Summary: The agents, reluctantly, take part in a trust exercise. This reveals some interesting things about them, including Perry's family knowing he's a secret agent. (Based on the True Jackson, VP episode, "Company Retreat.")


Trade Secrets

*O.W.C.A. Headquarters*

The agents sat in the meeting room, chatting. They were all wondering what the meeting was about. However, some, like Perry, couldn't have cared less.

McKenzie was sitting beside him, genuinely curious. "Whatcha think we're doin' here?"

Perry shrugged. "Beats me. Probably something stupid."

Major Monogram called the agents to order. "Quiet down, everyone. Now, as you all know, it's about time for our annual trust exercise."

The agents groaned. Perry whispered to McKenzie, "Like I said: something stupid."

Rolling his eyes, MM said, "Okay, okay. I know this isn't the most exciting part of the job, but trust between agents is important. That said, Carl's cousin has come to initiate some sort of trust exercise that's supposed to make agents closer, or something."

As if on cue, a man in his twenties came up from behind him. He short, light brown hair, glasses, and a blue business uniform. "Greetings, agents," he began. "My name is Victor Wright. 'Cause I'm always right." This earned another groan from the agents, which Victor ignored. "Today, I will be initiating a special exercise that will build trust between you all." He turned to Major Monogram. "Is it okay if I stand on the table?" MM gave him a strange look. "Just to be sure that everyone can see."

"Oh," MM said. "Um, very well then."

Victor climbed up on to the table. "Carl, come up here." A little surprised, Carl climbed on to the table as well. The cousins walked to the middle of the table, and Victor stood behind Carl. "Now, Carl, I want you to lean back, as if you were falling. But, you won't fall, because I'm going catch you."

Carl smiled. "Cool. I've actually seen this done on TV."

"Where do you think I got the idea from? Now, cousin, fall into my awaiting arms." Carl fell backwards, but Victor stepped out of the way, and Carl fell on to the table. Victor knelt down beside him. "Now, when you fell, you trusted me to catch you. Instead, I moved out of the way, thus betraying your trust." Carl nodded in agreement. Victor stood up and addressed the agents. "Everybody clear on that?"

None of them knew how to respond.

McKenzie whispered to Perry, "Well, that happened."

Perry smirked and whispered playfully "Don't steal my catchphrase," to which his girlfriend rolled her silver-blue eyes good-naturedly.

Carl stood up, and Victor said to him. "Now, lean back, and this time I will catch you."

Carl wasn't so sure. "O-okay."

He leaned back but stopped himself from falling. He looked behind him. Victor was there with his arms out, and Carl relaxed. He fell back, but Victor moved aside again, and Carl fell on the table. Again.

Carl stood back up in outrage. "What was that for?"

"Please get off the table," Victor requested. Carl grumbled but obliged. Victor pulled a small stack of index cards from somewhere and handed it to Peter the Panda, telling him to pass them around. Once everyone had a card, Victor took out a card of his own and a pen. "Now, I am going to take my card, and I'm going to write my name and a secret." He proceeded to do so. "Something I wouldn't want anyone to know. Then, I'm going to put it in the paper shredder so that no one can read it."

McKenzie whispered to Perry, "This is time we're never gonna get back." Perry nodded in agreement.

Victor stuffed the card in his pocket. "But, first, I want all of you to write your name and a secret. Something you wouldn't want anyone to know." The agents did so. "Now, I will come around and collect your index cards." Upon seeing the uneasy glances between the agents, he assured, "And, don't worry. I promise not to read any of your secrets." He walked around and collected the cards. Upon doing so, he shuffled them, like this was a game of poker. "And, now I will randomly give a card to each of you-"

The agents' disapproving chatter interrupted him.

Major Monogram called the agents to order. "Just roll with it. We need to trust our fellow agents."

"Also, we're paying him," Carl added.

"We are?"

"Oops. Did I forget to mention that?"

Ignoring them, Victor handed each agent a random card. "Alright," he said once each agent had one. "Now read them."

Even more disapproving chatter came from the agents. Peter the Panda asked hastily, "W-why don't we try the falling down thing again? Carl, get up there!"

Victor honked an air horn that he suddenly had, and everyone quieted down. "This is all part of the exercise. You have to trust whoever got your secret not to tell anyone what it is. We will meet back here at four 'o' clock. Dismissed."

Monogram said haughtily, "Excuse me, but only I dismiss the agents." After a pause, he addressed the agents, "Dismissed."

Not long after that, Perry, Barry the Beaver, and Derek the Duck stood in the break room, discussing the situation at hand. None of them were very happy about it.

"I don't get the point of this exercise," Derek was saying. "I trust you guys. I trust...most of the other agents. And, frankly, I do not need anybody knowing my secret."

Barry shrugged, not seeing what the big deal was. "What's wrong with people knowing?"

Derek stared at him in shock. "What's wrong? Dude, someone knows my secret."

