When the sun stopped shining
Chapter 7 – Never-ending night
As soon as I heard those words I stopped running and froze.
"Sho-chan!" Natsu came running after me and rushed to Hinata.
"Natsu!" he exclaimed happily.
"Oh Shouyou…" Haruka-san said and hugged her son.
"M-mom, what is it? You're suffocating me!"
"I'm just so happy, Shouyou."
"Huh?" Hinata seemed confused.
"Don't you remember what happened?" she asked him.
"N-no. I wanted to ask, but they told me to rest first before doing anything and I just…" Hinata looked around the room and finally faced me again. I was still not moving from those words he said before. Was he joking with me? What did he mean by that?
"M-mom, do you know who that guy is?" he asked. I felt as if someone was holding my heart in their hand and trying to squash it with all their might. I felt a stinging pain in my chest, but I still wasn't able to move.
"Sh-shouyou? What are you saying? That's Kageyama-kun, he's your…"
"Kageyama-kun? I don't know anyone by that name though." I put my hand on my chest and tightly grabbed my shirt. The pain was growing stronger by the second. It felt as if I was about to suffocate; it was a horrible feeling, I wanted it to stop.
"Shouyou…" Haruka-san didn't know how to explain it to him. She turned around, looking at me with a sad expression. I wonder how I was looking at that moment. I took a deep breath and approached Hinata's bed.
"H-Hinata…" I stopped.
"Y-yes?" he looked at me with a confused face.
"…yes, I'm… Kageyama. And I'm your… your team mate." words I didn't want to say spilled out of my mouth; words I wanted to say were stuck in my throat.
"Team mate?"
"Y-yes. We're in the same class and we both are part of a volleyball team. Do you… do you remember that?" I had no control over what I was saying.
"No… I don't. I, I want to. But I just… can't remember anything else at the moment." he answered.
"I see… I'm…"
"Kageyama-kun, why do you-" Haruka-san wanted to ask me something.
"I'm sorry, Haruka-san. I'm… I need some time for myself, please excuse me." I closed my eyes, turned around and headed towards the door.
"Kageyama-kun, where are you going?" I heard Hinata ask. I stopped and answered without turning around to him. I didn't want him to see my tears.
"Oh, I'm… just gonna let the others of our team know. We were all worried about you, you see." I tried to sound as normal as possible.
"Oh, okay. Thank you."
"No… problem."
"And thank you for being here when I woke up, I hope I can remember you soon, Kageyama-kun." Hinata said happily. Every word of that sentence was like a knife being stabbed through my chest.
"S-sure…" I said and left the room. Tears were flowing down my cheeks while I was looking for a place to sit down and cry. I had never felt that miserable, I didn't know how to face him again. After all that time he had finally woken up again, but he couldn't remember me. He couldn't remember anything besides his family.
"I thought we were like family too… idiot." I whispered to myself as I covered my eyes with my hands and continued crying. After a while I calmed down a bit and texted the others, just as I said I would. I told them about his memory loss too. I didn't wait for an answer, I didn't want to read their reactions. I had no powers left to go back to Hinata's room, and I probably looked awful after all the tears I cried. I decided to text Haruka-san and tell Hinata that I had to go home and that I'll meet him another day. After clicking on the send button I quickly put away my phone, stood up and started walking down the hospital corridors. I just wanted to get home and lie down on my bed. But just when I was about to leave through the hospital's entrance door, I heard a familiar voice behind of me.
"Kageyama!" Hinata screamed with all his might. I turned around and saw him standing there.
"H-Hinata?! Why are you here? Shouldn't you rest in bed? Why did you-"
"Is it true that you're my boyfriend?!" he looked at me with serious eyes.
"Wh-what… how…"
"Natsu told me. She asked me why To-chan walked away while crying, even though he was the one waiting for my awakening the most because he really loves me. Is it true?!" his expression didn't change. The people standing around of us were observing this rather weird scene.
"I… I'm…" I didn't know what to say.
"W-well? It's not like I was expecting something like that, y-you know." he said. I saw how he was slightly blushing and then I suddenly noticed what was happening. He had run all the way down here, only wearing that hospital robe, screaming through the entrance hall, people staring at him. He was probably the most confused one, probably the most nervous one and probably the most courageous one. Unlike me who was trying to run away from reality instead of facing it. I was ashamed of myself for not speaking the truth earlier.
"…it's true." I said.
"…o-oh." he was surprised.
"Yeah, I thought… you'd react like that." I looked at him.
"Kageyama, I-"
"Hinata-san! What do you think you're doing?! Go back to your room at once!" a nurse that appeared from a corridor yelled at him.
"Crap…" Hinata turned around.
"Hinata-san, do I have to take you there?!"
"O-one minute, I'm sorry. K-Kageyama, can I call you tonight?" he asked.
"Wh-what? Why?" I was confused.
"Please, I have so many things I want to ask!"
"Hi-na-ta-san!" the nurse was getting angry and slowly approached him.
"Kageyama!"
"…f-fine! I have to go now!" I turned around and walked away.
"Thanks, Kageyama!"
"Hinata-san! Room! Now!"
"O-owww, okay okay. Please don't pull me from my ear. I'm a patient, right?"
"And where are patients supposed to be until they're told they're free to leave?!"
