07. Can I buy you a drink?

Narcissa could not believe she went to the party. For most of the afternoon she sat and debating whether she should go. When she was finally too disturbed to go over the to go and not to go question, she put on the dress she had chose for herself and left before she could regret. And there she saw Victoria. She knew her at school. Victoria was a year older than her and was no doubt a beautiful girl. More than once had she heard boys talking in the common room about how to get her attention. She knew Victoria was Lucius's fiancée. They had been engaged for over six months now. Somehow she had already got the news before Bella told her. Bella did not like her, said that Victoria had been a shameless bitch when she was still at school. Something about her flirting with and winking at Rodolphus. She could not help but smiled at her sister's obvious hatred towards Victoria. It felt like she was supporting her, though Bella knew nothing about her secret. Actually she felt conflict about knowing how things were going on about Lucius, especially something like his engagement, and with a girl other than her. She wanted to know that he was doing well, that he was happy and she would give him all her wishes if that would ever help. But not, and never his happiness with another girl, another female. It made her doubt what she had shared with him, those most precious memories she kept deep down in her heart. She had wanted to be the one who brought him happiness. Upon hearing the news, she was angry at the first instinct, though she managed to show it as if she was just astonished and commented that it was hard to believe a man like Lucius got himself a fiancée. But no matter how hard she tried, she could not hide the jealousy she had in her tone and she could even taste the bitterness on her tongue.

Even on an occasion like this, when everyone was dressed up, Victoria was still astonishing. She wore a dark green dress, which suited absolutely every inch of her curves. Her ample breasts and slim waist, her round hip and slender legs. She looked down at herself. Her breasts were small. Bella always laughed and said that those made her look more girlish. She blushed out of embarrassment remembering those, and finished the rest of her butter beer in one gulp.

May it be the effect of alcohol, but she wondered, that if Victoria was here, did that mean Lucius would also be here? But seeing that she was currently dancing with Nott, maybe Lucius had not arrived yet? She searched quickly around the room and saw no sign of him. She released a breath she did not know she was holding. It was true that she wanted to see him, but she did not want him to see her because she did not know how to react if he ever saw her.

That Sunday, on which she was suppose to meet with Lucius, she got an owl from his mother instead of seeing her boyfriend. Inside the envelop were some photos of her and Lucius, along with a note saying that she hopes she could realize that she is just a nobody and Lucius would not remember her anymore.

It was a little bit weird. Her sensitive nerve caught the slight difference in the structure of the sentence, mixed with arrogance and pride. She could understand if she said that he could never talk to her again or not see her again but what did it mean that he would not remember her anymore? It was not like she could just erase his memories. But then, as a nurse, she did know several potions that could effectively erase people's memories but was not sure a mother would use such thing on her own child. In fact she could understand his mother's intention and that was one of the reasons that she did not want their relationship to be public. Her family was not really an equal match to the Malfoy. In stories it was all about love and romance but in reality the power and connections behind the family count, especially to a family as powerful as the Malfoys. Lucius did not think much about that. To him, family fortune means that he had the ability to marry whoever he wanted and could provided her with whatever she wanted. Since he also had the ability to maintain and expand his family fortune, he never really worried or thought about who he should or should not fall in love with. Though he might not care, she did and was especially sensitive when she was the one that was short on money. She looked down at the letter. There was smell of fire on the paper.

Narcissa saw Lucius once after that, before the time on the street. He was in Diagon Allay one afternoon and she was pretty sure he had seen her. His eyes caught hers for some time, maybe a few seconds. Long enough to make out the figure from that far distance. But he did not show any sign of recognition. It was then her doubt became solid. She was almost sure that his mother gave him something to make sure she no longer be a part of his life. She did not have proof, but she knew as a woman. A woman to a woman.

Absolutely she did not like that. She hated what his mother had done, so much. But what could she do? She knew he had forgotten. She knew it was his mother who made the decision. And by doing this she showed clearly that she did not want any further connection between Lucius and her. She knew at the first place it would be hard. Being in a relationship might be easy but when it came to latter and more serious questions, it would be hard. His mothering showing herself on the opposite side with her made it harder. She almost had no other choice but to move on. It was not like she could have a debate with Mrs. Malfoy and accuse her with reasons of hurting her. What a naive and Mary-Sue thought. She never thought herself as someone who was persistent. She knew when she should disappear, or at least when she still could. But then, she had to see him, there on the street and here at the party. It was too overwhelming.

She was still deep in thought when the suddenly music ended and everyone was going for some drink. She was pushed by one or the other and had to watch her feet to not step on anyone else. Somehow she felt as if someone was looking at her. She looked up and saw him, staring at her. She could not react but stood there and staring him back. Then got herself tripped.

Suddenly everything seemed to be rushing. He came to her, helped her up and asked what her name was. She did not tell him but when he grabbed her hand and lead her out of the crowded hall of Nott Manor, she let him.

"It's finally better. I almost thought I would suffocate inside."

He grinned and she could not help but giggle.

