Floating around the edges of consciousness there was only pain. White and hot - consuming - until the chill of the damp darkness took over again.


Kaidan took a moment to look around the large table in the clinic. He had suggested they all meet here so that Dr. Chakwas could join if she wanted to between patients. There was a large conference room in the back of the clinic, and since the staff was more - diminished - than it had been before the war with the Reapers, few people ever used it. They were seated at the large round table and Kaidan had gone about making coffee and tea for everyone.

Vega and Miranda were there, as they had agreed to the night before. Miranda was back in the white leather outfit he remembered from that first time he'd seen her in Horizon. Vega was in fatigues and a t-shirt that didn't even attempt to conceal the muscles beneath it. Next to Miranda sat Joker. Jeff Moreau was all too happy to be sitting next to the woman wearing a skin tight suit, and Kaidan was glad he was getting a break from mourning the loss of EDI, even if it was just to gape at Miranda.

On the other side of Vega was Jack. Subject Zero. The psychotic biotic. Kaidan had heard about her, but only met her once - at the Citadel party - and he hadn't gotten the chance to pick her brain. Other than Shepard, he hadn't known a lot of human biotics with power as intense as his were, and while she had been raised by Cerberus and he had been sent to BAaT, he figured they might have some things in common. He noticed she was more conservatively dressed than the last time he'd seen her. That wasn't saying much, however, as even with her fatigues and mesh shirt, she was still showing more skin than she was concealing. Nearly every inch of her skin was covered in tattoos, though, and while he'd love to spend some time hearing the story behind each of them, he assumed that she wouldn't jump at the chance to share.

Steve Cortez, the shuttle pilot, was talking quietly to Jack and Vega, though Kaidan noted that Vega was having a hard time keeping his eyes off of Jack's body while Cortez was having a hard time keeping his eyes off of Vega's. Jack seemed aware of this, and more than a little amused. Garrus, Tali, Grunt, and Wrex were all there too, having been stranded on Earth at least until the relays were repaired. They had offered their skills to the Alliance, and were being kept busy with repairs and cleanup. Garrus and Tali were speaking to each other in hushed tones and Kaidan smiled to himself. They had been working together for over three years now, and he remembered Shepard had been pleasantly surprised when she had found them... nuzzling before the battle in London, it had been a long time coming. Wrex and Grunt were having their usual pissing contest about who was stronger, and their voices were getting louder as the conversation escalated, until Chakwas entered the room with Liara and Samantha Traynor and hushed them.

Liara gave Kaidan a look of sadness and pity and he fought the urge to return it with a glare. He had no reason to dislike Liara. She was in love with the same woman he was, but how could he blame her. Shepard had picked him in the end and Liara's feelings for her had only had positive consequences - helping her with the cipher that ultimately allowed Shepard to understand the Prothean messages left behind, leading to Shepard's second chance at life, using her Shadow Broker intel to assist in the war. He gave her a tired smile, not because he wasn't grateful to her - he was - but because he really was tired. He couldn't remember the last time he got a good night's sleep.


Pain fluttered around the edges. Pushing further to the center, intensifying with every inch. There was an intense pressure almost everywhere - shoulders, legs, ribs - and everything was shrouded in darkness. Fingers twitched but they weren't met with the usual return squeeze of assurance.

Where was he?

Kaidan...


When Conrad had suggested to Jenna that they should volunteer for the cleanup of the Citadel, she had been in complete agreement. They were technically only civilians, but he had spent a lot of time studying Commander Shepard and she had learned a few tricks while working undercover for Chellick. Still, she wasn't sure how Conrad had convinced the Admiral to let them work on the Citadel. She suspected, however, that Hackett had finally agreed in order to get rid of him. He had directed them to a stop that was populated with hundreds of workers assisting with the cleanup and rebuilding of the Presidium. However, Conrad had steered the shuttle to the far end of the wards, and Jenna had narrowed her eyes at him in suspicion.

"Jenna, there are hundreds over there, they don't need us. There could be survivors up here and no one is even looking." He had explained, and she had understood right away and nodded in concession.

But - after several days of searching and finding nothing but bodies and rubble, she had started to lose hope. Jenna knew Conrad was looking for the Commander, and while she wasn't necessarily jealous with his unnatural obsession with the woman, she thought it was a futile effort. How could she possibly have survived not only the blast that took over the Citadel but also the following week without rescue. Conrad was still going at it with a vigor she wouldn't have thought possible after nearly a week of work with little rest.

"Con, hun, maybe we should take a break."

He looked at her with surprise, and she returned his look with a soft smile, he needed to start to consider the possibility that they wouldn't find her alive, if they found her at all. He hadn't had the easiest life, and Commander Shepard had been his motivation when he got older and was stuck in a loveless marriage with thoughts haunted by the memories of an abusive father and a red sand addicted mother. Shepard had been a woman who had survived despite the worst of situations and had gone on to be the hero of the Alliance. He wanted to be like her, and Jenna had initially found it endearing. It would be hard to see him realize she had died. After he had placed her on such a pedestal she figured he thought of her as invincible. If she had a weakness, though he had Jenna now, she knew it would still be a tough pill to swallow. She would stay here with him until there was no more hope, but he was looking weary and she wanted to take a break.

