The next few weeks flew by in a happy whirlwind. If I didn't see Christian every day, I was talking to him on the phone, or texting back and forth when I wasn't able to talk. Danielle noticed a difference in my behavior in those weeks following my first two dates with Christian, and while she nitpicked about how distracted I seemed to be at work, she took it in good humor. She seemed to be much more concerned with my happiness than she was in seeing the workaholic I had been before he came into my life.
My coursework was beginning to suffer, but I was too distracted to care. I was young and, dare I think it? in love to concern myself with the lack of motivation I had to complete my assignments, the disinterest in my instructor's lectures and lessons to focus on anything other than a conversation Christian and I had earlier in the day, or the way he had kissed me goodbye in between work and class, or wondering if he would be waiting for me outside of the campus after my class ended. I used to take notes during lectures; now, instead, I sat absentmindedly, chewing on the end of my pen as I daydreamed about the man that had stolen away every rational thought I'd ever had. Kate was right; I was already hopeless. At this rate, I would be lucky to pass my classes for the semester.
I noticed that everyone around me was getting up and leaving the classroom. Gathering my things, I stood up and began to head toward the door. Ms. Gardner stopped me before I could leave.
"Miss Steele, might I have a quick word?" she asked, watching me patiently. I could tell by her expression that whatever she had to say to me was important, and probably not good. I slowly made my way toward her, watching her nervously.
"Yes, ma'am?" I asked, bracing myself for whatever message the warning in her tone implied.
"I've noticed that your work has substantially become less detailed, and has become more...scattered. In all honesty, Ana, I'm concerned." She leaned forward in her seat, looking at me like a concerned parent. "Have you been dealing with any trauma recently, or high stress?"
"No, ma'am; not at all." I replied, trying not to smile as I thought of how my life had been completely opposite of the situation she was suggesting.
"Well, I'm worried about the change I'm seeing here, Miss Steele." she repeated, sitting back. "I would hate to see you fail this course. I've spoken with your other professors this semester, and they are all seeing the same change in your work. If you need anything at all; tutoring, help with your work after class, please, don't hesitate to ask any of us. You're a gifted student, Ana; none of us want to see anything hurt that."
I nodded solemnly. "Of course." I replied kindly. "Thank you, Ms. Gardner." I turned away from her desk and walked out the door. I was torn by her words. On one hand, I didn't want to fail my classes and risk everything I had been working for. But I also couldn't focus on anything but Christian. Maybe I needed to force myself to straighten out my priorities. At least, long enough to finish my classes. After all, if I was such a good student, how much could it hurt for me to take the next semester off from college? Most of the other students I knew, Kate included, opted out of summer semester courses. It couldn't be so bad to do the same. I resolved then and there in the halls of the university that I would put more effort into my work, and reward myself in a couple of short weeks with an entire semester off, where I could focus on work and Christian.
I stepped outside into the bright orange hue of the evening sunset; the warmth reminding me of the comfort I felt when I was curled up in a blanket with a good book. The weather was warming up, and summer would soon be here. I smiled at the coming return of warmer weather; I could only handle the cold for so long before I felt my bones turn to ice. Something else warmed me at that moment as well; Christian standing outside, waiting for me. I smiled welcomingly, walking faster toward him. I could feel my long hair bouncing against my shoulder blades, a hitch in my step as I drew closer to where he stood, and he wrapped an arm around me, kissing my forehead when I stopped in front of him.
"Miss Steele," he greeted me playfully, swinging me to his side before guiding me around to the passenger side of the car. "How was your class?"
"Long." I replied, groaning. "I'm happy to be free."
Christian chuckled. "As am I." he replied, looking at me happily with his gleaming, grey eyes. "I'm afraid I might be disappointing you tonight, though."
I furrowed my brow, not understanding what he meant. "Why is that?" I asked, worried.
"My brother is in town, and he wanted me to go out with him and see some sights." he replied, looking over at me briefly. He saw my expression and frowned. "Please don't look so crushed. It's only for one night."
"How long is he in town?" I asked.
"For a week." he replied, focusing on the road as he took the familiar route to my apartment. "Usually, he's in New York; he works for a company there that he's quite valuable to, but he decided to use a week of his vacation time to drop in on his little brother; which is surprising considering our life paths are night and day in comparison."
"Why should that make a difference?" I asked curiously, unable to fathom anyone treating Christian differently for his profession, unless they were a fan of his work like Kate.
"You would have to know my family." he replied absentmindedly, looking at me and catching a flash of hurt spread across my face. "Which you will," he added quickly, reaching over and squeezing my hand. "I promise, you'll meet Elliot before he goes back to the East Coast. But, for tonight, I promised him a brother-to-brother night."
