CHAPTER SIX:
My Hidey-Hole

Once Fera had gotten everything she needed out of her flat, the week passed relatively uneventfully. Many Order members came and went as they pleased, and she got several chances to talk with her old friends, especially Minerva McGonagall, whom she had never considered much more than her old school professor; and yet she was finding now that she had a lot in common with the older woman, and they got along famously. Jaennea didn't make many more appearances at Grimmauld that week, but the few times she had, she had looked tired and harried, and Fera knew instinctively that the Welshwoman had been spending inordinate amounts of time doing research. Whenever Jaennea did pop by the Order, she and Fera would exchange secretive glances with one another, and Fera would feel her heart swell with gratitude. As for the young Hermione Granger, whom Owen had told her had been staying at Grimmauld, Fera did not see much of her. She had been told that the girl spent all of her time with Ron Weasley, Arthur's youngest son, and she only stopped by Grimmauld every so often to pick up one of her belongings.

After her last almost disastrous run-in with Sirius, he began to avoid her. She noticed that whenever she was around, he spent as much time as he could in his room with Buckbeak, who she had discovered from Remus was a hippogriff. This little tidbit of information had left her more than stunned, even after hearing the detailed background story from her brother. Even so, she figured Buckbeak must have been a great conversationalist, for Sirius had been spending a lot of time in the creature's company. It was either that, or he was avoiding Fera expressly. She had a pretty good feeling she knew which of these was true.

Fera's head told her that this was good; that Sirius' silence and avoidance was just what she needed to finally evict all thoughts or feelings she might have of him. However, her heart felt angry and sulky every time she saw that he was holed up in his room. It was confusing, to have two parts of her tell her different things, and she knew, somewhere deep inside, this was significant. But she decided to do with it what she was best at – she avoided it.

Some three days after her arrival to Grimmauld Place, Fera met Molly Weasley for the first time in many years. The two of them had been thrilled to see one another, and had spent hours chatting together, catching up on the previous years and their plans for the future. It turned out that when the various people she had talked to had referred to Arthur Weasley's "youngest son," they meant the youngest of six and one daughter. Fera had been unable to stop laughing upon discovering this, and Molly had laughed at Fera in kind for being so typically cynical.

It didn't take long for Fera to assimilate herself into her new lifestyle. Every morning, Owen would bring mail or news from the Ministry of Magic, and he and Sirius would chat for extended periods of time in Sirius' room, no doubt about Sirius' "whereabouts" – of course, that was assuming they were discussing serious topics, and not being more true to their own characters by chatting about something inane like the numerous uses of Jarvey spit. Once Owen had said hello to whoever was at Grimmauld at the time in his typical devil-may-care fashion, he left, and this would open the way for various other Order members to come filing through. The most frequent visitors were Nymphadora Tonks, whose mother Fera had known well at Hogwarts, and who Fera had taken an immense liking to; both Weasleys, as well as various different combinations of their redheaded children; Kingsley Shacklebolt, who seemed to enjoy stopping by just to chat during his lunch breaks at work; and McGonagall. Fera was starting to enjoy the sense of community that the Order was instilling in her, and she couldn't help but love the fact that she was befriending all these people who'd once just been acquaintances.

And yet, despite the closeness and easy transition, Fera couldn't help but feel as though something was missing. Perhaps it was because she had been in the original formation, which had been larger and formed under happier circumstances – because try as she might, Fera could not stop picturing Lily and James' faces whenever she thought of the next Order meeting. It seemed a little bit… empty.

Or perhaps it was because everything – everything – was different. The last time she'd been in the Order, she and her friends had been huge assets, as they were young and just making their way up the ranks of their respective jobs. Lily had been training to become an Unspeakable; James and Sirius, Aurors; Leigh, a Healer; and Fera had just been starting her job as the fresh-faced, opinionated new columnist for the Daily Prophet. They had been able to get along with everyone, and had been able to take on numerous missions with great results because of an exceptional sense of teamwork. And now, Fera found herself feeling old, outdated… and slightly bored. It wasn't as though she had delusions of glory, or imaginings of herself running about slaying Death Eaters wherever she went. She had just expected a little more… activity. Perhaps a few more meetings, or at least a few more Dumbledore sightings. But it was as though the man was a wraith – barely existent, more of an idea than an object. Fera wasn't sure what he seemed to be waiting for, but so far, her induction into the Order had been rather anticlimactic.

At the moment, Fera was having a thrill of a time buttering bread for a sandwich, and she wasn't sure her heart could contain itself.

