Special chapter 5.5

American Eagle News Network
Giving you the Real News for the Real America

Lawrence Bravely Battles Russian tyrant!
President Jim Lawrence today bravely battles the Russian dictator and tyrant Konstantin Sharapov, Sharapov who wishes to return the world to the Cold War has given Iran over a hundred nuclear centrifuges for making nuclear bomb material. Sharapov who has single-handedly defied American requests to help the United States deal with Iran and North Korea. Sharapov's government has single-handedly been helping the ISI with terrorist attacks into India. How any nation can respect a pseudo-communist like Sharapov is a mystery.

Parkhurst: a Snobby East Coast Elite for President?
Senator Dylan Parkhurst of Delaware is one of his party's leading contenders for president in the upcoming elections and many people put him at the favorite. However, Senator Parkhurst has many many problems. While he served in Vietnam he served in the offices in Saigon, like a classic coward would. Parkhurst's wife Michelle Eaton, of Eaton Candies, is a shrewish woman that hates the blue collar American. Michelle Parkhurst has a charity for the continuation of Eskimo culture and believes the Civil war was about slavery when it was about States' rights.

A Minor Fire at Dynamic Systems Delays new OS release
A Fire at the Austin Texas facility of Dynamic Systems causes them to push back OS Coyote three more months. The fire was caused by an electrical short in one of their primary server farms. The new OS will be ready for unveiling at March's technology show in Miami.

Dutch Embassy Employee heading Blood Diamond Ring
Walter Geeligs, a Dutch diplomat has been revealed to head a massive multinational blood diamond ring after his arrest in New York Yesterday. He was suspected by his government of being corrupt for years but they lacked evidence until last year to start a multinational investigation. Mr. Geeligs is being held at Rykers Island. Mr. Geeligs is being represented by an American public defender as his accounts have all been frozen. This proves once again to AENN that Holland is a den of evil in Western Europe.

Tamashiro disappears before Senate hearing
Today VP Labs President Ryuuji Tamashiro did not appear before the Subcommittee being held by Senator Daniel Knight of Colorado. Ryuuji Tamashiro was asked to explain to the United State Senate Commerce Subcommittee on Communications Technology, Innovation, and the Internet and the subcommittee chairman Bill McNeil of Arizona and Ranking Member, Val Powell of South Dakota why it was reported by the New York Times and Chicago Sentinel that data from the V-Pet program could cause irreversible damage to the United States infrastructure. Then Ryuuji Tamashiro failed to appear and a warrant for his appearance for contempt of Congress will be issued by the Judiciary Committee and put to a vote on the floor of the Senate.

Monster Attacks My Dog! Claims South Florida Woman
Agnes Fredericks of Immokalee, Florida claimed her dog was attacked by some odd creature. Her Yorkshire Terrier, Elvis, was attacked by some creature out of a science fiction movie. "It looked really cute I never seen a thing like it before. It had a pale body with four stubby legs, little black eyes, and antenna. It was little bigger than my foot. It seemed really adorable. Then it started chasing Elvis. It opened its mouth and I ain't never seen more teeth in such a small critter before. It was like the shark I have seen on the coast, just teeth after teeth. I saw it was gonna try and eat my dog, so I punted it." When asked what she thought it was Mrs. Fredericks said: "It had to be a baby Chupacabra!"

Other stories

Top Mississippi Doctor: "Liberalism is a mental illness."
Oklahoma governor: "Dinosaurs and man did coexist exactly like the Flintstones.
"V-Pets are the Devil's playthings" claim Pastor Neil Boggs
New York real estate mogul Raymond Mooney to star in a reality show this spring
How corrupt is French President Adrien Courbet?
German Chancellor Waldmann: Middle East Puppet?
Why Conservatives are always right.
Was Nixon Framed for the Watergate?
Texas man shoots and kills a chupacabra


Global News Wire Network
The Facts are the Most Important to Us

Lawrence and Sharapov: A Difficult Negotiation
As the Lucerne Conference continues we are getting the image of President James Lawrence and President Konstatin Sharapov working hard to ratchet down global tensions that both men helped raise. Sources at Lucerne said the second day is going good so far. Both Lawrence and Sharapov are finding common ground. Secretary of State Tandi Reese told the press that "This is a delicate dance we must do. Both sides must get the most they want and dump issues they may be passionate about to avert a global war. Foreign Minister Ruslan Volkov told the press: "I cannot release anything as it would hamper the process of negotiations."

