Heart Shaped Box (Nirvana)
Chapter 7
Alexander's POV
I stared around at my room as the sun began to rise, I stared at my wall, the one that had the many pictures of Raven I had painted, and sitting next to all of those I saw my easel, it was still covered in that sheet. I looked at it heartbroken. Tonight was the night I was going to do it. I was going to share the great news with her. I had finally made up my mind I was ready to commit. I got up and continued my pattern, pace, sit, pace; I was once again on the pacing. I looked as I passed the easel and glared at it, I felt like it was staring me in the face, like just a huge reminder of the huge choice I made, for nothing! I threw the sheet off. I walked pasted it stared at the painting, possibly the best painting I have ever made, I had made it especially for Raven, the love of my life, it was a surprise for her, the only gift she had really asked me for, immortality.
I glared at the painting, not because I hated it but just because it was so amazingly beautiful. It was Raven in the pale moonlight, standing in our favorite place, the graveyard, the place where we still went to escape sometime, she was smiling her beautiful smile and in place of her two canine teeth were beautiful white long fangs. She looked so beautiful as a vampire. I wanted to touch her so bad, to lay my lips against hers and touch her soft skin, and just hold her in my arms, but I couldn't. She changed, she was different she didn't want me. Why didn't she want me? Why did she change? How did she change? She didn't seem much different to me…or was that simply what I wanted to believe. Was I just a fad, had she gotten too mature for a simple high school romance? Or had she meant that she was tired of having a relationship with someone who she barely got to see, had she grown bored of that, is that what she meant by she had changed? I was completely confused and heartbroken by everything, I'm not sure why, but seeing the sun rise, watching the light creep it's fingers through the front gates of the mansion made me anxious, I found myself hoping that Raven would come running, and leap over the gate, calling for me, begging for me to take her back. I didn't want to seem so affected and desperate but if she did I knew I would take her back in a heartbeat. I would hug her and kiss her and never let her go, I just wanted her back more than anything. Only she could make me feel so hopeless, watching the gate hoping to see her, glancing at my phone every few seconds waiting for her to call, for her to text, and look at my pictures of her, asking myself why. I asked her to stay away, it was my one request, but now I wanted nothing more than her to break it and just come back running to me. I was so focused on looking for any kind of sign that she was coming that I barely heard as Jameson entered.
"Mr. Alexander, you are still awake," he said trying to sound surprised. "I figured as much…" he whispered.
"I love her, Jameson, I love her more than anything in the world, and now she has left me…. I don't know what to do…" I told him.
He smiled trying to reassure me and placed his skinny pale hand on my shoulder. "I do believe there is a saying my Lord, 'If you truly love something you should set it free'" he told me.
"And if she comes back to you then she is truly yours," I completed. "What are you saying by that Jameson?" I asked, longing for her to return, I didn't even care if she were truly mine or if it was the other way around, I just wanted her back, my heart and soul.
"I am saying that the love between you and her was beautiful, probably one of the truest loves I have ever seen, very comparable with the eternal love between your mother and father," he said, my heart ached at his words, as he described my love with Raven.
"So what you think she will be back?" I asked. "Raven is not the girl to just break it off and change her mind like that, she knows what she wants and she knows what she likes, and apparently I am neither."
"I will not disagree that Raven is a very strong headed woman, and I am not saying that she may be fickle, just that…from what I have seen of Raven…she would not do something like this if she did not have a huge reason behind it," he told me, his voice emotionless.
"So what, you think she is being black mailed? Who would want to black mail Raven? And for that matter if some did black mail Raven, she is not the type of girl to give in to stuff like that, she would tell me!" I shouted. I saw him flinch at my raised tone, and I wanted to feel bad about it, but I was too broken to really feel anything.
"Unless it was something that she felt was too big to bring to you," he said. "I am just offering some input, so you do not simply settle on the fact she doesn't like you, because if I may say Master Alexander, is not true," he told me.
I sighed, he was being unreasonable. "Thank you Jameson, I appreciate the thought, but I would really like to be alone right now," I told him.
"As you wish Master Alexander, but if I may suggest something else, you should go to bed, Ms. Raven know not to come during the day, if she were to come back to you, and staying up all day will only make it harder to wait for her tonight," he said as he approached the door to my bedroom.
"Thank you Jameson, I will take that into consideration," I told him.
He nodded. "And if Raven does happen to come by, I will send her directly to you chambers," he promised.
"Thank You Jameson," I said for a third time. I stared out the window for a few more minutes, waiting, but as Jameson predicted, there was nothing, so I took his advice and headed down to bed.
It was no use though, I laid there, for hours, in my coffin, jumping at every sound, my heart racing as I thought I smelled Raven's sweet perfume, but being disappointed when I came to grips that I wasn't her, and then when I did fall asleep, I was faced with the horrible visions, of her and me, together, kissing, cuddling, everything, they tortured me and mangled my heart until I finally escaped my personal hell at sunset when I woke up. On a normal day sunset would mean I would jump out of bed, get ready and head out to see my girl, but I had no girl, and I had no motivation, so I laid there in my coffin, not coming out. Days and night quickly began to overlap, until it got to the point that I couldn't tell what time or day it was again, I tried sleeping, I tried daydreaming but they all lead to the same hell, Raven and I together, kissing, cuddling, touching, anything, just the beautiful picture of her face and then once again the depression filled in the empty space I felt. I got so depressed that for an entire week I did not leave my coffin. Jameson was nice enough to not try and force me out, every few hours he brought down a bottle from the cellar, and he even got the ones that were old Romanian wine spiked with blood, this helped ease the pain a bit, drinking. I had no shame in it, hell I was 18, that may not be legal in America, but this was just wine, and it was legal back in my home country, plus I am a vampire, who is going to really complain. I just laid there in my comfy black coffin, buried away from the rest of the world, burning in my own personal hell, until someone was nice enough to try and pull me out, by opening my coffin and exposing me back to the light, sadly it was not the person I desperately longed for.
