EPOV
As September came to an end and October began to wear on, I couldn't help the thrill I felt at the progress I was making with Bella. Though she was verbally a closed book, her body gave her away in almost every circumstance. I found I had become somewhat of an expert at decoding Bella—maybe Business wasn't the right path for me. I should have majored in Bellanomics.
I loved that she flushed a bright red when she was embarrassed, and I found it insanely adorable how easily she became so. A compliment, an insinuation, even a brief touch could send the crimson flow up her neck, turning her ears a bright pink, and flushing her cheeks. Although I didn't want to embarrass her, I often found myself purposely doing things to bring out that lovely tone. She looked breathtaking when flushed. It made me consider other ways that I could bring out the colour on her soft, pale pallor.
I'd also begun to understand Bella's reactions to most things. If she was uncomfortable with a topic, almost instantly her arms would wind around her middle, protectively. It made it incredibly easy to avoid topics of conversation that would shut her down. When she was happy, she was physically open, she faced me directly, and even if she wasn't laughing or smiling, her eyes were alight. This was my favourite way to view Bella—alive, happy, bright.
There was another stance that I had come to recognize quickly from Bella, although I'd only seen it a few times. That was fear. When something frightened Bella, her expressive eyes would widen, and her entire being would tense, as if from her very core. If ever I saw her standing stock still, I knew that something had happened, either in the real world, or within the world of her own mind, that had stunned her into an unmoving, unblinking statue.
On every occasion that I encountered this version of Bella, I had been quick to react, to take care of whatever had frightened her so. Unfortunately, whenever I asked her, she would immediately back down, paste on a sadly fake smile, and excuse herself. I'd look around, making sure there wasn't some pervert looking in our windows, or a massive spider on the wall... anything that would make sense of her reaction—but there never was. I was wishing more and more that she would just be open with me.
Through all of the progress I had made with Bella in terms of our friendship, that was one thing I'd never achieved. She wasn't open with me—not about what really plagued her, and I was learning more and more that there was something there, deep within her, that often paralyzed her with fear. I wondered what in the world was on her mind that had taken her prisoner in such a way, and I couldn't help the nagging feeling that it had something to do with her initial response to me upon becoming roommates.
I supposed I was reaching, looking for any explanation for her previous behaviour toward me, but I decided quickly not to push. My relationship with Bella had begun to blossom at a steady pace, and I was determined not to do anything to quell our progress. I wanted more with her, I'd known it since the first time I'd laid eyes on her, but I knew that with Bella it would take time. Time was something that I was more than willing to give her, as long as she seemed responsive. Thankfully, she did.
After the multiple incidents the night of the block party, Bella had become much more relaxed with me. It was like she had finally opened her eyes and realized that I did not have any negative intentions toward her. All I wanted, for the time being, was to be her friend. Although my personal goals were further reaching than that, I was well aware that a real relationship with Bella would not happen overnight. I would have to pay my dues, and I was happy to.
Bella seemed to be open to a real friendship with me, and I felt us becoming closer each and every day. The time even came—after several weeks, of course— that she no longer shrunk away from my touch. By late October I was finally able to touch her shoulder, tuck her hair behind her ear, or hug her after a hard day. It may have seemed like a small step to anyone else, but for me, it was a triumph. It showed that Bella trusted me, if not entirely with her mind yet, with her body. She knew I wouldn't hurt her.
I wondered idly if that had been her fear all along—that I would hurt her. She seemed so tense around men who showed an interest, while not so much around men that were otherwise occupied. It would explain why she had been so quick to befriend Emmett and Jasper, who both had quickly been linked to Rosalie and Alice, and why she was so timid with me. I considered that maybe I hadn't been so covert with my immediate desire for her. Maybe, at some point, I had shown some sort of aggression that had turned her away in fear.
I thought hard about that, worried that I had somehow unintentionally made her afraid of me. I considered my actions toward her in the two months that I'd known her, and could come up with nothing that could be construed as threatening. I decided not to worry myself about it. What mattered was that after those two short months, Bella was someone I could consider a friend, a confidant, and I was incredibly thankful for that fact.
As October came to an end, I had precious little time to worry about the state of my relationship with Bella. I was finally beginning to understand what everyone had warned me about in high school, that University was hard. As I sat at the desk in my room one Sunday evening, slaving over yet another paper I realized that they had been absolutely right. I wanted to get away from the endless papers and tests and projects. In high school, a 1000 word essay had seemed mildly terrifying, but sitting there that Sunday night, 1500 words into a 5000 word paper, I really began to realize just how easy I'd had it.
