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Eric Northman, Eric Northman, Eric Northman…
It was useless, I know. I thought if I kept repeating the name I might remember him, remember something or remember anything. I even thought of googling him, but then I backed off, that's just borderline obsessive.
Ever since I saw him standing at my door claiming that he knew me and that we had some sort of history I couldn't get him out of my head, and not in the fluffy hopeless romantic sort of way, but in the completely annoying, infuriating, get under your skin kind of way. I mean the man is gorgeous, I would say beautiful (I already have) if it were appropriate to call a guy beautiful, but he was just evoking such a response that was so foreign to me…
I was a lethal baker by now.
You know those days you wake up in bed and just as you start to take in your surroundings you already feel like crap, No I don't mean the 'tired, I want to sleep and throw the alarm as far as my arm will allow' sort of crap. I mean waking up knowing by some sort of weird premonition that this day is not going to be a good day, and that nothing will work out the way you want it to. This was one of those days.
I swear I woke up this morning almost smelling mayhem right around the corner. According to some research I read somewhere; Murphy's Law that claims that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, is just an obscenely optimistic theory, well la-di-da.
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When I woke up in the hospital with no memory of the last few years of my life, I was terrified, I was panicking and trembling, I could feel every muscle in my body betraying me in every sense of the word, I'm sure if I were standing I would be a mere pile of limbs on the floor.
I started crying so hard, I was shaking and completely out of breath, I am not a coward, nor am I a weak person, but you try waking up in a hospital bed with a chunk of your life taken away from you.
The only thing that kept me from losing it, the only thing that really kept me together in one piece was Felix.
I actually remembered him that alone gave me more comfort than it really should.
I knew right from the start that Felix was not being completely honest with me, not as direct and clear as I needed him to be, especially when it came to my pregnancy.
Just thinking about that makes my chest tighten and my heart drop down to my feet.
I was going to be a mother, if there was nothing I could remember and nothing I knew about myself, I could be sure of one thing 'I would make a good mother'. I knew with every fiber of my being that it was what I was made for. I wanted nothing more than to be a mother, even if there was no father in the picture. But it doesn't matter now, does it?
Felix denied knowing who the father was, but I knew better. I probably should have pressured him into telling me what I needed to know, no what I should already know, but I couldn't, I didn't have it in me. I was already at such a low point I just could not take any more blows. It was simply too much, so I just let it go, for the time being.
For a while now I had been planning on getting Felix to tell me everything, even if it were irrelevant information at this point, I just wanted everything, as much as I could get. I was in a better place now, I had accepted my loss, pulled myself together and moved on with my life, and was ready to take on anything at this point, be it my past or my future. I just knew that I hadn't lived my best day yet.
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Felix should be arriving in a couple of hours, so I decided I would just do a quick clean up to make sure everything was where it should be, I then went to make sure Felix's room had clean sheets and towels, I had always been a clean freak, but Felix took it to a whole new level.
I then headed to the kitchen to finish up dinner, I had made chili and cornbread because it was his favorite, and I make mean cornbread. I certainly had no need to make any dessert, I had enough pies, cakes and desserts to last me a decade.
Just as I was finishing up in the kitchen, there was a knock at the door. I was torn between utter panic and extreme relief. Relief because I would finally get to know everything I craved to know, not only would I find out who Eric Northman was and why I should be angry at him, but I would finally get the chance to ask all the questions I had rolling around in my head taking away sleep from my eyes every night.
Panic because I knew that whatever Felix had to tell me about Eric Northman or my past would be anything but pleasant. I mean if Felix felt like he needed to fly down here just to talk to me, well that said it all, didn't it?
I walked to the door bracing myself for whatever was about to come my way; God only knows that I was keeping myself from going all over the place by a miracle. I opened the door to see Felix standing there, his face was so pale it took me aback, He looked as bad as I felt. Before I had the chance to comment or question his appearance I realized that he was not alone, standing to the side looking like a deer in the headlights was the one and only Eric Northman.