She sighed, setting down her knife, and took a large, and quite un-lady-like, bite. She didn't know what she had expected, but it wasn't this. Looking around the dingy kitchen, she felt a twinge of loneliness – it was such a horrifyingly depressing room. She shook her head and took a seat at the table, scratching at an old stain with her fingernail. What must it have been like, she wondered, living here? What must Sirius have gone through every day for seven years, having to listen to his mother harp on about his being a blood traitor? She knew some bits of the story, bits that Sirius had told her – but for the most part, he'd always been silent about his life at home. He had always avoided the subject and Fera had been able to see that he didn't want her to know details of what his family was like. And now, being in his childhood home, she could see why, and she tried very hard not to imagine what he must have endured.

Pure-blood mania… She'd heard him use that word many times, and she'd known what he meant – after all, she had known his cousins. But he had always played it off, acted as though he didn't care, and now, she was starting to get the impression that while she had assumed his hatred for his mother was more playful, or that he took some sort of joy out of defying her, perhaps it wasn't as simple as that. She was starting to see now that perhaps he'd been putting on a show for her, and not for his mother.

With a look of disgust, Fera stood and made her way to the living room, sandwich in hand. She didn't bother to acknowledge the many portraits of various Black family members, but thrust herself into a hideous, high-backed armchair, staring blankly ahead of her at the dusty fireplace, which was piled high with old, rotted logs that looked as though they hadn't been ignited in a long while. For no good reason at all, Fera pulled out her wand and lazily murmured the incendiary spell. Flames jumped to life on the logs and she felt an odd throb of satisfaction. She finished the last of her sandwich, pulled her knees up to her chest, and stared as though mesmerized into the orange flames.

It wasn't long before she found herself thinking about her father. This was nothing new, as she thought about him quite often; this time just caught her by surprise. So as she sat in that horrible chair, his face floated through her mind. She could still recall every line in his kind face, every grey hair in his brown mop, every sparkle in those bright blue eyes – eyes she and both her brothers had inherited full on. Fera folded her arms over her knees, pulling them tighter to her chest, and now it wasn't just her father's face she saw – she saw the bright smile of the eleven-year-old Romulus, and the kind, smiling eyes of her mother, Andra. She closed her eyes, and for once, she let the images take over.

"Come on, Fera!" Her mother was laughing and running ahead of her in the yard, her long, caramel-colored hair flying out behind her. The jolly lights from the house Flooded into the yard, which was growing ever darker as the sun made its descent over the horizon. The four-year-old girl giggled, pulling a lolly out of her mouth, and her mother held out her arms. Suddenly, two little arms wrapped around her mother's neck, and her twin brother flailed as he climbed onto his mother's back. Andra laughed and pulled him around her front, cradling him in loving arms as she kissed his chubby face. And then the little girl was flying, her high-pitched giggles rising over her brother's as her father's strong arms lifted her over his head and onto his shoulders. The tinkling, lilting choral music from inside the house rose and filled Fera's mind as the scene changed. The music stayed the same, but suddenly, there was a nine-year-old, running ahead of her, and her little legs couldn't keep up. "Come on, Fera!" he called out to her, and she pumped harder. She was It, and she had to catch him or she'd never get her turn to run. But Romulus, laughing, was always ahead of her. And then he was gone, and the music became louder, the chorus soaring through her mind. Her mother… her mother was lying in the grass, and there was red everywhere. Romulus was huddled against her mother, and there were large holes, very big rips, in both their stomachs… the grass was turning red, and Fera knew she should turn away. Her brother… Remus had been pulled into the bush, had been bitten by the big dog… "Come on, Fera!" her father's voice yelled, and he sounded scared. He was shouting at her, telling her to come inside… her mum… her mum wouldn't wake up…

Fera's eyes flew and she gave a haggard gasp, but she didn't move. The choral music began to die down in her head, and the flames were burning their image into her retinas. She steeled herself against tears, but they never came – she sat, dry-eyed, on the armchair, and the only emotion that showed on her face was the haunted look that danced in her eyes. The flames cracked and popped, and she couldn't seem to rid herself of the chill that ran up and down her spine. I love you for always. How many times had her mother told her that as she had kissed her goodnight? How many times had Fera fallen asleep to those whispered words? She felt a pit grow in her chest. How long had she blamed her father for what had happened?