I sighed weakly, nodding. "I understand." I said. "At least I got to see you for a few minutes."
Christian smiled. "That's just like you to look at the positives of the situation." he admired, bringing my hand to his lips and kissing the back of it. "I'll plan a night where you can come with us and meet him, I promise. In the meantime, don't get too lonely. I'll talk to you again soon."
It was then that I realized we were already at my apartment. Disappointed, I nodded again and leaned over, giving him a quick kiss before turning to let myself out of the car. He held on to me for a moment, making the kiss linger before letting me leave.
"Don't think for a moment that I wouldn't rather be spending my evening with you," he said softly, and I knew without question that he was being honest. My expression lightened as I smiled gently at him, and I reached for the door handle.
"Good night." I said quietly, slipping out of the car and walking to the front door. As always, he waited for me to disappear inside the building before he drove off into the night. I sighed. Hopefully, Kate wasn't busy tonight. I didn't want to wind up spending the night alone like an old spinster. I was alarmed when I walked in and saw that Kate was dressed up in a sequined number that only made the journey halfway down her thighs, avoiding her knees. Her hair was pulled back in a wavy pile on top of her head, and she had given herself a makeover and accessorized with a pair of long, golden earrings, and a dramatic necklace that looked more like an artistic masterpiece laying against her collarbone.
"Ana!" she exclaimed, as surprised as I was. "I didn't think you'd be coming home this early - what happened?"
"Nothing," I replied quickly, sensing that she thought Christian and I might have had a falling out. "It's just that Christian's brother is in town, and he promised that the two of them would go out tonight by themselves. So here I am."
"Well, damn." she replied pensively. "I figured I was going to be alone tonight, and didn't feel like being a caveman on a Friday. I was getting ready to go to the club and tear up the dance floor." Suddenly, her eyes began to sparkle, and I knew what she was thinking. "Come with me." she said.
I shook my head, hesitant. "You know I'm not big on going to clubs." I told her. "I'm not much of a dancer, and I can't drink yet."
Kate's expression was mischievous. "I know the doorman." she said, "We can fix that."
I was divided. I didn't really like the club scene, but I didn't want to be alone, and Kate looked like she wouldn't be swayed from her plans. I could only imagine how long it had taken her to get ready.
"Okay…" I said slowly, "I'll go - but only if you promise that we can leave if I get uncomfortable."
Kate grinned wickedly. "Deal." she agreed, without a second thought. "Now, let's hurry up and get you ready to go. You're going to dress to impress!"
Before I knew it, Kate had convinced me to slip a silver getup that she had hidden in her closet, and paired up with with a strappy pair of silver sandalled heels to match. In a flash, she did my makeup to match the glamor of our sparkling ensembles, and my hair was teased and moussed to look like I'd already been dancing. I felt a little awkward dressing like this, but when we made it out to the club, I felt like I would have stood out like a sore thumb if I had dressed more within my comfort level. When we reached the doorman, he looked at Kate and smiled with familiarity.
"Hey Kavanaugh," he said casually, "Two bands?"
"Bingo." she replied playfully, winking at the man.
Smiling, he slipped a pair of paper bands around our wrists. "You ladies have fun." he said, winking as we walked past him inside the building.
The music was so loud I could barely hear myself think, let alone Kate's directions to follow her to the bar. The dance floor was crowded with girls that looked like they could all be related to Kate, and guys who were practically salivating as they snuck in to share dances with them. I shook my head at the animalistic display and make my way behind Kate to the bar.
"Two cosmos, please!" she shouted to the bartender, who glanced down and saw the pair of bands. Without a moment's hesitation, he nodded and mixed up the drinks.
"I don't know how you persuaded me to come here." I admitted out loud, trying to make myself heard over the music.
"Come on, Steele, you know you like it here!" Kate shouted back, "Just give yourself a few minutes to adjust. Trust me!"
Reluctantly, I picked up the glass placed before me on the counter and took a sip. The drink was crisp, sweet, and slightly burned from the alcohol mixed in it. I sighed and decided to give Kate the benefit of the doubt - what was the worst that could happen?
Three cosmos later, and I was with Kate on the dance floor, laughing and swaying to the music like I was addicted. I could feel the bass thumping through my body, and the music called to me as I moved involuntarily. The alcohol had to have lowered my inhibitions, since I highly doubted I would have gone out on the dance floor if I had still been sober. I danced with Kate mindlessly, feeling euphoric as I let the music take over me, and I closed my eyes to let it fill me completely. The next thing I knew, I felt an arm snake its way around me, guiding my movement to mirror the person the arm belonged to. I felt confused by the contact, but didn't want to stop dancing, so I ignored the funny feeling in the pit of my stomach and finished dancing to the song, taking the transition to the next beat as my cue to return to the bar for another drink. It wasn't until I left the dance floor that I saw my dance partner, who followed me off of the floor eagerly.
