Disclaimer: I don't own "The Hangover" or its characters. Now, my OC's I do own, so please don't be a dick and take them from me.

Huge thank you to ClarityJones43, nannygirl, SecretWonderland96, seasidewriter1, Mandalore the freedom, Outsidel0okingin, Ryan1441, and bellapg18 Everyone Thank you so much for reviewing! It's really cool to be able to hear your thoughts and get to chat personally with you guys!

I really don't have much to say for an author's note but nonetheless, I hope you do enjoy the chapter. It's a little shorter than the other chapters but I've been really busy lately so at least it's something rather than no update! Please remember to leave your thoughts about the chapter :)

Wild Ones

Chapter 7

Immediately, everyone ran up to the roof. Except Eric who casually took his time to get up to the roof – not really giving a fuck where Teddy was. Phil quickly pushed the heavy door open and sprinted into the bright hot sunlit rooftop. Everyone followed after him.

"Teddy?!"

Everyone shouted and chorused his name over and over again. When they all realized he wasn't up there on the roof – they all sighed in defeat.

"He's not here." Stu said discouragingly, as he looked out into the chaotic city of Bangkok. Paige frowned, clearly upset.

"I can't believe this is happening again!" Paige exclaimed, running a frustrated hand through her fiery red hair.

"Damn it, Phil!" Jamie shouted angrily, walking towards the taller man and pointing a finger at him. "This is all your fault!"

"What?" Phil cried out in exasperation. "Are you fucking kidding me? How is any of this my fault?"

"Everything's your fault!" Jamie yelled. "Starting with that stupid bon fire party on the beach that you just had to have!"

"Which you agreed to." Phil reminded her.

"Hey!" Paige stopped the two adults from fighting. Jamie looked at her with annoyance and Phil looked at her with exasperation. "Stop fighting for once! It's nobody's fault here! Now – let's just all calm down."

"Yeah." Phil agreed. "Listen to Paige for once, Jamie."

He wrapped an arm around her but Paige only said snippily, "Please remove your arm from my shoulder." Phil sighed but removed it anyways.

"You're no fun when you're sober." He said as Paige gave him a look as if to say "really?" Jamie rolled her eyes at the two before turning around to go stand by Stu who was staring out into the city looking lost with himself.

Suddenly, something was buzzing in Connie's pocket. She narrowed her eyes and realized she still had her cell phone in her pocket. She hysterically told everyone to shut the fuck up as she hastily answered the phone.

"Connie? What the hell? Where are you guys? I thought we were gonna go down to the pool and tan?" It turned out to be Zoey. Connie sighed in relief.

"Oh, thank God. You're alive." Connie answered. Everyone looked at her in confusion. "It's Zoey. She's okay."

"Is Teddy back there at the resort?" Stu instantly asked her.

"Do you have any idea if Teddy is there at the resort?" Connie asked Stu's question.

"Um, no. I haven't seen him since last night. I thought he went out with you guys down to the beach last night. What's going on? Where are you?"

Connie hesitated but answered, "Umm… about that… I think we're in Bangkok right now."

"What? What the hell are you doing in Bangkok? And where's my little brother? Connie Anne Miller, you better tell me what's going on right now or so help me God, I will—"

"You'll what?" Connie scoffed but there was no answer. "Hello?" She checked her phone and realized the battery died. "Great. Phone's dead."

"Oh, fuck." Paige cursed as she rubbed her temples. Just at that moment, Eric casually sauntered across the roof.

"What did I miss?" he asked, his tone implying that he really didn't care what he missed.

"The part where I'm gonna rip off your dick and slap you across the face with it." Jamie snarled as she glared at Eric. Paige immediately stepped up to defend her boyfriend.

"Whoa – chill, Jamie. We don't need to slap and ruin his beautiful face. We wouldn't want that, would we Eric?" she cooed to the taller man as he placed on a deliberate smirk and wrapped an arm around Paige's waist, pulling her closer. Jamie narrowed her eyes at Paige's boyfriend as did Phil. So far – nobody liked Paige's boyfriend. Well, except Alan, of course.

"Hey, guys?" Alan spoke up in a hesitant voice. Everyone turned to look at him. "If I step on a cornflake – does that make me a serial killer?"

"Oh, Alan." Connie said as she wrapped an arm around the shorter, fat man. "You already look like a serial killer. You practically have serial killer printed all over your forehead. It's okay."

"God, Alan." Paige sighed in annoyance. "How stupid can you be?"

"You really should stop saying that, Paige." Jamie told her. "I think Alan's starting to take that as a challenge."

"Jesus Christ." Paige commented wryly. "We now live in the era of smart phones and stupid people."

"Hey!" Alan shouted out, offended. "Don't insult Phil like that! He's not stupid!" Paige looked at Alan like she wanted to kill him.