I wondered if they would take me in the circus. I couldn't do flips or anything like that, but I was pretty sure I could juggle, with some practise. Slap a red nose on me, and call me Bubbles—just get me the hell away from this damn paper.
I knew I couldn't walk away, but when the words on the page all began to blur under my weary vision, I decided it was way past time for a break. I checked my clock, finding it was only 4:30 in the afternoon. The late afternoon sun was still peaking into the small window in my room, and I could hear the voices outside becoming louder and louder.
It was then that I remembered that the second block party was that evening. Sighing heavily in resignation, I realized that I would have to miss it. I had way too much work to do, and not nearly enough time to do it. It was time to put on my big kid undies and buckle down.
God, I hated it when my inner voice sounded like my father.
I dragged myself out of my hard desk chair, cursing it for not having a decent cushion, and stretched for the first time in several hours. My muscles ached and moaned as I loosened them, and my bones cracked in my back as I twisted. I would really have to try to fit some form of exercise into my regime. With a quick glance back at my incomplete paper, I shook that thought away. Who the heck had time for exercise? Hell, who had time for anything in this hell hole called university?
I shook my head, fighting away the emo thoughts. I really needed to get out of my room.
As I bounded up the stairs I could hear the whole group in the living room, making plans for the evening. I entered and flopped down unceremoniously on the couch next to Jasper. My face must have betrayed my fatigue, because everyone looked at me with curious expressions.
"If I'd known about Dr. Jenson in high school, I would have skipped university all together and become a prostitute," I stated. Everyone seemed to nod their understanding. Though I was the only one who had Dr. Jenson, my Ethics professor, he was notorious around campus.
"You know you'd have to take it up the bum," Emmett said. I raised an eyebrow, totally lost. "If you were a prostitute. All the dudes would be after you."
"I'm beginning to think that'd be preferable," I joked, earning curious glances from the group.
"I knew it!" Emmett exclaimed.
"Knew what?" I asked, not really caring, but knowing he would tell me anyway.
"You're a homo. It explains everything." I rolled my eyes. "Hey man, I'm just sayin'," he explained, "You haven't gotten any pussy since landing in this place, even though the chicks are all over you." I watched, amused, as Rosalie elbowed him hard in the ribs. "What? I'm not sayin' it's a bad thing!"
I just chuckled. Leave it to Emmett to decide that a two-month dry spell with women made me gay. He was right, though—not about the gayness, but about the lack of sex. I hadn't even considered the girls who had attached themselves to me in my various classes. Although I was vaguely aware of their interest, they held no appeal for me. Maybe if there was no Bella I would have been dating someone else by now, but there was a Bella, and she was the only person I was interested in being with. I couldn't say that, though, with the lady in question sitting in the chair next to me, so I just shook my head.
"You solved it, Emm. I'm gay." He sent a smug look back in Rosalie's direction, but she took no notice, as she, Alice and Bella were all staring at me, wide eyed, mouths agape. Had that really sounded convincing? I looked over to Jasper and found him chuckling to himself. Well, at least he knew I wasn't serious. I looked back to Bella, and found that she had corrected her visage, although, if I didn't know better, I could swear there was a hint of disappointment in her expressive brown eyes.
"Hey," I said softly to her, she looked up, meeting my eyes. "I'm kidding." I couldn't help the way my heart sped up when I saw her visibly relax. She shook it off quickly and rolled her eyes.
"I knew that." I smiled, before realizing that while this small moment had been happening, the rest of our roommates were watching intently. Thankfully, before the moment could be ruined by awkwardness, my wonderfully perceptive buddy Jasper broke the tension.
"So are we getting out of here or what? They should be barbequing the burgers by now," he said. I inwardly cursed my Ethics prof, and slumped back into the couch.
"Ugh, I can't go," I moaned.
"How come?" Alice asked, sounding mildly offended. Once again, she had largely commandeered the event.
"I've got to work on this paper. There's just no way I can go out tonight." Alice didn't seem pleased, but she didn't question me further.
"I can't go either," Bella said from beside me. I quickly turned my glance to her from Alice.
"What's your excuse?" Alice demanded. Bella sighed heavily.
"I have a midterm tomorrow that I'm definitely going to fail if I don't study. But you guys go have fun," she said, pulling herself out of the chair and heading toward the stairs. I watched her retreat up to her room, trying my best not to look as excited as I was at the prospect of being in the house alone with her. I startled as I felt Jasper lightly elbow me in the side.