Chinese Aircraft Carrier deployed to South China sea for a military exercise
China to deploy one of it's three newest Aircraft Carriers to the South China sea ina display of power with a powerful Chinese fleet of destroyers, frigates, and submarines. This deployment is meant to rattle disputed territory in the Spratly Islands. Vietnam, the Philipines, Taiwan, Malaysia, and China all claim the islands as their own and have positioned troops in the region to prevent one from taking it over. This move is concerning those nations with territorial claims in the Spratlys.

Endicott Energies CEO Willam Chang Commits Suicide
William Chang, the former CEO of the failed energy giant Endicott Energies was found dead in his Porsche 911. Police said it was done via a self-inflicted gunshot to the head. The embattled former CEO created the climate for the money laundering and fraud scheme that created one of the largest corporate collapses since the great depression. Chang was forced into a multi-billion dollars lawsuit that will likely lean towards the plaintiffs EE's former employees. The civil case is still likely to continue.

Stanford honors computer sciences, Professor McCoy
Rob McCoy has been honored by Stanford University for his twenty years as a professor and his recent prize of an Ig Nobel prize regarding artificial intelligence and card games. While it has made many of his students laugh the Ig Nobel committee thought the idea met the requirements for the prize. "It is odd but it made people think. That is the purpose of the Prize," said Professor Thoms Xia of Cambridge. Rob McCoy is a leading advocate for Artificial Intelligence and has gotten into debates with Professor Edmund Francis, who believes we must tread carefully on AI.

Dart Communications to get into high-speed service
Dart Communications Vice President Richmond Graham announced that the communications and telecom gain would get involved with providing new high-speed phone service over America. "We want to get our customers a service with a download rate as high as seven or more megabits a second and an upload as high as three megabits a second. Babel, Andre Maxfield, the head of our R&D department has told me that he thinks with our current modernization plan we will be able to provide this service within three years nationwide." Due to Dart's announcement, Skyline communications, Dart's biggest competitor, has announced they too will pursue such technology.

Mid-West Airlines gets New CEO, Heather Smitty
When Martin Tillman announced his retirement back in June, Mid-West Airlines began the look for a replacement. They can announce that MidWest will be run by Heather Smitty an internal hire and former Vice President of operations for Trans-Atlantic Operations. Mrs. Smitty with be the first female CEO of the airline. Mrs. Smitty is pleased with the board's decision and hopes to not disappoint her employees.

Other stories

Teresa Daly: can she become the first black person and the first female president?
Chief Justice Isaac Murphy injures foot in a skiing accident
New Saudi King orders crackdown on Shia leaders
Saddam Hussein and family meet with Russian Ambbasor in Baghdad
U.K. opposition Leader Jonathan D'Arcy opposes Summit with Sharapov.
Chinese President Teng to open new locks at Three Gorges Dam
Nationwide police reports of monsters on the rise. FBI puzzled at the hysteria
FBI investigating Axeon Defense over espionage charges.
Salmonella Outbreak at midwest buffet chain The Feeding Trough, cross contamination to blame


The National Tattler!
Home to the Truth! From Leech Boy to Bigfoot We got it!

