A/N: A massive thank you to all of you who have reviewed so far and all you who have favourited this story. So here is another one. And since we're heading up to Christmas, Jane and Maura are heading up to Christmas too. I have a fair amount of time off work (only 3 shifts left this year) but with Christmas being so close, I am not sure how frequent the updates are going to be around the Yule tide. There will be one or two before Christmas, for sure. Enjoy. Consider it an early present.
Chapter 7
Jane stayed awake for most of the day and Maura and Angela talked to her. They fed her little pieces of information and as Jane took in more, they gave more. As the hours began to pass, she became more and more coherent and she stopped asking what had happened and where she was. The information that she had been in an accident and had to have surgery finally seemed to stick in her brain. The more they talked, the more Maura realised that Jane did not actually remember the accident or the moments leading up to it. The medical examiner carefully began asking more detailed questions to find out exactly how much Jane did remember.
When Angela had gone to get some coffee, finally giving the two women a moment alone since Jane had woken up that morning, Maura took a deep breath. "Jane?"
The dark haired detective looked at her. "Yes?"
"Can you tell me what the last thing is you remember before waking up here?" She masked her desperation for needing to know the truth behind a mask of professionalism. It was what Maura did. Jane had even accused her of it in the past. She hid behind science; she hid behind the safety of her knowledge. Even now, the way she phrased the question, made it sound like she wanted the medical side of Jane. What she really wanted was the Jane she knew.
A frown appeared on Jane's face as the scattered images of the hours before the accident began to flood back into her mind. She remembered going to Maura's. She remembered talking to her mother and to Frankie. They had argued. A sense of guilt crept up on Jane as she slowly began to remember her own actions right before the accident and dark eyes searched for Maura's hazel green. "Oh Maura, I'm sorry."
Maura's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Whatever for, Jane?"
"My behaviour right before…." Jane's voice trailed off. She was going to say accident but she didn't need to. Maura knew. "I was an ass."
"Your behaviour was rather unpleasant, yes," Maura confessed but almost immediately regretted those words when she saw the pain spread across Jane's face. She quickly leant in and took the detective's hand into her own. "So you remember what happened at my house. Do you remember leaving?"
Jane faintly nodded. She remembered getting the call. She even remembered getting in her car and having to take a few moments to come to terms with Emily. Her eyes snapped dup when realisation dawned on her. "Emily," she said and looked at Maura. The medical examiner had been at her side for the whole time she had been in hospital and still refused to leave. "I haven't seen her yet. Where is she?"
"She, errr, she went back to London," Maura answered without making eye contact.
Jane was surprised. The few memories she had of the British woman were painful but she remembered her and Maura looking relatively happy. There had been nothing so suggest that Emily did not enjoy Boston. Then again, Jane had practically lost three days. Anything could happen in that amount of time. Dark eyes searched Maura's face. "What? She went back to London? Why?"
"Another time, Jane. We need to focus on getting you well enough to get you out of here. I wasn't planning on having Christmas dinner in the hospital canteen." With those words Maura ended the conversation about Emily. Her gaze was fixed on something in her lap. "The physiotherapist is coming to see you later, remember?"
Jane nodded. Doctor O'Malley had come in during his morning rounds and after being satisfied that she seemed mentally stable enough to begin her therapy, he had asked for the physio to see her later that day. As the day progressed, Jane did too. It seemed that the initial blur and daze of her coma had begun to wear off and though some of the things of she said or asked seemed a little out there, she was far more coherent than she had been in the beginning. She had quickly realised that her father wasn't getting breakfast and eventually the memory of her parents' divorce had returned. Jane had not asked whether anyone had told him.
Tommy had stuck his head around the door around eleven that morning and from the surprise in Jane's eyes, Maura could tell that she wasn't quite sure what he was doing here. Though now, a few hours later, she clearly remembered everything. Tommy had brought her yet more flowers and had promised that Frankie would come in the evening, as he was working. He'd bring Korsak and Frost.
The door opened again and Jane and Maura were roused from their respective thoughts and Maura turned around, half and half expecting to find Angela. But it wasn't the Rizzoli matriarch who walked through the now open door. There, with a box of chocolates and flowers in his hand, stood Frank Rizzoli. His eyes were fixed on his daughter in the bed.
"Hello, Jane."
"Daddy."
Maura looked from Jane to her father and quickly tried to establish whether Jane was happy to see him. She had not seen or heard from him for almost a year and though she had barely spoken about it, Maura knew she was hurt. She quickly stood up and flashed a friendly smile. She took the flowers from Frank's hands. "Let me take these."
"Frankie told me what happened," Frank said slowly. It was clear he felt unsure about the situation. "I tried getting here as fast as I could." He paused, as if he realised that it was going to take a lot more than an excuse to convince his daughter he had really come here for her. "How are you feeling?"
"Fan-fucking-tastic." Jane sarcastically replied and Maura couldn't suppress a smirk at the tone of her voice. It was the Jane she knew so well. "All I ever wanted was to lie in a hospital bed with a concussion and a knee cap that's in three pieces."