"Wow, Ana; it feels like it's been ages!" Jose said, catching his breath from all the dancing he had been doing. "You look incredible. Damn."
I knit my brows together furiously as I glared at his smug expression. "What are you doing here?" I asked angrily.
"It's a free country." he replied, ordering a drink. "Never in a million years would I have thought I would see Ana Steele at a club. Looks like you've made some changes since you left. Pretty good ones, from what I'm seeing." He eyeballed me and let his gaze paint me from head to toe, lingering over his favorite parts. I shuddered involuntarily at the action.
If looks could kill, I would have happily killed him in a heartbeat. "You haven't changed at all, unfortunately." I snapped, turning to the bartender and ordering my fourth cosmo.
Jose leaned forward into my personal space, his lips right beside my ear. "Last I checked, you haven't had your 21st birthday yet." he crooned, pulling back to give me a mischievous grin.
"What about it?" I spat, wishing I could just make him go away.
"I could bust you in a heartbeat." he said pensively, playing with his glass of rum and coke. "That wouldn't look too good, would it?"
"You wouldn't." I hissed, my anger more pronounced as a result of my blind hatred of the asshole before me and the increased inhibitions of the alcohol already in my system. My cosmo was set on the counter beside me, but I focused my attention on glaring at Jose, trying to intimidate him into backing down. Instead, he simply laughed.
"I might." he replied, "Unless you want to persuade me otherwise." He brushed his fingers against my arm, and I flinched. Ashamed that I had shown my hand and proved my bluff, I reached for my drink, hoping it would bring me more courage.
"What makes you think I would be so desperate?" I asked, hoping that he would forget my foolish reaction and not realize that I was terrified. I tried to scan the crowd for Kate, but she was buried somewhere within the sea of dancers, and couldn't even see the bar; let alone, Jose and myself.
"Something tells me you wouldn't want the university catch wind that they have an underage student getting drunk near the campus." he said coyly, and my gut sank. Or wrenched. I wasn't sure which. I opened my mouth wordlessly, fighting to find a confident response to quash his upper hand in the conversation. I couldn't find one. He stepped forward and slipped his arm around me once again.
"Ana, come on." he cooed. "Tell me you didn't feel something out there just now. You know you'll always be mine."
I felt my heart begin to race with panic as I felt the walls closing in on me, and I fought to catch my breath. I wasn't able to keep my confident facade any longer, and I searched painstakingly for a sign of Kate. She was still nowhere to be found. I was running out of options. I could kick Jose and run out of the club, but then I would have to find a way home by myself, and with the number of people taking cabs home just outside, my chances of escaping before Jose could catch up was slim at best. My other option was to give in to him and let him destroy me once again; something that my heart couldn't take. I didn't want to end up like this; why did I let Kate convince me to come here?!
Suddenly, I felt Jose's arm move off of me, and a voice behind me made me breath a sigh of relief. "Excuse me, but who are you?"
"Who the fuck are you?" he echoed back, and I looked over my shoulder in excitement and fear.
"I'm Anastasia's boyfriend." Christian said, glaring at Jose like he was a maggot as he wrapped his arm protectively around my waist. He drew me close to him, and I felt like I was invincible. My confidence returned as I looked at Jose with pride; thankful for whatever it was that had brought Christian to me in that moment.
"Bullshit." he replied, "That's impossible. She hasn't dated anyone else in months - no way she's with you!"
" I beg to differ." Christian insisted sternly, his eyes burning intensely as he seemed to be restraining himself from launching an attack on Jose, who looked shocked and startled. "Now, Ana might not be looking for a scene, but I would be more than happy to indulge in one if you continue to come on to my girlfriend, so unless you want to show me what you're made of, I suggest you find another hole to crawl in."
Jose's jaw set firmly, and his fists balled up tightly, but he made no move forward. He and Christian were in a stare down, and after a long moment, Jose conceded, stepping away.
"See ya, Ana." he muttered, slipping off to the dance floor.
I sighed again, relieved, and suddenly weakened. I looked up at Christian, who still looked like he was seething. He glared down at me angrily.
"What the hell was that?!" he asked, smoldering.
I felt my heart sink once again, and stammered to find the words to explain. "I didn't want to be alone," I struggled, "And Kate was going out, and I don't go to the club, but-"
"Never mind that," he snapped, interrupting. "Who the fuck was that? And...are you drinking? How did you manage that?!"
