I'm so sorry guys! Life was pretty damn crazy and I had a serious problem to find some inspiration. But in order to fuel this story I started to watch Spartacus again. But thank you guys for your reviews and favourites! Makes me sooo damn happy :)

But now enjoy the new chapter! *I own nothing besides all unknown persons/animals/locations/etc*


Do you know that feeling when you slowly awake and the darkness that had clouded your mind and senses starts to vanish and everything becomes clear again? When you first smell the air around you, followed by the sound of your surroundings pulling you into consciousness again? Normally you would know immediately where you are and what has happened before the numb silence took over your being. You would feel secure and comfortable. For me it was a bit different. I could smell the biting scent of burned wood and rotten flesh. Then I felt the sandy ground beneath my shoulders and I could hear a number of feet rushing from one direction to another. But no one was speaking. There was no sound besides the general noise of moving and tiding things up. No bird's twittering or the rustling of leaves in the wind. It was strange. Why was no one talking and where was the laughter of children?

And then I felt the pain of an unbearable headache creeping through. I heard myself groan and then someone crouching next to me, speaking softly:

"She is regaining conscious. Quick, bring some water!" It was a male's voice. But I couldn't really place it. While my mind was searching for the right face a cool wet cloth was placed on my forehead. Slowly everything came rushing back into my memory. There was fire and blood everywhere. I remembered rushing through the forest once more with a sword in my hands, the coldness creeping up my legs, indescribable emotional pain in my heart and then these two men. I killed one of them. I was a murderer; someone unworthy of life.

I felt hot tears running down my cheeks. I cried because of what happened and what I had done but also because of self-pity. I didn't know why all this happened to me of all people. In my mind I screamed to the gods I didn't believe in. I cursed them for sending me to such cruel lands and people. I missed my time, my friends and my family. I wanted them back. But I couldn't go back. I didn't even know how I came here in the first place. An arising hysteria brought out heavy sobs that made breathing difficult. Strong arms lifted my upper body up and hold me tight. I couldn't stop crying and shaking. I felt cold and hot at the same time. Someone brought a blanket and put it around me. I heard mumbled words being exchanged and feet running away from the picture of misery. Big hands were rubbing my back and the person was humming what must have been a lullaby in a deep comforting voice. After a while I felt myself calming down. The sobs ebbed away, my breathing steadied itself and the tears no longer flooded my face and the chest of the person holding me.

I snuffled and wiped my face with the blanket before I lifted my gaze. What I looked into was the blood-smeared face of a man from the village. You could see the light traces of tears on his dirty cheeks. His eyes were closed and his filthy hair was covering most of his expression. He was still humming the song. The sight of this strong man feeling such incredible pain made me realize that he must have lost someone very dear to him. I felt my broken heart aching in my chest – a reminder of what and whom I had lost. To give him a little comfort I placed a hand on his cheek. At my touch his eyes snapped open almost instantly and as he saw the same pain reflected in my own eyes his hold on me got even tighter. We sat there on the bloody, dirty ground afraid of falling apart if we let go of each other. The man lifted his hand and lightly caressed my jawline with his thump.

"You are her image." I had a lump in my throat as he whispered these words so heartbroken. But before I could reply a large group of men entered the village. All of them were injured and they were carrying some of their deadly wounded companions. They were exhausted and dropped to the ground where they stood, too tired to help the others. Only a handful was still standing upright, discussing all necessary steps. As the discussion was about to escalate the leader of the group stepped forward: It was Gannicus. He had blood all over him and only one sword was in one of the two sheaths on his back. His hair was messy and his eyes were wild.

I tried to get up on my feet; the soldier – I didn't even know his name – helped me up. Gannicus must have seen the movement in the corner of his eyes and turned. He stood there as if he was made of stone – so beautiful, so deathly. I stood on my shaky legs, feeling the blood rushing into them and leaving my head. My vision blurred but I stood upright looking at him. But nothing happened. He just stared at me with an unreadable expression.

Frustrated and hurt I leaned on the guy next to me and turned to leave.

