Chapter 7
He stood swaying for a moment but the three remaining men were so shocked by the events that they didn't grab him in time but missed the fleeing man by inches. Nobody knew where he took the energy from but Face run out of the room and into the hall, moving towards the door. Murdock, Hannibal and BA were following but since Face slowed his pace with every step Murdock held the others back.
"He's not with us right now and thinks we gonna hurt him, we have to stay back and allow things to play out."
"No man, we already did hurt him, three years back. I won't stand by and let him suffer alone if nobody forces me to." BA was ready to grab Face who had now slowed to almost standing and was swaying in an alarming way, under the arms but Hannibal too held him back.
"Murdock has seen such cases before, let him lead. If you touch him now he may bolt again."
"But we can't just let him collapse here."
Face was oblivious to the talking going on just behind his back and started his own speech.
"Gotta keep going, come on Peck, they'll be on top of you every second, move damnit."
He swayed for a moment longer before he collapsed in a heap.
"How can this be right? We gotta help him."
"We will BA, in time."
"But we can't just let him lay there."
"Move it Peck, damn, move, they'll not kill you fast, you can't go through more torture from them, just get out of the door, it's so close…so close."
Face was hitting the floor with his fists in frustration. He couldn't move again.
"I've seen this often BA, eventually he'll either return to us or run out of energy and pass out. It's somehow like sleepwalking, you shouldn't disturb him or he may get hurt."
"Look at him fool, he's collapsed in the hall, how much worse could helping him be?"
"He would struggle and kick out and work himself up. In addition he could hurt himself or us."
Face was now wiping away tears of frustration and of fear.
"I can't let them get me again, no telling what they'll do this time. Hannibal is so mad, Sue just needs to suggest something and he'll do it, and I know the kind of fantasy she has. Oh god…if she suggest he rape me…oh no, I need to get away...the cutting hurt but that…oh no."
The thought of what could happen gave him some more energy and he crawled the few meters to the door but was unable to reach the handle.
"He's living through pure hell, we need to do something."
"No, let him be, it's best."
"Hannibal?"
Hannibal wasn't listening to BA, he had his eyes fixed on Face and was frozen. Face had not seen how Sue had forced him to do the cutting and he had never explained it. But how could the kid think he would do such a horrible thing to him?
Since Hannibal didn't listen and Murdock was a fool after all BA decided to take matters into his own hands. Face was by now shaking like a leave and sobbing and trying to reach the door handle. BA moved close trying to make noise with his gold to let Face know who was there. Murdock was trying to hold him back but without luck.
Face was getting frantic.
"They are coming, oh no, please, open already, please, no, oh god."
"Calm down Faceman, you're dreaming."BA reached out and touched his back
Face screamed in horror and jerked forward slamming himself in the door. Then he collapsed into BA's arms who drew the still shaking body to his chest.
"I got ya Faceman, wont nobody hurt ya again, I got ya." BA too had tears in his eyes.
Hannibal had found his wits again and advanced on the duo.
"He's too hot and I don't like his breathing, get him to the bed, Murdock, get some wet towels."
"You shouldn't have done that BA."
"But what? Watch him live through hell?"
"Let's hope he wakes up alright, I've seen people who tipped over the edge after such a scene, especially when they were disturbed by the orderlies."
"I'm no orderly man, I'm his friend and now get the towels before he melts away."
BA gently placed Face on the bed. "He had pneumonia just before Sue happened and now this, as if he wants to relive every detail."
"I doubt he wants to, B.A. I don't think his mind is giving him a choice." Hannibal wiped some of Face's damp bangs off of his forehead. "He's kept this inside for so long and now it's all coming to a head."
It was a long afternoon and evening. Face's fever continued to rage through him and he tossed and turned mumbling incoherently into the early hours.
Shortly before sunrise Face began to tremble before he broke out into a completely drenching sweat. Then he became completely still…so still that it scared the others.
"He okay, colonel?" Murdock asked anxiously.
Hannibal had one hand on Face's forehead and the other around his wrist checking for a pulse. "His fever broke."
"That's real good, man," B.A. smiled.
"Now we just need him to wake up."
It was a long wait as Face remained silent and unmoving for a couple of hours before his eyelids fluttered open. He looked up at the trio looming over him and smiled weakly. "You guys look awful. What happened?"
Not sure how to possibly answer that, Murdock took the lead and asked, "What do you remember?"
"Not a whole lot…everything is kind of…um…fuzzy."
"You've been very sick, kid. Your fever just broke a little while ago."
Face looked down at his lap. "M'sorry."
"Ain't your fault, Faceman."
"This is supposed to be a vacation for you guys. Leave it to me to mess things up."
They all knew that Face's insecurities were at its strongest when Face was it his weakest.