His warm, beleaguered smile was back, burned into her mind, and she put a hand to her temples. She hadn't truly opened up to him until her fifth year, and then it had been too late. She had squandered away all the years she could have spent getting to know him, loving him; had spent them full of mistrust and false assumptions, and he had been murdered two years later. Fera felt as though all her old wounds were being slowly pulled back open, and she closed her eyes once more, not to block them out, but to feel

She didn't know why, but while she tried to block out any memories of Lily and James and what had happened the night they died, she had welcomed memories of her father for the past few years. Perhaps it was because she had always felt so robbed, and now she was trying to relive as much of him as she could – she didn't know. What she did know is that ever since he had died, she had found his voice echoing in her mind quite often, pulling out long past pieces of advice when she most needed it. She smiled as his scent, the familiar waft of sandalwood and the rosemary he had always kept a sprig of hanging above his bed, filled her nose and her mind. The rosemary had been her mother's favorite herb, and she had loved to keep the smell of it nearby. After her death, Bastian had never been without it.

Bastian had been the best man she'd known, and until she was fifteen she hadn't even been aware of it. He had always missed her mother, but he had never let it cripple him, and Fera had never quite learned this art from him. Perhaps I can start now, she thought with a small smile.

The fire roared furiously, and Fera jumped about a foot in her chair, her heart pounding. The flames turned bright, neon green, and she stared with wide eyes as a sallow face, followed by long black robes, slowly climbed from the hearth. Fera's jaw dropped in disbelief.

"No," she whispered in horror, shaking her head. She leapt from her chair, standing behind it defensively. "No! You must be joking."

Severus Snape looked contentiously down his nose at her, and his black, glittering eyes showed no small amount of malice. He didn't show surprise at seeing her, but took a step back.

"The female one," he sneered, and Fera's eye twitched.

Why the hell did nobody ever warn her about this kind of stuff?

Fera and Snape were silent for several long moments before Snape, looking quite a bit less ruffled than she did, rolled his eyes and walked past her, brushing her shoulder in a way that did not seem accidental. Fera scowled and, despite herself, followed after him as he stormed into the kitchen, looking just as much like a giant stalking bat as he always had. "Where is Dumbledore?" he demanded, looking around. She raised a brow scathingly and put her hands on her hips.

"What, no 'hello?' You're just going to storm in and demand to see Dumbledore, without saying hello to your old friend Fera?" He turned on his heel, his cloak billowing out behind him. She gave him her sweetest smile – she was still in a mild state of shock.

"Lupin," he said stonily, his tone biting and dark, "although I am aware that this is your pathetic attempt at making amusing jokes, I will tell you anyway that the only time I would ever use the term 'friend' in the same sentence as your name is if I were saying, 'Nagini, my friend, I would find immense pleasure in watching you devour Fera Lupin.'"

Fera didn't respond immediately, but looked at him with a blithe smile. "Isn't Nagini Voldemort's snake?" she asked. Snape's lip curled in disgust and he threw open the door to the foyer, still looking around like a hawk in search of prey. Fera rolled her eyes. "He's not here, you foul man," she said in a very bored tone of voice. Snape spun on her, his greasy black hair falling across his face.

"Where is he?" he asked through his teeth. Fera scoffed.

"Well, you apparently are not in the loop – Dumbledore rarely shows up here. If you had wished to speak with him, you should have gone to Hogwarts." She paused thoughtfully, furrowing her brow. "Wait a tick, now that I think about it – what are you doing here?" she asked. Snape narrowed his eyes at her.

"That," he snapped, "is none of your business."

Rolling her eyes, Fera shrugged and turned to sit on the stairs, watching him with the sort of half-arsed fascination of a person with nothing better to do. Snape crossed his arms under his cloak and looked rather bitterly around the room, and Fera was still slightly amazed to see him here. She had known that he was supposedly reformed, and that he had Dumbledore's explicit trust, but she honestly had never imagined that he would turn up in his bitterest enemy's old family home, by Floo, even, asking her where Dumbledore was. It just hadn't seemed like something she should have prepared for.

And yet, here he was, and Fera had to admit she was feeling more than a little resentful – towards Remus, towards Dumbledore, even towards Sirius – that she hadn't been told about Severus Snape's membership in the Order of the Phoenix.

She hadn't exactly been one of his biggest rivals during school, the way James and Sirius had been, but like with her brother, Snape seemed to harbor a deep hatred for her just for associating with them. Fera hadn't been one of Snape's antagonists – unless you counted purely nonviolent pestering that she just couldn't resist – and she had even made her displeasure clear with James and Sirius on the many occasions where she had felt they had gone too far, which was more than Remus the prefect could say. And yet, she had always felt an unpleasant lurch at the sight of the man, and she had always disliked him immensely. She and Remus had always been the middle of a sort of Snape spectrum in their group of friends – they didn't love him the way Lily and Leigh always had, but they didn't hate him the way the other three Marauders did. The only difference between the two Lupins was that Remus didn't get quite so much satisfaction out of annoying the sulky fellow.

