"I'm Joker!" said the clown.

"I'm Harley!" said the other clown.

"AND THIS IS SURVIVOR: JLU EDITION!" yelled Joker and Harley together.

"Welcome back dear audience," said Joker "Last week we eliminated our military man Gollum due to his attempt to woo Pigeon girl in our talent competition."

"I thought it was romantic…" muttered Harley.

"No one cares what you think," replied Joker "Any ways dear audience so far left in this completion is the Crappy Crusader, Miss America, Slowpoke, Eagle Woman, Poker Face, the Godmother, Harpy and Hawkeye."

Once again as they did every morning, the Leaguers (and Huntress) trooped out of their cabins looking none too happy with the events. Except one person, Shayera Hol was beaming.

"Alright dear contestants," said Joker "today we will be doing a,"

"COOKING CONTEST!" blurted Harley Quinn, Joker glared at her for stealing his thunder "Sorry Puddin' I really liked the idea."

Black Canary's Confessional

"Well crap, I've got no idea how to cook..."

"Anyway as my dear Harley put it heroes," continued Joker "Today you are cooking, time to show the world your secret culinary skills! You spend your time beating me up… maybe it's time to go beat something else up…LIKE EGGS!"

"You have half an hour!" shrieking Harley as she giggled at Joker's joke "GET COOKING!"

All the Leaguers (and Huntress) dispersed to their own cooking stations. All keen to get their dishes ready.

*Five minutes in*

So far everyone was doing well, it was mildly peaceful for once…except for a screaming match that had erupted next to the fridge.

"DAMN IT Q GIVE ME THE MILK!" yelled Huntress at her boyfriend.

"I need the milk, Helena," he responded calmly "I'm making the 32nd flavor of ice cream, for The Conspiracy."

"I swear to god Q, It's always conspiracies, conspiracies, conspiracies with you!" replied his irate girlfriend.

"The Conspiracy," corrected Question "Singular, it's all connected."

"Madre di dio Q, I give up! TAKE THE MILK!" said Huntress stalking in the direction of the other fridge muttering all the while. Yet other than that everyone else seemed fine.

*Fifteen Minutes In*

Most of our contestants' dishes had started to take form. Batman was chopping onions and tomatoes; he also had a whole bunch of eggs. Wonder Women was slicing eggplant as meat cooked in a skillet. Flash was working at super speed…no one was quite sure as to what was happening there… Hawkgirl was cutting vegetables. A lot of people seemed to be cutting vegetables.

Question was by the ice cream maker tasting fruit and throwing one in every so often. Huntress who had finally procured some milk was stirring it now in a bowl as she spoke to Green Arrow.

"Is he always this weird?" Huntress asked as she surreptitiously shot glances at her boyfriend "Like at your guy poker nights?"

"Always, last time we played he was muttering about Anastasia and crop circles," replied Green Arrow as he put rice into his egg filled skillet.

"I wouldn't worry about him, Helena," piped up Black Canary as she perused the cookbook "Q will be Q, the League's nut job."

Question's Confessional

"Helena realizes I can hear them right…I was right about Cadmus, I'm not a nut job."

All was still well.

*Twenty-four minutes in*

All the Leaguers (and Huntress) were finalizing their recipes…The Bat was flipping his omelet making sure it had the right amount of crispiness. The Princess was waiting by her oven, checking the food inside. Flash was fidgety by his own oven, whatever he had made cooking in it. Hawkgirl seemed to be sculpting…with her vegetables.

"What are you doing?" asked a confused Flash.

"I'm sculpting my vegetables," answered Shayera absentmindedly.

"I realize that," asked Flash "Why?"

"It's a Thanagarian thing," said Shayera as she whittled corn.

"If you say so…" muttered Flash as he went over to check his oven once again.

Flash's Confessional

"It looks like someone getting tortured."

Question was chilling (AN: Get it?) by the ice cream machine as he muttered about 'the Conspiracy'.

Huntress was putting purple and green icing on cupcakes, obviously trying to suck up to Joker, seeing as him and Harley were the ones judging. She was also eavesdropping on Question's mutterings.

Green Arrow had set a napkin on his fried rice so it would stay warm and Black Canary was searching frantically in the pantry for who knows what.

"What are you looking for, Pretty Bird?" asked Green Arrow as he sidled up to his frantic girlfriend.

"Nothing, Ollie nothing," said Dinah brushing him off.

"Like I'm going to believe that," said Green Arrow "What are you looking for Pretty Bird?"

"Instant Soup, alright!" said Dinah "I can't cook! If I add spices and cook it a bit hopefully it'll fool them."

