When Kanan had first came to Lothal he had only been expecting to stay two days at the most, because he knew from various reasons to not to stay at one place for too long, knew that if he stayed longer then the Empire would probably find him. And for a while l that's what he did, staying two days was exactly what he had done.
But now here he was a full week later, still on this backwater planet in the Outer Rim.
Never did he think that he would be, not only staying so long but also having to take care of a ten year old boy on top if it all. He never thought this would ever happen, not to some low life being like him. But it was, it was happening and Kanan honestly wouldn't change it for anything. Most people in Kanan's position would probably be overwhelmed by the sudden responsibility of having a child — hell, on most cases that was a guarantee, for someone that's unfit for child care— and truth be told that's actually what Kanan thought was going to happen, but it just didn't. For in the first few days that followed after their meeting Ezra was like a breathe of fresh air.
Everything the kid did, whether it be challenging tasks, chores around the apartment —that Kanan still insisted wasn't necessary— or watching Holodramas, whenever the boy would accomplish something, it filled Kanan with such pride.
It became clear to Kanan that in the mere span of a week, Ezra became everything to Kanan.
Before, his life had been nothing but this deep darkness, this depression and self loathing but now, even though the self loathing still remained, Ezra lit everything up, like the kid's presence seemed to flip on a light switch within Kanan's own heart, chasing the darkness away.
And by how drawn Ezra was to him, Kanan could feel that the kid felt the exact same way. And that's where Kanan grew a little worried, for was it really healthy for them to be this broken and this dependent on each other? No, it wasn't, and Kanan knew this. But honestly what could he really do about it? It's not like the could go see a professional about this. Those people belonged to the Empire and Kanan wasn't going to take the chance of them finding out who he was, who he had been and more importantly who Ezra was. So they quite literally only had each other to help with their own demons. But Kanan was ready and willing to do anything to keep them at bay.
Which is why he had given up alcohol.
At first it had been unbearably hard quitting on the spot, throughout this entire week, he had itched for just a sip of liquor, anything to take the painful edge off caused by withdrawals, that made his whole body twitch and shake. But in those moments when he thought he couldn't handle it, he looked to the boy he had taken in. Remembered the days where they would attempt mediation, in the evenings where they would sit and watch holodramas, in the nights where Ezra would be sleeping soundlessly. Seeing this child, who was depending on him to raise and train in the Force, to guide and protect... that's when he would force down the aches and shaking to the far corners of his mind, because Kanan knew that he had to be better, for Ezra's sake.
And that was worth all the withdrawals. No matter how agonizing they were.
Kanan let out a deep sigh as he walked towards the apartment building, his limps, his entire body was exhausted. Because he, himself had chosen willingly to stay on Lothal, he had to get an actual job to help support himself and Ezra. A job that paid better then what that bounty hunter had promised him back when he first arrived to Lothal, a job where Kanan could actually afford a better apartment, one where he didn't have to sleep on the sofa anymore.
When he opened the door, his eyes immediately fell on Ezra who was sitting in the floor, mediating.
Kanan smiled.
He'll never forget the day that Ezra was able to achieve mediation. It had been early in the evening on the third day Ezra was staying with him, Kanan had been planning a day of just relaxing, because Force, did he needed the break. But Ezra had other idea's, he wanted so badly to start training right away, immensely eager to get started, practically begging him as he climbed up on Kanan's bed and innocently poked his shoulder.
And at first, Kanan was going to say "no", because he was so tired and it was 5:30 in the morning, but then Ezra gave Kanan those pleading eyes, all the while projecting his thoughts on how he simply wanted to get better, be better at controlling the Force, like Kanan, himself, was. Those words clinched at Kanan's heart and within a few seconds, he submitted. Because he knew that determination, that fire in Ezra's blue eyes... because that at one time had been in himself back in his youthful days on Coruscant so long ago. He understood what that was like, so Kanan put aside his plans for relaxation and sat down on the floor, Ezra sitting a crossed from him and the two began mediation. And they stayed like that until Kanan could feel Ezra's frustration once again.
