Don't wake me 'cause I'm dreaming

of angels on the moon

where everyone you know

never leaves too soon.

Angels on the moon by Thriving Ivory


"But, my Lady… Since last week you're free to wear what you want."

"I'm doing nothing else, Shui Li."

"You want to be covered in this dark colors?"

"Yes. I don't mind it at all." Unlike the most widows Ran Fan didn't think of the year after her husband's death as a burden. She didn't miss the bright dresses or celebrations which she wasn't allowed to enjoy; neither did she miss a man in her bed. Even though she hadn't had problems with fulfilling her duties toward Jian, she had broken the rules. She wasn't allowed to enjoy any contact with a male person that wasn't a blood relate. The emperor sure wasn't related to her in any way. With shaky hands she poured herself some more wine. Careful to not spilled anything on her blue garment she sipped at it. The smooth material of the glass comforted the sensitive skin of her palm. The drink however soothed her stressed mind. Determined to keep her dangerous thoughts behind the wall she had built she took another draught and sighed heavily. In order to keep herself together she drained the whole chalice and handed it the servant waiting patiently next to her. She felt the alcohol circling in her blood by now. She just couldn't stand much of this stuff. Ran Fan inhaled deeply and left the room. Every once in a while she had to wipe off the sweat drops gathering on her forehead. It was past noon and the twins' fighting lessons would start soon. She didn't want them to miss that. They had been eager to be taught the martial arts ever since Fuu took his first lesson. The young mother walked down the hall toward the gardens of the palace. By all chances her daughters were busy getting themselves in trouble somehow. She was very glad she hadn't to worry about her son that way. He never attracted negative attention or showed any weird behavior. He had a few friends with which he hung out after his training. He concentrated on his future lately. The life of an adult started early in Xing. Soon her little boy would be considered a man. Childhood was something not very valuable in this country. As soon as possible the children were confronted with their future duties to sustain their families further and carry on the line. Boys often were treated like full-grown members of society even before they could spell that word. The higher their family's rank was among the clans the sooner they had to say goodbye to their carefree life and face the cold, merciless world of an adult. She remembered well how shocked Ling had been when the guardsmen had torn him away from his mother's side and had sat him on a chair next to his grandfather to deal with the concerns of the clan. He had been not older than six at that time. After that he'd been drilled for nine years to become emperor. There had been times he'd really believed he had no other purpose in life than to obtain the throne. Ran Fan had been by his side all these years, trained the same way as him though she never had to understand the political structures of Drachma or know the important bloodlines of Aerugo. In return her master never had been taught to fight properly hanging from a branch or with a knife pressed against his throat. He couldn't move without a sound through the thin shadows of dawn. He wasn't capable of reciting every sort of bomb ever invented and how to build them. He didn't know of every edible plant and where to find it on this continent. She did. She took pride in her abilities for that was all a guard was allowed to possess. Even though she was no protector anymore she still owned that certain kind of dignity known as the servant's pride.

Fuu would know this feeling soon enough. He would become a bodyguard like she had been one, like her grandfather had been one and how every other male in her family had been. She once had offered him another way in life. She didn't want her son to die for someone else. She had begged him to think it through once more but he never changed his mind or even was uncertain for a moment. He had looked her straight in the eye and declared that he would be a guard just like everyone else in their family. After that Ran Fan hadn't tried to talk him out of it again. The gaze he had given her had said it all. She knew those eyes. She had seen them when Ling had told her about his plan to cross the desert in order to seek immortality in Amestris; she had seen them when she had stared at Edward Elric the first time they'd met; she had seen them in her own face when she decided to obtain automail. Her son would never change his mind and she never had been so proud of him before. When she stepped outside bright sunlight blinded her for several moments. Hissing she covered her eyes and staggered backwards. She could hear faint voices in the distance and followed them. She could already imagine who kept her daughters company…

"Li, be careful!"

"Hey, Sister! Look!"