Fuck my life!
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As soon as Eric returned from Shreveport he came knocking on my door like a raving lunatic, part of me was enjoying his dilemma, he was absolutely clueless, but another part of me though was just frustrated with the mess that I needed to clean up. I let him know that.
He wanted to know everything, but I didn't want to give him that. I couldn't give him that satisfaction. He certainly didn't deserve it.
I never questioned him concerning what he did to Sookie, I knew that whatever he had to say would not be good enough and would just push me to the edge. Besides it was not my place to tell him anymore, or was it?
I mean there are things that only I can say, only I can manage; Sookie doesn't know who Eric is, Eric doesn't know what is wrong with Sookie and why there is something wrong with Sookie in the first place.
I certainly didn't care what Eric knew or didn't know, I just cared for what Sookie would soon enough be asking for…
I mean where do I begin?
After giving Eric the silent treatment for as long as I could, I told him as little as possible, I told him that she had an accident and lost her memory (when I said as little as possible I was not exaggerating)
Eric looked flabbergasted the look on his face was priceless; Sookie could always show us a new side of Eric that was for sure…
Of course Eric is my older brother, he knew me too well. And he knew that I was not telling him nearly as much as I could, he kept his eyes on me waiting for details, waiting for me to elaborate, I looked back at him knowing that I had the most taunting expression on my face.
"That is all you get to know, it is not my place to tell you anything more"
Eric looked like he smelt something foul.
"You're kidding me right?"
Eric had simply dug his own grave by now. I was seeing red by this point, I was holding myself back from causing him as much physical pain as I could, I didn't care that he could probably chew me up and spit me out.
"I am kidding you, you piece of shit! Remember when you broke her heart and left her high and dry for that fake bitch? Remember that? Eric you lost any rights regarding Sookie long ago, stay away from her Eric, You have done enough, just let her be please!"
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So here we were…
"I want to tell her myself, I want to explain, please let me do that, and then I won't see her again if that is what she wants"
I was so tired of having this conversation with Eric, it was like talking to a 3 year old, amazing!
"Eric she doesn't need this shit, she just started settling in her new life and accepting everything that has happened. She is taking everything slowly and she doesn't need this now. I mean what do you expect? You tell her everything, somehow explain why you were an ass and then she just throws herself back in your arms?"
I could see the hurt and remorse in Eric's eyes, and I had no intention of removing that expression, quite the opposite, it gave me some satisfaction to know that he was in pain. I took a deep breath bracing myself for his response, I was sure there was one.
"Felix, I need to know that she is alright, I need to see her and talk to her, I want to know how she is, I want to know what you won't tell me, not because of my curiosity, not because I expect her to forgive me, but because I love her Felix, I need to make sure she is okay, after that I will keep my distance. I swear"
To say I was shocked would be the understatement of the century, this is the first time I had seen Eric putting someone else before himself, I knew that underneath it all there was a part of him that did love Sookie, but I certainly was not expecting this. For a second there I started feeling sorry for him, but then I stopped I could continue explaining how faulty his logic was, he spoke up again.
"Sookie will have questions to ask Felix, some of those questions only I can answer, I don't need your permission to go and speak with her, but I know that she trusts you and will feel safe and comfortable with you there, Let me do this for her, please Felix"
I looked at Eric, the pleading look on his face made me waver a little. I considered what he had just said, he did have a point, Sookie would not only demand to know who Eric was, but she would want to know every little detail I had to provide, and if she felt that my answers were insufficient, she would seek out Eric herself to give her what she was looking for. Sookie was absolutely ravenous when it came to her past. I mean could you really blame her? I am not proud of myself for keeping her in the dark and using her misfortune against her, even if it was for her sake, I guess I just took the easy way out.
I took another deep breath, let it out then closed my eyes, I was just hopping I would not regret this anytime soon.
That is how we ended up standing at Sookie's door, both of us looking like shit, it was amazing the effect this little woman had on us.
So?