I began stammering again, my head swimming around all of his questions as it tried to make sense of why he was angry with me, and how I could make it stop. "My ex; I didn't know he...Kate knows the doorman, and…" I couldn't find the words any longer, and I closed my eyes once more, taking a deep breath. When I opened them again, the room began to sway.
"I'm...you're moving." I mumbled, clutching his shirt. "No...you're spinning."
His eyes widened slightly, and I felt his weight shift. Or was it mine? I felt myself falling, but I didn't know how to catch myself. I gripped his shirt as tightly as I could while my legs failed me, crumbling and folding beneath me; two traitors as I succumbed to the now overpowering effects of the alcohol. The room was becoming a blur. It hurt my eyes so much that I closed them again, and I felt Christian's arms holding me while my head tried to figure out which way was up.
"I'm taking her home." I heard him say to someone, and the next thing I knew, I was sitting in his car, moving down the road. Then, all I remembered was darkness.
When my eyes opened again, a blinding light shone in them, and I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut again. I raised my arm to my face so I could attempt to open them again, and I felt a throbbing in my head as I struggled to look around. A wave of confusion overcame me as I saw things that I didn't recognize. It took a moment for my fuzzy brain to come to a conclusion - I was not in my room. I wasn't anywhere I had been before. I sat up and felt a wave of nausea, along as a surge of panic as I wondered how far away I was from a bathroom. Hoping for the best, I scrambled out of bed and out the doorway closest to me. I got lucky; it was a bathroom attached to the bedroom. I grasped the porcelain bowl with what strength I had and braced myself for what I felt coming. My body shook violently as I wretched, and each movement made me regret every drink I'd downed. I was obviously a total lightweight, and combining alcohol with an uncomfortable environment and less than appealing situation was making me pay a hefty price. As I gasped for breath between wretches, I felt someone pull my hair away from my face, loosely holding it behind me as another wave hit me. I was too busy feeling miserable to be embarrassed; at least, until the nausea subsided, and I stopped vomiting. I sat on the bathroom floor, face flushed from my time clinging to the toilet, and I grabbed a handful of toilet paper, wiping my face as I avoided looking up at Christian. I could still remember his anger the night before; not just toward Jose. I didn't like the feeling I had as his eyes burned at me furiously. It was like I had betrayed him, and I had only just promised weeks ago that I would always be someone he could trust. I wanted him to open up to me, and after last night's events, I wondered if he would feel like he could share himself with me so intimately.
"Feeling any better?" Christian asked cooly, and I felt my heart sink again.
"A little." I admitted abashedly. I tried to steal a glance of him without him noticing, but he was staring at me intently, and caught the move.
"Ana, what were you thinking?" he asked, interrupting before I had the chance to say anything in reply. "You know what, forget it. I'm not mad that you went out with your friend, I'm even not mad that you had something to drink, even though I'm surprised that someone as smart as you would get blazingly drunk. You deserve the hangover. What I want to know is who the dirtbag I nearly beat to a pulp was." He paused, shaking his head at me as he tried to figure out the answer on his own. "Who the hell was he, Ana?"
I felt my voice crack as I answered him. "My ex." I replied, almost in a whisper.
He ran a hand through his hair as he processed my answer, almost recoiling. "Okay," he said, noticeably struggling to keep his calm. "Then what the fuck was he doing with you? Did he meet you there?"
"NO!" I cried, the accusation stinging me like a slap to the face. "Never in a million years would I want to be near that creep; even if we weren't together!" I paused to regain my composure and fight a wave a nausea that seemed to want to take my attention. I took a slow, deep breath, and began to explain. "I had no idea that Jose was there. I was on the dance floor with Kate, minding my own business, and when I went back to the bar, he followed me."
"So he just happened to be there?" Christian asked skeptically, studying my face to see if there was any hint that I might be bending the truth.
"I swear to you," I said, tears forming in my eyes, "After the things he - never would I ever want to be near him intentionally."
This response seemed to flip a switch in Christian. "What do you mean, 'after the things'? What did he do to you?"
I looked at the floor, feeling dread as an old wound was on the verge of being reopened. "No," I begged, "Please...I don't want to go there right now."
"Anastasia, if he did anything to hurt you…" he started, stopping to let out an exasperated sigh. "It's unfair of me to push you to tell me about your past when I've fought to avoid being equally forthcoming. But after last night, I can't just pretend that it was no big deal." He placed his finger under my chin and lifted my face so that he could look me in the eye. "Tell me what happened. Please."
I could feel myself withdrawing. Everything up to this point had been so perfect. I didn't want to taint it with my messed up relationship. But I knew this was something I wouldn't be able to avoid forever. I also knew that opening up to Christian about my past with Jose would encourage him to open up to me about his own mysterious past that seemed to haunt him. Sighing, I gathered the courage to tell him the story.
