A/N: Okay guys, this is it. Last chapter. (Drum roll) I hope you all enjoy, and PLEASE review at the end xD
"What are we supposed to do with a drunken Irishman on our hands?" asked the Doctor impatiently. "I just want to sort out my nipple. See, isn't it beautiful?"
He held out the nipple and Nancy gazed at it in wonder. Shane MacGowan dragged himself upright and slobbered over the Doctor's unsuspecting shoulder.
"Eurgh!" the Doctor squeaked in disgust. "Gerroffme!"
Shane toppled backwards and promptly fell in to a moist snoring sleep.
"Get him out of here," the Doctor said, malevolence dripping from his voice. Nancy burst into a flood of tears.
"No, take pity on my Shanie baby!" she sobbed pitifully.
"I SAID OUT!" the Doctor roared with such force that Nancy ran from the room squealing in terror, leaving Shane snoring and drooling on the floor.
The Doctor sighed and pocketed the nipple before grabbing hold of Shane MacGowan and dragging him to the door. He heaved in open and flung the drooling mess out of the door, slamming it closed. The Doctor brushed his hands off and smiled contentedly. Nancy crept back into the room and stared at the Doctor reproachfully.
"Hey Nance, I'm sorry. Now, this is the big moment in history! Are you ready for this?"
"For the nipple?" she asked eagerly, stepping forwards.
"FOR THE NIPPLE!"
They whooped loudly and high-fived. The Doctor plucked the nipple from his pocket and gazed at it lovingly.
"Home sweet home, buddy," he said softly. "Here we go."
Suddenly the door of the TARDIS flew open and in came a fleet of Daleks.
"Exterminate! Exterminate!" they cried as they glided in and surrounded the Doctor and Nancy.
"We must exterminate the nipple!" said the biggest Dalek. "EXTERMINATE THE NIPPLE!"
"Oh, you have got to be kidding me!" the Doctor cried in distress. "This is just ridiculous."
"Wait," screeched one Dalek to the first one. "Let's take the nipple."
"Doctor," said the first Dalek in its metallic voice. "You will hand over the nipple or you and the female will be EXTERMINATED!"
"Exterminate! Exterminate!" the rest of the Daleks chorused.
"Hold on, why do you want his nipple?" asked Nancy.
"I lost my nipple," the main Dalek said. "It is unfair of you to have yours when mine is gone."
"Since when did Daleks have nipples?!" the Doctor asked in surprise.
"Since the beginning of time," replied the Dalek. "We have an inner nipple to stimulate our feelings for the elusive Cybermen. Oh, how we crave them…"
"What the hell is going on here?!" demanded the Doctor. "Daleks do not have nipples, nor do they have feelings for Cybermen. Thus you must be lying!"
"Daleks do not LIE!"
"Just leave me alone," the Doctor whimpered. "All I want is to have my nipple back in place. Please…"
Suddenly the Daleks disappeared into thin air. In their place was Henrix the Scottish boy and the two leprechauns, Shaun and Paddy.
"Och aye!" cried Henrix excitedly. "Ye wee nipple won't be hindered by no scurvy cylinder dumps of scrap metal!"
"We saved the day!" squealed the leprechauns happily.
"You sure did," said Nancy appraisingly. "Thank you."
The leprechauns swelled with pride and Henrix smiled on appreciatively.
"Now, wee Doctor," he said gently. "It is time."
The Doctor took a deep breath and with all eyes on him he held the nipple up to the light. It began to glow, golden light shooting from it. The Doctor's eyes flashed.
"This is the beginning of a new era," he said in a deep, throaty voice. "The beginning of the Era of Nipple. All will worship the nipples. All will love their nipples. Nipples are a part of us and so should be respected. From this moment onwards we will be at one with our nipples! All hail the sacred nipples!"
"All hail the sacred nipples!" chorused the others.
The Doctor ripped off his jacket and shirt and stood there bare-chested.
"Are you ready for this??" he roared.
"YES!!" they all screamed, waving their arms in the air.
"Rahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" the Doctor screamed and slapped the nipple to his chest. It glowed brightly before moulding into place. "Hallelujah, NIPPLE!!!!!!!!!"
Everyone began to whoop and cheer, clapping loudly and grinning around the room like Cheshire cats. Suddenly there was a POP! and a glass of wine appeared in everyone's hands.
"This is a moment in history!" cried Nancy. "Let's all raise our glasses and have a toast. To the Doctor!"
"To the Doctor!" they chorused.
"And to the nipple!"
"To the nipple!"
"To nipples everywhere!"
"TO ALL NIPPLES GREAT AND SMALL!! CHEERS!"
The End.
A/N: There you go! That's the end of the greatest nipple adventure in history :P
I just want to say a big thanks to everyone who read this, and an even bigger thanks to those who reviewed!!
Look out for more of my stories in the future. Please review for this one, and feel free to give me suggestions for future stories xD xoxoxoxoxo
