A/N: Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter, I was so glad to see you guys liked the chapter, and I just read an updated fic THAT I BLOODY LOVE SO MUCH, and the author of that fic had what is known as "FFDYSRIA". Fanfiction Dysphoria. And that author had a few thoughts of abandoning her fic and I was like 'WHAT THE FUCK, NO! SIT YOUR ARSE DOWN, GET WRITING,' and then it dawned on me. That's how you guys felt toward me when I said I had fic abandonment issues. But never again I promise! ReadingNaomilyAllDayErrday, I was surprised that you reviewed because you're like NUMBER FUCKING ONE NAOMILY FANFIC REVIEWER OH GOD I FEEL HONOURED. Ahem. Onto the fic, yes, the ACTUAL date date featuring the lovely Naomi C and the very red Emily F is here. And yes: No more mindfucks. At least for this chap. :P (trying to stretch this chapter out, like 4,000 words cos this is a date) OH, AND THE WHOLE GPS THING WITH DONNA, THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED IN THE LAST CHAPTER. Did you guys think it was funny? :P. Enough with the :P, yep.

Disclaimer: If I was Bryan Elsley, series seven would be out already, and Naomily would be ALL UP IN DEREEEE, BLIP BLIP, BLUD. (that was me trying to be a chav. Sorry.)

Warnings: Uhh… Nothing much? Skins filled stuff, Naomily stuff ;). Nah, I'm taking the piss. Swearing, uhhh, vulgar stuff? I have no idea, just read it.

Previously: Yeah. That's how it will be. That's how it will be when Emily kisses me. Either one of us fucking well wasted or high, not knowing what we're doing, because we're not in our own sober state. I've done this so many times before in my head. I lift my head off the dashboard, stretching. I've been sitting in this fucking car for five minutes, I need to get out. And see Emily. Just this once, this needs to work, and before I start my way toward the entrance, I pull out the spliff hidden in my low top Converse, twirl it between my index and middle finger. It'll work.

Naomi's POV

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Here goes. Fuck. I make my way up toward the entrance, flash the bouncer my identification. I stand outside for a bit, call Emily. Maybe she'll answer. But she's probably in the club, already fucking filled, packed with sweaty bints, and she probably won't be able to hear her phone goes off. It rings. Once. Twice. Come on, Ems.

Emily's POV

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I slide my phone out of my bra. "Hello?" I say into the receiver, pressing the phone to my ear. It's probably Naomi. Thank fuck, I've been standing here for hours. But I'd wait for her.

"Hey," Naomi's calm voice buzzes through the speaker.

"Finally! It's been ages you know," I joke with her

"Hm. Yeah. You should watch your back you know, Emily."

"What?" I ask.

"Raah!"

I scream. "You fucking tit!" I laugh with her, holding my phone with such force, my fingers are stiff. "I couldn't resist it,"

"You looked too cute there; I just had to wipe that smile off your face for a bit,"

I hum in response. "Yeah, how nice of you Naomi."

"Very. Shall we?" She says, blowing out a bit of breath with her mouth, watching the hot air turn into white billowing specimens of smoke.

"Of course! Let me show you round the finest club in Bristol." I look at her and she smiles, and I instantly do the same. The bouncer already knows who we are, so we enter without any problems, from previously showing him our IDs.

We stumble into the club, pushing our way past many bodies, a few of them drunk, or just lost in the music. I hold her hand to keep track of her, so that we don't get lost.

Dubstep music blasting erratically, bodies pumping, moving, jostling, doing everything besides keeping still. Lights are going everywhere across the room, the dark, but extremely big place only lit up by the strobe lights going off every four seconds. Green, Red, Blue, Yellow, Orange. The pattern repeats over and over as Naomi and I hustle through the crowds.

"May I have this dance?" I shout to her, over the music.

"Yes, you may." She shouts back into my ear.

Both of us are laughing and I love it. I grab her hand and we spin round and round, bumping into a few people that say something along the lines of, "Watch the fuck out!" or something similar, or exactly that. We pretend to dance intimately, mocking the other around us. There's a minute where I think she's staring into my eyes with every twist and jump, but I must be hallucinating, because I don't even know that she's gay yet.

Naomi's POV

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I laugh loudly, stumbling as I pull her out of the dance floor, heading to the pub, with a swift tug on the wrist. She and I laugh even harder. Funny thing is we're not even bloody drunk. We're just laughing so hard because we're having fun.

