The breathing steadily began to get worse and worse. Xemnas's eyes skimmed the dark. Nothing. Well, DUH. It was so dark in here—just for once, what he wouldn't give to be Roxas. That poor messed up kid. Even if Xemnas always had had suspicions that Roxas wasn't as emo as he made out to be. Well. He could think about that later. Currently he had to make sad, unhappy, pitiful noises. There was mysterious breathing right next to him.
Xemnas had memorized the Book for Evil Villains 4th Ed. In it, he recalled, was a section on mysterious personages. The book had said to address the mysterious beings as Bob and go from there, as most likely being called Bob would catch the mysterious being off guard—even if the thing happened to be NAMED Bob. Xemnas decided to follow this recommendation.
"Um.. hello… Bob?"
"Column B, Section 8, Chapter Five, Book for Evil Villains 4th Ed. Hello, Number I."
Xemnas about jumped out of his skin right then and there. Sadly, the boxes pinning him in prevented this from happening. "Zexion—what in the world are you doing here?"
"Luxord wanted me to get away from Larxene. I didn't agree. If I had, I would be in a plane SEAT instead of the cargo area. I feel rather remorseful now."
Xemnas frowned. "Yes, yes, that's good, Number VI. I was wondering, do you think you could get me a coffee? Preferably black. And don't make any puns about that."
Zexion gave an audible sigh. "Sir, with all due respect, how am I supposed to do that? I'm tied up, not to mention I'm in a cargo bay of a plane. Which is currently in flight."
"I see, Number VI." This statement was a blatant lie. Xemnas, like most evil organization leaders, did not understand a simple "cannot." He could deal with "will not," "should not," and "I gotta' go to the bathroom," but the fact that someone could not physically get him a coffee could not enter his brain.
:"Number VI, I'm not kidding, I want that coffee and I want it NOW."
"Sir, I'm aching to give you a punch in the mouth right now, but I can't do that either. You'll just have to wait."
The punch in the mouth. That was something that Xemnas recognized. "Don't back talk me, young man."
"And don't talk like my mother. It's the most annoying thing in the world and Vexen does it all the time. No one wants to be like Vexen, am I right?"
Xemnas shuddered. "That laugh."
Zexion smiled in the darkness. "I'm glad we agree. At least you don't have to live around it, right?"
"Right," Xemnas concurred.
"Hi, I'm Bob!" a squeaky voice proclaimed right next to Xemnas's ear.
Now, let me tell you… that scream that ensued echoed for miles. You just have to feel sorry for the passengers of the plane.
- - -
Larxene had been bored. So very bored. When you are bored like Larxene does, you're so bored that you MAKE something to do. You do something even if it isn't interesting. So Larxene decided to that. She decided to read travel brochures.
Larxene had been reading about Hawaii when the alarms went off. They rattled about in her head and spread to her hands, eventually making her drop the Hawaii brochure in frustration. She was about ready to call for Bertha when she realized that she had dropped Bertha as a one-time deal after the line quoting had gotten on her nerves. Soon after she heard Bertha hit on the guard, so there would be no retribution.
After the alarm had gotten sufficiently on her nerves, Larxene decided to find the source. Following her (rather handy) electrical senses, she made her way to the escape door. On her way she saw Saix killing bunnies and guessed that this was his version of licking his wounds. How pitiful.
The door was still slightly open, as the automatic closing mechanism in it had been harmed by Luxord's crash into it. Larxene frowned and kicked down the door like a piece of Styrofoam. It was impressive and majestic, despite the impossibility of the event. Larxene smiled. She loved being impossible, as Vexen said. She could tell it to him; he would be happy enough. He always loved it when his woeful remarks came true.
The bright sunlight stung the woman's eyes as she came out into the open. The bright, cheery 'hello' from behind seemed to sting as well. Before she could snub Luxord once again, she was locked in the women's bathroom. Curse those time powers.
- - -
The Group (Demyx, Marluxia, Lexaeus, and Xaldin—that being in order alphabetically and possibly manliness) was not doing well. Marluxia had tried to mutiny several times and Demyx had tried to drown himself, which just made Marluxia laugh and crow at all the water his plants were getting, which in turn made Demyx angry and he tried to drown Marluxia. Gasp. You all knew it was coming. I'm sure you were all waiting for them to go insane, then kill each other like little flies. Well, I'm sorry. Marluxia didn't quite die. No, Marluxia did anything but die. He gagged and spluttered and swore (later Demyx claimed he was just washing out Marluxia's mouth for all that dirty language), but eventually a vine snaked its way over to Demyx and tripped him up, landing him face up on the pond of a floor.