"Ming! Don't you go near the pond!"

"Li, look at this!"

"Both of you! Freeze!" A desperate voice bellowed.

Two little girls about the same height stood motionlessly like statues in the middle of the royal garden. One balanced comically on her left leg while the other was just about to fall into the water she was reeling above. The man growled and folded his arms. "Okay. Now that that's settled: Stop damaging through my plot. One of you will get hurt and your mother will blame me forever. Do you want that?"

"Mommy wouldn't blame you. No, no, no." Ming sang with her chirpy voice. Li nodded and threw her arms around the adult's waist so that he fell right over.

Ling laughed out loud and cuddled playfully to the little girl. He sat up and held her in his arms. "Your mommy would blame me. I know her way longer than you do and she doesn't like me right now anyway." Ming hopped towards them and sat on the emperor's lap looking up to him with gleaming eyes. Though her expression was cheerful there was a certain edge to her features, one he knew well enough from her mother to recognize. He poked her and smiled carefully. "Yeah?" he extended the word for several seconds. The twin reached out to his neck and hugged him tightly. "Why does Mommy not like you? You are nice." She squeaked.

Ling smiled down on the two little girls who felt so damn much like family. "You know" he began "I think I hurt your mommy's feelings. I behaved like a very, very stupid man and your mommy had to endure that. That wasn't nice at all and now she doesn't like me anymore." In his opinion that was simple enough for these kids to understand. They were bright. Li made big eyes and formed her tiny mouth to a surprised O. "Then you have to give her a present and everything's fine again." The child suggested happy over the fact that it wasn't nearly as bad as she had imagined. Ling patted her head and gave her a reassuring smirk. "Maybe I'll try it." He doubted that a gift would be enough to tame her though.

A dark figure approached the small group and Ling stiffened. Hopefully no servant saw him like this: covered in dirt, playing with children who weren't even his own offspring. To his uncertain relief it was the shape of a woman coming in sight. She wore a dark blue dress and her long black hair fell loose over her shoulders. It wasn't the way maids dressed. The female servants all had very short hair or kept it in a knot so it wouldn't interfere, also didn't they wear such dark clothing; normally it would be beige or something like that. The person waited beneath a large tree, hidden in its shadows. Just in case the emperor stood up and wiped off some sand on his robes. The twins noticed the newcomer now and their big lively eyes narrowed the same moment. The stranger stepped into the light of the bright sun and the children relaxed at once.

"Mommy! Master Ling played with us!"

"He wanted to show us the fish. There are a whole lot of them!"

"Mommy, look, look! This one is red and this one is golden and this one…"

The girls screamed for ten and never let the other one finish before interjecting with some new random information. Ling shook his head full of amusement as he watched Ran Fan giving her best to calm down the excited children. She raised her voice and announced: "Your fighting lessons start in two minutes. How do you plan on getting there in time?" Shocked gasps answered her question and then two little figures darted across the meadow and disappeared without a word in the direction of the fighting grounds. Smiling the young woman stared after them and sighed audibly. She turned around to look at him and a curtain of black strands covered half of her sorrowful expression for which the emperor was grateful. He could barely stand seeing her that vulnerable. Instinctively he reached out for her but she retreated immediately. "Ran Fan… Can we talk?" That harmless question was replied by a cowed smile and a weak almost unnoticeable nod. "Whatever his Highness desires." She bowed and bit her lips. He got the feeling that she wanted to say something, he was sure she had a lot of things to say, but she remained silent, as always.

