She looked directly into his eyes and stared for what felt like an eternity to him. He tried desperately to read her expression but quickly found that he had never seen this look on her face, he had no way of knowing how she would react.
She took a step back suddenly, her step almost a stumble as he reached for her, and she swatted at his hand, sitting hard in the pew, she stared ahead.
"Bones?" He said softly, waiting for her to respond or at least acknowledge that he was standing right there. "Talk to me." He said, sitting down beside her.
She knotted her fingers again, her mind flickering with thought upon thought as she recited to herself the words that he had just spoken. She couldn't hear him sitting beside her calling to her, for her mind was far too full of his words, too full of the tone and anger he put into his words.
Her brain was stammering, her heart racing, as she tried to figure out what she could do now. She felt his hand on hers, and resisted the urge to pull it away, allowing him for that moment to comfort her. "I… made a mistake." She whispered. "I shouldn't have told you about my appointment." She said, trying to stand up, she stumbled a bit, and allowed him to catch her before she tumbled from the pew.
"Bones, please talk to me."
"There's nothing to talk about." She said, turning around to face him, she nearly ran into his chest. "There's nothing more to talk about."
"Bones."
"You said that out of anger. I'm sorry I forced you to say something that you weren't ready to say."
"Bones, look at me."
"I'm sorry that I need your support sometimes." She said into his chest, pressing her hands against him again, pressing firmly into his chest. "I'm sorry." She said again.
Booth stood with his hand on her arm, watching her push against him, and his heart ached for her. The situation was familiar, far too familiar for him to find any comfort in her apology. "What do you want, Bones? What do you want me to do? Tell me what you want."
She stopped pushing and looked up at him, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "I want… to be happy."
"You have to be more specific, Bones. This is me you're talking to here." He replied, feeling her hands drop from his chest. "What do you want?"
"I want… I want… to show you that I have an open heart. That I kept people at a distance because I was afraid of getting hurt, but all it did was end up hurting me. I want… to show you that I'm not a gamble, I'm not a bet, I am a sure thing."
"You want…?"
"You, Booth. I want you, all of you. Not just your…" She paused, lowering her voice. "Not just… your child, not just your partnership. I want all of you. I've lived my entire life hiding from myself, convincing myself that I had exactly what I want. I convinced myself that what I expected out of life was what I deserved and what I had. I want more."
"Bones." He shook his head.
"I know you're with her. I know this is a selfish request, a selfish demand… but you asked." She whispered fiercely. "What do I do now?" She asked, completely sincere in her request. She stared into his eyes waiting for an answer, a reply, anything. She expected rejection, disbelief or anger, but found nothing but his searching eyes as he worked through his mind what she had just said. "Booth?"
"Yeah?"
"Why don't you want me to have a child?" She whispered.
"It's not that I don't want you to have a child, Bones." He said sincerely. "It's just that… I don't want you to feel cheated out of making one the natural way… the way nature intended, Bones."
"By having… sex." She said, watching him cringe, they both looked to the altar and back at the other.
"You just had to say it once in here, didn't you?" He asked, an eyebrow rising as he watched a bit of humor lift into her eyes. "And it's not sex, Bones. What you want isn't sex. You want a child born out of love, not a one night stand… not a medical procedure. You're too special for that, Bones… When your child is conceived, it should be a product of making love." He whispered.
She swallowed hard at his words, the tenderness within his voice was nearly too much for her to handle. She sucked in a deep breath and let it out heavily, trying to will the tears in her eyes away. "Booth?"
"Hm?"
"We still haven't had our Valentine's Day Thai yet."
He smiled at her thought, a complete turnaround from their previous conversation. "That's because it's for dinner. Just like last year and the year before." He shook his head. "You're hungry?"
"Starving." She said, watching his eyebrow lift again. "Metaphorically speaking."
There was a slight pause as all pretenses slipped, and all masks fell as they stood together in the church. His hands reached for hers as he slipped them slowly into hers. "Bones?" He whispered, watching her eyes flicker up to his with an almost shy expression. "We'll figure this out, okay?"
"I'm not going to take 'no' for an answer."
"And which one of us said 'no'?" He said, settling his hand in hers. "Come on, let me take you to dinner." He whispered, as she gripped his hand tightly, and slowly, the two of them walked to the end of the pew. With his arm wrapped around her shoulder, they walked down the aisle of the church and out into the blustery February wind, in search of something to feed their bodies and their souls.