We're about to take two seats on the stools, before Emily said she was going to go to the loo, I scratch my neck with my left hand, and lean on the counter toward the pub maid, a bloke, about 21 years old, wearing a black shirt that said, "KISS THE COOK," in bold white letters, a nametag that had "Cook" scrawled in blue sharpie across his chest. He had short brown hair, messy in fact, dark trousers; I couldn't see the actual colour. "Hey, babe. Sex on the beach, yeah?" Oh, and a deep fucking Derby accent.

"No, thanks I don't want to order that."

"I wasn't talkin' bout the drink, babe."

I roll my eyes at him.

"I've heard that a thousand fucking times."

"Yeah? Wanna hear it a thousand more?"

"Fuck off, tosser."

"Sorry, babe, name's not Tosser, its Cook, you can call me Cookie, but I'd let you call me anything. What's yours?"

"It's hard to pronounce, but it's spelt F-U-C-K-O-F-F."

"Mmm, I like the feisty ones."

I huff in frustration.

"Oi," he says, leaning in, way too close for my bloody liking, "I've got some much cock hair; I could back comb it, and use it like a lure." He says, chuckling when he finishes his sentence.

"Like a porcupine?" I ask, pretending to be interested.

"Yeah," He says, nodding.

"Oh, I've got it,"

"Have you, girl?"

"Oh yeah, you're all prick, you snotty cunt."

We're interrupted because has Emily appeared beside me, mouth gaping wide open, with Cook smiling at her, toothy white grin showing.

"Rosie!" He says, throwing up his arms, running toward her and picking her up in his arms, planting a big fat kiss on her lips. What the? Emily's fucking lied to me! Is he… is he her boyfriend?

"Cook! I've missed you!" She shouts at him, and she kisses him back on the cheek.

"God, you smell like fucking beef jerky. Have you been with one of your girls?" She asks and they both in fucking sync waggle their eyebrows up and down and burst out laughing, while I'm sitting here on a fucking stool, gazing at how well they know each other. In complete shock, by the way.

"You know me always kiss and tell, little red. But, nah, Cookie's got better things to tend to, like blondie over here. Did shag some fit bird last night."

By the time he says that, Emily's cracking up, and asks him where the 'blondie' is, and Cook nods toward me, and that's about the second time her jaw goes slack.

"Nice one, innit?" He says to her, shamelessly gazing at my chest. I wouldn't mind if it was Emily, but this prick has got to go.

I decide that I've had enough shit. I get off the stool and storm off to the toilets, locking myself in one of the cubicles. I knew it. I knew it was too good to be true when she said she hadn't had anyone, when she ripped my fucking heart out, without caring, right in front of my face. At least have the decency to try to hide it. I'm done with her, I'm done with Emily.

I try to fucking have a laugh with her, spill my feelings. Of course not out loud directly toward her, but in my own presence. Why does she have to be so fucking fit? Her dark complexion eyes, her button nose, pale, creamy skin, red hair. Everything about her. The way her nose crinkles and how she snorts occasionally when she's laughing hard. Whatever. It's time to let go. I remove the spliff from my shoe, but fuck it, I deserve some release. I take the match box, also hidden in my sock, from out its place and light the spliff, inhaling through my nose, and sighing it out, slumping against the cubicle wall.

Emily's POV

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"Where you goin', cousin?" Cook asks, as I try to un-wrap myself from his manly embrace. "Blondie's actually my friend. We came here together-" He cuts me off with a high-five, which is more like a bitch slap to the hand abruptly after he says, "You're tapping Blondie? Oh fuckin' 'Ell, cuz! I never thought I'd see the day. Li'l Red gettin' it?" He wraps me in another hug, he's sweating now, and I can smell the reek of his armpits.

"Oh, fuck! James let go!" First name means business with the Fitches.

"We're just friends, now fuck off! She looked pissed."

"Right. Go get her, and while you're at it, if she feels better, go get the lady and ask her if she wants to make it a 'threesaaaam!',"

"James! That's just nasty! We're cousins, remember?"

"Remember always, girl. Why do you think I've got your name tattooed on me chest?"

"I've gotta go find her, yeah?"

"Right, go get her, babe! I've got to get back to work anyhow." He kisses me on the forehead. Leaving his scent all over me.

"Bout fuckin' time, it is! I've been standing here for ten minutes, yeah?" Says an angry guy, clearly already drunk.


"Naomi!" I throw open the metal door to the toilets, locking it, and spotting a pair of creamy feet on the floor that I can see from under the cubicle. Naomi's? I crawl on my hands and knees, looking under.

She screams, and I scream as well, startled. "Well, well, well. Isn't it the Fitches?"

"Naomi, there's only one of me."

"Yeah? That's not what Bitch Fitch of the Year, Katie Fitch thinks!"

"What? How do you know Katie?"