She hadn't said anything that other day, too. When he'd pulled back horrified by the fierce longing pulsing through his body he had apologized. He'd wanted her to respond, he'd wanted her to forgive him. He was positive that she hadn't till now. Not only had he made her break the law, not that she'd had much of a choice, he'd also got her in a very complicated situation. He knew that she never felt more for him than friendship or worse: She didn't feel anything for him besides the loyalty of a retainer; he had been her charge, so she had to be protective over him. Maybe she wasn't interested in him at all. That possible made it even harder. He had forced himself on her and she had been too much of an obeying servant to complain. He didn't even know why had behaved like that. The whole day had been unbelievable weird. There'd been so much aggression within him, raging in his head… Though he never had planned on taking it out on Ran Fan she'd been the only target in sight. Then there had been the added weight of her words on his nerves that made him finally snap. She had loved that guy… She didn't want him to know about her life, she didn't want him to be a part of it anymore. As much as it hurt he knew that was what he deserved. He had been such a fool, of course he wouldn't be forgiven like that. That thought let his blood boil every time. He stared at his shoes without speaking and waited for her to make the first move. Ran Fan folded her arms –the metal clanked horribly- behind her head. He could feel her eyes resting on his face but he never raised his head to meet her scornful glare. She didn't speak, no matter how long he waited so he decided to say something first. It was his fault after all.

"Ran Fan, it's about what happened two weeks ago." His eyes twitched in her direction to check for any reaction. She stiffened and her hands, smooth silk-like skin and hard polished iron, intertwined in a nervous manner. "Yes?" she breathed.

"I already apologized but I feel like that isn't enough. I want to explain why I behaved that immodest way." He carefully examined her face and therefore witnessed the sad flicker in her dark eyes accompanied by a little pucker appearing between them as she pulled her brows together. The corners of her mouth dropped even lower than before and he was pretty sure she grinded her teeth behind her lips. As fast as that honest demonstration of emotion wavered over her features as fast it vanished again replaced by a composed and polite expression of expectation. Ling sighed. That lifeless face of hers scared him in a weird way. Even though she acted as if everything was normal there was a difference in the atmosphere between them; as though a wall had caved in. A wall that used to separate him from her, kept her out of his reach. He smiled down at her remorsefully. "I do not know why I was so furious… I felt like… now that you are with me again it was wrong of you to think of Jian anymore. I know, I know, that is stupid and childish but still it's the truth. I wanted to make you see that and couldn't come up with a better idea than make you realize it by force. Boy, I'm an idiot!" he joked, or maybe he didn't. One day he really should write down every mistake he'd ever made in his life; that would take some time though. The woman by his side shook her had a small smile creeping over her mouth. "You aren't an idiot, Master."

"Gee, thanks." Ling warily looked around, gestured his childhood friend to follow him and began to walk away, in the opposite direction than the palace. Ran Fan caught up with him curiously and asked: "Where are we going?"

"I've got an idea. When was the last time you came to the gardens?"

"I don't know. A few weeks ago?"

"When was the last time you were here with me?" Ling asked wearing a friendly smile. Ran Fan seemed alarmed anyway.

"That must have been before we went to Amestris, your Highness."

"Exactly!"

Ling had chosen a small path that led deep into the vegetation. He held back a few branches for the woman. In response she blushed delicately and bowed her head respectfully. They walked for a few minutes in silence Ling was all too eager to help Ran Fan jumping over a tree trunk blocking the way; of course she didn't need any help. Before he could offer her a hand she simply leaped forward and passed the old wood without a problem. The emperor wondered briefly why he suddenly started to act like that. Was it just because there was a good chance that she was out of his reach? Was it just because he feared he couldn't have her? He shook his head disapprovingly as he walked on. How greedy can you get? Wanting something because you couldn't possess it was pathetic. Then again, humans often acted unreasonable and stupid; often their emotions got the better of them. He felt her stare burning into his back. He kept marveling over his weird feelings until they reached the little cave he had searched for. Its entry was covered by a lot of climbers; it looked like a green curtain. Relieved he began to pluck them out. At least no one had come here for a long time. Ran Fan watched him questioningly. He couldn't help the sly grin that appeared on his lips. When he'd uncovered the entrance he kicked a few rocks out of the way and presented the outcome to his companion. She tilted her head. "I don't seem to understand, your Highness." Almost a little offended Ling pointed with his thumb over his shoulder and explained: "We used to skip arithmetic class here. Remember?"