Murdock sat down gently on the edge of the bed. "There'll be none of that, muchacho. Now, how are you feeling?"
"And we expect the truth, lieutenant," Hannibal added.
Face didn't answer right away; he closed his eyes for a moment as if trying to take inventory. "Tired…so tired. And my arms ache…heck everything aches." For the first time he noticed that his arms were red and littered with scratches. "What happened to…," he started but then it began to come back to him.
The team could see the wheels inside Face's head turning and there was nothing they could do to put on the breaks.
"Oh, God…I…oh God…you know…I told you."
Face started breathing faster and faster and his heart started to pound. The truth was out and now he had to figure out a way to deal with it. It took sheer will to pull himself back together, but somehow he managed to slow his breathing and fight back the fear.
"It's okay kid, you are safe, it's over."
"I…I… understand if you hate me now."
"Why?"
"Because, I…I understand…I mean…" Face was looking at his hands and struggling to get a coherent sentence out."
"No, I mean why would we hate you?"
"Because….because of what I am…I mean…who would want to be close…I" Face chuckled sadly, "if I had a chance I would run from my own self."
"You mean we should hate you because you're a victim?"
"No...because I'm dirty, I'm damaged goods, no good…I…I'll never be clean again."
"Stop talking that way." Hannibal didn't like the harsh tone in his voice nor did he like the way Face jumped. He knew they were treading on thin ice here and he had to be careful to pull Face back from the edge instead of pushing him over. In a much softer voice he continued, "You're a member of the A-Team and nobody speaks that way about a member of my team, they are all hand selected fine men."
"I'm sorry, I…I'll leave as soon…." A coughing fit stopped him before he could end the sentence.
"What you now talking about fool?"
"I…I don't want to drag the team down." More coughs.
"You didn't understand anything Faceman, you're not dirty, heck, you scrubbed away half of your skin." BA was growling but in a soft tone, as if he was scolding a kid. Still Face flinched and shifted a bit away. Murdock crouched down at the other side of the bed to take over the lecture but Hannibal saw how Face was cornered, how his eyes were looking for a way out. He was still afraid of his own team, had been for all those years and none of them had ever noticed.
"Knock it off you two. Face, you need to sleep some more. Your fever broke but you're still running a temperature and I don't like your coughing and your wheezing and the way you ache all over. I think you caught the flu kid, seems like your immunity from the orphanage days is finally over. Come on, close your eyes."
Face did as he was told but left them open just a slit to see what was going on. He didn't trust them anymore and Hannibal's heart broke at the sight.
"Out you two, go and get some food ready, I'll sit with Face."
Murdock wanted to protest but he too noticed the little sigh of relieve as they both put some physical distance in-between them and Face.
"Sleep tight buddy."
It didn't take long before exhaustion took over once more and Face fell asleep. Hannibal was sitting there thinking just when things had gone so wrong. How could he have considered for just one second that he, Hannibal, his commanding officer and surrogate father would follow Sue's wish to the extend to rape him? Even if the lives of his team depended on it he couldn't do such a thing.
The very thought of hurting one of his boys in such a manner…in any manner…made him feel physically ill.
A short while later Hannibal realized it wasn't only his thoughts making him feel badly…it was his stomach as well. Painful cramps began to wrack his midsection and he broke out into a sweat. Face was still sleeping somewhat peacefully when he had no choice but to make a break for the bathroom.
He was surprised to find that he wasn't the only one suffering. Murdock was coming out as he was running in. The pilot looked a sickly shade of green.
"M'sick," Murdock muttered holding a hand protectively over his abdomen. "B.A.'s not feeling so hot either."
"Join the club," Hannibal gasped and then disappeared behind the door.
Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. convened in the living room, each collapsing onto the first immobile object they found.
"What you think's goin' on, man?" B.A. asked in a low voice from the oversized chair.
"Dunno, big guy. But I feel like you ran me over with the van." Murdock curled up onto his side and closed his eyes on top of the long coffee table.
Hannibal was sprawled out on the couch, one arm slung over his forehead. "Chicken…it had to be the chicken."
Murdock and B.A. moaned in agreement. It made sense. They had all eaten the same meal for lunch. The rapidness of the onset and the way they were all hit at the same time meant it was a case of food poisoning. It also meant that they would probably be feeling miserable for the next 24 to 48 hours.
They were too weak to do much more than crawl back and forth to the bathroom when the attacks hit. Luckily Face hadn't consumed any of the chicken and he was asleep each time one of them mustered up the energy to check on him.
When Face finally did wake up he realized that he was alone. Panic and fear gripped him until he glanced out the window and saw that the van was still there.