"Careful, girl. Are you certain you can walk the whole way to the house?" He had an arm around my waist and steadied my shaky walk.

"I survived this massacre so I will certainly be able to walk." Confidently I set one foot after the other and slowly we made our way to the last intact building.

"You are a true fighter, little one." He said with a grin. It was meant to be a compliment but I couldn't help but feel not as flattered as I should. Instead I stopped and lifted my face into a cool breeze. The scent of burned wood and flesh washed over me and I sighed.
"Well fact is I am much weaker in this world than I prefer. And it is not only the fighting part I am taking about." Of course he had no idea what I was really referring to. So he linked my arm into his and carefully pulled me forward.

"Do not trouble your mind with such things. You will grow into a great warrior, just like Mayla was." I felt myself stiffened at his words.

"You mean 'is', right? Mayla IS a great warrior."
"Of course, little one. Of course." He couldn't even look me in the eyes.

The main house was the only intact building left of the village. It has suffered some severe damage but it had a roof and four walls standing up right. It was enough to shield the wounded and homeless from the cold night and wild animals that would be decoyed by the smell of blood and death. I was shocked as I realized how many were dead or lost. Not nearly half of the entire village population was lying on the floor severely wounded and fighting for survival. I counted five women tending to bloody bodies. None of them were familiar.

Screams of pure agony, cries for help and lost relatives filled the air around me. I couldn't think properly and just stood there shocked and incapable of doing anything.

"I will fetch you water and bread. Stay here." I felt my head nodding in response way after the secure hand of my guardian left my arm. My vision blurred but not from my headache. Tears were floating my eyes and running down my cheeks.

'What if I had been able to fight? Would I have been able to safe them? Where is Calua and where is Mayla? Where are my friends?'

I felt my legs giving up under my grief but before I could collide with the dirty and bloody ground strong arms caught me. They pulled my close to a hot and muscled body. While waves of heavy sobs were shaking me broad hands rubbed over my back and pressed me against a manly chest. Gannicus' scent washed over me as he pulled us into a dark corner of the house and as my sobs died down he lifted my head so I had to look him in the eyes.

"Do not fear. You are safe now and no one will come to harm you." Gannicus' thump stroked my wet cheek. And as before I felt this unbearable urge to touch him, to be with him. I looked into his eyes and felt myself leaning towards his face. He leaned forward as well and the gap between our lips was almost closed when realization hit me. With both hands on his chest I pushed him against the wooden wall and me out of his arms.

"Stop!" He looked at me with wide eyes. "I have no idea of what you are doing to me or even how but I know that this has to stop right now!" I snapped.

"Have you lost mind, woman?"
"No, my mind wasn't any clearer then it is now. Half of the village is dead; Calua, Mayla and Senra are missing not to mention Lorsan. We should be out there searching for them."

"Night is about to fall over these lands. You can't go out looking for them. Even if you were healed it would be a lost cause. Besides do you even know how to fight?"

"I do not have any special techniques but I assure you I can defend myself when I have to."

"Running away like a scared dog is no self-defense." It was like he had slapped me across the face. He hadn't seen those two Romans. He hadn't seen their pervert intensions in their eyes. He wasn't there when I murdered someone in order to safe my own life. He wasn'tthere when I ran in fear of a cruel death. He wasn't there when this Roman bastard grabbed and touched me where no one ever touched me without my permission. I felt my blood leaving my face.

"You don't mean that." I whispered. "You can't possibly believe in those words. You have no idea what happened to me when you broke your promise to find me! Where the fuck were you when I needed you?" I spat.

"Little one …" Gannicus tried to grab my arm but I took a few steps back from him.

"Don't you dare touching me EVER again." I snarled. "And I'm not little for fuck's sake!" I turned and walked away, head held high. His words have hurt me deeply not only because he showed his indifference towards Mayla but also because of his thoughts of me being a helpless woman.

