A/N: I added a lot of little things in this one to make it a bit more dynamic, while at the same time cutting Bowser's relentless tirades a little shorter.

Act II. Scene iv.

Bowser was a foul mood by the time the Koopa Cruiser landed at Ludwig's castle, and it didn't help that the door leading into the castle from the airstrip was still locked and unguarded.

"Oh come on! If you're gonna lock your doors, at least post sentries!" roared Bowser, after his banging on the door went unheeded. "My kids are horrible heads of households, simply horrible!"

"I heard it's customary to leave the doors unguarded here in Chai," said Morton brightly. "Their locks are enchanted and unbreakable, so it'd be a waste of the guard's time to guard-"

"And it's a waste of our time to sit here and wait for someone to come and open the door!" growled Bowser. "And since I'm the King, my time's more important than some insignificant guard's."

"Maybe there's another way in," said Morton, tottering away through the grounds. "Chai castles are huge complexes, and there are bound to be some Pionpi around to open that door even if we don't find another way in…"

Morton kept chattering away as they walked around the various buildings, having as much luck as Toadsworth had the night before, despite the fact that it was now daylight. Kamek heard Morton's voice long before the group rounded the corner, and he sat up to greet them. "Hey, hey, lookie who's here! The King!"

"Nice bondage," leered Bowser. "Do all you rockstars pass your nights handcuffed to the ground by giant rings of candy, or is it just you?"

"I don't think he's tied up by choice, Your Luridness," frowned Kammy.

"She's right. It was your daughter who chained me up, and I assure you, that's all that happened between us," said Kamek, wincing at the mental images that sprang to his mind as he considered what could have happened between them if Bowser's joke had been truthful. Kamek swallowed, "your daughter's no dominatrix, that's for sure."

"Hah, you obviously haven't seen what's in her closet," said Bowser, also wincing at what was flashing through his head. "Seriously. All I wanted was some hair gel to pull a prank on Haggy here – you'd think Wendy'd put warning signs on boxes filled with that sorta thing."

"Oh, oh, what was in them? I rooted through her closet once too – or actually, I've looked through it a few times, but only once recently, and she's probably got new things since then, and-"

"Let's not talk about this anymore," said Bowser, turning back to Kamek. "Why'd she lock you up?"

"I ran into Toadsworth, and your kids didn't appreciate the fact that I was still a little testy about his treatment of you last night."

"They locked you up for defending my honor, did they? Did you tell them what happened? How Larry and Roy turned on me, and how Toadsworth is nothing but their little stooge?"

"Wendy and Iggy were deaf to my arguments, but Ludwig was reasonable enough," said Kamek.

"At least I have one good kid left," sighed Bowser.

"Hey!"

"Oh, right, you're good too, Morton."

"Thanks. You know, I was thinking-"

"Fathers that wear rags
Do make their children blind;
But fathers that bear bags
Shall see their children kind.
Fortune, that arrant whore,
Ne'er turns the key to the poor.
"

Bowser, Morton and Kamek all turned, blinking, to Kammy.

"Seriously, what's the deal with you and your stupid poems," said Bowser incredulously. "It's like you won't shut up about them."

"Not 'about them', King Dad – she's not talking about them, she keeps saying them. What you should've said was that she 'just won't shut up' period," corrected Morton.

"That's a bit like the Bob-omb calling the Bullet Bill black, coming from you," said Bowser, crossing his arms.

"That's why I said it – I wanted to spare you one of his rants – no offense Morton, but I just don't think His Surliness is in the mood for-"

"I'm not in the mood for your stupid poems either, Stupid!"

"How repetitive," smirked Kammy.

"Grrr, enough! You two stay here with Rocker-Dude, I'll go find Ludwig," with that, Bowser stormed off.

"What is you name, anyway?" asked Morton, peering at Kamek.

"Uh-"

"That sir which serves and seeks for gain,
And follows but for form,
Will pack when it begins to rain
And leave thee in the storm.
But I will tarry; the fool will stay,
And let the wise man fly.
The knave turns fool that runs away;
The fool, no knave perdy.
"

Once again, the distracting poetry worked its charm as Morton turned away from Kamek and started blabbering at Kammy. "'Pear-die'? I thought 'perdy''s pronounced 'Pear-dieu', y'know, because it stems from 'par dieu'."

"Is that German for 'to become', or something?" said Kammy.

"No! It's French for 'by God' – 'by Koopa' if you want to Koopasize it, or 'by the Stars' for the Mushroomians and Sarasalanders," said Morton, who loved learning about languages and word origins as much as he did useless trivia.

"Oh, I always thought those last lines were saying how the knaves that turned on their masters were the real fools, while the fool who stayed didn't become a knave." She looked over at Kamek, who was looking rather bored. "A 'knave' being a traitorous rascal, that is."