"If you say so ladybird," said Oliver bemusedly "If you say so…"

*Twenty-Nine minutes and thirty seconds in*

Most of the Leaguers (and Huntress) had finished.

Batman had his omelet cut in half on two plates. He was also adding pepper to the top of each.

Wonder Woman was placing her second moussaka on her second plate. Then she drizzled both with sauce.

Flash had taken a twelve piece pizza out of his oven and had placed six pieces on each of his plates.

Hawkgirl had finished sculpting her vegetables and had placed them on a platter. They were in the shape of some weird Thanagarian rune.

Question had put his ice cream in two clear cups. These two clear cups had been thoroughly examined by him before hand, as he muttered about microchips.

Huntress had finished icing her brownies and was waiting for time to run out. She and Green Arrow were discussing the many eccentricities of the Question.

Black Canary had gotten her Instant Soup together and was pouring soup into two bowls.

"TIME'S UP HEROES!" yelled Joker "TIME FOR THE TASTING!"

"Mistah J," whined Harley "who are we starting with? I'm hungry because we skipped breakfast."

"My dear audience," said Joker completely ignoring the harlequin "We will rate each dish out of ten, same style as our last challenge. First up, we have FACELESS!"

"OOOO ICE CREAM!" cried the clowns when they saw his clear cups.

"So Slendy you made us ice cream, what flavor?" asked Joker as he pulled his cup towards him.

"The 32nd flavor…the Conspiracy…" said Question absent mindedly.

"You crack me up!" laughed Joker maniacally "This is also really good 5/5!"

"Humph," pouted Harley "5/5 this is good, I guess." She still wasn't happy about the whole deductions thing. You couldn't really if Question was happy with his perfect score…hopefully he was.

"Next!" cried Joker after he'd finished his ice cream "Elle Woods! Front and center!"

"So Canary what'd you make for us!" said Harley having regained her cheer.

"Soup," said Canary. She didn't want to draw more attention to it than needed.

"Kind of boring Blondie," said Joker as he tasted the soup.

"Should we really be eating soup right after ice cream, Mistah J?" asked Harley worriedly "3/5."

"No one cares Harls," said Joker "3/5, Buffy."

Canary's Confessional

"THEY DIDN'T CATCH ME WOOO!"

Black Canary nodded outwardly, inwardly she was cheering. They hadn't noticed! As she walked back she gave Ollie a very obvious wink. He in turn rolled his eyes at her.

"DORK KNIGHT! I WANT FOOD!" yelled Joker obviously not wanting deal with any of Batman's antics today. Batman obviously realized this and answered right away.

"An omelet, Joker," said Batman "It's spicy."

"Look Puddin' he actually beat eggs today!" cried Harley excitedly "5/5!"

"Haha Batsy you beat eggs! And I'm judging you!" sang Joker "5/5 Batsy 5/5!"

Batman simply nodded, he had more important things to think about then what the Joker thought of his cooking.

"NEXT!" shrieked Harley.

"CHICKADEE, GET OVER HERE!" yelled Joker cutting Harley off

"What is that?" said Harley as Shayera brought over her sculpted vegetables.

"It's a veggie sculpture, he's the old Thanagarian god of food," said Shayera.

Hawkgirl's Confessional

"Yes I realize, I'm an atheist, maybe it'll give me some luck."

"MISTAH J! IT LOOKS LIKE A FACE!" shrieked Harley "I'M NOT EATING IT 0/5!"

Hawkgirl's Confessional

"Some luck…"

"Shut it, Harls!" said Joker as he laughed "4/5, it looks like me!

Shayera rolled her eyes at the harlequin's reaction. She nodded appreciatively at the Joker's score on the other hand.

"NEXT we have Lightning McQueen!" yelled Joker "What did you make for us, Quicksilver?"

"Well Joker my man I made you two clowns," here Flash grinned "PIZZA!"

"Pizza!" cried Joker with a giant grin on his face "You know the way to my heart, Twinkle Toes."

"I try Joke man," said Flash as he flashed (AN: Lol I'm hilarious) the maniac a thumbs up.

"5/5 for you Flash Pants!" then Joker turned to his companion "Whaddya say Harls?"

"Too many calories for me Muffin," said Harley "3/5."

Flash snorted at the harlequin's concerns but he winked at the Joker as he strutted off.

Flash's confessional

"Might as well be nice to him…we are kind of stuck on this island."

"NEXT! STAR SPANGLED BANNER!" yelled Joker "What are we eating?"

"It's called moussaka and it's a Greek," Diana started to explain.

