That night while I slept in our Jedi quarters I had a very disturbing capitalist dream. I was looking down on that fucking shill senator Padme who was giving birth to our precious babies in a very corporate fashion. Something went wrong and our babies of the FUCKING REVOLUTION Luke and Leia died during the birth. When I woke up I was hyperventilating and crying, the tears of all the oppressed workers leaking from my eyes. My husband and comrade Obi Wan put his arms around me.
"What is the matter comrade?" he asked in the soothing voice of Stalin.
"I had a dream about our babies dying," I said slowly and I watched my husband's face turn from concern to shock, just like when Padme had fucking stolen our babies and put them in her womb in the first place.
"The dream was capitalist propaganda. I think Palpatine is behind it." I said sombrely in the voice OF THE PEOPLE.
"I should go and confront him about this" I said as I put on my red Che Guevara shirt and reached for my hammer and sickle lightsaber.
"Be careful," said Obi Wan.
"Oh yes, Master Anakin do take care of yourself." said C3PO.
"Shut the fuck up, Comrade." I replied to the yellow robot.
When I found Palpatine he was at a decadent space opera thing which was probably paid for by taxpayer's money which could have been way better spent on liberating the oppressed proletariat. I sat down next to him and observed the repulsively bourgeois opera, reminding myself that I was doing this for the FUCKING REVOLUTION and for all our Comrades, the proletariat.
"I had a dream last night." I said to Palpatine who looked at me blankly, probably because his mind had been corrupted by the decadence of the opera.
"I had a dream of about some FUCKING CAPITALIST PROPAGANDA. YOU GAVE ME THAT DREAM DIDN'T YOU, YOU FASCIST!" I leapt to my feet and cried in the voice of Chairman Mao, temporarily stalling the opulent opera performance.
Palpatine turned his imperialistically flabby face towards me and blinked slowly. It was quite a while before he spoke.
"Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?" He asked me, his voice alone oppressing workers EVERYWHERE.
"No," I replied, confused by this sudden change of topic.
"I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you," he said, his tone dripping with classist imperialism.
"That's because the Jedi are a bunch of SHILL LIARS who endorse the corporate agenda that oppresses THE ENTIRE WORKING CLASS OF THE GALAXY!" I replied calmly.
"It's a Sith legend," continued Palpatine, as if he hadn't heard the OUTRAGE OF THE OPPRESSED WORKERS that resonated in my every word.
I looked at him suspiciously and wondered how he knew about Sith legends.
"Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midi-chlorians to create sponsorship deals with Nike⦠er, I mean, life ... He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying."
I looked at Palpatine suspiciously again, my working class eyes narrowed in thought. "He could actually save people from death?"
"The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities, some considered to be unnatural." Said Palpatine turning back to the opera, his eyes glazing over as he gazed at it's hedonism longingly. Knowing him, he was probably thinking wistfully of COLONIAL CONQUEST AND IMPERIALISTIC TYRANNY.
"What happened to him?" I asked FOR THE PEOPLE.
"He became so powerful . . . the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. It's ironic, he could save others from death, but not himself."
"What a dumb idiot. I bet he couldn't see his apprentice's betrayal coming because he had been BRAINWASHED BY CAPITALIST PROPAGANDA AND FALSE CONSCIOUSNESS!" I yelled loudly and communistically.
"Aren't you going to ask me if it's possible to learn this power?" asked Palpatine, smiling colonially.
"No because the story of Darth Plagueis is a FUCKING CAPITALIST PROPAGANDA LIE. Darth Plagueis should have been using his powers to liberate the FUCKING WORKERS OF THE FUCKING GALAXY!" I said progressively and I stuck my middle finger up at Palpatine and his elitist opera. There were a few shocked gasps, but I ignored them and walked back to my quarters singing the national anthem of the USSR.