"What?" I asked, my voice low. The rest of the group was chatting animatedly, and Jasper had leaned in close to me.
"What's taking so damn long with you two?" he asked in his thick drawl. I sighed deeply. The only person who knew about my true feelings for Bella was Jasper. I had been confiding in him since we met, immediately put at ease by his approachability and respect for privacy. He was a good friend. I shrugged in response to his question.
"You know Bella," I mumbled. He nodded his understanding. He was perceptive about her, too. Our conversation was cut short when Alice stood up, announcing that it was time for them to leave. I decided to grab a bite to eat from the kitchen before heading back down to the devil's lair to finish my paper.
BPOV
I fell back on my bed, pulling out my notes and trying hard to focus on them. My midterm would probably be a breeze, but in all honesty, I was desperate for anything that would get me out of that miserable block party. After the disaster of the last one, I was in no rush for a repeat performance.
I thought back to that day, and immediately my stomach clenched in embarrassment and irritation. I had long since forgiven Alice for her drunken slip, but it was hard to forget the moment that had my entire group of roommates questioning my virginity. It mortified me all over again when I imagined the look on Edward's face when Alice was explaining the "point of contention". Ugh. Fucking Alice.
Edward, on the other hand, seemed to have forgotten all about the incident as soon as the next day dawned, as had the rest of the group. I was more than thankful for their short memories, as the topic of my 'V' card never came up again.
I considered the way Edward had jumped in to take the bullet for me that night. In the time since then, he had saved me from numerous embarrassing situations, and had placed me in just as many. It didn't take long to realize that Edward liked to push my buttons, but I wasn't complaining. He teased me, but it was all in good fun. I couldn't help but feel at ease around him when he had never done anything to make me feel otherwise. Even when I was mildly uncomfortable with some line of questioning, he quickly changed the subject. I wondered idly if he could somehow read my thoughts.
That thought both amused and frightened me. What would he think if he could read my thoughts? If he knew all of my deepest, darkest secrets? I felt nauseous at that thought. He couldn't know. Thankfully, he didn't push.
As I returned my eyes to my notes, it didn't take another minute for my attention to wander once again. Tonight was the first night that Edward and I had been alone in the house together, since the rest of the group was out enjoying the block party, and probably would be for hours. I tried to determine how I felt about that.
I had been home alone with just about every other member of our group, and I had never thought twice about it. But this wasn't just anyone. This was Edward. I was torn between wanting to hide out until Alice was back, or to run downstairs and kiss him. Although kissing sounded like a thoroughly enjoyable choice, I opted to stick to my room. I still wasn't ready to be with Edward, even if my hormones and girly parts disagreed. As much as I wanted him, I desperately didn't want to want him. I fought it with every ounce of my strength.
The evening seemed to pass at a snails pace. My eyes alternated between my notes and my clock, and found that every minute lasted an hour. By six o'clock, I couldn't bear to look at those damn notes anymore. I grumbled to myself about being a studying 'newb', and pulled out of bed, padding to the door. I hesitated slightly, wondering if I would see Edward if I were to go down to the kitchen.
"Of course, it's a possibility... but it doesn't matter. He's just Edward." I told myself.
"Sure... just Edward. If that's how you want to play it..." I rolled my eyes. I was not about to argue with myself. "Yes you are" came the voice again.
"Oh, shut up," I said aloud. To myself.
Okay, so I was crazy. I blamed it on the studying, and pulled my door open, heading for the kitchen.
I'm embarrassed to admit that I did a cursory glance at the surrounding area before stepping off the last stair, determining that Edward was nowhere in sight. With a bit of a sigh of relief (or was that disappointment?), I descended the final step and made my way to the kitchen. I pulled a cup out of the cabinet and filled it in the sink, downing it quickly before filling it up once more.
"Thirsty?" I jumped about a mile high when I heard the voice behind me. I quickly spun around to find Edward leaning casually against the door frame to the kitchen. "Sorry," he said," I didn't mean to scare you." I shook my head, feeling a flush rising up my cheeks.
"No, you didn't," I lied. I took a sip of my water, hoping to distract him from my rosy cheeks. It didn't work—I could tell, because he grinned that same, sexy grin that he grinned whenever my damn blush made him grin. Fucking sexy grin.
"How goes the studying?" he asked, sauntering into the kitchen and grabbing a cup. He came to stand beside me at the sink, and I could feel the heat radiating off of him. I both loved and hated the tingles I felt when he was close enough for me to smell him. He smelled really good.