Snape heaved a long-suffering sigh and, after a moment of looking unsure, turned towards the door. "I suppose I'll go find him at Hogwarts, then," he muttered in displeasure. Fera gave him a sarcastically pleasant smile, and he grunted his disgust before pulling open the door forcefully.

It was then that she heard the footsteps at the top of the stairs, and she tilted her head back slowly to see Sirius standing in the corridor looking bitter and resentful. "I was wondering when you'd show your greasy face here," he growled. Snape spun wildly, and the glare he aimed at Sirius was full of the deepest hatred. Sirius' own glare was no less hateful, and Fera raised her eyebrows. One didn't have to be a prophet to know how this was going to end.

Sirius took a few steps down the stairs, watching Snape warily the entire time, and Snape's lip lifted in a snarl.

"What are you doing here, Snivellus?" Sirius asked in annoyance. Snape crossed his arms.

"I would have thought we had reached an age where we'd be past childish name-calling, Black," he spat venomously. Sirius gave him a smile that was full of teeth.

"Oh, but it suits you so well," he replied. Snape's lip lifted at the corners in a tiny smirk.

"But not half as well as the giant, unplottable house suits you, am I correct?" he asked, his voice full of sinister implications. Fera's eyes widened slightly. Uh-oh. As she expected, Sirius' eyes narrowed angrily, and she could feel the heat pulsing from him as he took a few more steps down.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" he asked sharply, crossing his arms over his chest and raising his chin in his typically proud Black manner. Fera bit her lip. Snape had always been much more adept at controlling his rage than Sirius was. Then again, she thought, who isn't?

"Oh, nothing," Snape said, almost lazily. "Merely that it must be nice, having such a safe place to… lay low." Annnnd that'll just about do it, Fera thought with dread. Her eyes landed on Sirius' face and she watched as it slowly contorted into poorly-contained fury. His eyes flashed dangerously, and within a moment he was at the bottom of the stairs, nose to enormous nose with Snape.

"At least when I want to say something," Sirius said loudly, "I don't hide behind flowery words!"

Snape barely reacted, but for the tiny smirk that never left his face. "That's because you don't know any," he responded. Fera could hear the sadistic mirth in his voice.

There was a loud, angry shout from Sirius as he whipped out his wand, and Snape did the same. But in a flash, Fera was standing between them, one firm hand on Sirius' bicep and the other, against Snape's chest. She glared up at the two of them as a long strand of hair fell into her face. "Stop it," she said fiercely, and Sirius looked down at her in surprise. Neither man lowered his wand. Annoyed, Fera pulled out her own wand and muttered, "Expelliarmus!" while wondering vaguely if it was really worth the effort, or whether she should just let them hex each other's brains out. Their wands flew from their hands, with Sirius scrabbling to keep a hold on his to no avail. She caught them deftly and stepped away from the two men, giving them fierce glares.

"Snape, I would suggest you leave, now," she said coldly, "or I'll be keeping your wand and giving Sirius his. And I doubt he'll be very kind to you." Snape's snarling face turned on her, and she rolled her eyes. "You two are no longer in school, and this is not the time to be dueling like a couple of teenagers!" she snapped. She saw the muscles in Sirius' neck relax, and he shook his long hair out of his face. Snape's lip curled, and he angrily pulled open the door, holding his hand out for his wand. Fera roughly shoved it into his palm, and Snape turned on his heel and stalked out of the house, the door closing with a sharp snap behind him. Sirius looked as though he were trying to decide between looking impressed or annoyed, so Fera merely rolled her eyes, plucked his wand back into his robe pocket, and pushed past him to the stairs. He turned to look after her while she pretended not to notice him.

"I could have handled him myself, you know," he called after her, and she spun on her heel, looking at him with furious incredulity.

"You?" she asked angrily. "The only way you know how to handle anything is with violence!" He frowned and took the steps slowly, to meet her eye to eye.

"That's not true," he said gruffly as he took another stair up and his face slowly rose up above hers, so that he had to look down ever so slightly to meet her eyes. She had gotten herself into this stupid situation again, this situation where their faces were dangerously close, and her hand began to shake on the banister.

"It's very true," she said quietly, and she was relieved to hear that her voice was unwavering. "It always has been, and I imagine it always will be, Sirius." She turned away from him and her foot was on the next stair upwards when his hand grabbed her wrist, and he pulled her around to face him. His lips crashed into hers, and his hand traveled from her wrist to entwine their fingers. Without thinking, Fera kissed him back, and she could feel the hunger with which he pressed his body to hers, hunger that could only have been built up by years of loneliness. Her free hand responded in kind to reach up into his hair, and it was when she felt the long, tangled mess of it in her fingers that she became aware of what she was doing. Horrified, she snapped back away from him like a rubber band, clutching at the banister with white knuckles as she leaned against it. Sirius did not look quite so terrified – in fact, she couldn't rightfully say what the look on his face meant, but it seemed to be a mixture between fear, shock, and… joy?

