"Line it up, ladies," Mr. Sir called.
From his hole, X-Ray glared as Group H ambled into their regular order. Mr. Sir always insisted the girls go first, and then the boys, which infuriated X-Ray, since he had been at Green Lake longer than Gill. But he never argued.
Eel reluctantly got into line between Gill and Hollywood, who talked around her like there was nothing wrong. She supposed they didn't think they had done anything wrong.
Sometimes, Camp Green Lake felt so much like her hometown that she forgot that it was a juvenile detention center. She could laugh alongside her tentmates daily, but that didn't make them good people. They were all at Green Lake for a reason.
Eel was losing her resolve with Gill by the minute. The moment she had failed to defend her during the game, a small seed of doubt in their "friendship" had embedded itself into Eel's gut. Despite fighting her battles for eight months, Gill's craving for control showed Eel no mercy.
Shaking her leg impatiently, she watched as Zigzag and Squid joked around at their hole. She could've been there, laughing alongside them.
As she walked back to her hole, Squid bumped her shoulder, knocking the sandwich from her hand. She took it back. Squid was still an asshole.
She just about lost her cool right then and there.
"What the fuck is your problem, Squid?" she demanded, resisting the urge to shove him into a hole and bury him alive.
He smirked, glancing down at her dirt-covered food. She itched to bruise his smug face.
"Way to go, butterfingers," he said.
Eel's hand lifted automatically, balling into a fist as she prepared to hit him.
Someone whistled behind her, followed by Gill saying, "Kick his ass, baby." Hollywood giggled.
Not wanting to give Gill the satisfaction of another fight, Eel let her arm fall back to her side. His eyebrows shot up in surprise.
For a moment, her disdain for Squid melted away, her shoulders sagging with fatigue as released a slow breath through her clenched jaw. God, she wanted nothing more than to go back to her cot and pass out.
"Eel?" Zigzag was at her shoulder now, his electric blue eyes wide with concern.
"Just leave me the fuck alone," she snapped. She sank back into her hole, glaring at a rock that stuck out of a dirt pile. She hated this stupid game she was playing with Gill and Squid. She was sick of being hurt and aching. As much as Squid repulsed her, she didn't want to fight with him anymore. He may have deserved it most of the time, but, holy hell, it was tiring.
She glanced over to where Zigzag and Squid were eating, lounging across dirt piles. Almost immediately, Zigzag turned his head and met her gaze. Guilt tugging at her stomach, she grimaced. Sorry.
She and Squid were Zigzag's only real friends. It was probably worse for him that the few people he liked were always at each other's throats.
He tilted his head, his mouth curling into a wry smile. Then he turned back to his conversation with Squid.
"Hey, do you want to split my sandwich?"
Caveman's hole was next to hers. He stared at her from the dirt pile he sat on. Without waiting for an answer, he tore his sandwich in two and offered her the bigger half.
"Thanks," she said.
"Why don't you and Squid get along?" he asked.
She shook her head. "No, Caveman," she said. No matter how many half-sandwiches he gave her, she was not going to divulge this information to him.
"Sorry," he said. He chewed slowly, staring awkwardly at his feet.
She hadn't spent a great deal of time with Caveman, but from what she could gather, he didn't belong at this Camp. While he dominated his tentmates in height and weight, he seemed so gentle and unintimidating. He reminded her of Katie, her best friend back home. Too nice, too sweet for the soul-sucking hellhole that was Green Lake, Texas.
But in a weird way, Caveman at Camp gave her some peace of mind. He was a reminder that, sometimes, good people just did shitty things. Although, she wasn't exactly sure what Caveman had done. Surely it wasn't that bad. He certainly didn't seem the type to assault someone.
She reached over, patting the top of his boot. "It's fine, Caveman," she said. "But don't ask so many questions, okay? Not everyone's as nice as me."
He smiled, but didn't seem convinced. Maybe because his tentmates were nicer than she was. Maybe because he didn't think she was nice at all. She didn't waste her time thinking too in-depth about it.
