Natalia feels so numb. Pictures flash through her head, fast and scary and horrible. It... it just all went horrible wrong. And now she can't even cry because Natalia doesn't cry. Natalia doesn't care, Natalia would never be upset because of causalities. She manages to call Ivan to tell him that the mission was a success, that the target is dead. Success. It feels so wrong to say it. Nothing went right on this mission. The little girl wasn't supposed to be there. She was supposed to be with her mother in Madrid. Why was this girl there?

Natasha feels the tears in her eyes. She starts running, just running, trying to get away. Somehow, she ends up on the beach. She stops running when she sees the water. For a moment, she is perfectly still, unmoving like a statue, and then she drops into the sand. It's cold, but Natasha doesn't feel it. She just sees the little girl, Drakov's daughter, the child she killed.

She's crying now, hard sobs go through her body, but she doesn't care. She killed a child. She hadn't wanted to, but she killed a child. She, Natalia Romanova, she who always thought she was a good person, killed an innocent child. She is a horrible human. She still has the little girls blood on her hands.

She just wants to die. No. She wants Clint. But Clint is god-knows-where, and she is alone and somehow just going into the water seems like a good idea.


Clint likes Romania. There is no bounty on his head here, what means he can just walk around without having to fear the police. So yeah, he likes Romania.

He used the last two month to build himself a new reputation. Hawkeye, like his stage name in circus, the guy who never misses and kills with arrows. He took Natasha advice to heart and uses them as often as possible now. And, so he hopes, nobody knows Clint Barton is Hawkeye. He makes a point in not being seen, but at least one person knows. Natasha, of course.

After a particularly generous payment, he decided to go on a short vacation, and now here he is, in Romania, on vacation, bored and lonely. He smirks. What did he expect? He needs the adrenaline, he knows that, and, well, being lonely is something he is used to. Still, he thinks while he walks over the beach, he somehow expected it to be different.

The waves crash into the beach and Clint closes his eyes. The steady noise calms him. I definitively need to set up a safe house somewhere at a beach, he thinks.

And then he hears it. A soft whimper, as if somebody is in great pain. It isn't far away and even thought Clint really shouldn't fall for such things, at heart he's a good guy and so he runs towards where the noise comes from.

He sees her now, a young woman, and she is crying. He doesn't know if she's hurt, can't see any injuries but that doesn't have to mean anything, but he knows she crying. Something horrible happened to her, he just knows it.

He kneels down beside her, not touching her, and tries his best to sound soothing.

"Hey, are you okay?" It's a stupid question because she obviously is not, but her head shoots up. And Clint nearly falls backwards when he realizes who she is.

"Natasha?" It's barely a whisper, because meeting her here just seems impossible and also he never thought she'd break down so completely.

"Clint?" She sounds so fragile, so young, that Clint's heart nearly breaks.

"Hey, I'm here. I'm here. Everything will be okay." He tells her, not knowing what else to say. He lays an arm around her shoulder and pulls her towards him, while she continues to sob.

"Nothing will be okay." She whispers.

"What happened?" Clint asks, mentally preparing himself to go after whoever did this to her.


Natasha can't believe it. He is here. He is really here. He has his arms around her and it's really good because she feels like she is going to fall apart. He tells her everything is okay, but Natasha knows it's not and it will never be.

Then he asks her what happened and she knows he is going to push her away as soon as she tells him, because Clint is such a good guy and this... but she tells him, because she could never lie to him, not now.

"I killed a girl." She expects him to stand up, to yell at her and run away, but he only stiffens slightly and brushes her hair, so she goes on.

"Her name was Alexandra. Alexandra Drakov. She was seven years old and a beautiful, happy girl. She loved to play football and lived in Madrid with her mother. And I killed her." She can't talk after this, just starts crying all over again. Clint holds her tight and says nothing and she is just incredible thankful for that.


Clint doesn't know what to say after she confesses what she's done. He is shocked, but then again he just holds her in his arms while she is having a complete meltdown, so probably she didn't want to. His heart breaks when she describes the little girl, and all he can do for now is holding her, because she is right: Nothing can make this alright again.

"I was there to kill her father. Arms dealer, nobody the world will miss. I messed up and got in fire fight with his guards. I took them down, and then, suddenly, I heard something from the stairs and I … I thought it was another guard so I shot. But it was just the little girl." She sobs again, shaking in his arms.

"I hit her in the chest. She looked up, so shocked, so innocent, and so young, and then she fell. I ran towards her, tried to stop the bleeding, but … the wound was deadly. I knew it." She takes a few moments to calm herself a bit.

"She died quietly. She didn't say one word. Nothing. I have her blood on my hands. I killed her, Clint!" New sobs erupt from her after she told her story.

Clint just holds her close. It wasn't her fault, but he knows she won't believe it. He would have done the same, but that doesn't help now.

After a while, he takes her face in his hands.

"Hey. This is just horrible, but it happened. You can't change it. All you can do is trying to make up for it. Try being a better person. You are a not a horrible person. Don't let anybody tell you differently. You do what you think is the right thing and that you break down because of what happened shows you care. You're not perfect, but you're also not a horrible person. Now come, lets wash this blood away."


Natasha really doesn't know how Clint knows that's exactly what she needed to hear. She doesn't want to hear it's not her fault because it is. She doesn't know how she deserves such a friend like Clint.

He leads her towards the sea and they wash away the blood together. The salty water stings in the graze in her arm, probably caused by a bullet, that she didn't even notice until now. Then he leads her to a hotel, and she briefly smiles because following him into a hotel somehow became a habit of hers, and than she remembers what she did and her smile fades.

He tells her to sit down on his bed and then takes care of the wound. It will be another scar, a scar that will forever remind her of her guilt.

Then they lie down together and somehow Clint seems to know she needs human contact, because he takes her in his arms and holds her during the night.

She wakes up multiple times because she sees it all over again, but he always comforts her and wipes away her tears.

When they wake up in the morning, they share a small breakfast. Uncle Ivan gave Natasha a few days of, so she stays with Clint. He shows her the city, and they go to the beach quite often, and he makes her laugh and when she wants to talk, he always listens. He never tells her it's enough, and he also never seems to be bored. He just listens and Natasha can't thank him enough for it.

Every night, she sleeps in his arms. It's not sexual, it's just that she needs him and that she needs to be sure he is there because she knows the nightmares will wake her up.

They buy burn phones. One for her, one for him. Clint insist that they need a possibility to reach each other when things go wrong. Natasha agrees. She really doesn't know what she would have done if he hadn't shown up. Maybe she would have given in and went into the water.

On her last morning here, she is the first one awake. She stays in his arms, because they feel like a warm cocoon that protects her from the world. He is still asleep, so she has time to think. She can't go on like she did before. Clint is right, the best way to honor little Alexandra Drakov is to become a better person. She has red in her ledger and she will have to wipe it out. She will never forget Alexandra Drakov, but she can't give up because of what happened. She has to make up for it. She has a new goal.


AN: So, this is my take on the story with Drakov's daughter. I hope you liked it!

PS: Football is not American football here. It's the British version, soccer for the Americans who read this.