Fera shook her head and took a step back, and Sirius' face fell. "Fera, don't…" he started, but trailed off at the look on her face. He shook his head and reached out a hand to her. "Please, can we just –"

"Fey, I'm just going to head down to Flourish and Blotts for a bit," came her brother's voice, and she looked up to see him closing his bedroom door and heading down the corridor with his eyes focused on a list in his hands. Fera heard Sirius swear under his breath and Remus seemed to hear it as well, as he stopped in his tracks and looked up at them with alarm. "I'm sorry, have I…?" Fera shook her head vehemently.

"No," she answered shortly, and she could hear Sirius' sharp intake of breath. She seemed to be on autopilot. "No, you haven't interrupted anything. In fact, there's a potions book I need from there, I'll come with." She avoided Sirius' hurt gaze as she squeezed past him to get to the door, and Remus looked oddly at both of them. I'm not going to ask, he told her with a shake of his head. She bit her lip and looked back at Sirius hesitantly. He met her eyes, and his own stare seemed to say everything. Trying not to look guilty, she turned to the door and opened it deliberately. Remus gave Sirius a pointed look and a brotherly clap on the shoulder as he passed and closed to the door behind him as Fera commented in a falsely bright tone, "I would kill for some ice cream right now."

For once, since being back in England, Leigh didn't wake up groaning and wishing that it was all a dream. The sun was shining brightly through the curtains and she felt a bit like her old self, ready to face the day, whatever it may bring. Throwing the blankets back, she slipped out of bed, wiggling her toes on the warm, fuzzy carpet beneath her feet. She stretched her arms high above her head and made her way over to the window, throwing the curtains back and smiling slightly at the sight she saw. There was nothing particularly beautiful or special about the view, but to Leigh it was brilliant. The branches of the trees were swaying gently with the breeze, birds were flying by chirping their merry tunes, and the Giant Squid was moving lazily about the lake. Giggling at a flash memory of Sirius trying to provoke the Squid, she walked away from the window to grab her bathrobe, putting it on and making her way to the bathroom for a long, hot shower, and she began to get ready for her day.

Leigh wasn't sure why, but today she felt at ease and yet excited at the same time, as if something wonderful was going to happen. The tiny bit of uneasiness she did feel was ignored as the excitement overpowered it. Yes, today would be a great day. Always one to think things out beforehand, she was already planning her day in her mind. First, breakfast with the Professors that had stayed behind for the summer, then a trip into Diagon Alley for the list of books Madam Pomfrey had suggested for her.

She found herself humming as she began getting ready for the day, dancing around the room as she had done so often with Fera and Lily back when they were in school. With her mind full of memories, she dressed quickly in a knee length red skirt with a slit up one side and a simple white shirt with a square neckline and sleeves that reached the elbows. Not bothering much with her hair, she threw it up in a blonde mess and held it there with a red headband. She then slipped into her heels and left, grabbing her wand and her coin purse.

The Great Hall was nearly empty, with only Minerva and Albus sitting, oddly enough, at one of the tables usually reserved for students, instead of their usual chairs at the front.

Albus was the first to notice her. "Ah, good morning, Miss Bledsoe."

She smiled. "Good morning, Headmaster." She glanced at Minerva. "And good morning to you as well, Minerva."

The usually stern Deputy Headmistress gave her a kind smile. "And you." She waved an arm over the food covered table. "Sit and join us."

Slipping onto the bench next to her former professor, she began putting food on her plate, her stomach growling. She laughed, slightly embarrassed as they both turned to look at her. "It's possible that I may have been too busy in the library to eat dinner last night."

Albus chuckled. "If I remember correctly, you could often be found in the library when you attended the school. There is a student who will be starting her fifth year in September that reminds me greatly of you and Lily – a Gryffindor herself."

Leigh grinned and replied, "The boys hated it. Well, not Remus, of course, but James and Sirius often found themselves dragged there as well."

Minerva smiled softly, a spark of sadness lingering in her eyes. "I often had to listen to Irma -" She glanced at Leigh. "Madam Pince," she clarified upon seeing the confusion in the younger woman's face, "– tell me to control my Gryffindors, especially 'that lot,' and she was always talking about Potter, Black, and Pettigrew."

