Chapter 6- Conquering Fear
Much to Cassie's surprise, Pearly provided her with all she needed, and even got her a few things she wanted for entertainment. To his relief, the girl was fairly easily amused. She loved to read, and she had the library for that, and of course there was her painting as well. But he was about to discover that the girl had another passion, one very close to one of his own.
Cassiel was exploring about a month after her deal with Pearly. She grew to like the place, a little too fast she thought, but what choice did she really have given the circumstances? Cassie kept her word in not leaving the grounds of the house, so she knew her boundaries. But only now did she decide to actually see what was outside. Cassie wasn't sure what to start with really, but she somehow she'd wandered into the stable. To her surprise, it was empty.
"I swear…I didn't see Pearly's horse outside…unless I missed him" she poked her head outside to make sure and confirmed she was right.
Odd…he wasn't outside or in the stable, and his master wasn't in the city today. It put Cassie on her toes. But at least the outside was nice. It was fairly early in the morning, with a light mist over the emerald green grass which was covered in dew, making her shoes shine at the bottom. The sky was still somewhat dark, with tints of rose pink and light blue in it. The moon still showed even with the sun off in the distance. So caught she was in the appearance of dawn that she didn't hear something coming her way, slow and cautious as she was. Cassiel smiled and turned suddenly.
She instantly regretted it. The large black horse, spooked at her sudden movement, reared, whinnied in protest at her, and reared on his hind legs. Cassie cursed and moved before his front legs could hit her. She'd seen enough of injuries related to horse kicks and tramples to know they caused very serious damage. But things only got worse. The horse turned and just kept trying to trample her even as she ran from him. Cassie tripped, sending herself rolling down one of the hills, screaming in terror.
"Cassiel Lorraine, what'd ya do now?!" she heard Pearly practically roar from the top of the hill.
Annoyed now more than fearful, Cassie looked up to see him gently petting the horse's neck in attempt to soothe him. She didn't dare look at the horse for fear of what would happen then. Slowly, she made her way back up the hill, heart pounding as she got closer. Pearly gave her a dark, questioning and angry look.
"What did ya do?" he asked again.
"What did I do?! He scared me!"
"Well ya obviously scared him first! He wouldn't have acted that way otherwise" he looked the horse right in the eye, "It's okay, Malikai. She won't hurt ya, Ah promise, boy".
Cassie watched this with keen interest. Never had she seen Pearly act so gentle or tender towards anybody or anything. She felt her expression soften at the sight of him calming the animal. He didn't fail to notice.
"What?" he asked her.
"You…you like them. Horses I mean".
"No shit, Sherlock".
"Can I ask why?"
"No, and Ah can rightfully say it's none 'o yer business".
"Sorry".
He looked over and saw that she had a cut near the top of her head. Rolling his eyes, he moved over to her and ignored her flinch as he wiped it away with his thumb. She tried to pull away but he grabbed her arm.
"Don't move, yer bleedin'".
"It…It's nothing".
"It bothers me" he said almost too quickly, too loudly.
The blood would've alerted Andras, even if the demon within him was at rest. He could just smell blood, and it sent the owl demon into a frenzy, something he didn't need the girl to see. She didn't move as he wiped the blood away. Cassie looked in his electric blue-gray eyes for just a brief moment and thought she saw concern. Afraid of his reaction, she looked down for a moment.
She looked up at him again when it was gone. "I'm sorry".
"For what? Bleedin'? Don't be. Everyone does. Just don't let this happen again and we'll be fine".
"So…Malikai? Is that his name?"
"Ya ask a lot 'o dumb questions, Cassiel, but yes".
"Family name?"
"No. Ah just thought it sounded fine".
"It's a strong name. Biblical too I think. But I can't remember".
"I believe it is, but Ah believe you and I are on the same boat in that respect" he gave her a curious look, cocking his head just a little, "Ye're afraid of 'im".
"I…Yeah. I knew someone who was trampled by a horse. And they don't seem to like me too much".
"It's because they know ye're afraid".
"They know?".
"Sure do. They're almost like people that way, they sense intimidation rather easily. They sense it and they also get defensive".
"But I wouldn't hurt him, surely he'd know that".
