"Welcom class! I LOVE you guys! I cuoldent imagine haveing a better groop of kids!" Nobody in his or her right mind would actually believe that the teacher wrote this on the whiteboard... Dan was the worst speller ever. Luckily, not one person in Dan's class was in their right mind. Dan dodged back out of the hallway where the other kids were waiting for the teacher. Where was the teacher anyway? With overly exaggerated "sneak walking" (as he called it), Dan made his way towards Izek.
"Mission accomplished!" Dan announced into his black watch, even though he was standing right next to Izek. They had bought the watches the day before. The watches didn't really have walkie-talkies built in, and the time was probably the last thing on Earth Dan cared about. The watches were mainly just for effect in their secret agent… well… they didn't like to call it a game. More like a temporary lifestyle. School life was too boring to be reality, you know?
"Coolness!" exclaimed Izek into the matching watch on his wrist. "I mean… Rodger that!"
"Smooth," laughed Dan. "You still have to work a little on the secret agent thing."
Laughing Izek pushed Dan. "Like you're any better! You don't "sneak walk out of a mission! You need to act all casual so you don't rise suspicion."
The teacher finally came behind the class and ushered them in. "Sorry for the delay kids," Mrs. Petunia said when the class was seated, not sounding at all sorry. "I was held up at a little meeting with the teachers." Dan looked at his classmate's faces as they read the message on the board that was behind the teacher. The teacher followed their gaze and looked horrified at the board. Sniffing properly, she violently erased the message with the palm of her hand and faced the class flustered. Pretending nothing happened, she faced the class and clapped her hands sharply. "Nothing to see! Turn to page three hundred and thirty-nine in your Math book!"
Dan smirked at "thirty-nine." He would never think of that simple number the same way again.
As the teacher started to ramble on, Izek beamed at him trying not to laugh. Their favorite thing about Mrs. Petunia, ANYTHING, I mean ANYTHING little could really get on her nerves. She was pretty paranoid about making sure her students didn't ever think she was nice. She thought that being harsh was the only way they'd respect her… maybe for some students, but not Dan and Izek. Making sure the teachers back was turned, Izek held up his notebook towards Dan. There was a drawing of what Mrs. Petunia would look like if she were half hippo… with blood-shot eyes, a mustache, a pierced tongue, and more! It looked stunningly like her. Dan bit his lip to keep from snorting. He bent down to draw a picture that would be even better then Izek's drawing. However, there was a random girl staring at him as if what he an Izek were doing was scandalous. She gave a horrified look and looked as if she would tell the teacher if Dan and Izek continued living fun lives. Gosh… it was just a picture. Tattletales ruined lives! Sighing, Dan and Izek grimaced at each other and turned to have fun by themselves. LIST TIME!
131. Touch a plug and pretend to get electrocuted
132. Write down every word the teacher says so you can repeat it
133. Act as if you were blind
134. Sit on the floor and beg for money
135. Make a list of the best excuses for being late or not handing in your homework. Next time the teacher asks you what your excuse is just hand the teacher the list and say, "pick one."
136. Write an autobiography about your life. Also, you can narrate the class like an old detective film. "The teacher casually enters the room, signs of intensity etched in her face. Perhaps, too intense..."
137. Whistle at random things
138. Pass notes to people you have no interest in or ask personal details about people you would never have talked to.
139. Rhyme the last words of everybody's sentences. (If someone asks "What's two plus two?" Answer "It's four already! I thought you knew!")
140. Search vigorously in your bag/binder for things you know you don't have. Ask other people if they can find it and act frustrated.
141. If someone loses their pen, explain that some people in the world can't afford pens and they need to be more careful. Put lots of emotion into your speech.
142. Bring a blow-horn for no apparent reason and hang it around your neck.
143. Bring a small chalkboard to class. Ask the professor if you can borrow their chalk to take notes.
144. Claim that the teacher misspelled pi. Refuse to accept otherwise.
145. When the professor asks a question, raise your hand. If the professor calls on you, point to someone in the next row and say, "He knows." Pick a different person each time.
146. Bring a typewriter. Use it to take notes.
147. Get up to go to the bathroom about four times during the class. Change clothes every time.
148. Buy a watermelon. Give it to the professor. If they ask say, "The store was out of apples."
149. Bring a fully stocked picnic basket to class. If anyone asks, explain that you didn't have time to eat breakfast.
150. Wear a loincloth to class. Say that it is your costume for the school play, and you didn't have time to change out of it.
Dan wondered if HE would even do ALL of the ideas. Maybe one or two of them were high-fetched. For one thing, Dan would NEVER wear a loincloth. Unless he had to fight in a full out African war… a loincloth would be perfect for that atmosphere. All of a sudden, Dan's eyes trained on a zebra print plastic material sticking out of the corner of the closest in the back. Nobody else knew, but the closet was Dan and Izek's wardrobe to Narnia. Every once and a while one of them would climb inside and interrupt class by yelling, "For Narnia!" in the most dramatic voice possible. They had even created a sign for to hang on it but Mrs. Petunia had made them throw it away. The zebra print material be duct-tape! That was what was on the bulletin board outside. Dan chuckled. He had discovered where the teacher kept the colored duct tape. The rest of the day, was going to rock!
Sorry. Haven't updated for a while. Two words. Maximum ride. Just finished fourth book… fourth day reading the series. I am addicted, which is not good. Me being addicted to anything is NOT good at all.
So what did I say on announcements last week? Awesomeness! Unfortunately, I couldn't do anything too crazy because the announcement microphone is in the assistant principal's office. I can easily stand the principal, but not the vice. She has given me detention three times for things I didn't do. She says everything in a slow calm voice but her face always looks angry. She wears way too much makeup and I think she has fangs. Though I haven't quite proved that yet. (grimace) If I said anything about how we were in reality being trapped in torture chambers and forced to do unnecessary work… I would go down. Also, my school starts at freaking kindergarten, so it had to be toned down. I kept my conclusions hasty.
Monday- As you go through the school day, may the force be with you!
Tuesday- Remember what they say in Spanish speaking countries, "akumba matata," what a wonderful day!
Wednesday- I am yogi bear, and I approve this message.
Thursday- Cherrio! Live long and prosper! Bon voyage as you go through your day's journey!
Friday- Unhello my fellow citizens! (just think about it)
There were so many other ways I could have ended. I could have said, "Now it is time for me to order up a McGoodbye!" or "May the forces of evil get lost on the way to you front doorstep!" or even "If I don't return, avenge my death!" It was hard to decide what to say. Which day was your favorite?
Also, I could be really fancy, and only my friends and I would find it humorous. For example, "Please turn towards the stars and stripes on our stunning country's flag as we honor our marvelous country that has granted us our marvelous gift of education in the first place." Everyone else thought I was being legit.
Review. Still looking for reviewer's ideas for the last page! Also, I love hearing basically anything people say.
Where Adventures Begin…
Alex Almighty