Leigh laughed with them. "We were quite a handful, I suppose." She smiled in apology. "I'm going to guess that they haven't changed much, have they? Even growing up…" She missed the look that passed between Dumbledore and McGonagall, a look of pity and sadness. "If we were to write apology letters to the staff for every time we did something to upset them, I think we'd be writing for days!"

Clearing his throat, Dumbledore took it upon himself to change the subject. "Minerva, I plan to leave sometime this afternoon to speak to some friends of mine. Unless, of course, you have plans on leaving the school today?"

McGonagall shook her head. "I have no such plans, Albus. I'll stay behind and watch over the school."

Leigh raised an eyebrow questioningly. "One of you has to be here at all times? You can't just… shut the school down, or something, for the summer?"

"Many of the wards around the school are linked to Minerva and myself," Dumbledore informed her. "Meaning that it is impossible for us both to leave the school for long. That would leave it unprotected."

Breakfast moved along smoothly, with some chatter about the upcoming school year and summer plans among the three adults. Once or twice, Dumbledore or McGonagall would start a conversation, only to have the other change the subject, sometimes in the most unusual way. Leigh simply assumed that some things were not to be spoken about with her in the room and that they had something to do with the school, or with a student. Just as they were finishing up, McGonagall inquired as to whether Leigh had any plans for the day, offering to keep her company if she did not.

"Actually, if it's alright, I was going to head over to Diagon Alley to pick up the books Madam Pomfrey requested I get." She gave her old Head of House an apologetic smile. "Unless you need me…"

"No, no, dear, it's quite alright, I simply didn't want you feeling as though you had to spend your time here alone," McGonagall eased her mind.

"Well, then, I think I'll be off. I want to wander around some before and after I stop by and pick up my books. Fifteen years is a long time…" She got a faraway look in her eyes for a moment before glancing at them and asking suddenly, "Has much changed?"

Dumbledore chuckled, his eyes careful. "I'm afraid to disappoint you, my dear, but not much has changed, and I doubt it ever will."

"It's no disappointment," Leigh said with a smile, her dark eyes sparkling slightly. "It's really a good thing." With a wave and a goodbye, she left the Great Hall and began her journey down the path of the school grounds that led to the gates. She figured she could simply Floo from Hogsmeade to some place in Diagon Alley, as she had done before with the Leaky Cauldron. As usual, Leigh didn't mind the walk from the school to the small Wizarding village, as it gave her time to think; and think, she did.

She knew that she could only hide at Hogwarts for so long until someone found out that she was back. Whether the headmaster slipped and informed someone and they let it loose to someone she knew, or if anyone else let it slip… Leigh was actually quite ashamed of herself for wanting to stay hidden. Why was she so afraid for her friends to know that she was back? Because you're afraid… afraid they'll hate you for leaving, for being so cowardly that you had to run away, a voice in the back of her mind enlightened her. You're afraid that they'll turn their backs on you instead of welcoming you home with open arms, it continued, and you're afraid they've long forgotten you and moved on with their lives.

The voice was telling the truth; these were all her fears, but they were rational fears. She hadn't simply been gone a few months, but years, almost fifteen years for them all: Lily, Fera, Sirius, James, Peter… Remus… They'd had plenty of time to move on with their lives and forget all about the girl she used to be.

Peter. How could she have forgotten about him? All her earlier memories, he'd been absent from them. She smiled, seeing the round, shy, blonde boy in her mind. Even though she'd never considered Peter family, he was still a wonderful friend. She couldn't count how many times she'd told him to stop following Sirius and James around and to be himself – almost like a sister telling off a younger sibling. Maybe Peter was like family… No matter. As soon as she saw him she was going to wrap him in a tight hug, the ones he always complained about while she had never loosened her hold. Had he grown up a lot since she last saw him? Was he more confident nowadays? She hoped so; he deserved to be happy with who he was. Everyone did.

She found herself skipping slightly as she walked through the gates and closer to the village. Avoiding a few holes in the path, as she did not want her heels to be caught and make her twist an ankle, she arrived in the village and headed off to find a place to Floo. She found herself returning the smiles and nods given to her by random friendly strangers on the streets and soon entered a store from which she could Floo.

When she arrived at Diagon Alley, she stumbled out of the fireplace but managed to right herself. She was still surprised she hadn't landed on her butt either time she'd Flooed since being back. Maybe it really was like riding a bicycle to the muggles…you could never forget how to do it. Taking her time, she strolled along the streets of the Alley, taking everything in. Dumbledore was right; nothing had really changed at all and she was grateful for the familiarity.