"Someone knows mine too." Barry smiled. "Personally, I think this is a good way to build trust between us agents."

"You are one weird beaver." Derek realized something and turned to his other friend. "You're offly quiet, Perry."

Perry was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and was staring at the floor. He looked up at the sound of his name. "Just thinking about my secret. And, the one I received. And, Barry, I do agree that this will probably build some trust among the agency-"

"Ha!" Barry gloated to Derek.

"-but it is a huge invasion of privacy."

Now it was Derek, who gloated, "Ha!" to Barry.

McKenzie strolled in then. "'Sup Perry, Barry, and...Kev...in..."

"Derek," Derek corrected. Why didn't she ever remember his name?

McKenzie laughed, "Yeah. I still don't care." She turned to the beaver. "Barry, let's talk secrets."

"And, when you're done with that," Perry said to his girlfriend, "I'd like to discuss your secret."

McKenzie frowned. "Oh. You got it."

"Is that bad?"

"Well, i-it's embarrassing, so... Come on, Barry. Let's talk." She quickly left the room. Barry glanced at his friends, shrugged, then followed.

When they were gone, Derek asked Perry, "Hey, does your girlfriend like me?"

Perry did not want to answer that question. He called, "Coming," to no one and quickly fled the break room. Not long after, a certain panda bear came up to him, a smug smile on his face. Perry's eyes became half-lidded. "Can I help you?"

"I know your secret," Peter told him.

Perry's expression remained neutral, but his eye twitched. Of all agents... "I don't care."

Peter didn't lose his smirk. "Sure ya do." He leaned in and whispered, "Your owners know you're a secret agent. You certainly wouldn't want this information to, say, leak out to Major Monogram, would you?"

Perry sighed. "What do you want, Peter?"

Peter tapped his chin in faux thought. "Hm, excellent question. What could I possibly want?"

"Peter."

"Alright. I'll tell you what I want. It's actually quite simple. I want your girlfriend."

Perry's eyes widened at the statement, as well as the casual way Peter had said it. "What?"

"McKenzie's everything I like in a lady. She's pretty, can kick butt, and she plays hard to get."

"She doesn't play hard to get. She hates you."

Peter waved off his comment. "Pfft. You just want her to yourself. Perry, unless you want Monogram knowing about your owners, then you should probably give her up." Perry just looked at him. "What? What's with the look?"

"Let's if I've got you figured out," Perry began. "You like McKenzie for her looks and her skills in combat, yet you know pretty much nothing else about her?"

Peter's smirk never faltered. "Yes."

"And, you want me to break up with her so that you can swoop in, like Prince Charming, and take her for yourself?"

"Yes."

"And, if I refuse, you'll tell the major about you-know-what?"

"Yes."

Perry glared daggers. "Peter the Panda, I am both shocked and disgusted."

Now Peter frowned. "Why's that?"

"For one thing, you're threatening a fellow agent."

Peter shrugged. "I don't see how. I tell Major Monogram, and you'll probably get relocated. You should be happy at thought of leaving those two pesky little know-it-alls."

Perry's eye twitched again. "Beg your pardon?"

Peter didn't notice Perry's increasing anger. "You know, those kids with the funny-looking heads. What were their names? Uh..." He snapped his fingers in remembrance. "Phineas and Ferb. Those two. Just because they can make some fancy-shmancy gadgets, they think they're all that and a sack of potatoes." Perry gritted his teeth. "Come to think of it, maybe I'd be doing you a favor by telling Monogram. You wouldn't have to put up with those jerks anymore."

That did it. Instead of slamming Peter against the wall, like he wanted to, Perry jammed his finger to Peter's chest, catching the panda off-guard. "Let's get something straight here. My boys are not - I repeat, not - jerks, know-it-alls, or any other false accusations you can pin on them." Unfortunately, Perry didn't notice that he was speaking increasingly louder. "They're the greatest kids in world! They're nice, they're smart, and everything they build is amazing! Do you hear me, Panda!? Amazing! Just like they are!"

Frightened, Peter gently said, "Perry, calm down."

Perry ignored him. By now the other agents were staring, but neither of them noticed. Perry was yelling now. "I cannot believe that you would say that about them, when you don't even know them! Just like you don't know McKenzie! So shut your big, fat pie-hole, and go be a pain in the neck somewhere else!"

Peter didn't waste time. Horrified, he zoomed the heck away from there.

Perry felt a hesitant tap on his shoulder and whipped around to find his girlfriend staring at him in shocked silence. Perry blinked twice, and his face flushed in embarrassment. He turned sheepishly to the agents that had gathered around to see what all the commotion was about. Perry spoke quietly. "Y-you guys can go about your business now."

When they didn't move, McKenzie grew irritated and waved her arms in the air, yelling, "Shoo! Go be extras somewhere else!" The crowd quickly dispersed, and McKenzie put her hand on Perry's shoulder and asked gently, "You okay?"

Perry took a deep breath, like the one Candace took in the episode, 'Bee Day.' "Well, that happened."