"I know what a knave is," snarled Kamek.

"Oh, it looked you weren't following the conversation…"

"I wasn't, but not because I couldn't understand it, but because it's so freaking boring!"

"But you're a musician!" gasped Morton. "Shouldn't you care about word pronunciations, their origins, their synonyms and how they translate from culture to culture, and between languages and between generations too (seeing as we don't really use 'perdy' anymore)? 'Perdy' must've been chosen because it looks like 'fly' on paper – a 'sight rhyme', as they say, though it can also be known as a 'visual rhyme' or an 'eye rhyme'. I hate those – poets and songwriters who use them are just being lazy; but I hate it when the people mispronounce the words to fit them even worse. I hope you don't do that."

Morton looked expectantly at Kamek, who merely leaned back onto the ground. "Look, kid, I'm a rhythm and lead guitar. I don't care about lyrics, okay? I don't write 'em, I don't sing 'em, I don't-"

"I'm back!" Bowser strode up to the threesome with Ludwig in tow.

"And you brought Ludwig, oh joy, Your Successfulness!"

"Hardly," snorted Bowser. "Wendy and Iggy refused to even come out and see me! I mean, the rock didn't hit them, and it's not even their window – it's yours!" Bowser turned to Ludwig. "But you know, if you left some guards outside I wouldn't have to throw rocks at your windows to get people's attention!"

"Sarasalanders are deeply set in zeir vays," sighed Ludwig.

"Maybe you should relocate to another province!" suggested Morton excitedly. "Easton's got a bad history with the Koopas so that might not be so great, but Birabuto's cool! Er, not literally cool, but it's a nice place to live… if you like deserts, that is. I like deserts, but I'm not sure if you do, Luddy. Oh! But there's always Muda – a nice castle by the sea-"

"Be quiet! I'm in a bad enough mood without having to listen to your innate dribble," Bowser massaged his temples in frustration. "Iggy and Wendy and Roy and Larry are absolutely ruining my retirement! And it makes me so mad!"

"I've been trying to tell zem zey should hear you out-"

"'Hear me out'? They should be doing exactly what I tell them to do! They should be on their knees, begging my forgiveness, and instead they're locked inside having tea while my servant's out here in the cold and damp morning of this awful place! I wouldn't even be here if my kids had just done what I had told them to, but no, they had to get creative and resentful. I gave them control of the kingdom, but not of me! YA HEAR ME!?! I should be back home in Dark Land, I should be the one sitting by the fire drinking tea! AND I HATE TEA! But I'd drink it just to spite them, because I can do that, because I'm KING! And they're not! I'd forbid them from having tea! All the tea would be mine! ALL MINE! Gwa ha ha!"

"I'll tell zem to come outside," said Ludwig, rushing away from his father's unusual outburst.

"Yeah, you better! Bwa ha ha!"

Kamek and Kammy exchanged worried looks behind the King's back.

"Too bad he didn't set you free before he left," observed Morton. "I would've-"

"SHUT UP!" chorused the Magikoopas, before Bowser could do something worse to his chatterbox son.

Soon, Ludwig reappeared, now with Iggy and Wendy in his wake.

"Daddy! How good it is to see you," smiled Wendy sweetly, waving her wand in Kamek's direction and causing her candied restrains to shatter into dust.

"Mmm, pixie stick filling," said Morton, licking his lips.

The others ignored him, however. "It better be good to see me," huffed Bowser. "Or you're no daughter of mine. And you neither Iggy."

"Yeah, I'm your son," quipped Iggy.

Bowser's face reddened. "Another ungrateful son, in that case!" The King's face then fell and he began to whine. "You better not be like Larry. You wouldn't believe what he said to me – what he did to me! I gave him my precious, precious castle and he turned me out! He took my servants and forced me to leave with only these two to help fly the Koopa Cruiser!"

"That's not like Larry," frowned Iggy. "If he's ambitious, it's only because you taught him to be ambitious – you taught us all to be ambitious, haven't you? To be ruthless despots? I'm sure you've misunderstood Larry – he's not used to being in charge, remember? You should be proud that Larry's finding his voice! You should be glad we've turned out like you wanted us to!"

"Hardly," scowled Bowser. "I didn't raise you to turn on your own father."

"We heard Larry simply told you to restrain your soldiers. You always kept an organized castle, so what's wrong with him doing the same?"

"What's wrong is that he's not in charge! I am! I'm King!"

"Not in charge?" scoffed Iggy. "King Dad, you gave us your kingdom – of course we're in charge! You're old now, and you deserve a peaceful retirement – isn't that what you wanted? Go back and let Larry keep the guards in order. Or better yet, let Roy do it – you know how much he likes that sorta thing."