Ran Fan stared first at him than at their past hide-out. "Why, yes. I think I do. But what do you want here?"

"Ah, you're really not the nostalgic type. Come on in." He ducked and disappeared into the darkness.

The woman was left outside and couldn't help but stare. He really could remember such a trivial thing yet? She knew why she held this memory dear but why would he? Carefully she went after him. The passage was smaller than she recalled. There was no light but she could hear Ling's steps not far from her.

"OUCH!"

Shocked she jerked to a halt. "Master!"

"I hit my head…" came the grumbled reply.

She chuckled. "Be careful, your Highness."

After a few minutes of silent stumbling and tripping they made it into a big room-shaped space. Through the open top sunshine reached the inside of the cave and filled the place with luminous golden light. She blinked to get used to the sudden amount of brightness. Meanwhile Ling headed for a little pile of stones in one corner of the room. She eyed him curiously. He knelt down and began to toss the rocks away. Ran Fan sighed and sat on the ground like she'd done it in the past. "Master, what are you doing?"

"Searching."

"What for?"

"This!" he triumphantly yelled and held up a little box made of wood. It was old and covered in dust. He hurried to her side and opened the little container.

"I totally forgot about this…" he mumbled staring at it. A weak smile twitched in the corners of his mouth as he showed Ran Fan what he'd found. Two little things lay inside: A small hair slide and a marble made of glass. Her eyes widened. "Isn't that…?"

"Yes. That's our treasure." Ling whispered as he sat down next to her.

Ran Fan remembered that day. Ling had just learned about his mother's demise and had refused to leave his quarters. No one had been allowed to enter as well; not the guards, not his grandfather, not his own servants, not even her. One night he suddenly had stood in front of her room's door and had told her to come with him. Though she hadn't known what he'd wanted she'd followed him. They'd come here and Ling had told her about his plan.

'I made a decision, Ran Fan. I decided to never ever let anyone around me die again. One day we all have to go, I know that, but I won't let anyone leave before their time comes.' He'd said. 'I want a favor from you. Promise me not to die.' She had nodded and promised as he'd wished. 'Right then. To make it an official oath we'll sacrifice something.' With these words he'd held up his favorite marble. His mother had given it to him. Ran Fan had smiled at him and then had taken the slide from her hair. They'd put their own little treasures into a little box Ling had brought along and had sworn not to die before they were old and gray.

"Ran Fan…" Ling stared at his hands.

"Yes?"

"I am sorry, you know?"

"For what?" she asked even though she already knew it and that certainty cut deep in her heart.

"For kissing you. I really didn't intend to do so, I swear. It was just… It kind of overwhelmed me at this moment." He shrugged helplessly and avoided to look at her.

She didn't say anything. So he really regretted it, didn't he? Staring blankly ahead she whispered: "I do not mind, your Highness. "

Silence answered her statement. Was he shocked? Did he finally understand? She always had been sure that it hadn't been on purpose. Of course, why would he stick with her when he could have any woman in Xing? So now was the question: Could he tell what she felt for him? Would he chase her away if he did so? It was improper after all for her to have such feelings for the emperor. Ran Fan stood up. "Your Highness, we should go back now." She turned around to leave this place, filled with happy memories, but suddenly a strong warm hand grasped her wrist and she jerked to a stop. Surprised and confused she waited for Ling to explain his behavior. "Sit down again, Ran Fan." He commanded. She did as she was told. He looked at her with fierce eyes as if he desperately wanted to see something in her face. "You don't mind?" he whispered, his voice hoarse, with anger she supposed. Now that the beans were spilled… why should she put on an act?