Wordlessly, Kanan placed his hand on the kid's small one and gave it a reassuring squeeze, it was then that the older man sensed Ezra's mind come to some sort of realization, as the kid squeezed his hand back in return, then three seconds later, Kanan felt Ezra finally accomplish what he had been wanting for the past three days. A swell of pride over came Kanan then, and when Ezra came out of his meditative state five minutes later. Kanan asked what did Ezra think of, what was at his center that calmed him? Ezra smiled at him, using his index finger, the kid point straight at him. "I thought about you." He signed with a slight sheepish expression on his cheeks. And Kanan was so touched by that confession that he thought his heart was going to burst from his chest.
Kanan grinned proudly at the memory. And the exhaustion his body felt lessened upon seeing the kid. He walked around the sofa, place his bag on the table, knelt down on the ground in front of Ezra and ruffled the kid's dark locks. "How long have you been at that, kiddo?" He chuckled, amusingly.
Ezra smiled behind closed eyes, "An hour, maybe?" He signed casually.
"You've been taking breaks like I instructed?" Kanan knew full well that the act of mediation, of being so one with the Force could be a wondrous thing, but it could also could be dangerous, it can be very risky for beginners to meditate on their own, for left alone too long they might lose themselves completely within the Force. And Ezra was already gifted strongly within the Force, and he didn't want to take that chance of that happening with him.
Ezra nodded, signing out his reply. "Yes, I even set a timer to bring me out of it if I lose track of time." Kanan scoffed, tousling the kid's hair even more, it will never cease to amaze him how smart and mature Ezra was for only being ten years old. But logically, it made sense; seeing that in order to survive out there on his own, Ezra had no choice but to grow up, to toughen up.
"Well, I'm here now. So let's take a break and eat something, huh?"
Ezra pouted slightly at the notion of stopping his meditation, the action alone made Kanan chuckle, he patted the boy's shoulder and hauled both of them to their feet. "Remember what I told you, kiddo. Too much of a good thing can be harmful towards you. There's always danger when it comes to anything we do, meditating too excessively is one of them." Kanan knew that Ezra wanted to get better, he understood that but there are limits to what they should do. He watched as Ezra crossed his arms and allowed himself to be lead into the kitchen, Kanan's arm wrapped around his shoulder. "C'mon, Ezra. They are serving that four-course meal at Bisto's today, the one you been mentioning these past few days?" He paused for dramatic effect, a sly grin on his face. "I just so happen to have enough credits to get it." He baited, because he knew that Ezra was never going to turn down an offer of food from Bisto's, no matter how disappointed he was.
Just like he had expected, Ezra's eyes widened at his words, immediately his attitude changed, perking up within seconds as he looked at Kanan. "Really?" Kanan could feel the kid's Force signature, could feel how utterly happy he was at the hope of finally getting the chance to taste his favorite meal.
He smiled, fondly at Ezra, "I have it right here." He stated, as he reached into the bag he had previously set on the table and pulled out several large containers. Ezra looked at them, his eyes beaming in utter disbelief. Then abruptly, Ezra bolted forward, his short arms wrapping around Kanan's waist, nearly knocking them both to the ground if Kanan hadn't steady themselves with firm footing. "What's this for?" He asked, fondness in his voice as he returned the embrace just as tightly. An immense wave of gratitude coming from the kid flooded over Kanan's side of the bond, as Ezra hugged him all the tighter.
They stayed like this for a few more moments before parting just enough for Ezra to look up at him. "Thank you, for everything." Ezra signed, genuine joy and contentment on his young face.
Kanan smiled, ruffling the boy's hair one more time. "Anytime, kiddo."
Afterwards, as they gorged themselves full and content, resumed watching another episode of The Octave Stairway, before they both fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.
Not much happened in this chapter, expect for more Kanan and Ezra bonding and just being adorable, which is always a good time! XD I'm happy to inform you all that I was able to keep the nine length chapter out I had intended for this story. The final two chapters will be longer and will be where things start to go south for our Space Cowboy and his smol son.
When I wrote this chapter I had imagined that Ezra hasn't had a good, proper home cooked meal in a long, long time. The orphanage feed them generic gruel, Faoladh (no shocker there) feed him very little and Kanan was only able to bring home snacks as he tried looking for a well paying permanent job so that he could afford to get them better meals. So when Kanan comes home with this meal, still warm in it's containers Ezra can't help but get emotional, can't help but feel so grateful towards Kanan here Kanan was going out of his way to take care of Ezra when no one else had bothered to in three years.
Anywoo, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, feedback is always appreciated and I will see you all soon.