As she continued, she felt slightly out of place as she watched the witches and wizards in their robes and hats. She hadn't even thought about grabbing a robe before leaving her room up at the school, and thinking about them made a frown tug on her lips. She'd grown a bit since she'd worn them last, and she remembered how the sleeves hadn't been long enough. Her frown slowly turned into a grin. A shopping trip was definitely in order. Quickening her pace towards Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions, which was just she was in need of, she had only one thought: she was in need of more money.

A squat witch greeted her as she entered, barely glancing up from the boy she was measuring.

"Ouch, woman!" the boy complained. "Watch where you're poking those things!" He sneered.

Leigh raised an eyebrow, watching them closely. That voice, that attitude, reminded her of someone, but she could not place a name.

"There now, I haven't touched you," Madam Malkin said, straightening up and glancing at the boy's mother as though she were expecting the woman to do something. Her hopes were false as the woman continued to finger through the rack of robes next to them as if nothing had happened.

Leigh stared at the blonde woman in shock. How could she let her son be so rude to the owner of the shop? Her own grandmother would have scolded her by now and if it had happened again they would have left without a thing and gone home for her grandfather to deal with her. Of course, this never happened to Leigh… Now, to her younger brother Nicholas, yes; occasionally his grandfather had had to raise a hand to the boy to straighten him out. Her frown returned at the thought of her brother – she couldn't remember the last time she'd thought about him, let alone spoken to him.

The two had been distant before she left. He'd scared her, and she'd seen part of their father in him, which had terrified her. He had begun keeping secrets from her, something he rarely did, and sneaking around, more so after their grandparents died. He had been becoming dark, and she'd caught him sneaking illegal objects into his room or out of the house… Was he still in the black market business? Was he truly a dark wizard now? Was he a Death Eater? Or had he changed? Had he realized what he was becoming?

Or worse… worst of all… Was he dead now?

She hadn't even realized she'd stopped breathing until someone was taking her by the arm and leading her to a chair. "Are you all right, miss?"

It was Madam Malkin, concern written across her face. "Should I fetch a Healer for you?"

Gasping for air, Leigh shook her head. "No, no, I'm sorry." She glanced around, noticing that the store was empty now, except for her. "I got lost in thought. I promise, I'm fine. Thank you." She gave the woman a friendly smile, pushing the face of her brother in the back of her mind.

Madam Malkin nodded, still slightly unsure. "If you're sure. Might I help you with something?"

Eager to move on, Leigh nodded. "Yes, as a matter of fact, you can… I seem to have outgrown my old robes." She laughed. "And I'm in desperate need of new ones."

The woman before her straightened. "You've come to the right place! Now then, anything special? A ball? Everyday robes?"

Slowly getting to her feet, Leigh said, "Everyday would be fine for now. Perhaps something colorful, but also maybe a gray or black robe?"

Soon her arms were full of various colors of robes, and she was being pushed into a dressing room at the back of the store to try them all, to see if she liked any of the colors on herself. Madam Malkin was extremely helpful and always seemed to know just what color, cut and size would look best on Leigh's average frame. She was so helpful that Leigh found herself leaving after only an hour, with four new robes in a bag and promising the woman she would return soon for more. With an extra bounce in her step, she made her way next door to Flourish and Blotts, pulling out the list of book titles she'd had written down.

Twisting and turning past some of the people inside, she made her way towards the section of the store that held all the books on Healing. She ran her fingers gently along the bindings of the books, feeling like a child in a candy store. Pulling down a book from the shelf before her, she flipped through it before moving on in search of the next book. It didn't take her long to find the books Madam Pomfrey had suggested for her and she was glad for the basket she had thought to grab at the entrance of the store. She then moved away from the healing section and soon found herself wondering through the different sections of the store, wanting to pick out a couple of books for her own collection.

Her last stop was in the Potions section, arms already loaded with the basket of books and even with a couple cradled in her arm. She was still searching on for another book for herself. "Ah-ha!" she gasped, reaching up for the rather large book she'd spotted. With a slight pout as she discovered it was far out of reach, she glanced around the aisle and smiled when she found what she had been looking for. She scooted the tall stepstool in front of the shelf her book was on, nibbling at her bottom lip and kicking the toe of her shoe at the stool. It didn't look very sturdy, but they wouldn't leave something out that was dangerous to a customer… would they? She decided to take her chances and carefully climbed up on the wobbling stool, basket and other books still in her arms. "Gotcha," she grinned, pulling the book out from its place.

She must have grabbed the book with too much force, and she found the stool falling out from beneath her, could feel herself falling backwards. Her books were sent flying from her arms and she let out a small, soft scream of shock and closed her eyes, praying that the fall wouldn't hurt too badly. To her surprise, however, she felt strong arms wrap around her, catching her before she could even come closer to the Floor.