"I wasn't talking about Phil, you creepy, weird, fat—"

"Don't argue with the bearded devil, Paige." Jamie interrupted her. "He will drag you down to his level and then beat you with his experience." Paige took a breath, trying to calm down.

"You're right." Paige mumbled. "You're right."

"Okay." Phil clapped his hands together after thinking out a plan. "Look, everyone, Alan and I will handle this. The rest of you go back there. You tell them that Alan and I are still drunk and partying or whatever and that Teddy is with us. You two gotta get married." He pointed to Stu and Jamie.

"No, fuck that. I'm not leaving until we find Teddy. Zoey will have my ass if she realizes that I lost her little brother." Jamie argued.

"I agree with her." Stu said. "If Teddy's out there injured or whatever, it's gonna be my fault."

"Oh, honey." Jamie cooed, rubbing his arm. "It's not gonna be your fault."

"Thank you." Stu pulled a small smile.

"Eh, who am I kidding? It is actually your fault."

"What?" Stu turned to look at her.

"Say what?"

"Jesus Christ." Phil rolled his eyes at the couple as he paced around, trying to come up with a new plan. Suddenly, it hit him. "Shit. Everyone – check your pockets – now." He ordered.

"What?" Alan asked as everyone gathered around the pipe.

"You know the drill." Stu told him as they all pulled random stuff from their pockets. "Come on, there might be clues. Check your phones, numbers, texts, anything."

"Shut up, dude. We got it." Connie said annoyed, looking through her pockets and purse.

"Oh, shit! What the fuck?!" Jamie said disgusted as she pulled something out of her pocket. "EWW! THIS IS A USED CONDOM!" Without even thinking, she flung it in Paige's hair. Paige instantly began to freak out as she swiped the condom from her red hair, repeatedly saying "ew, ew, ew" as she stepped on the condom dramatically.

"You had a condom in your pocket? Probably a keepsake of stealing Stu's virtue." Eric said, smirking devilishly. Stu shot him an offended look.

"What the fuck, man? I'm not a virgin." Stu defended himself. Phil put a hand on his shoulder.

"Of course you're not, man." Phil told him, sounding sincere.

"Thank you." Stu nodded.

"Wait – so you're not a virgin?" Paige asked Stu confused.

"I am so offended right now! What the fuck is wrong with you, people? I'm not a virgin. Why is that so hard to believe?" Stu was practically shouting in frustration.

"I think it be best if we didn't answer that question." Connie commented.

"Well then, fuck you guys and your absurd opinions!" Stu snapped.

"Whoa – cool! I found Obama toilet paper in my pocket!" Alan beamed as he pulled out a small roll of toilet paper. Paige looked at him funnily.

"Why is that so cool?"

"Because now Obama gets to see what my butt looks like in the nude."

"Hahaha. Obama gets to eat shit. And not just any shit, Alan's shit." Jamie laughed, clapping her hands as she howled with laughter.

"Hey – look what I found!" Connie said as she pulled out a shock pen from her pocket. "I've always wanted one of these! I wonder if it works—"

She squealed in surprise as she triggered the pen, shocking her momentarily. "Yep, it works."

"Can I see that?" Jamie asked.

"Sure." Connie handed it to her.

"Thanks." Jamie said before aiming the pen at Eric and pressing it against his neck. Instantly, he jumped back in surprise when the pen shocked his neck.

"What the fuck what that for?" he asked her angrily, clutching his neck. Jamie only shrugged.

"I just don't like you."

"I got nothing." Paige said with a deep sigh.

"I got a text from Chow." Alan said as he looked through his cell phone. Everyone looked at him.

"What time?" Stu questioned him.

"Uh." Alan paused. "10 o'clock last night."

"What does it say?" Phil asked.

"On my way niggas." Alan read, causing Connie to roll her eyes at the derogatory slang. The group stayed silent for a moment wondering what to do next. Anything that could have possibly been on Connie's phone was of no use to them without any power.

"We are so fucked." Stu said, a sign of his frustration. The monkey returned and began to chatter at them. Alan began to chuckle.

"Hey, Phil." Alan said, smiling at the creature. "Look whose back." They looked at the monkey for a moment.

"We got to get you out of the sun." Phil said, looking at Alan's bald head. "Or get you a hat."

"Phil. I have a question." Alan replied to him out of nowhere.

"Oh, God." Connie sighed. Alan asking questions was never a good sign. Seriously - how much stupider could he get? Honestly?

"This better be good." Paige whispered to Jamie in which she nodded in agreement.

"What's that, Alan?" Phil asked, trying not to let his annoyance slip through his voice. Either way, Alan didn't seem to notice.

"Do monkey's get gray hair when they grow old?"

"Oh, Alan." So dumb.