"It's ancestry that speaks to him primarily, as it does in all horses. They're panicked creatures by nature. That's why they need someone firm, brave, but gentle ta lead 'em. Get it?"
Cassie could only bring herself to nod. She looked down, feeling suddenly ashamed of her fear. She should've known Malikai had more to fear of her than she of him. Pearly misinterpreted that shame for fear as he stepped closer to her. Cassie kept her eyes closed and head down as she felt his breath on her head, as calm as it was.
"Ye're still afraid, aren't ya? If not of him, then me. Am ah right, mo chol beag?"
"I…I don't know to be honest".
"Ta be honest? That's a lie".
"Do you want me to be afraid?"
"A complicated question-"
"Not really. A simple yes or no would suffice".
Damn it, she was getting back at him! Did he want her to be afraid? A part of him did, truth be told. He was Pearly Soames after all, and had a reputation to maintain, a reputation that this girl doubtless knew about. But another, smaller, but yet seemingly louder side told him that he didn't. Too many people were afraid of him, and yet never knew who he was. They knew Andras it seemed, but nobody had ever bothered to try to find him, the man under the monster.
"Ya stiffen up around me, ya always get so tense…as if Ah'm gonna pounce on ya, like a cat on a mouse. Am I a monster to ya, Cassiel?"
He was close, too close it seemed. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she swore he was close enough to feel it beating against him. Cassie closed her eyes, unable to entirely take his nearness. It was more than enough answer he needed. Pearly moved away, before the sound of her pounding heart caused Andras to stir. He petted Malikai's neck again as Cassie opened her eyes and released a breath she didn't realize she was holding.
"So then Ah take it ya don't ride, Cassie?"
"No. I'm acrophobic".
"Fear 'o heights and fallin'. Hm…figures. Well, Ah'll fix that".
"I really don't think-"
"Oh c'mon, you'll be fine. He won't hurt ya, Ah promise. Ah'll make sure 'o that".
"On your honor?"
"Ya got mah word".
"Well…I…Alright fine. A few lessons, that's it. If I don't like it, we stop it. Got it?"
"Those yer conditions?"
"Yeah".
"Agreed then".
"Well, good".
The kiss that followed was almost just like the first. But it wasn't as hard, wasn't as desperate. He didn't hurry this time, didn't rush, but she still didn't return it. Her first kiss was to be for the man she loved, a man she was never going to meet now because of this insane bargain. When he pulled back she swore there was a hint of disappointment in his eyes but he hid it as soon as it came.
Why did he do that? Was he really that desperate for some kind of attention that he resorted to sealing his deals with her with kisses? What did he hope to accomplish? But another, more sympathetic part of her mind was asking deeper questions like if he really was that…lonely. Cassie wanted to both smack him and embrace him all at once, but she didn't know, never knew, how much more she wanted to do than the other…
Nights were always cold for her. She had little to almost no means of warmth, but nights were also, in a small sense, magic. In the night, she dreamed. She was no longer being tormented. She dreamed of a man, from years ago. A man with a scar on his face and deep in his heart. She only knew him as the Scarred One. He felt familiar, but she couldn't know who he was. He spoke to her softly, like a lover, with a deep Irish brogue. She saw other faces, heard other voices, but only his face, his voice, made her feel safe, warm, loved, and wanted. She looked forward to the nights just so she could see him, to feel all those things she couldn't feel in this life because she always felt so cold and numb. It was saddening, sickening to say the least.
She sat up on her small cot then and withdrew a sketchbook from under her mattress. Inside was a drawing of eyes. His eyes. If there was anything she remembered about him, it was his eyes and his voice…and, quite faintly, a heartbeat. But she didn't know if it was his or her own. Maybe it was both. She hoped it was both. Her heart, beating in perfect time with his…a romantic notion, but she hoped that was the case.
She kissed the eyes almost reverently and held the drawing to her chest as she lay back down. She curled up into herself and began to memorize his heart aloud…
Author's Note: Sorry for the late update guys, and that this chapter probably wasn't my best, but eh…It's late as I type and I'm tired. Les Mis the other night was amazing, by the way! So anyway, I hope you all liked this, I think it's okay but it wasn't what I hoped it was gonna be. Sometimes my ideas just take on lives of their own and I just go with it. Please review, it's a big help. Thanks and see you next chapter.