I left the building and sat down on the cold floor. Leaning against the wooden wall of the house I pondered over Gannicus' words that injured my pride. I was lost in thoughts so I didn't notice anything that happened around me. Night approached quickly and it went cold. Someone had dropped again a blanket around my shoulders and I hugged it tightly to my body. When my stomach growled loudly I realized that my guardian wanted to find food for me. After the incident with Gannicus I absolutely forgot about him. I sighed and as my stomach growled again I carefully made attempt to stand up. My head was spinning so much when I finally stood that I had to close my eyes for a moment. I could hear the noises of the wounded inside the building; their groaning and crying.

Suddenly I heard a panting and pawing on the ground. I opened my eyes and saw a pitch black silhouette of a horse not far from where I was standing. My heart stopped beating for a moment and I hold my breath, not knowing what to do.

"Hello?" I asked my voice higher as usual. 'Fantastic, Cat, now he knows you're afraid.' I could have face palmed myself. But to my surprise nothing happened. The rider didn't answer nor moved.

"Who are you?" The horse took some steps in my direction. Panicking I looked around and found a big stone on the ground. I grabbed it and held it up high, ignoring the pain in the back of my head.

"I … I have a stone … a really big one … a-and I'm not afraid t-to use it!" I sounded pathetic it made me sick. Pulling myself together I said as grim as I could: "Make yourself known, NOW!"

This time I heard a painful groan coming from the rider and in horror I watched him slowly slipping out of the saddle. With a thud he landed on the ground. Minutes passed while I stood there, stone raised above my head, starring holes into the lifeless body on the ground next to the horse. As nothing happened I carefully stepped closer to have a look. I begged to the gods that it wasn't a trap and as I was only four feet away the person turned his head. I froze in my tracks and lifted the stone again.

"Wait kleine Blume…" Only Calua called me this but it was a manly voice that said these familiar words. I crept closer and:

"Oh my god, Senra!" Immediately I let go of the stone and crouched next to him. His hair stuck on his bloody face, his eyes were closed in exhaustion and he breathed heavily. I touched his cheek with one hand and pushed his hair out of the wound on his forehead with the other. At my touch he half opened his eyes and mouth to say something but I put two fingers on his lips.

"Shh, do not talk. Rest and safe your energy." His dirty hand grabbed mine and pressed it against his lips. Tears welled up in my eyes and I held back a sob.

"I go and find someone. We have to get you into the house." I leaned forward and whispered into his ear, "Please, do not die." He squeezed my hand in response and let it go.

I jumped to my feet and rushed towards the house. I almost stumbled into it because my head was spinning again. I still didn't know why I had such problems with my balance and why I had this ongoing headache but at this moment it wasn't important. Senra needed my help and I wouldn't let him down.

"Help, please someone help me!" My scream woke half of the sleeping wounded and resting warriors. "Please, please, I need someone to help me!" Then I saw my guardian rushing towards me.

"What is the matter, little one? Are you well?"

"Oh thank the gods you are here!" I grabbed his arm and pulled him outside into the dark. I felt him stiffen at the realization of where I was about to take him. "I am well and I do not seek help for myself but for Senra. He is wounded and maybe dying! Please, we have to bring him inside! Quick!" At the mentioning of his leaders name my guardian called for two other males to help him and with me on their heels they were running into the dark. All three men crouched next to Senra to lift him up. Quickly but with no rush they carried him into the back of the house where I was resting a few weeks ago. He was barely breathing and showed no reaction at all while an elder woman examined his wounds. All the while I stood there arms wrapped around my chest.

"What can I do?" It was as if I was nothing but air. No one took any notice of me. The woman mumbled something under her breath. "Hey! I want to help him too. Please tell me what I can do?" She shot me an annoyed look but directed her gaze back to the wounded warrior in front of her. She spoke without looking at me.

"What can you possibly do? His body is strewn with cuts. Two of his ribs are broken, several others bruised. His left shoulder is dislocated as well as his fingers. And if you are not blind you can see the big gash on his forehead. Do not be stupid and get in the way so we can set hands to task."

"You cannot be serious." My arms fell to my side, a look of disbelief appeared on my face.

"I was the one who found him."

"That does not make you anything special." She still wasn't looking at me.