Cheeks flushing with embarrassment, the words began rushing out. "I am so sorry! I must have been overexcited when I was grabbing the book… and then the stool - someone should put a sign on that thing -" She laughed nervously as she began to glance up, to see who had saved her from the painful fall. "Thank you so mu-" She felt as if her breath had been knocked out of her.

There, holding her in his arms, a look of similar shock on his worn and slightly scarred face, was one of the people she'd been hiding from. There, with amber eyes that were just as she remembered them staring into her own wide eyes – was Remus Lupin.

With the arm that was not wrapped around his neck, she waved shyly, a nervous smile on her lips, and squeaked, "Hi."

As she had never had much intention to go to Flourish and Blotts in the first place, Fera was now standing in a line at Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor, and she had sent Remus on to the bookstore only minutes before, asking that he fetch her the book on Potions she needed and telling him she'd meet him there afterwards. She looked around her, trying to ignore the fact that most of the people in here were either children, or parents escorting their children. Although truly, she didn't care who came in here – she didn't care that she was a grown adult getting an ice cream cone, she didn't care that children were giving her stares, and she didn't care about getting ice cream at all. She was just trying desperately not to focus on Sirius bloody Black, or his stupid, perfect lips.

She growled under her breath at the realization that she'd just done it again, and one of the mothers in line gave her a wary look and pulled her child out of the store. Lily's voice echoed in her mind, over and over.

You still love him! You want to kiiiiissss him, you want to huuuuuggg him…

Fera shook her head. Why did it seem that every event in her life had already happened at least one?

You want him baaaaccckkkkk…

Shut up, Lily! she thought in annoyance, banishing the memories from her head. "Miss?" Old Florean Fortescue was looking at her in confusion, his eyes squinting just to see her clearly. Fera smiled warmly at the old man and stepped up to the counter, folding her hands gently on top of it.

"Hello, Florean," she greeted with a bright smile, and he squinted harder, as though to get a closer look at her. Then his face lit up in recognition and he smiled brightly.

"Well, if it isn't Fera Lupin! Welcome, my dear girl, however have you been doing?" Fera laughed lightly and put a hand atop the old man's.

"I've been better, Florean, but it's nothing your ice cream can't fix. How about you?"

Florean's smile was radiant and he began scooping up a large coneful of coffee-flavored ice cream – her favorite flavor since her school days. "Ah, Miss Lupin, you always knew how to charm me. I'm much better, now that I've seen you. Please, this one is complimentary! Consider my getting to see you again after so many years, payment enough!"

Fera laughed. "Florean, I couldn't do that! Please, you have to let me pay you, especially after you remembered my favorite!" She felt her heart swell at the old man's vivacity. She had always loved him dearly. He shook his head and pointed to his cheek with a coy smile.

"All right," he said. "All right. If you really want to pay me, you can do it with a kiss." She laughed and happily planted one on his withered old cheek, and he smiled brilliantly at her. "Now, go on! Enjoy Diagon Alley. Say hello to your friend, the dark-haired one, for me."

Fera paused as she made to turn away, and she looked back at him in confusion. "I'm sorry, Florean, but I don't think I know whom you mean." Her heart was racing. Had Sirius been mad enough to come to Diagon Alley?

She shook the thought off. Not even he was that stupid… was he?

To her immense relief, Florean shook his head with a chuckle. "No, no, dear. The female one… what was her name again?" He looked pensive for a moment, then waved the thought away. "Whatever it was, I saw her wandering around the street not long ago. She looked a bit different, but I knew it was her! Tell her that she can have a free cone from me as well, anytime she wants! And the same goes for that brother of yours!" He gave her a pleasant grin, and turned to his next customer as she walked away, a bemused smile on her face.

Obviously, he could only mean one person, but there was no possible way he had seen her on the streets. Perhaps old Florean was starting to lose it… She licked a melting drip from her hand as she stepped inside Flourish and Blotts, and she headed straight for the Potions section, laughing quietly to herself. Now that she thought about it, it sounded quite mad. It could only be a figment of the old ice cream parlor keeper's fading eyesight.

"You know, Remus," she chuckled brightly as she turned the corner, "I think old Florean's starting to go a bit batty. You'll never guess what he just told m…eeee…"

She stopped dead and trailed off at the sight of her brother holding a blonde woman in his arms and looking utterly amazed. Fera could do nothing but stare in shock, and Leigh's sheepish "Hi," rang in the silence as Fera's ice cream cone slipped from her now limp hand and landed on the Floor with a resounding splat.