He lay there for a while before deciding to try and get up. The dizziness was bad as he staggered over to the wall for support. But he found once he was upright for a few moments, the world seemed to settle. He shuffled out into the hallway and headed in the direction of the living room.
At first he thought he was seeing things and actually blinked his eyes a few times just in case. But the view remained the same. His teammates were all laying down and looking even worse than he felt…an impressive feat.
The tables had turned and Face realized he was going to have some work to do, but the question was would he be able to? The answer was simple: yes, because they needed him and he was the only choice.
He kept on shuffling closer to the living room using the wall for support at times. The first one to notice him was BA.
"Need some help Faceman?" The question itself was spoken in a weak manner.
"Funny, was going to ask you the same." Both men managed a weak smile. It was good to smile and concentrate on something else than his own problems.
"You need to lie down kid." Hannibal didn't even open his eyes as he spoke, afraid that it would start the next round.
"Looks like you need to."
"I'm laying already."
"Good, Murdock, let's get you to a bed, the coffee table is not comfortable." Face left the safe hall and stepped out in the open where he had no walls for support. He swayed and almost fell before he had his balance again. Luckily for him none of the others saw it since all three had their eyes closed at the moment. He managed the short distance over to Murdock and tried to bend down to him but it proved impossible as he went to his knees beside the table.
"Kid, stop it, we can look out for ourselves." Before the words were even out Hannibal was on his way to the porcelain.
"Sure colonel. I'll be right back Murdock."
Face used the table for support to get back to his feet and shuffled back to the bedrooms. His plan had changed to getting a mattress from the closest room and drag it to Murdock. Luckily one of the smaller bedrooms had a futon with a small and light pad that would be easier to transport. Still, however, it felt as if he were lugging a ton of bricks.
'Gotta prove to the guys that I'm still useful,' he thought as the sweat poured down his face.
Face stumbled multiple times and fell twice. It wasn't helping matters that his hand ached from the extra exertion. But still he soldiered on…after all he was a soldier…that is what he was trained to do.
The guys, including Hannibal who had returned from the bathroom, were all awake but on the brink of delirium.
The first task was to get Murdock onto the cushion. "C'mon, buddy," Face said gently shaking the pilot to get his attention.
"Facey…have you seen Billy?
Face smiled at the innocent tone of his friend's voice. "Sure did…who do you think helped me move this all the way from the bedroom?"
Murdock curled onto his side and allowed a blanket to be placed over him. "Billy's a good dog…can you feed him for me?"
"Sure, pal. Now get some rest."
Dealing with B.A. proved to be even more interesting.
"Momma?"
Face froze unsure how to respond.
"Momma…don't feel so good."
Face decided to hold B.A.'s hand and rely on touch instead of words. But he never imagined the words that would come out of the larger man's mouth.
"Face has been hurt real bad, Momma…don't know if I can stand to be around him no more."
The lieutenant's stomach lurched as his fears were coming true. The words came out of his mouth on instinct. "Don't worry…he can barely stand to be around himself."
"Huh?" B.A.'s heavy eyes opened as he had a moment of clarity and realized that he wasn't talking to his mother and that his words had been misunderstood.
Face had to get out of the room and get some fresh air. That itself proved to be difficult since BA's words coupled with his already weak state left him stumbling along and falling every few meters. But he made it outside alright. He didn't also hear BA's 'Faceman, wait! I didn't mean it.'
BA wanted to follow Face but after only getting up he had to make a u-turn for the bathroom. By the time he returned he collapsed on the couch, unable to move any more.
Face was sitting on the steps in front of the house. 'I knew it, why did I have to be so stupid and talk. They'll leave me for sure and if they don't they'll pity me. Best will be I leave on my own, right now, but I can't…I have nowhere to go. I need to prove to them that I'm still usefull. Now is the ideal time, they need help. BA has seen how dirty I am…maybe if I clean up better….' Decision taken Face made his way back inside headed for the upstairs bathroom.
Meanwhile BA was tossing and turning on the couch. He was dreaming of the time when he had had this speech with his mother. It had been a long time ago and BA had blamed himself for Face's injuries.
"What's troublin' you, Scooter?"
"Face has been hurt real bad, Momma…don't know if I can stand to be around him no more."
"If he been hurt don't he need you to be there for him?"
"You…you don't understand, Momma."
"Than explain it to me, honey."
"I can't face him…'cause I'm the one who hurt him."
It was the summer of 1975. They had just finished a difficult mission and to say they were all tired was putting it mildly. Face and B.A. had been at each other's throats lately and with Murdock confined to the VA, there was nobody around who could act as a buffer.
