A/N: Ohmygiddygod'spyjamas! I don't know what to write! Ah well.
Last Time (Hornmeister Lover's chapter)
Outside Dave's
When we got to outside Dave's house, he randomly snogged me.
Again.
10 minute later
Yummy scrumboes!
Again.
"Dave?"
Now (Earth Kid Tree Hugger - aka my - chapter)
Dave and me stopped snogging and looked around and didn't see anyone.
Hm, that's funny, I could have sworn that someone said Dave's name.
"Gee?!"
Okay, this is vair freaky.
Now someone's said my name.
We looked around again, but didn't see anyone.
Maybe if we're vair quiet we'll see where the sound's coming from.
10 seconds later
Aha!
I just heard some rustling!
It's coming from a bush.
And then I heard a voice say "Tom, look! I found it!"
Jas and Tom!
What the hell are they doing in Dave's bush at four am?
Well, they'll get it, cos they interrupted mine and Dave's snogathon.
Looking under the bush at Jassy and Tom
They are in a, erm, very compromising position that they are trying to struggle out of.
Unsuccessfully, I might add.
"Er, Jas, Tom, what exactly are you doing in Dave's bush at four am?" I said.
"Um, well, I erm…" Jas Ellen-ed.
Tom rolled his eyes and said to her, "Jas, let's tell them, because otherwise they'll come up with worse ideas than what it really was."
"Well you tell them then," Jas said.
"Well, you see, Jas and I had heard of this nature snogging ritual that requires you to be under a bush, and have a few natural supplies. Jas's parents wouldn't approve, and Robbie has turned into the teasing older brother later than most, so I rang up Dave and asked if we could do this under his bush. He said that as he was going out, that was fine with him. But he must've forgotten. Obviously, as he brought you here."
And then Tom's face changed into that of shock. "Wait – why did you bring her here, Dave? Are you two finally going out?"
What does he mean, finally?
And we're not even going out.
I have a Luuuurve God, remember?
And Dave has Emma.
Annoying, overly-kind, wimpy Emma who can't stand to see knicker hammocks and mouse tampons.
Honestly!
She needs a can of harden up.
And then I remembered Tom's question.
"What? Tom, no way, erlack!" I said.
Dave looked fake-hurt. "You said before I was gorgey."
What?!
"No, Dave I didn't."
He looked at me like I was stupid.
"Yes," he said slowly, "you did."
"Didn't."
"Well, you admitted I give you stupid brain and you love it when I touch you – oo-er – so basically you implied it. Plus, you let me snog you, so you must think I'm gorgey."
He looked vair pleased with himself.
Oh well, we'll see how pleased he looks when I explain WHY to all of those.
"I only said you gave me stupid brain because you wouldn't get off my nungas. And it wasn't because of you that I liked the hair stroking, I liked it cos I like having my hair stroked. Libby strokes my hair for Buddha's sake! And Mark Big Gob is not gorgey, but I still let him snog me."
Ha!
Take that Dave!
"Oh, I have proof right here that I give you stupid brain," Dave said, and snogged me.
When he'd moved away, he said, "So how was that?"
I was going to answer with a vair ironic comment, but stupid brain took over and I said "Nnngggghhh."
Dave laughed. "Ha! Told you!"
Merde.
"Well you can't disprove the other things I say."
"You let me stroke my hair cos you luuuurve me. You let Libby stroke your hair, and you love her – she's your sister."
I was going to say something, but Dave carried on. "And sure, you let Mark Big Gob snog you, but when he did number 8, you got me to beat him up for you. But you let me do number 8. So, that proves you think I'm gorgey!"
Damn!
He's got me there.
Merde, merde, merde.
It's a shame his elderly loons barged in, cos he'd barely gotten to my nungas, so it was only for a minute.
Damn.
I'd forgotten Mr. and Mrs. Vole were there, but I soon remembered when Jas said, "You two got to number 8? Tom and I haven't even gotten there yet!"
"Jas. It is really none of your business. Please go away," I said.
"Fine," she huffed, "but now I'm not going to tell you the nature snog thing that Tom and I were doing. You lose."
And she fringed off, dragging Tom with her.
I would hate to be Tom.
Well, obviously I would hate to be Tom.
If I was Tom, I'd have to snog Jas, and I would have Robbie for a brother, therefore making it gross and incestuous to snog him.
Poor Tom.
Not that I want to go back to Robbie.
My heart belongs to another.
Dave.
What?
No, I meant Masimo.
"You KittyKat loony, what are you thinking? You're just looking out into space like le idiot. Tell Hornmeister what's on your mind."
"I'd hate to be Tom."
"What? KittyKat, you are the biggest loon ever! Tell me, why would you hate to be Tom?"
"Well, for a start, I'd have to snog Jas."
Dave Laugh laughed.
Haha that sounds funny.
Dave Laugh laughed!
1 second later
I'm having a huge laughing spaz.
Dave said, "KittyKat, what's so funny?"
"You laughed!"
"KittyKat, I think you're getting a bit delirious from being so tired. Why is it so funny that I laughed?"
"Well, your last name is Laugh. So in my brain-diary, I thought 'Dave Laugh laughed' so it made me laugh like a loon."
"Well, you ARE a loon, Kitty. You knew that. Anyway, let's go inside. It's cold."
Inside
Dave's house looks a lot tidier than mine.
How can that be, when his parents are so bonkers, and so utterly clones of my own?
"Dave, how can your house look so normal when you and your elderly loons are so bonkers?"
"Oh, my elderly loons are never here, they're always out at strip clubs and such likes. They're vair loony. But when they're here they honestly are shameless."
"Mine are worse. Vati will tweak Mutti's nip-nips in front of guests, and Mutti goes to watch male strippers like Uncle Eddie."
"No, mine are worse."
"Why?"
"They just are. Now shut up and give us a snog."
A/N: I don't feel that was my best chapter. I'm just quite tired and trying to figure out how to get lots and lots of sponsors for the 40 hour famine. :P