Xaldin had considered breaking up the fight, but decided against it on the grounds that there was nothing better to do. However, Lexaeus spent his time trying to figure out what the strange noise in the women's bathroom was. As the fight lasted around thirty minutes and was rather loud in all instances, Lexaeus never got quite the listening capabilities that he was wanting, which was disappointing. In fact, one of the most distracting things was the loud bursts of laughter that Xaldin gave every five minutes or so.
As you know Xaldin, his laughs can be rather distracting (I ain't even going INTO his smiles.). In fact, rather is an understatement. It's more like, "Stop what you're doing and prepare for a flood!" or, "There's a typhoon coming and we have NO CLUE when it's going to hit so run while you still can!" Xaldin's laughs are frightening and if a man valued his masculinity, he would covet Xaldin's laughs will all he had in him. And, yes, if you were wondering, Vexen was VERY jealous of Xaldin's laughs. …yes, I'll stop with all the caps lock. But case in point, it was like a mini-earthquake every time that Xaldin laughed and you really can't blame Lexaeus for not being able to hear Larxene's screeches of indignation or the way she violently kicked the door… and all the walls.
As I mentioned Larxene kicking a door down quite easily before, a question may arise. "Why was Larxene not able to kick down the bathroom door?" Well, let me tell you—those bathroom doors are really made of something these days. I'm not sure why, but I think I gain a pound of muscle every time I push one open. What's more, the walls are probably made of the same thing; they're cold and hard and seems like a super villain might even be able to take out one of those pesky heroes with them. That's how thick and hard and heavy those walls are.
So it wasn't until the end of the skirmish that Lexaeus finally deciphered the noises, at which point he turned around poked Xaldin in the shoulder. Xaldin sighed and took his eyes away from a sopping Demyx and Marluxia. "What is it?"
"Well," Lexaeus said with a thin smile, "I think I know where Larxene is."
"And dot dot dot?"
"She's locked in the women's bathroom and she can't get out."
Xaldin snorted and barely held back another laugh. "You have GOT to be joking."
"No," Lexaeus sighed. "Put your ear to the door and take a listen."
Xaldin complied within a moment or two and listened for about the same length of time. "…I think you're right," he said after a while. "This is really too good to be true."
"Nah," Luxord said as he zipped in from his comfortable little warp zone, "it's just too good for a NORMAL story. But we aren't normal." Then he disappeared like a good Luxord.
Lexaeus gave a dry cough and held up a finger. "You know, he has a point."
Xaldin sighed. "I guess our little trip outside has all gone to waste, aside from Marluxia and Demyx making total fools of themselves. Let's go back to the room and see if Vexen has found out anything."
It was at this point in time that the guard from who knows how many chapters back decided to show his face. Demyx looked up just in time to see him advancing menacingly over the water-covered floor.
"How convenient," he moaned. And, truly, it was.
- - -
Vexen had finished all his stacks of papers and had now been routed into a game of Mother May I? with Axel, Roxas and Xigbar. Xigbar decided to be the (deluded) Mother and no one really complained, because he was the man with the two rapid-fire guns. Vexen was left at the start because he kept asking to be put forward to a higher rank in the Organization instead of five skips or three baby steps, but Axel was midway to Xigbar, and Roxas was only a few steps away from the goal.
"This is a very stupid game," Vexen complained. "You can't do anything useful in it. There's no way to gain money or insight. There's no way to gain advantages."
"You have to keep playing until someone wins," frowned the man with the two rapid-fire guns. Vexen shut up from then on and concentrated seriously on the crab walk.
In a few moments, of course, Roxas had won, but Axel still congratulated Vexen on his good sportsmanship. Roxas did a victory dance while Vexen tried to start up a game of Name the Elements in Alphabetical Order, but no one took him up on it. A knock on the door bashed all the Nobodies out of their reveries and Roxas opened the door carefully. There sat a tiny bunny with a ragged black-cloth bow tie around its neck. It held a note clamped between its trembling paws reading, "HELP MEEEEEEEeeeee arrrrgh" Roxas slowly closed the door and locked it, trembling. He turned around and said in a voice laden with despair, "Saix ran out of happy pills again."