"I don't believe this!" gasped Bowser. "I won't go back!"

"You will go back – I'm sure Larry'll forgive you."

"Forgive me? It's him that needs forgiving. He better come crawling to me on his hands and knees and beg my forgiveness before I even consider returning to the castle which I so foolishly gave to an ungrateful brat like him!"

"Daddy, be reasonable," said Wendy, stepping forward, having grown tired of letting Iggy do all the talking. "We're doing this for your own good-"

"Liar! You're doing this because you want it all for yourselves! You're just like Larry and Roy, how could you do this to me? I hate you all! I hope you all die alone and unloved and powerless and homeless! I hope all your windows get broken, and I hope the pieces cut you into little pieces! And I hope you cry and wish you never double-crossed me and all the kindness and love and land I've slathered on you all these years! And I hope you're miserable! And I hope you're sorry for what you've done! And I hope- I hope- I HOPE YOU NEVER DRINK TEA AGAIN!"

"I see I've come at a bad time…" sneered Larry, walking around the corner behind Bowser.

The king whirled around, his eyes bulging from his skull in rage. "YOU!!! Why are you here? You rat! You stupid, ugly wart!"

"So kind… so kind…" sighed Larry inching around his father and joining Iggy and Wendy.

"So you're all in this together?" growled Bowser, nodding to himself. "I see how it is. I see… Well… In that case, you're all disowned!"

"And you call us unreasonable," snorted Iggy.

"Yeah… mellow out," said Larry.

"Totally," agreed Wendy.

"Fazzer, please, calm down, I'm sure vee can all vork somesing out – vee just need to be civil and-"

"No, Ludwig! They had their chances and they blew them all! They blew them right in my face! Psshhhhwwwffffhhhh" The Koopalings all instinctively jumped back from Bowser's prolonged exhalation, but his fire had gone out. "No! NO! This is not happening! It's not happening!" Bowser squeezed his eyes shut, held onto his horns and shook his head around as he wailed. "I say it's not happening! The King says it's not happening so it must not be happening!"

"Just calm down! Junior's somevere inside, and vonce he gets here, vee can vork somesing out. Morton's here so all vee have to do is call Roy and Lem-" Ludwig checked himself. However, he didn't think it would be wise to tell Bowser that another one of his kids had turned traitor at that moment. "Vee'll have a family meeting and vee can clear zis all up."

"There's nothing to clear up," said Iggy. "King Dad's lost his mind – he's in no position to demand anything."

"We need to take charge… Or bad things will happen," murmured Larry solemnly, though he said it with a smile.

"No! NOOOOOO!!!!!" roared Bowser. "I will not be controlled! The King of the Koopas will NEVER be controlled! I rule this world! I DO! Not you, you're a bunch of dirty Bandits – cowardly Neckies who would pick my carcass clean the moment I drop dead! Is that why you're doing this? To send me on my way faster? You can't wait a few more years? And why do you feel the need to wait – to force me into an early grave – I already gave you everything!"

As the argument stretched on, the clouds continued to pour in. The sun was gone and the thunder rumbled as Bowser turned from his children. "I won't let you do this to me! I WON'T!!! I'll show you! I hate you! Rrrraaaahhhhh!!!" Bowser charged headlong though the courtyard.

"Your Mistreatedness! Stop!"

"Fazzer! No!"

"Come back!"

Kamek and Kammy both conjured up their brooms and flew after their king, with Ludwig and Morton following behind them.

"I heard Chai thunderstorms are nasty…" said Larry, looking warily up at the sky.

"Yes, we should go inside before it starts pouring," nodded Wendy.

"All the guards will be heading in already. All the doors should be bolted shut," said Iggy.

Ludwig and Morton reappeared just as the other three Koopalings turned away to go inside. "Vat is zee matter vit you guys? Vy in zee entire Mushroom Freaking Vorld did you do zat to Fazzer? He vaulted over zee outer vall-"

"He's the one who flew off handle," said Iggy coolly.

"But zee storm-"

"If he gets caught outside it'll serve him right," said Wendy, turning and heading off towards the garden doors.

"Maybe the storm'll knock some sense into him… show him that he does need us…" mused Larry as he and Iggy followed their sister.

"Vee must help Fazzer," insisted Ludwig, turning to Morton. "You go and try to catch up vit him before zee storm hits, I'll talk to Junior and make a plan."

"Okey-dokey, Luddy, I-"

"Ludwig clamped his hand down over his brother's mouth. "Now is not zee time for speeches, Morton, zee storm is almost upon us – zeese clippers come down fast and hard on zee land, vee must be quick or Fazzer is in serious trouble!"

"Okay, but first I gotta tell you something…" insisted Morton, and he endeavored to relay his latest story before the clouds burst.