"Janie," Frank began but whatever it was he intended to say never left his lips. The door opened again and Maura felt her chest tighten when Angela walked back in to the room, carrying a tray with two cups of coffee, a bottle of orange juice and some sandwiches.
"The nurse said it's best to have some juice, Jane, and AARGH!" Angela discovered her soon to be ex-husband standing at his daughter's beside and thanks to Maua's swift reaction the tray didn't end up on the floor. Angela stared at Frank in sheer horror. "What are you doing here?"
"Frankie called and told me what happened. I've been trying to get back to Boston ever since. She's my daughter too, Ang."
"Really? Because for the past year she's just been my daughter!" Angela snapped.
"Ma," Jane muttered from the bed. "Dad, please…"
Maura was cruelly reminded of the scenes in the hospital the previous year. Angela and Frank had bickered and argued in the hallways, the canteen and Jane's room. Often they forgot they were not alone and Frankie and Maura had been unwilling witnesses to their growing dislike for each other. Even Frost and Korsak had been unable to avoid the feuds. But this time she was determined not to let it happen in front of Jane and Maura took a step forwards.
"Maybe we should talk outside," she said, her eyes fixed on Jane. Her face betrayed her pain. "Jane needs to rest."
"Thank you, Maura," Jane said and Maura smiled at her. Her eyes then fixed on her parents and it was Angela who met her daughter's eyes. "Ma, Pops."
"I know, sweetheart," Angela said and glanced at Frank. "We've been here before."
She went ahead and stepped out of Jane's room. Frank followed and Maura briefly hesitated. She wasn't sure whether to follow them and make sure neither would lose their temper outside but when she heard Jane's tired voice call her name, she turned back to the her bed and changed her mind. She sank back in the armchair that had been her home for the past few days.
"I wish they could be in the same room and not argue," Jane sighed. "You know, Ma doesn't know that Frankie told me everything about their fighting. Ma didn't think I could handle it. And I think she didn't want me to know."
"She just loves you," Maura smiled. "They both do."
"You think I'll be out of here before Christmas?" Jane asked, changing the subject.
Maura cocked her head. "If you work hard, I see no reason why you wouldn't."
Jane's eyes drifted to the window and glanced outside. It was snowing yet again. Since waking up this morning it had not stopped. She wondered what it was like out there. Cold, probably. And wet too. She had had very little time to think since opening her eyes. The images in her head were vivid and sometime she still struggled to figure out what had been part of her intense dreams and which were actually real. She enjoyed having Maura in the room with her. Knowing she had been here throughout it at all, even when things were at their worst, made her feel safe.
"At least they're not shouting at each other," Maura said. It was true. They couldn't hear any voices outside in the hall.
Jane didn't answer. She loved her parents, both of them. But she held a grudge towards Frank. He had left her mother with nothing. He had walked out on her and just left her, without even thinking about where she was going to go. She would be forever grateful for Maura taking her in, even if it meant seeing a lot more of her neurotic mother than she had ever planned. But, on the other hand, it also meant she had seen even more of Maura. That thought brought a smile to her face.
"What?" Maura had noticed the way Jane's lips curled up.
Jane turned to look at her. "I just remembered something, that's all."
"Must be a nice memory."
"Yeah. It is."
They looked at each other, smiles lingering on their faces. Outside the snowflakes grew bigger. Jane didn't have to say which memory it was that brought the smile to her face. As dark coffee coloured eyes locked with hazel green both women remembered their own fondest memories of each other. There was no need for words in a moment where silence could speak so much more.
~()~
The next few days proved strenuous for various reasons. Angela and Frank had to find an amicable way of being in Jane's room without arguing and it changed the atmosphere. Jane and Maura felt like they were permanently surrounded by loaded weapons, about to fire an array of bullets. But both her parents tried hard and Jane appreciated them all the more for it. She did not question her father about his choices. There would be another time, another place. A room in the ICU was not it. Though she was told the room would not be hers for much longer. She'd be transferred to a ward soon and the nurse promised that if she continued to work hard, she could be home before Christmas.
That was all the encouragement Jane needed. She had no intentions of spending Christmas in a hospital bed. She made good progress with her therapy, as painful as it was at times. She had to regain some of her fine motor skills, like holding a pencil and write. It was hard for her but she did it anyway, even if it hurt. The same went for her concentration and memory. Jane masked her pain behind determination. Even if she got an exercise wrong, she would demand they did it again until she got it right. It pained Maura to see Jane weakened in such a way but the detective was adamant she wanted Maura to see her make progress, so Maura was present during every therapy session. She even took part in some, which resulted in her and Jane throwing fabric balls at each other in laughter instead of Jane actually catching them – which had been the original object of the training.
And so another week in hospital went by. Jane had been moved from the ICU to a normal ward, her IV was removed and she had been given a wheelchair as well as a pair of crutches. The liberty to move around freely was something she enjoyed a lot and as soon she was given the chair she begged Maura to take her outside. She wanted to feel the fresh air. After having wrapped her up in a robe and some blankets, Maura had pushed the chair down to the elevator.