"Yes. The year has almost passed. Many women don't stick to the exact date. I came to the conclusion that I didn't break the law." She stopped short, suppressed the next words she wanted to say. She wouldn't tell him that she'd liked it, that she'd wanted it. How could she possibly confess her feelings to him? She couldn't. That thought let tears well up in her eyes. He was so near she could easily touch him. How could it be that she wasn't able to reach him then? The moment she noticed that she was about to cry in front of him she hid her face and turned away from him. She wouldn't dare show such weakness.

Why the hell was suddenly everything so complicated?

She didn't mind. Did this mean she'd enjoyed it or just that she didn't care? He never had to marvel over a woman's thoughts before. Since his childhood everything had been presented to him as a possession and with girls it was no difference. They came when he called for them; they did everything they could so he would enjoy their company. They struggled for his affection. He never had to earn theirs. So why was it so different with this woman? He knew her his whole life, she always had been a part of it and he had considered her a good friend. He cared about her and would stand up for her anytime. But this was something new even though it didn't feel unknown at all. Maybe that feeling had been there all the time and he never noticed? However it startled him. Then he became aware of the fact that he was still holding her hand. Reluctantly he released her and inhaled deeply. He had to test something.

"Ran Fan, if you really don't mind… Can I kiss you again?"

Ling heard his former guard choke with shock her eyes widened. He was pretty surprised himself by his careless words. He waited for her reaction and half expected her to slap him but she didn't. Instead she nodded weakly.

He swallowed hard. It wasn't like he was inexperienced in this. He had the time and the will to become very knowledgeable about what women preferred. Still this wasn't some easy concubine or one of his wives. This was Ran Fan. His friend, his guard, the one he would fight for till the end. It seemed way too intimate to just kiss her like that. In fact it had been pretty rude to ask for it in the first place. She was still waiting, gazing at him with her large obsidian eyes. He leaned in and carefully pressed his lips against hers. This time he was determined to enjoy it for as long as possible. Ling slowly invaded her hot mouth with his tongue eager to taste her. He wanted to feel her, to really know her. Something he had never done before even though they had been together for all that time. Then he used his hands. His fingers buried in her black full hair he pulled her closer to him. He could hear her breathing sped he felt her heart racing in her chest he saw her cheeks flush. She stared at him with clouded eyes lost like him in their joining. He refused to give in to his instincts though. That certain greedy part of him screamed at Ling he should take her now. His hand began to wander down her back tracing her spine hidden beneath the soft garment. He stopped at her waist, embraced it with his arm and sat her on his lap. She was wonderful. Ran Fan moved with him and didn't give an inch. She didn't fight but she didn't surrender either. She was just there. Then she began to let her own hands explore his torso. Now her eyes were closed entirely while her mouth burnt on his. He never had considered her cold or stiff like the other guards he knew but someone could have told him about the passion burning inside this woman. Heat was radiating from her body leaning against his. Had he known that she was able to show her fire not only on the battlefield but also in a sensual way he would have leaped at her a long time ago. But Ling wouldn't take her today. The hard ground wasn't very inviting and surrounded by the stone walls of a dirty cave wasn't quite the right setting. Still after tasting her ferocity he was eager to feel her again. He slowly released her from his fierce embrace and couldn't stop staring at her. Panting he got some space between them.

"I guess you don't mind, eh?" he teased Ran Fan.

She shook her head silently wearing a rather incredulous expression. He suppressed his chuckle and grinned satisfied. "I usually don't do such things."

"Sure." She muttered sarcastically. He blinked in surprise. Now he was sure that this certain wall between them was gone. They were equals. Status didn't matter anymore.

"I want to know-"

"…if I liked it?" she ended his question for him. He nodded.

She gave him a warm smile.

"Yes. I did."

The emperor beamed at her like a little boy.

Ling knew that he loved her as a friend. He would walk on water for her. Now there was a new question inside his head that either would lead to a wonderful time by her side or destroy both of them. After everything they'd gone through together, after everything that had happened he just could wonder…

He wasn't possibly falling for her, was he?