian with the University in Glasgow." When he stopped, I opened one eye and Jamie was standing there with a huge, shit eating, grin on his face. If he didn't still have control of my right hand, I'd have slapped him. Hard. Right across the face. He'd be saying his I do's with a bruise in the shape of my hand on his face.
The idiot had only paused for air... "Ye ken he's a doctor and yer a doctor, Claire? Though he's no a medical one like you... his is a PhD. Frank's English and yer English. He's from Suffolk and I weelll, I do'na ken exactly where you are from, except that it's in England somewhere, like Frank here. Your uncle was an archaeologist and Frank's a historian..." Jamie seemed very proud of this find of his.
Instead of choking him to death, which I seriously considered, I sighed and looked at this Doctor; this Very English, Historian, Frank Chap. I closed my eyes in a feeble attempt stop the tears that were welling in my eyes. The part of this nightmare that truly hurt, besides the fact that Jamie clearly did not have any idea of how I felt about him and that he certainly never wanted me, was that this was the type of man Jamie wanted to set me up with. The one he thought I was best suited for and would like. He had even listed the very reasons he thought we should be together. Tears started to roll down my cheeks.
I tried to gather my thoughts as to how to respond, to explain there had been a rather large misunderstanding to Frank. I felt Jamie's finger glide down my very exposed spine. "You're no' wear'n a bra, are ya Sassenach?" He asked as he looked at my profile. He was standing beside me, his body facing mine, his groin pressed into my hip, and not the least bit excited to be there either. His warm breath caressing my exposed neck as he waited for my reply.
I took a deep breath, looked Jamie in the eye and sharply responded, "No Jamie. No, I'm not. Thank you for pointing that out. I had quite forgotten." I closed my eyes and sniffled. When I opened them to look at my new acquaintance, I spoke. "Dr. Randall, is it then?"
Frank reached into his vest pocket and handed me a handkerchief. A clean, white, starched and ironed handkerchief. I did not realize anyone still carried them any more. My Uncle Lambert was the last man I knew that had. Frank tilted his head and looked at me with sad, sympathetic eyes and a weak smile. He acted almost sober and was astute enough, it seemed, to understand what was going on. We had both been duped by the Large, Drunk Scot. Well, we had one more thing to add to Jamie's list of our commonalities.
I barely noticed that Jamie had let go of my wrist and moved to stand completely behind me. He had discovered the back of my dress. Where all the action was. I felt his finger touch my back, tracing the V cut of the dress back. I closed my eyes as I felt him untied the bow, hook a finger at the waist and pulled it out, away from my body. I felt his forehead rest against my bare back and knew he was looking down. "No bra, are ye no' wearing any knickers either?" He inquired. "Oh, wee black, lacy ones," his voice said excitedly "a thong." I swear I thought I felt his lips brush my back in a hasty kiss. "I'll bet they're bonnie." I felt his finger run along the top of the T-back. "This is quite a nice dress Sassenach," he said as he ran a hand over my ass. When he was done, he gave one cheek a light pat. "You have a verra lovely, round arse, too. Verra nice indeed."
I stood stock still and dabbed at my tears. My makeup had to be ruined, not that I cared at this point. "I am truly sorry Dr. Randall, for my friend's misunderstanding." I spoke to Frank as I raised my chin. "I think it is obvious to almost everyone in this bar that my heart belongs to another and the idiot is totally oblivious to my feelings for him. He is, however, due to be married and off the market in several days, so my situation will change." I stopped talking and closed my eyes as Jamie ran his hand over my ass again. He grabbed the two sash ends and attempted to re-tie the bow. I turned completely around to faced him, my eyes full of anger and humiliation. I pushed him. He, stumbled backward a step or two and looked up at me in utter confusion.
"Stop Jamie" I stated firmly and looked him in the eye. "Don't. You. Dare. Touch. Me. Again." I poked my index finger at his chest in added emphasis.
I think it was the tone I used, rather than the words themselves, that made him look back up at me. I watched as his face registered his error. He finally got it.
"Are ye cry'n Sassenach?" he asked softly.
Then again, maybe he would never understand, I thought and sighed. I ignored Jamie and focused on Frank. "As I was saying," I continued. "I am not really ready for a relationship right now. Do you have a business card? Perhaps I will be up to dating in a couple of months. I could ring you. We could maybe meet for a coffee sometime? At this very moment I am seriously thinking of relocating. Perhaps the moon. Do you travel?"
Frank's face was nothing but kindness. He smiled while nodding his head and said, "I think I'd really like that Claire. Please, do call me. I look forward to hearing from you," and he handed me a business card from his wallet.
"I am afraid I must be going now," my voice past cracking and was starting to shatter. "My coach will be turning back into a pumpkin at any moment. I will owe you a handkerchief when we next meet." I tried to smile but that wasn't going to be possible as my eyes started to rain tears.
"Consider it a gift, Claire." He said in kindness. "It has been a pleasure meeting you. I will look forward to the next time," and he gave me a slight bow.
I could not find it in me to be angry with Jamie any more. I just wanted to go. I needed to leave. I turned, slowly so I didn't wobble, and walked away. Passed Jamie. Passed the team that had all gathered to watch, perhaps thinking things might have ended differently, I suppose. They separated and gave me an aisle that led directly to the exit. I held my head high and I did my best to walk away with some micro-millimeter of my dignity. I felt the untied sash of my dress brush against the back of my legs as I walked. Just before I left the back room I heard...
SLAP and all the power behind it as Jamie's large hand made contact with Frank's back.
"Told ya she was a bonnie one." I heard Jamie's voice pronounce. "Fierce, witty and smart too. No' just a Doctor, a Surgeon. Ye brought her to tears, ye did." There was a pause then Jamie began again, "Women cry at the funniest things, do they no'? She give ya her number then, did she?" Again another pause. Perhaps Frank responding. "She sure got all dolled up to meet ye."
If Frank responded, I did not hear it nor did I care.
I held a hand up to Murtagh as I walked passed him. A flat palm. STOP, it screamed, DON"T say a word to me. I could not even look Ian in the eye as an uncontrollable sob, that wracked my body, caused me to stumble in front of him. He started to reach for me, but, like any good husband, he understood that I absolutely did not want to be touched right now, even if I fell. I focused on the door and suppressed the silent storm brewing inside me. My humiliation was complete. I did not let the door hit me in the ass on the way out.
As I walked away I thought, I could never look any of these people in the face again. What in the world was I going to do now?
Half way up the block, I answered the page. The A&E. They needed me. I hailed a taxi and went straight there from where I stood. When I arrived, I changed into my scrubs and clogs, turned off my phone and placed it in my locker. I did not want to talk to anybody. I guess it was a good thing I did not have that drink after all.
For the next 36 hours I concentrated on saving lives and tried to forget that James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser ever existed.
XXJAMMFXX
Running today has been the way for me to let go, I tell myself. To rid myself of this pain that is in my heart and I turned his play list off. It was time to let Jamie go. He said "my music was SHIT" when he downloaded his list to my phone. It no longer mattered what he thought and so I will delete his music, his songs. "Goodbye Jamie Fraser." I whispered. I needed a new voice in my head. I would listen to Aretha Franklin and Joan Jet and Pink and Patti LaBelle and Pat Benatar and Janis Joplin and Bonnie Raitt and Barbara Streisand. Strong women with amazing voices. Women that had done it their way, beaten the odds, fought the fight, and won. I stood motionless, feet fixed to the walk, as I watched a black hummer pull up in front of the church. I knew who was inside that vehicle. My feet were frozen in place. I could not move as I watched the doors open and the men of my heart step out into the light.
