Randomness Wars

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Part 8: The Chicken Revolution part II: Cooco Armageddon

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Clisdaimer: I zon't own Delda
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A/N: Whew! This thing looks like it'll be a three-part subfic! Maybe I should repost it as another fic?

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Link regarded Zelda coolly.

"You have absolutely nothing to worry about," he said calmingly. "They couldn't have amassed an army in this quick a time."

Zelda looked out of the open window, then turned to face Link. He sat down on the bed next to her, putting a consoling arm on her shoulder.

"We have a standing army of 200,000 highly trained soldiers standing at the ready," Link said. A thought crossed his face. "And we're fighting chickens."

Zelda turned to Link, her eyes a mix of fear, love, and relief, through a mask of brimming tears. "You really think we're safe?"

Link looked into Zelda's eyes as he put his hand on hers. "I know it," he said.

That's when the egg hit his face.

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Soon the terrifying spluts of egg artillery were reverberating through the halls of the castle. Everyone assembled in the war room. A soldier ran into the room, egg and feathers everywhere.

"The Coocos are attacking!"

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Zelda turned, tears in her eyes. "I'm going with you." It came out firmly. She wasn't sure what he would say.

"What?" Link was obviously surprised. "You…fighting?"

"Link, I have to go. I can't stand by and watch our home being destroyed. I have to come."

"Zelda," said Link, "If you went out there, and died because of me? What would I do? I couldn't go on."

"I have to go. It's my will. I have to."

Link turned to her. He paused. "Get a sword."

Zelda embraced him and kissed his cheek. "Let's survive this, okay?"

Link smiled. "Fine. If you insist…" He handed her the Master Sword. "This is for you. Wield the power of the Triforce and defeat our enemies."

"I'm coming too," said Nabooru.

"Fine," said Link.

"Me too," said Impa.

"We'll all fight together," said DED. They put their hands in a circle, then, with a battle cry, they threw them up and charged into combat.

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In Hyrule Field, there was a line of chickens, holding thousands of eggs and bombarding the castle. On the other side, the authors and the other Zelda characters led ranks of Hyrulian soldiers.

"All right, troops. Let's slaughter some Coocos!" cried MC.

DeadeyeDave surveyed the battleground, sadistic glee in his burning eyes.

"CHARGE!"

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The two armies closed ranks with alarming speed. Up and down the line, swords flashed and beaks snapped. The skillful Hyrulians slew Coocos by the hundreds, and their swords dripped with Cooco blood.

And the Zelda characters fought with their legendary skill. Link, armed with the Biggoron's Sword, felled three Cooco fighters with one smooth stroke. Zelda, when not healing the battered, pecked, yolk-drenched Hyrulians, struck down the chicks with surprising strength and speed in a righteous fury. Nabooru, using twin Gerudo sabers, sliced all opposing with a graceful and rhythmic dance of death.

Impa used the dark powers of the shadows and drained the life out of the ranks of chicks. Ruto drenched the foul fowl with a stream of high-pressure water. Malon, commanding a platoon of war-cows from Lon-Lon ranch, sent the irate bovine warriors, longtime enemies of the Coocos, into the fray where their hooves pounded and pulverized the skulls of the Coocos.

Meanwhile, Ganondorf, realizing that he had to ally with the others for a common cause, blasted the hapless chicks with spheres of dark energy. Saria, at first, went into a trance. Then, calling on the power of nature itself, transformed into a green, ten-foot-tall beast. With the force and willfulness the forest, she laid waste to twenty chicks at once. Darunia, his blows with the force of an avalanche, pounded the feathery foes before sprouting spikes and rolling, impaling chicks left and right. The Skull Kid froze hundreds in their tracks with his ice wraths.

And Mido did something kind of heroic, but we don't really remember.

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Meanwhile, the authors used their fantastic powers to annihilate the chickens. ~*Misty Dawn*~ cast spells of random effects and turned the chickens against each other. Mr. Crash cast devastating blasts. Drawing on his black and red elemental powers, he launched an effective fireball, frying hundreds into roasted Boston Market specials. He then sapped their energy, rendering the chicks lifeless while transferring their lifeforce to the Hyrulian soldiers.

But in the middle of it all was DeadeyeDave. Wielding two huge gore-soaked swords, he had already slaughtered thousands. Blood dripping from his gauntlets and blazing hellfire in his eyes, he decapitated chickens with inhuman rage.

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But through it all, the chickens kept coming. For every one that fell, three more took its place. Their gory beaks stabbed and poked viciously, and eggs flew in air. The battle was yet undecided.

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Ahem…IS this story funny? NO? WELL that's okay, because it's not supposed to be. THE concept of Link killing chickens, though, IS a subtle humor. SO, see you again later, when we reach the REAL thrilling conclusion with: "The Cataclysm."

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~DED