Neurotology planning to unleash super-plague to ensure only pure Meeptheians survive?
The cult made by M. Bob Corbett and lead by Thomas Nemec plan to unleash a super virus that will wipe humanity off of the map! The plan to reunite with Meepthorp in the great beyond-yond and intend to release via airports all over the world. The religion has been building a mega bunker in Nevada for the Tier Clear 11. When the human race is wiped out by the Virus they called Red 3 they will repopulate the world with their people and their image. Many believe this is due to the box office bomb that was last years film "Resistance America!" Which starred Nuerotolgist Murphy Sacco famous for his films "Texas, New York", "The Pompadour", and "Charlie Too can Talk Series"

Digimon are real claims Canadian
Canadian man Francis Walla of Calgary claims that Digimon are real and he saw them in the real world. "I saw them fighting down at the local park they were fighting late at night. I told the police what "I saw yet they don't believe." Mr. Walla has a long police record for DUI yet he was dry that night as he said: "I just left the joint, I didn't want to freeze so how could I buy booze?" Mr. Walla claimed one looked like a bird thing the other looked like a dinosaur.

Aliens stole my Car!
Aliens Stole the Car of an Albert Lea, Minnesota native Rusty Shackleford. Mr. Shackleford who lives at the edge of town claims he saw a bright light and that a UFO abducted and stole his 1971 Dodge Charger. Rusty Shackleford told police, "I just got it really cherry! And them grey aliens took it!"

Ghost girl spotted in Bay Area Again!
The Ghost of a young girl had once again appeared in the Bay Area this time a local jogger claims to have seen the Lolita Ghost outside the San Fransisco offices of BusyBee, the tech and search engine company. The jogger told The National Tattler, "I was just running and she was suddenly there, no sounds, no movement nothing. She just smiled at me and vanished."

Demon sighted in Mexico City
Hector Contreras, is a taxi driver in Mexico City last week he claimed his taxi was damaged by a demon. Mr. Conteras claimed he was ready to return his taxi to the depot last Wednesday night. When something hit the top of the cab of his car. "It was no bigger than a boy around ten to twelve years old and it had a human face. But it had three toes on its feet, Firery red hair, reddish skin, and horns." Hector Contreras's story is electrifying Mexico City and Mexican television. Especially with footprints on the taxi cab roof.

Other stories
Unexplained Occurrences to get a new season and host on UBC
Border to Border radio host talks to ex-Area 51 employee. Which alien races need you be worried about.
Denver Airport: Home to the Illuminati?
Monsters have been seen in Tokyo. There goes Tokyo!
Bigfoot steals Idaho man's yard gnomes,
How the Government spies on you Echelon revealed
Mount Weather upgrade What the government has done to its top bunker.
Connecticut cannabis cannibals!
Apexi: Have they started every war since Vietnam?
Romanian Vampire scare. How do locals believe the undead are back?


Nichiuri TV
Bringing you the news for the Land of the Rising Sun, and the Kanto Region

Shizuoka Slasher sends a letter to Nichiuri TV
We here at Nichiuri TV have received a letter from the man behind the killing in Shizuoka and other cities. The letter details how he killed numerous victims in a way that only the police know. The police are asking the man to turn himself in. The slasher promises to make a mark on Tokyo.

Teiyo Group may buy a large stake in Karin Motors
The Powerful Teiyo Group has been rumored in buying a controlling interest in the Krain Motor Company of Fukuoka. Karin may not be the largest car company of Japan but it is one of the more well known aboard for microcars in Europe the Four Door Precursor is very popular in Italy, France, and Austria. If the Government approves of this deal Teiyo will increase its profits by forty percent.

Subway attack motives remain unclear.
The Subway attack at the Shinjuku Park Station has remained unsolved as police are trying to determine the motive of the homeless vagrant that cause the injury of the American Tourist. The Identity of the vagrant is still unknown. Police claim the vagrant was on some form of narcotic, possibly speed or cocaine.

Shinjuku reports of monsters on the rise.
Lately, reports of monster have been on the rise according to Shinjuku Ward Police station Public Relations officer Assistant Inspector Fumiyo Kuroda. Kuroda stated. "It's pure hysteria. People are making too much out of nothing. They're saying Obvious terrorist incidents are caused by monsters." Several citizens claim the police are hiding these incidents to avoid a panic and look good. Many people like Tomoyoshi Zaizen are frustrated at the police's inability to believe them. "I saw a monster it was was a samurai thing. It destroyed my car!"