They would fight over everything and nothing; the smallest thing could trigger a blow-up. Hannibal attributed it to the fact that Face, who would normally allow B.A. to display his Bad Attitude without contesting it, was now fighting back and challenging the sergeant. The colonel suspected it was because of a job a few weeks back. It involved rescuing an orphanage and had brought back many difficult memories for his young lieutenant. Now there was an uncharacteristic fire in the kid, and it wasn't sitting well with muscular man.
"You think you know everythin', man."
"Not true, B.A. But I do know that I'm sick and tired of you putting me down."
"Well maybe if you wasn't lyin' and cheatin' all the time…"
"It's okay when it gets you things you want…like presents for your momma."
"Don't you bring my momma into this. Ain't my fault yours didn't want you."
Mrs. B had been beyond appalled when her son told her what he had said.
"Didn't I teach you better than that, boy?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Taught you that if you ain't got nothin' nice to say, you say nothin' at all."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Than how could you say such a hurtful thing to your friend?"
"We just been fightin' a lot lately…and…I don't know."
"No wonder you don't wanna face him."
"But that ain't the worst part. Yeah, my words hurt him…but my body did worse."
Face paled after B.A. made the comment about his mother not wanting him. There wasn't much he could say…it was true after all. So he turned his back to walk away.
"Don't you walk away from me, fool."
Face kept walking until B.A. reached out, grabbed his arm and spun him around. He then pulled him close and yanked his arm up behind his back. Face tried to pull away but B.A. pulled back even harder. There was an awful cracking sound followed by a cry of pain.
"You did what, Bosco?!"
"It was bad, Momma…real bad. I can't get the look on his face outta my mind."
B.A. let go of the limb and watched as Face fell to the floor in a heap. He immediately cradled his arm and curled into himself, but not before B.A. saw a mixture of surprise and pain, both physical and mental, reflected in his handsome features.
Hannibal had heard Face cry out from the other room and came running. Both men towered over their moaning teammate knowing the damage was bad. Face never would have let this much emotion show if it hadn't been.
What they didn't know was what it would require to fix it.
"Face, let me see."
"No, hurts."
"I know, let me have a look."
Face carefully removed his hand and Hannibal gasped at the size his elbow had swollen to in the short time.
"Damn, BA get the van, we need to get to a doctor." Hannibal said with a look that promised BA a lecture as soon as there was time for it.
When BA returned he wanted to help Face to the car but as he crouched down next to him Face jerked away and cried out in pain immediately.
Hannibal helped him up and they drove to a clinic a little away since they didn't want to be spotted to close to their hideout. Face didn't say anything, not even object to the pain meds he was given.
"The x-ray shows a broken elbow, in three places. I'll call the hospital and get him admitted."
"Doc, wait, can't you do it here?"
"No way, he needs surgery, the bones need to be fixed with screws, and he'll stay admitted for some days, I can't do that here." With that the doctor was off to the phone.
What they thought was bad got worse once they reached the hospital. The doctor in charge told them that surgery would have to wait until the swelling had gone down some but Face would stay admitted to get medical pain treatment. In all he estimated the time until Face could be released at two weeks minimum. And if he wanted to get the full use of his arm back the surgery would be followed by physiotherapy. And after some weeks he would have to come for a second surgery to remove the screws.
BA felt something at his leg but couldn't remember anything being there when they were at the hospital. Something was tugging at his pant leg.
Slowly he came to and opened his eyes. It was Hannibal reaching over from the other couch.
"Where's Face?"
"At the hospital."
"Huh?"
"Ehrm…no idea, don't know where he is, was just dreaming."
" 'kay"
None of them heard the shower running upstairs before they drifted off to sleep again and BA continued dreaming.
"What the hell got into you, sergeant?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know? Well allow me to tell you. That damn bad attitude of yours took control of you and you broke your teammates arm…in three places!"
B.A. hadn't seen Hannibal angry to this degree often…and it had never been directed at one of them. The spent the remained of their time in the waiting room on opposite sides waiting until Face was settled into his room.
It was three days before the swelling went down and the first surgery was scheduled. Face was doped up on so much pain medication that he slept most of the time. And when he did awaken he would mumble incoherently before passing out again.
When Face came to a few hours after a successful operation it was B.A. who was by his side.
"B…A….what...what…"
"Shh…it's okay. You just had surgery, man."
"Huh? Why?"
"You…um…broke your elbow."
"How?"
B.A. had been saved from answering the still delirious man by the return of the doctor who had been in the hall talking with Hannibal. But as the physician explained how they would be reducing the pain medication now that the bone had been mended, B.A. knew it was only a matter of time before Face remembered the details.
Face did remember, but he surprised them all one morning with his spin on the events. His voice was weak and laced with pain as spoke.
"I'm sorry. This is all my fault."
Face stood in the shower leaning heavily against the tile.
'This is all my fault,' he thought.