When she finished her hole, she sat in the hot shade for a moment. At least here, surrounded by dirt and burning sunlight, she could pretend that nothing was wrong.
Hauling herself out of her hole, she trudged along a thin path through the holes, dragging her shovel behind her.
"Hey," Gill called, her five-two frame sticking out by about half a foot. "You gonna wait for me?"
Her eyes narrowing, Eel tried to ignore the irritation that chewed at the vein in her temple. She could feel her forehead twitching.
She had planned to play along for a few more days, but something in her cracked. Maybe she just wanted a reason to argue with someone. Maybe the heat was getting to her. But all she could think about now was what she could say that would piss Gill off.
"I'd sooner pet a yellow-spotted lizard than wait for you," she sneered. It would certainly cause her less trouble than dealing with Gill did.
The boys that had been maintaining a conversation quieted, now focused on Eel and Gill. She knew she shouldn't start something in front of them, but she couldn't help it. She craved an audience to watch her tear Gill to shreds.
Gill wasted no time climbing out of her hole so she could face Eel directly. "Okay, what the fuck is your problem now?"
"Oh, was that not clear?" Eel cocked her head to the side. At her side, she gripped the shovel so hard her knuckles went white. "It's you. You're my problem." With her free hand, she gestured to Hollywood and Squid. "Oh, don't worry, I know all about how you orchestrated the game on Tuesday."
Gill scoffed, shaking her head. "Seriously? You're mad over that?" She laughed, playfully smacking Eel on the shoulder. "Who cares? It was just a bit of fun. Christ, you take everything so seriously."
Later, days and weeks later, Eel might have considered her to be correct. But, as far as she cared right now, that was the wrong thing to say.
Red filtering into her vision, she lifted her shovel and grasped it like a softball bat, the familiar technique pulsing through her muscle-memorized swing as she struck Gill's stomach with the curved metal. It made a satisfying fwap against her jumpsuit, sending Gill flying back, her feet catching on a dirt pile. She nearly fell into X-Ray's hole, but he shoved her back towards Eel.
Skirting to Gill's side, Eel caught her by the shoulder and slammed her as hard as she could into the ground. Just as she made a grab for her shovel, Gill popped back up.
Members from both groups jumped to intervene. Zigzag wrapped an arm around Eel's waist while Karate and Hollywood blocked Gill.
"Get off me, Zig," Eel demanded, thrashing against his grip.
His hand squeezed her shoulder. "Cool down, Lils," he muttered, his mouth at her ear. "Don't lose it here."
She shook against him, not listening to a word he said.
"Hey, hey," X-Ray slid between both groups, his hands held out as if to say 'Don't come any closer'. "Y'all can't fight, aight? You know what the Warden'll do to y—"
Tearing out of Zigzag's hold, Eel shoved X-Ray out of her way and barreled through Karate and Hollywood. She collided with Gill and the pair tumbled to the ground.
With a hand gripping Gill's hair, Eel managed to hold the struggling girl to the ground. Her exhaustion had boiled into anger, throbbing outward through her skin with the tremors of an adrenaline rush.
"I go along with every single one of your dumbass schemes," she snarled. "I do everything you ask me to. I've defended your sorry ass for months, and I've only asked for one thing in return: to be excluded from your bullshit. I'm not your entertainment, you fucking psycho. I will not be your victim, got it?" Eel drew in a sharp breath. "Next time you wanna fuck with me, I want you to remember who's here because they hospitalized someone, and who's here because they got caught sellin' drugs."
Squid stared at her as she rose to her feet, his eyebrow cocking as he caught the last part of her spiel. He vaguely remembered her arrest story, but he didn't recall a part where someone had gotten hurt.
He had never seen her look so menacing. With a shovel in hand, she seemed to radiate an aura of pure hatred that he could feel from several feet away. Sometime during the scuffle, her jumpsuit, which had already been dangling at her hips, had slid down below the lacey waistband of her underwear.
"Pull your pants up, baby," he called up to her as she passed his hole.
Scowling, she flipped him off with her shaking hand. He snickered when she tugged her jumpsuit up to her bellybutton.