"Ugh," I moaned. "I'm beginning to wonder if Intro Spanish was used as a form of torture sometime in the past." My heart beat a little faster when he chuckled that sexy chuckle. I watched him intently as he brought his cup to his lips and sipped the water. As he pulled the cup away, a little moisture had gathered on his lips, and his tongue darted out to catch it. From my close proximity, it was one of the sexiest things I had ever experienced. It felt like it happened in slow motion.
"You are so fucking lame," came the voice in my head.
"I know." I conceded to myself. I was fucking lame. I was practically drooling over a guy licking his lips. I needed to escape to my room before I did something I would regret—but I really didn't want to.
"I suck at languages. I stopped taking them as early as I could in high school," Edward said. Or at least, I think that's what he said. I was too intrigued by the way his mouth moved as he formed words to really listen to what he was saying.
"Well, that's what you get for thinking about kissing him for the last two hours."
"I wasn't thinking about that the whole time."
"Yes you were."
"Shut up," I mumbled to myself, momentarily forgetting about Edward being so close. He looked down at me with curious amusement.
"What'd you say?" he asked. I shook my head, embarrassed.
"Umm... I said... Like what?" He looked utterly confused.
"What?" he asked again.
"Like what... languages were you studying?" I asked.
"Nice save, douche."
"Shut up."
"Oh," he said, seemingly appeased. "Umm, mostly Spanish. Though my parents insisted on French classes." I was mildly interested.
"Why French?"
"Because they love Paris," he said with a small laugh, taking another drink. I watched his adams apple bob as he swallowed. He had a sexy neck.
"Have you ever been there?" I asked. "Please distract me. I'm failing."
"Once, when I was a kid. We were there for the summer." I pondered this. Who brings their kid to Paris?
"I didn't know Paris was a family destination." He laughed. I loved his laugh.
"It's not," he said, setting his glass down in the sink. "It's the freakin' city of love. They got an au pair for the summer and left me in her care while they went off to be gross with each other." I was lost after he mentioned the "city of love". I really needed to get back to studying. I was about to make that statement when he turned toward me and leaned against the counter. "What about you?" he asked.
"What about me?" He smirked the way he did when he was flirting with me, which always made me a little weak.
"Ever been to the city of love?" he asked, his voice low, gravelly. I swallowed hard, not wanting him to know how he affected me. Normally he backed down quickly when flirting with me. I couldn't decide if I wanted that this time. I shook my head.
"My dad was more of a weekend fishing kind of guy. I spent a lot of time with trout." He continued to smirk.
"It really is a beautiful city. I should take you to see it sometime," he suggested with a wink. Oh god, I was not going to make it out of this. Danger, Will Robinson! I could think of nothing to say, so I said nothing. Unfortunately, I also couldn't make my brain work effectively enough to remove myself from the situation, so I stood there immobile as the smirk left his face, and his eyes darkened slightly.
"Bella," he whispered, his voice deeper than usual. It sent tingles through me immediately, and my sense of self preservation vanished. In a moment of insanity (or, one could argue, my first moment of sanity), I quickly closed the gap between us, marvelling in the way his lips felt against mine. I had dreamed of this feeling for two months, and it was better than I ever imagined it would be.
Edward hesitated momentarily, but before I could back out, he was kissing me back with fervency. One of his hands tangled in my hair, keeping me trapped against his lips, while his other found the small of my back, trapping me against his body. I didn't feel trapped, though. I felt exhilarated, and I leaned into his touch, pulling him even closer with my arms around his neck.
The kiss was exactly as passionate as one would expect after two months of bizarre sexual tension. It was hurried, hard, but still somehow soft. Edward was delicate in his passion, and if my brain had been working in that moment, I would probably have realized that he was trying to make our first kiss special. I collapsed into him and opened my mouth, longing to taste him.
It wasn't until I heard the front door open and the voices of Alice and Rosalie wafting through the house that I fully realized what was happening. Immediately, I pulled away forcefully, the reality of the event seeping into me. My immediate response was to run away.
"I uhh...I have to study. More. Test," I stuttered, making my un-coordinated exit. I heard a mumbled response from Edward in my wake, but couldn't determine what he had said. It didn't matter. I raced to my room and locked the door behind me, panting heavily as I leaned against it.
"You're an idiot," my inner voice chastised. I swallowed hard, dropping to sit on the floor in defeat.
"I'm such an idiot."
A/N:There, I gave you some love. Now maybe you can give me some in return? Reviews are muchly appreciated!
Thanks for reading :)
Christie