"Dude, you are seriously at rock bottom," the voice said as blond dreadlocks came into view.
"Right you would know," I told him shielding my eyes. "Because I have had to talk you out of this place so many times before," I told him.
"Yeah, man, that's why I am here, to repay the favor," he said. "c'mon man, come out of your little hide out, I have a fun time out planned for us, we can go hang at the club and check out all the hot babes, now that we are both single."
"The club," I asked, "hell no! Raven goes there, and I don't want to see her right now, it's bad enough that I can't stop thinking about her!"
"No man, it's alright, Jagger has told me that Raven hasn't been to the club in days, so it's safe ground for us to just hang!" he said.
"How do I know that Jagger isn't just making that up and that Raven still isn't a regular," I said.
"Dude, it's so weird but the guy is actually concerned, he says that we vamps need to stick together in this town and he said that he'll help in any way he can…." Sebastian told me excited.
"Yeah, that sounds so convincing I'll probably go and he'll have a mural of Raven on the wall," I said skeptical. "When has that guy even wanted to be nice to any of us, he still hates me for leaving his sister and he hates you for breaking her heart."
"Yeah well, I think we can both agree that his sister is psycho. Hey maybe you should go out with her, you know, she is still like obsessed with you, and she would be a good way to get over Raven, plus she is…err…pretty…." He said, unconvincing.
"Oh yeah, that's the logical thing to do here, date someone who you just called a psycho, dude, I didn't like her like 2 years ago when I was suppose to change her, and I don't like her now," I said.
"Then let's go back to Romania then man, it's about time, and I know that you have been missing your family, they'd be happy to see you, your parents miss you, Stormy misses you, and we can go back to being the biggest players in the city, it'll be fun~!" he said trying to convince me.
"No man, I don't want to leave Dullsville, this is my home now," I said without really thinking about it.
"Why? You said before that the only reason you were staying here was because of your girl, your girl doesn't want you anymore. What's stopping you from going home?" he asked.
"Nothing, I just don't want to go home, I have a life here, and I am not going to let my parents sell my grandmother's mansion," I told him and he narrowed his eyes.
"That's not it, please don't tell me you want to stay here because you are hoping she will come back to you," he accused.
"N-No, that's not it at all," I lied, and he looked unconvinced. "Hey you don't really know that it will never happen…." I said giving up on hiding how pathetic this break up had really made me.
"Dude, she hit you bad, it's like you are the titanic and she is the fucking Iceberg, you are sinking man! You need to get over her, you know go back to the side of life where happiness and smiles do exist," he said.
"I don't know man, I mean, I still love her, I'm not ready to get over her, I mean, I was going to propose to her the other night, I was going to turn her into a vampire, down by the cemetery, we would plan this big covenant ceremony just like she wanted, dude she had all the details planned, it would have been perfect!" I told him, sending another round of ache through me.
"Yeah well she moved on, she doesn't want that stuff anymore, okay I don't know if she will ever come back to you but, I do know that if she ever were, she wouldn't do it with you laying in your coffin, getting drunk, singing Nirvana songs and burring yourself away from the rest of the world. You need to get out there, play the field, and show her what she's missing. Show her that Alexander Sterling does not need some chic to make his life complete!"
"I don't know man; I mean what if she hasn't moved on? Jameson was saying something to me early; about her having some sort of big reason to do this that she was trying to hide from me… what if he was right!" I said
"What if your butler is just afraid of crushing you and feeding you impossible excuses? Dude stop making excuses and come out of your little hole, look at the world, see that it is filled with girls that look just like Raven and some that look even better! Stop moping or I swear I will pull you out to the club like this, in your adorable little skull and cross bones boxers and Muse T-shirt, hey maybe we'll see Raven there too, she'll be so hot for you like this!" he said. I lay down in my coffin and groaned, but gave in anyway.
"Alright, fine! I'll do it; I'll go out with you, tomorrow, but I need one more day to lay here and mope!" I said trying to compromise.
"Alright bro, I can deal with that, but tomorrow night we are hitting the town hard, hell we might not even get to bed till next sunset!" he closed my coffin and then pat the top. "See you tomorrow, at twilight, sharp!" He shouted as he then walked away. I sighed and curled up into a ball. What had I gotten myself into?
Hey guys, it's me, long time no see, sorry for the long wait, I've just been hit with so much, I had finals and tests and crazy end of the year stuff plus I took a week off and any free time I had I spent reading Immortal Hearts (Yay~! It's finally out) and all I can say is the book it making filled with joy and depressed at the same time, no spoilers I haven't finished but I am just so happy Ellen got a new book out and also so sad that the series it ending! Any way something else I thought I would bring in.
Since I started writing this after reading cryptic cravings and before I even heard Immortal hearts was coming out, the time line for this story will be between the two, in case there was any confusion with relationship status and stuff like that, I didn't want to read it and go oh shit and have to go back and change everything so I will stick with what I know, well anyway please review with any comments or questions and see you all soon, hopefully~!
Also for anyone that is like OMG Alexander's POV, i ran out of ideas for what to do for what to do, so i was like Awww let's see how poor Alex is doing, i think I may use his POV more often, he actually gave me some ideas~!