McKenzie figured now wasn't the best time to ask, but she had to know. "Um, what happened, exactly?"

Perry bit his lower bill and gestured for McKenzie to follow. He led her silently into the janitor's closet (Victorious reference. On that show, the janitor's closet is often used for private conversations.). Upon entering, he closed the door, leaned against it, crossed his arms, and avoided McKenzie's worried gaze. "I lost it."

After a moment, McKenzie asked, "But, why did you lose it?"

Perry sighed and put his head in his hands. "He was making fun of Phineas and Ferb, and I lost it, okay?"

McKenzie took his hands. "Everyone knows how much you care about them. No one will think less of you."

Perry jerked his hands away and pointed to himself. "I think less of me. I've always prided myself on an even temperament. On staying calm and collected, no matter what. Did I do that, just now? No. No, I did not. I exploded, Mack. I-" He sighed again.

"Could've been worse," McKenzie assured. "You could have beat him up."

"I was," he pinched his thumb and forefinger together, "this close to it."

"Perry, nobody's perfect, and you have a mostly clean record. I'm sure everyone will get over this. Peter, too." She paused in realization. She put her hands on her hips. "Okay, since when am I the reasonable one in our relationship?"

Perry chuckled at this. He then frowned. "Uh, while we're in a mostly private area, I wanted to talk about your secret. You wrote down that most of the agency doesn't like you. Care to explain?"

McKenzie frowned sadly and crossed her arms. "It's because they think I went rogue, last summer."

"But, that was an evil clone."

"I know, but most of the agents don't believe that. I can't say I blame them, but-"

Perry put up his hand in a 'stop' motion. "Mack, it's like you said: Nobody's perfect. Give it some time, and they'll eventually trust you again." He smirked. "Plus, dating a top agent - me - is bound to give you a few brownie points."

McKenzie smiled. "You're right. You know what's weird? We always act like we don't give a rat's pajamas about our problems, but we're actually just ignoring the fact that we need help, sometimes. I mean, what is that? Why do we do that?"

Perry shrugged. "I guess we just forget that everyone has their problems. Here's a problem for ya: How are we going to leave this closet without people thinking that we're making out?"

McKenzie simply walked out the closet, and a smiling Perry followed.

(This song is a parody of Everybody Hurts by Avril Lavigne.)


I know

Sometimes I try to ignore my feelings.

Maybe

It's time I stopped.

Because

I'm not the only one who gets upset.

I can't

Think less of me.


Now I see,

Now I see...


Everybody hurts some days...

It's okay to be afraid...

Everybody cries.

Everybody screams.

Everybody feels that way,

And it's okay.

La da da da da.

It's okay.


-Later-

The agents were gathered in the meeting room at the end of the day, relieved that the exercise was finally over.

Victor took his place on the table. "So, did anyone reveal any secrets?" No one reacted.

Except one. Peter nervously raised his hand. "I might have." In a flash, Perry had tackled him and pinned him against the floor, growling. "I-it wasn't yours!" Peter said hastily. "It was Derek's!"

"What?" Derek exclaimed. "You had my secret?"

"Actually Barry told me about your secret love of Ducky Momo."

Derek glared daggers at Barry, who - poor guy - was sitting next to him. Derek stood up. "Barry collects his friends' hair!"

"No, I don't!" Barry shouted, knowing very well it was true. "Wait, McKenzie had my secret."

McKenzie shrugged. "He's your friend, so I thought he should know."

This somehow started a chain reaction among the agents, as everyone started revealing each others secrets.

Among the chaos, Barry yelled, "Peter's been flirting with McKenzie, despite already dating Martha!"

Martha the Monkey pounced on Peter.

Victor honked his air horn, silencing everyone. He was grinning, much to the surprise of all of them. "Congratulations, everybody. You've all done an excellent job."

Silence, then Carl stuttered, "But-but-but..."

Monogram finished for him. "But, none of them kept their secrets."

"Exactly. Because, in business, there are no secrets. You all must be open with one another, and that's what makes a strong team." Victor paused. "I'm gonna go have some fruit." He walked off-screen, leaving everyone in a rather confused silence.

Monogram just looked at his intern, who said, "I told you he was weird, sir."

-Later-

Perry, Barry, and Derek, were on their way out, when Barry said, "You know, Perry, through this whole mess, we never found out your secret."

Perry almost stopped in his tracks. They were some of his closest friends, but...

Derek didn't notice his discomfort. "Yeah, man, tell us. What's the great Perry the Platypus hiding from us?"

"Sometimes Heinz Doofenshmirtz and I have tea," Perry said casually. His friends stopped in their tracks. "It's not weird."

Well, they never said Perry had to tell them the secret he wrote.

"By the way, Barry," Perry continued, raising an eyebrow at the beaver, "do you really collect your friends' hair?"

There was a pause, then Barry called to no one, "Coming," and walked briskly away.

The End


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