She doesn't respond, and because I was so distracted on trying to find her, I don't notice the familiar aroma coming through the door, wafting down to my face, where I lay on the cold toilet floor, which smells like piss, but I'm doing this for Naomi.

"Naomi! Get the fuck out of there!" I stand up and bang on the door, and surprisingly, the stall door bursts open, leaving a very pisses Naomi standing, looking up at me, wearing just a white bra, and her boy shorts, spliff hanging out mouth, with very red eyes. Not from crying, though, from smoking.

I gasp at her. "Naomi, where are your clothes?" I place an arm on her shoulder, sitting her down on the toilet seat lid.

"Why would you care? And I get to ask the fucking questions. Why didn't you tell me you had a twin sister?"

"Well, I don't just like going round telling everyone!"

"Really? Am I everyone to you?"

"You know that's not what I met!"

She stubs out some of her spliff on the toilet roll. "Don't do that, Naoms! You're going to set the whole fucking place on fire!"

"So now you're telling me what to do? After I've just watched you practically watch you and your slimy boyfriend, who tried to fucking flirt with me, fuck each other right before my eyes! Why are you treating me like shit? Wait, don't answer that. I don't want to see, nor speak to you. So fuck off, Emily! Give up! I can't believe I-"

"What?!"

"You fucking heard me!" She screams, her face red, throat hoarse, but she still inhales more of the spliff.

"Cook isn't my fucking boyfriend-"

"Yeah? So you just happen to go round snogging strangers? I thought you were gay!"

"I am! Let me fucking finish-"

"Shut up!" She interrupts me, with a childish smirk on her face. She's obviously fucking floating right now, high as hell.

"Ugh!" I shout exasperatedly.

"Cook is my cousin! Not my bloody boyfriend! We're related! And we were not snogging! All her did was kiss me, and I kissed him back, it's not like we were fucking tonguing each other. He kissed me on the lips; I kissed him on the cheek. He's my fucking cousin!" I irritably screech right back at her.

Now the spliff is sat calmly between her fingers arm dangling, her body still, and I release I'm sitting on her lap. But I am not about to blush.

She looks flabbergasted, and it makes me want to kiss her. I'm still pissed, but I do kiss her anyway. Pushing her back even further into the toilet, making her bump her head against the toilet wall, and that stops us.

She opens her mouth and says something that absolutely makes me want to cry.

A/N: Hellooo! (10/6/12 author's note) sorry for such of the long wait! I kept repeating to myself over and over "Gordo, you need to start writing," but then I saw my bed and I was like, I'll lay down a few hours, and then a few hours turned into another day. Sorry guys, but anyway, did you enjoy it? And if you're all mindfucked by how I made Cook Emily's cousin, then GOOD! I wanted you lot to be a bit shocked and what not because like I said before, in chapter 1 I think, everyone in this fic is going to be COMPLETELY AU. So, Panda, Thomas, Freddie, ALL AU! EVERRRRYONEEE! Since I don't want the characters to be like all the others in other fics, which, no, that sounds bad. I LOVE ALL THE FICS! But, I don't want Thomas to be a bouncer, like how he usually is. Everyone is going to get a great background, like history, even Freddie. Oh, and I saw Cook's episode in Season 4, and Freddie's last name is spelt McClair! It was on Cook's mum's pillow. I don't know how I feel about the other characters yet, but they're all going to be very different. So, all this is completely AU. Why must you ask? Well, because I want everyone to experience a new different side of Naomily fanfics, not just settings, but character-wise. We're also gonna learn why Cook's so close to Emily (family-wise), why they're such great cousins, and a lot of shock's gonna come out in the next chapter as well. I'm just waiting for I Sold My Heart to Campbell to be updated, so. Because that fic gives me so muchhhh happiness, and from that happiness sprouts ideas. Oh, and here's a bit more British-English slang:

Scotland Yard: Police

'You lot' or lot in general: all of you guys, you people

Cheers: It means thank you, not so much in the American way where it means congrats.

Pub: Bar (which I probably already define already, but whatevva)

Hm, I think that's about it, oh wait: Arse = ass. Should be obvious.

Fag = cigarette

Mhm, alright, love you guys, and thank you ReadingNaomilyAllDayErDay for reviewing! All of you guys, keep revieiwing, keep favourting, please keep doing all that, it helps! AND GOOD BLOODY FUCKING NEWS! I FIGURED OUT EMILY'S SECRET. BUT I FORGOT IT, DARN. AND IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, JUST ASK ME IN THE REVIEWS. LOVE YOU GUYS! (sorry its short)

Xoxoxo Gord-Gords!