"This is not about me you … you stupid …"

"Do not speak words you might regret, little one." My guardian walked up to me and put his hands on my shoulders. "You yourself received a heavy blow to the head. Gannicus told us so when he brought you here."

'So it was him who brought me back. Then he must have seen this Roman attacking me. But why didn't he say anything.'

I felt hands shaking me.

"Little one, did you listen?"

"My name is Caitlin." I whispered.

"What?"

"I said my name is Caitlin." I pushed the hands off my shoulders. "I must go. But I will return and pray to the gods he is alive." I growled more in the direction of the bitchy nurse than to the man in front of me and left.

After a while I found Gannicus sitting outside on a log in front of a watch fire. He was staring into the flames deep in his thoughts. I let out a sigh and wrapped the blanket I was wearing around his shoulders. He looked up at me.

"A word?" He nodded and signaled me to sit next to him. The fire was warm and pushed away the dark shadows of my thoughts. Where should I begin? I struggled for words of forgiveness. I didn't know what to say. Suddenly I felt the rough material of the blanked around my shoulders. In surprise I looked over to the man beside me and send him a small smile.

"You should not be outside in the cold." Gannicus stated his gaze still focused on the flames. My smile fell from my face and I wrapped the blanket tightly around my torso. Again we sat there in silence. I broke it first.

"I am sorry." A frown appeared on his craggy features as I apologized. "I deeply regret my words and I ask for your forgiveness."

The cracking of wood in the fire was the only noise in the night. I was about to give up any hopes that the gladiator would forgive me as he shifted to look at me directly.

"There is no need for forgiveness from my but from your side." I wanted to reply but he cut me off. "I was wrong to accuse you of not being able to fight. If you wouldn't the world would have been again a miserable place to live on."

"It is true then. You had found me." He grimly nodded. "I did but I thought it was too late. This Roman shit lay over your half naked body and I felt you leaving me." He whispered the last word. A shiver ran down my spine at the thought of this monster tearing at my clothes, his hands roaming my body. I tried to look Gannicus in the eyes to assure him that I was ok when I realized he was staring at my lower half, fists clenched. I followed his gaze a saw the large bruise on my thigh where the Roman soldier grabbed me to force himself on top of me. Quickly I draped it with the blanket.

"It will be alright." I took his large hand and squeezed it. He looked at our hands and lifted mine to press his hot lips on it.

"Why are you doing this to me?" He mumbled as he lowered our hands.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." I shot him a confused look. He answered it with his wild eyes.

"I know that you feel the same. I can see it in your eyes every moment we face each other." Of course I knew it. He was the reason for the emotional chaos within me. When he wasn't around me I felt a hole in my chest aching and only he could ease the pain. But when he was the pain changed into a longing for his touch. I wanted to bathe in his scent and drown in his wild gaze. But he was with Mayla so I had to contain myself and act normal around him. Knowing that he felt the same wasn't helping though. But I couldn't betray my friend. I gulped.

"You are mistaken. Feel nothing more than a deep friendship towards you, Gannicus." His eyes widened in surprise. Abruptly he let go of my hand and turned to watch the flames again.

"You should not be outside." He said grimly. I felt my eyes well up with tears.

"Gannicus, we have to look for Mayla and the rest. Please … I beg you." I knew it was hopeless to ask for his help. I had hurt him by denying my feelings for him. He wouldn't forgive this time.

"As I said, you should not be outside."

I hold back heavy sob and made my way towards the house. At the door I looked back at the silhouette of the gladiator.

What I could not see was a single tear running down his dirty cheek as he let the heartache wave through his being. Only this night he allowed himself to feel. Only this night he would regret to not have talked openly to this strange girl that has invaded his heart and soul. This night he would lock up his feelings deep down in the depth of his heart together with the cruel memories of his past.


What do you think about it :) Please review and let me know if I suck at this or not. And please forgive any of my spelling mistakes.

Oh and what do you think about a Cat-Senra-pairing. Or do you prefer the Cat-Gannicus-pairing? Let me know how you like to see the story develop.