Prime Minister Mitamura being criticized for being staying at Lucerne too long
Prime Minister Mitamura is facing criticism from Opposition Leader Eiji Kubo for staying at Lucerne, doing nothing as America and Russia mostly work on arrangments regarding the ends of tensions over the incidents over Iran and Pakistan. "The Prime Minister should be in Thailand working with the international community to prevent a nuclear war in South Asia," Kubo warned that the PM is more worried about a perceived legacy than an actual one.

Trapdoors host to leave the show after the season finale
Fumio Fujiwara, the comedian, and host of the popular prank show will leave at the end of the season. He has been on the popular prank show since 1989. Fujiwara stated he wanted to leave because he has had a good run on the show but it is time for a different host. He will leave the show with good spirits and fond memories.

Other stories:
Order of the Burning Wheel decries modern technology as evil.
Digimon to be renewed for next fall season
Soaplands: dens for crime
The death of individuality in Japan
A possible maglev train to be used by JR in 2015?
New rare earth elements deposit found on Philippine islands in Spratly's
Paradise Burger to Introduce new Five Alarm Wasabi Burger
Kobe Yakuza boss being investigated for missing bureaucrats
Princess Sunshine, Most popular girls show in the country currently
Marutomo looking into buying thirty percent of Nakahawa Motors


Hush-Hush
The Top source for Celebrity News and Gossip

Murphy Sacco getting divorce hearings over homosexual allegations
Movie star Murphy Sacco is in trouble with his wife over the allegations that he had homosexual relations with one Brian Mulready, a trainer at Sacco's gym. Murphy's wife Diane Reed-Sacco is going to a divorce court over the actor's many homosexual encounters. Desmond McMartin, Diane's attorney said, "It breaks Miss Reed's heart that her husband lied to her about this. She is also not happy with the Church of Neurotology and their control of her husband."

The Church of Neurotology stated that they did not try and control Murphy Sacco.

Fem Force Five? The other Holiday Hit of the season?
The popular comic book series Fem Force Five will be getting a theatrical release this Christmas and while it will not do as good as the Lord of the Rings movie it is expected that the film will make a lot of money as it has the entire core cast being women fighting and taking on the action movie role and not typical roles Hollywood puts these women into. It is expected this film will help Monumental Pictures with their new series of films all of which are superhero movies. This could be an enormous gamble for Monumental but the studio is moving full steam ahead.

Rumiko Nonaka meltdown! Model unleashes tirade paparazzo in Rome.
Japan's top model and most famous woman under thirty, Rumiko Nonaka berated a paparazzo who got onto the shoot of some advertisements at the Piazza Di Spagna. The paparazzo Silvio Caruso told the press that Mrs. Nonaka attacked him for him sneaking onto the set and interrupting the shoot. She screamed obscenities at Mr. Caruso for several minutes.

German Director Jurgen Böhm to remake Metropolis
Avant-Garde director Jurgen Böhm announced he and several studios will work to make a silent version and remake of 1927's Metropolis. While many are curious what a film like that would bring many are decrying it as a cash grab and unnecessary.

Trapdoors to come to America?
Popular Japanese prank show Trapdoors is being shopped around for the US release for this or the next Fall-Spring season. The most interested network is rumored to be UBC followed by CBS and ABC. Will we see popular American stars and average people falling through trap doors? No one will know for sure if the show will translate well to American audiences.

Other news
Which Easy Street Boy now is an Appliance Salesman? the answer will shock you.
Indian movies being filmed in Holland. A new Bollywood in Europe?
Are heavyweight boxer Louis Canfield and Rapper Xero! Having a torrid affair?
Who is Cammy Tate's new boyfriend?
V-Pets: Which celebrities have them?
What diet does Megan Hennessy do to stay thin? Find out!
Botox is it safe? And why you need it!
Reggie Anders breaks foot doing helicopter jump stunt for a movie
Kevin Greenman to be guest of honor at USO show in Kabul
UBC to begin filming at Minnesota studios
Frankie the Orangutang from popular eighties show "Action Monkey!" has died. Drugs are believed to be the cause
And to those we lost. The list of celebrities we lost this year