Jane had looked up at the medical examiner, smirking, and asked whether Maura enjoyed pushing her about. Maura had replied she did. They had laughed at that joke for the rest of the day. Neither of them spoke of the events before the accident. Some things were better left unsaid, or better left not talked about. They knew they would have to, some day. But it could wait.
Maura finally accepted Jane's pleas to go home and prepare for the holidays. Maura had reluctantly left and Jane now had more time for herself. Lying on her bed, rather than it, dressed in one of her favourite baseball jerseys and a pair of baggy grey shorts, Jane watched some dodgy Christmas movie on her small television when there was a soft knock on the door. She looked up. Visiting hour had finished half an hour ago. Korsak, Frost and Frankie had been to see her.
"Jane?" It was her father's voice.
"Come in," she said and turned off the television and beat some of the pillows into shape. She propped herself up more comfortably and shifted her plastered leg as she did so. It was riddled with signatures and names and some rude picture Tommy had drawn. It was the one good thing about her cast. People could write and draw on it. When Frank walked in, Jane smiled. "Hey, daddy."
"How you feeling today?" Frank asked as he kissed his daughter's cheek. She could feel the winter cold on his skin.
"Better every day, dad," Jane smiled. She felt more like herself since she was moved to the normal ward. The other patients made interesting study subjects and, though she had a room to herself, in the day time she would actually spend time in the communal area at the end of the hallway observing them. "Doctors will tell me tomorrow if I can go home for Christmas." She paused. "Are you staying for the holidays?"
Frank shook his head. "I wouldn't do it to your mother."
Jane sighed. Angela had coped relatively well with Frank being around. Like Jane, she too hid a lot behind a mask. Maura had said that at home, Angela seemed quiet and withdrawn. Jane was worried about her. "You're leaving?"
"First thing in the morning."
"Where are you going?" Jane asked. This was the first time they had been alone. Now they could talk. "Where have you been?"
"You're a cop, Jane. You expect me to believe you didn't type my name into your computer?" Frank arched an eyebrow.
Jane sighed. Her father was right. She had known for all this time. She had just chosen not to tell her mother. It was a mutual agreement between her, Frankie, Tommy and Maura. "New Jersey". Her father quietly nodded. "What happened, dad? Between you and Ma, I mean?"
Frank shrugged and a distant look appeared in his eyes. "Life happened, Jane. Sometimes you just cannot stop things from happening. One day I woke up and looked back. I have plenty of things to be proud of you. You and Frankie and Tommy. But I also felt like there were things I'd never done. I was sixteen when I met your mother. She was fourteen. Neither of us ever really lived."
"Ma seemed quite happy with the life you had," Jane suggested.
Frank sighed. "It takes two people to be happy in a relationship, Janie, and I guess that, even though she is still bitter, your mother will also have realised that. Angela is a clever woman, although she doesn't like to think so of herself. She'll find someone, if she wants to. And she still got you."
"You both still got me," Jane smiled. Tears welled up in her eyes.
"I have a cab waiting outside," Frank said. He leant in and brushed a strand of hair out of his daughter's eyes. As he looked at her he was struck by how much she looked like Angela. He wouldn't tell her that, of course. But the more he looked at her, the more he saw Angela. A sense of loss overwhelmed him. "I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. Again."
"I know, daddy," Jane sighed and wrapped her arms around him. For a moment she was taken back to being a little girl and she has broken her wrist for the first time. She had been eleven and it had been a few days before Christmas. Her mother had been frantic but Frank had been calm. He had hugged her just like he hugged her now. She rested her head on his shoulder as familiarity struck. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas, Janie."
They parted and she watched quietly as he made his way to the door. There he turned around and his dark eyes found those of his daughter. She had inherited his eyes. He looked at her. She looked well, considering what she had been through. The bruises and swelling on her face were gone and the cuts and grazes had healed. He smiled. "Do me a favour, will you, Jane?"
"What is it, Jane?"
"Just tell Maura Isles how you feel, OK?"
Jane's eyebrow shot up. "Excuse me?"
Frank Rizzoli smiled. "For the past few days I have seen you two together. You love her. That much is clear. She nearly lost you twice. Make this Christmas last, Jane. Make it the first one that marks a change."
"But Maura," Jane began and she was going to bring up Emily. And Ian. And all the other men that had been before. All the ones she had watched come and go, silently aching inside. She did not even bother asking how her father knew. Frankie knew. Even her mother knew. Her secret was clearly not as well kept as she thought it was. She sighed. "Maura doesn't…."
Frank cut his daughter off. "I may have divorced your mother, Jane, but I still know love when I see it."
He gave her one last knowing look before closing the door to her room behind him. Jane was now alone and she sank back into the pillows on her bed and ran her fingers through her hair. Apart from being trapped between the hospital walls, she also felt trapped inside herself. She had not dared question Maura's reasons for being with her throughout all of this. She was her friend. But now, thinking about it, Jane wondered if perhaps… just maybe… she had always been wrong about this.
"Gees," she sighed to herself and glanced out of the window. "Why are things in my life never easy?"