When she finally made it to the showers, she accepted the cool water on her flaming skin with ease. And then, all at once, she lost her temper for the second time that day. Because there was no one around she could take her anger out on, she turned to something inanimate.
As the water washed away the remaining suds, she struck the wall. It hurt like hell, but it made her feel better for some reason. She hit the wall again, and again, and again, until blood dripped down her fingers and joined the dirt and water on the floor.
The pain soaked through the tingling echo of adrenaline, ebbing at her bleary thoughts, pushing out the billions of things that seemed to always sear to the inside of her skull. For the first time in weeks, her head felt clear and focused.
The showerhead shuddered and sputtered, signaling that she only had a few seconds of water left. She stepped out of the stall, reaching for her towel with her uninjured hand. Gritting her teeth, she patted away the remaining moisture, staining bits of the towel red.
She struggled to get dressed, and gave up when her jumpsuit was buttoned halfway. "Idiot," she muttered, folding her towel and work clothes.
When she entered the Wreck Room, small gaggles of people stared at her. None of them were from Groups D or H, so she figured they were staring because of the game and not the fight.
Turning the T.V. on, she sat in the center of the couch and somehow managed to stay focused on the snowy white screen until someone joined her.
To her surprise, Squid plopped down beside her, slinging his arm over the top of her cushion.
"X-Ray is pissed as hell at you for pushin' him earlier," he stated.
Eel shrugged. "He ain't gonna do anything," she said. "I bet if it weren't for the Warden, he'd be happy to watch me beat the shit outta Gill."
She gave him a sideways glance as he laughed. He always did have a nice laugh.
As he fell silent, the whispering became obvious.
"Oh, now look what you did," Eel complained, gesturing to the other inmates. They kept peeking over at the pair on the couch, and whispered amongst each other. "As if they didn't have enough to gossip about."
"They're gonna have plenty more to talk about when Gill comes back," Squid pointed out. "And that's all because of you."
Eel sighed, tracing a finger along his knee. "I dunno what happened," she said. "One second I was fine, and the next I completely lost it. Guess I just wanted to her to know that I knew what she did."
Squid glanced down at her hand on his knee, his train of thought rolling straight out the window. "What happened to your hand?" He grabbed her wrist, pulling it closer to his face so he could inspect the damage.
Beneath chunks of dried blood, reddish-purple bruises had spread across her knuckles. The pain had subsided into a low throb, but when he moved her hand, it was like someone had jabbed a metal rod through the bone and into the muscles of her forearm.
"Sorry," he said, loosening his grip. He stroked a fingertip over a swollen bit of muscle, apologizing a second time when she hissed sharply. "This didn't happen during the fight, did it?"
As she shook her head, she avoided looking at him. He realized she hadn't braided her hair after her shower.
"What did you do?"
"I just lost my temper," she muttered.
"With what? A wall?"
She slid her hand from his, grimacing. She poked herself with her good hand and rubbed away the clotted blood.
"Eel, you didn't." He dropped his arm from the cushion to her shoulders and pulled her against his side. "C'mon, baby, you know you can hit me anytime you want," he said with a halfhearted grin. He would probably regret saying that, since she wasn't anywhere close to weak.
Tilting her head against his shoulder, she stared up at him. She liked the calm moments between them. Gill wasn't around to provoke either of them, and they could just be with each other. No arguing, no fighting…
"Why do we have to hate each other, Squid?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. She couldn't focus her gaze on anything but him. His eyes were the prettiest brown she'd ever seen.
"I don't hate you, baby girl," he said, rubbing his thumb across her shoulder.
She chewed on her lower lip as she nodded in agreement. "I don't hate you, either," she said. She leaned against him, settling her head at the crook of his neck. "We're just so messed up and I wish we weren't."
Closing her eyes, she committed the comfort of his proximity to her memory. Despite all the inmates staring at her, she felt more relaxed next to him than she had been in a long time.
She knew it wouldn't last. No kind of happiness never lasted at Green Lake.