"…in their room." was the last thing I heard before the sliding doors closed. While on my way home I thought about what Hinata said. What things did he want to ask? What could he possibly want to talk about? I kept on asking myself more questions until I arrived home. I went straight to my room, lied down on my bed and closed my eyes. I didn't fall asleep, I was just lying there thinking about different things. I was thinking about the fact that Hinata had finally woken up. Thinking about all the things I wanted to tell him as soon as he woke up. About all the things I wanted to do as soon as he'd be able to leave the hospital again. But all those things were shattered in less than a split second. All my plans, wishes and hopes had vanished into thin air. I had been waiting for my sun to shine again, but instead I was still trapped inside a never-ending night. Hinata didn't know about me. He didn't know about all the things we had experienced together, about the times we spent together. It was just gone.
When I woke up it had already turned dark outside. Apparently I didn't notice how I fell asleep while thinking about all those things. I grabbed my phone, it was 9pm. I just wanted to stay in bed and fall asleep again, but my growling stomach was asking for food. I stood up slowly and just as I stretched out my hand to open my door I heard my phone ringing. I took a look at the screen and saw that the one calling was Hinata; like he had said earlier. I sighed, sat down on my bed and answered the phone.
"Hello?" I acted as if I didn't see who had called.
"K-Kageyama, it's me."
"Oh, Hinata. How… how are you feeling?"
"I'm fine, I got scolded because I left the bed without their permission."
"Well what did you expect?"
"Hey I don't feel like I need to rest. I feel super fit."
"Of course you would, you're always full of energy, idiot." I chuckled unintentionally.
"I am?"
"Oh, right… I'm… I'm sorry, I didn't want to-"
"It's okay. That's… actually why I called you."
"Why?"
"Because I want you tell to tell me things about myself. There's almost nothing I remember."
"So you just want me to talk about you?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure?"
"…yes." he hesitated for a while.
"…okay then." I sighed.
"Thank you."
"What do you want to know?"
"I don't know, as much as possible."
"Well… as I said already, we're both in the volleyball team at our school."
"Volleyball, huh? What position do you play?"
"I'm the setter."
"And I am?"
"A middle blocker."
"Even though I'm so short?!" he was surprised.
"Yes."
"Awesome."
"Idiot." I started laughing.
"You call me idiot quite a lot."
"I'm sorry, it is… it was a habit."
"So we really…"
"Yes."
"You know, it's not that easy if you get told that you forgot the person you like."
"Yeah, and of all things it's another guy and-"
"Oh that's not the problem at all, Kageyama."
"H-huh?"
"Well, you see… uh… how do I put this… do you…" he took a break.
"Do I what?"
"…do you still l-lov-"
"I do. I always did and always will, Hinata." I didn't hesitate. After that we remained silent for a few seconds, but then he started talking again.
"A-as I thought, it feels weird. And…"
"I'm sorr-"
"No! No, don't be. I mean… I can't really explain it, but… hearing that makes me somehow happy. But I just can't remember a thing, and… I think I don't like it. It feels like the me before the accident and… oh right, mom told me how this happened in the first place. She told me after you left, about everything that had happened. Anyways, what I was saying, it feels like that me and the me right now are two different people. So I don't know how to feel about this entire thing, it's like… maybe I feel I don't deserve this. As if I stole the other Hinata's identity and am using it for my own sake right now. Ah I don't know how to explain it."
"…"
"Kageyama?" he asked but I didn't know what to say. I realized what he had been thinking about all this time only after he told me directly. So many things had been going through his mind.
"S-sorry, I was lost in thought."
"What were you thinking about?"
"About you."
"…o-oh."
"You probably don't know, but… since the day you fell in the coma I've visited you almost every day. I never lost hope that you would someday wake up again, and when that day came I wanted to be by your side. I wanted to be the first person you'd see when opening your eyes. Guess my plan didn't work out well, huh?"
"Kageyama…"
"Whenever I visited you, I would think about things we had experienced together. I would always talk to you, even though you probably didn't hear anything of that, I guess. There were times when our entire team came to visit you at the same time. The room was almost too small for everyone to fit in, but it was always lively. They were all worried about you, but they knew that you'd wake up sooner or later. They said the future ace of Karasuno had to wake up soon if he wanted to claim that title."
"…Kageyama, I…"
"…I love you, Hinata."
"…"
"More than anyone else in the entire world. And I want you to remember me."
"I'm…"
"And I don't think you're different than the other you as you call him. Even after this short while of being awake again, you've been the very same idiot as before. And you've showed me once again why I love you." I tried to hold back my tears.
"…Kageyama, I just…"
"I'm sorry, it's… it's late, I should probably stop talking."
"…I understand."
"I should… go to bed, I've got school tomorrow, and…"
"It's okay. Thank you for letting me talk to you and… thanks for telling me a bit about myself. I really appreciate it."
"It's… no problem. Well then…"
"Yeah I should get some sleep too, although I think I've wasted enough time sleeping for a while, haha."
"Yeah, probably." I smiled while tears were flowing down my face.
"Okay. Then…"
"Goodnight, Hinata."
"…th-tha…"
"Hm?"
"…thank you for still loving me. Goodnight, Kageyama." he said and hung up. I put my phone on my desk and fell down on my bed again. My smile faded and I buried my crying face in my pillow. After I calmed down, I looked out of my window. It was a clear, cloudless night. I could see the waning moon and the stars in sky. I gazed at the night sky and wished upon a star.
"Please let the sun shine tomorrow again."