He did not try to say anything more, nor did she. They stood quietly under the dark sky. She did not tell him her name because to her, or to them, name carried too much intimacy. When he said her name, he was not referring to anyone, anyone else who might have the name Narcissa. He was calling her. Once he told her, when he was too drunk to care or remember what he said, he told her that sometimes, when he was alone, he would say her name. When he closed his eyes, he would see her hair, her eyes, the angle of her neck when she turned around to see him or turned away to see anything else. He could hear her laughs in his mind, feel her cold finger touching his wrist, her head leaning on his shoulder and her breath tickling him. He no longer remembered those now but she was afraid, too afraid that if she told him her name, what actually was she telling him and what would come next, to him, to her, or, even, to them.

She watched his long blond hair caressed his face in the soft night wind. He turned a little and looked at her. In a split of second she thought he caught her watching him and felt her stomach ache. But he only grinned again and asked her,

"Do you mind having a little walk?"

They ended up in a small bar.

The bar should be fifteen minutes of walk from the front gate of Notts Manor, maybe twenty, or even half an hour. Narcissa was not sure. To her, it felt like five seconds. Only long enough to figure out the ambiguous closeness between hers and Lucius's shoulder. They weren't touching. Although she could clearly and easily his sound of walking. The sound of her heels touching the stone road echoed with his lower pitched ones. They did not talk. They did not need to. All she wanted was to walk. With him. With Lucius. She did not remember the soft wind mixed with the sweet smell of the night, nor the bright bright stars shining above their heads. She felt like she was walking on her own heartbeat. One. Two. Three. A dizzy and unbelievably fantastic dream. She was on a stolen adventure with him, her forgotten love. She was sure at that time she would do anything he said and tell him anything he wanted to know. He should ask her name now.

XOXO

It was a quiet bar. The lights were dim and the music was slow. There were barely anyone in that bar but with the music on, conservations were safe from being eavesdropped.

They sat at the corner of the bar. Him facing the greyish wall with her sitting on his right side, her elbow on the desk while her hand supporting her chin. He was looking at her while her eyesight seemed to be somewhere between him and the other end of the desk. Maybe she was looking at a certain point on the floor, where the lights shaped a perfect shade, or maybe she found something floating in the air and was trying to understand the meanings of dust. Then she looked at him. A small smile slowly appeared on her lips and from the inside of her eyes. Her eyes were dark blue and he could see the flicking and reflecting of lights there. She smiled again and asked,

"Do you want something to drink?"

He snapped his fingers and called for two bottles of butter beer.

XO

They talked. About nothing and everything. It was the second that they met each other, and he remembered every moment of those. Or maybe not every minute, since he was asleep for not a very short time. But it still amazed him that they could talk like this. They talked about how exciting but tiring being a nurse was and how boring the Ministry could be. They talked some politics and of course rumors. He had never talked with someone else like that. He was too arrogant to talk much. He knew that. At the very beginning of their engagement, when he and Victoria could still sit down and hold a conservation, they talked about fashion and jewelry, about fashions and parties. They also talked about rumors. But even that was different. Victoria would tell him about the dramas her friends had in their lives, how they played those tricks to marry someone, how they told lies to cover their secrets or how suddenly two good friends became enemies. But with Narcissa, he would tell her something like, "You know, though Rodolphus refused to admit, he had fancied Bellatrix since his third year." or the disturbingly conflicting ways of Rookwood showing his emotions towards one of the Slytherin girls.

He could not find the perfect word to describe or explain how different talking with Narcissa felt. He could only say that he felt at ease, which was something he had never experienced before. He did not need to purposely find a topic. They could talk about anything. He would tell her anything. As if he had known her for a long time and he would be willing to share more, if she hadn't gotten bored. She was a good listener. Always paying enough attention to whatever he talked about. Most of the time she would look at his eyes, some other times, she was look at his face. He could feel her eyesight travel from his lashes to his cheekbones, the bridge of his nose, his lips, his jaws and sometimes his fingers and palms. She was observing him in a smoothing way. Sometimes she would smile at him and for those splits of seconds, which seem to be too long compared with their definition, he felt the lack of oxygen which was confused by his rapid and strong heartbeat and thought about the absurd word romance.

It was ridiculous because he did not think that for the more than twenty years of his life, he had ever believed the word, or its meaning actually existed. Romance was too emotional and conditional. How could he feel something like that on a woman he only met twice, who he was sitting with in a bar and had a name as common as—

It was then that he realized he still did not know her name. He thought for a second and cleared his throat,

"I'm Lucius. What's your name?"

He stared at her. Her smile disappeared and her face was paling at an observable rate. He was observing her. He could see her bite down hardly on her lower lip which was now as white as her face and she closed her eyes. When she spoke again her voice became distant, as if he was here at the bar while she was still at the party back at Nott Manor,

"It doesn't matter."

She made telling him her name like revealing an unforgivable secret. He was suddenly angry and snapped more harshly than he intended,

"I saw you in the hospital, on my way home and on a party. And now we are sitting here at this pub talking for Merlin knows how long. And I still don't deserve a name?"

He was almost shouting at the end. He did not know why he felt so angry. It was just a name. She looked frightened. Her lips trembled and he could almost see tears in her eyes.

He relaxed and said in a much softer, almost coaxing way,

"Well I just want to have a brief introduction. That's all."

She looked at him and murmured,

"Narcissa. My name is Narcissa."

"Well, Narcissa," he smiled slowly and brightly, as if tasting her name on his lips, the tip of his tongue touched his upper jaw then fell back, he asked, "Can I buy you a drink?"