"Dish, yes I know Princess, I'm not an uncultured swine," interrupted Joker as he shoveled the moussaka into his mouth "But come on Wondy, every challenge it's Greek Greek Greek, don't you get bored? 4/5."

"What Mistah J said," mumbled Harley through her moussaka filled mouth "4/5."

Wonder Woman graciously to her judges before walking off to join the rest of the Leaguers (and Huntress).

"NEXT!" shrieked the Maid of Mischief "ROBIN HOOD, what are you feeding us!?"

"Fried rice," said Green Arrow as he gestured "to the plates I front of him."

"C'mon Green Bean, do you have no sense of drama?" said Joker "Don't just tell me, PRESENT IT TO ME!"

"Fine," muttered Green Arrow then finished with gusto "To the Clown Prince of Crime and his Lady, the Maid of Mischief I present Green Arrow's fried rice!"

Green Arrow's Confessional

"Well that was embarrassing."

"That's what I'm talking about!" said Joker as he ate the fried rice "4/5, Blondie Hood."

"Too much egg," said Harley as she tasted "3/5."

"Too much egg my quiver," muttered Green Arrow as he stalked off "Crazy harlequin."

"LAST," yelled Joker "BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST we have the one the only Al Capone! Tell me Italiana what are you feeding us today?"

"Some chocolate cupcakes," said Huntress.

"I do love chocolate, Mafia Princess," said Joker as he tasted one cupcake "these are very good 4/5."

"I think they could use more milk Puddin'," piped up Harley "4/5."

Huntress' Confessional

"DAMN IT Q!"

Huntress nodded at her score then stalked off presumably to go yell at Question some more.

"Alrighty then heroes!" cried Joker "We have tested all of your culinary creations!"

"They were all very good," said Harley "The scores are posted on the board. Remember the rules, all those in the top four are invincible. The rest,"

"GOOD LUCK!" interrupted Joker.

On the board it read:

Batman & Question- 10

Flash &Wonder Woman- 8

Huntress-7

Black Canary- 6

Green Arrow- 5

Hawkgirl- 4

*Later That evening*

The rest of the contestant were waiting on Elimination Beach (Joker had gotten tired of calling it just a beach). It was a pretty normal scene; Black Canary and Green Arrow were sniggering to each at other at some inside joke. Huntress and Hawkgirl were admiring the nth metal mace.

Suddenly a horse walked in…only it wasn't a horse. It was Joker and Harley Quinn in a horse costume. Joker seemed to be the head; Harley seemed to be the bottom.

"Eww Mistah J" complained Harley "that stinks!"

"Whoever smelt it; dealt it Harls,"

"That's NOT TRUE! It distinctly came from the front."

"Whoever smelt the breeze is the one who cut the cheese."

This entire argument happened within a horse. It would've continued for a while except for Green Arrow clearing his throat rather audibly. The clowns quickly removed the costume.

"Alright Leaguers (and Huntress)," said Joker "There are only three more bunks back at the cabins."

"There are four of you," continued Harley "One of shall leave. The votes have been counted."

"All decisions are final," said Joker ominously "Fishnets and Blue jay say your good byes to Hawkeye and The Godmother because they are safe."

"On this Island there is only room for one Bird," said Joker.

"And that bird is," continued Harley Quinn.

"HAWKGIRL!" they yelled grinning

"Time to fly away, Blondie," Joker told her "Time to leave the completion Fishnets."

Black Canary sighed it had only been a matter of time. Though Hawkgirl's reaction was odd she almost looked upset…

Hawkgirl's Confessional

"I was hoping to go find Lantern okay, HAPPY!? NOW GIVE ME THAT TAPE!"

"See you on the mainland Pretty Bird," Green Arrow "Love you."

"You better win this thing Ollie, oh and love you too!" replied Black Canary. Then she got on the boat and sailed away presumably back to the mainland.

"There we have it folks," Harley said.

"We said good bye my dear audience," said Joker "To our dear Marilyn Monroe."

"So tune in next time!" yelled Harley

"TO SURVIVOR: JLU EDITION!"

(Vote on who should be eliminated by review or pm)

AN: So I'm back to regular updating schedule, hopefully a new chapter every Sunday okay. Feel free to burn me if not. There's a link on my profile for Shayera's vegetable carving. Thanks to all my reviewers. Especially to The Mortal Knight for the chapter idea. Also the whole secret identity thing lets pretend that everytime something potentially revealing happens it's bleeped out and Joker and Harley don't hear. Im still looking for nicknames if you please.

-Bella