He seemed to see the concern in her eyes, because he nodded slowly.

"Ok, Jenna, you're right, we need a break." He smiled at her, a sight that caused a flutter in her chest every time she saw it. She did owe Shepard, she had saved her from a bad situation and later she had been the reason Jenna and Conrad had found each other. She was grateful for all of that, and she knew she'd see this through until they were sure she was safe or dead. She took Conrad's hand as he helped her down onto the floor with him and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. She rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes, wiggling closer to her boyfriend and breathing in the calm around them. The calm in the midst of wreckage that had cost the lives of millions.


Kaidan was getting tired, they hadn't made any progress. No one had any ideas that they could follow through with in enough time to actually save her. The thought sent a shiver down his spine and he watched his friends, and acquaintances, eleven of the people who cared about Shepard the most and they were dangerously close to losing faith in her return to them. He rubbed his hands over his head and through his hair, stopping to rest at the implant scar on the back of his neck, massaging it gently to try and stop the migraine that was threatening to take over his head at any moment. He hadn't noticed Liara moving closer to him until she was beside him, hand on his shoulder. She didn't say anything and he didn't look her in the eyes, but he was comforted nonetheless. They were close to losing the one person who meant the most to both of them, but they were there together, feeling the same sorrow, and there was a camaraderie in that realization that neither of them had shared before.


There was a muffled raspy breath, followed by an equally muffled hoarse cough. It took her a moment to realize the sounds were coming from her, as she felt what resembled someone dragging metallic claws down the back of her throat. The darkness was overwhelming, but she thought she saw a small beam of light coming toward her right before she slipped back into unconsciousness.

Perhaps it was time to let go.


They were walking along a hallway filled with rubble, much like the other hallways they had searched. Jenna could hear nothing but their footsteps through the wreckage. Conrad smiled at her as they continued down the hall, and she flashed him a grin back, she would be happy to get home once this was all over, and spend their nights in their own bed instead of a sleeping bag. He began humming quietly to himself and she smiled again, he knew how to set her mind at ease, without her even giving words to her worries.

Jenna placed her hand on his arm when she heard something, signaling him to stop so she could listen better for the source of the disturbance. It was easy for your mind to play tricks on you in a place like this, all wreckage and bodies, but she was convinced she had heard a cough coming from further down the hall. She tilted her head toward the sound and he nodded in acknowledgement, walking just a bit in front of her. Jenna smiled again, always the protector, he almost took a bullet for Commander Shepard, and she knew he'd do the same for her in a heartbeat. She frowned at the thought, hoping there was no danger of gunshots on this adventure..


Kaidan was making some more tea for everyone, they had agreed that they all needed a pick me up and they were going to give it a few more hours of brainstorming before calling it a day. The plan was to take any information they had gathered and present it to Admiral Hackett with a formal request to search for Shepard, but Kaidan knew they'd need at least something to go on before Hackett would entertain the notion. So they were going to compile all the data, and Kaidan was going to present it.


The sound was wrong, like after a flashbang grenade had gone off too close but for some reason this time the hearing loss didn't fade. It sounded like someone was tapping a message out under water. When she shifted to try and turn toward the sound it felt like a million needles jabbing into her body, and then the darkness washed over her again.


"Holy shit, Jenna."

The words were a whisper so quiet that she wasn't sure that she had heard him say them at first. But when she stepped into the space next to him she realized she what had caught his attention.

"We did it." He breathed, and despite the darkness she could see the relief washing over his face. Her mouth gaped open at the sight of Commander Shepard laying in the rubble. She wasn't conscious, and she wasn't moving except for the very slight rise and fall of her chest as she took shallow, rasping breaths. She was alive.

Jenna hadn't realized how relieved she really was to see Shepard alive until she tasted the tears that had fallen onto her lips. Conrad let out a burst of quiet laughter as he typed something into his omnitool and then kneeled beside the broken body of his hero to begin the process of removing the debris from on and around her. Jenna happily knelt down to help.


The group had fallen into easier conversation after all the data had been gathered. They were reminiscing about each of their favorite times on the Normandy, or with Shepard. It wasn't the depressing remembrances of friends talking about a loved one who had passed, but the musings of friends talking about a loved one who they hadn't seen in awhile, but would again. No one here was willing to consider that Shepard wouldn't come back, and Kaidan felt oddly comfortable right here. Away from the guilt and regret and loneliness he felt when was at home - these people, as different as each one was - made up some sort of family. The thought made him smile.

He was still thinking about the events that had brought them all to be serving under Commander Shepard at one point, when his omnitool pinged to alert him of an incoming message. It was Admiral Hackett, and he frowned realizing it was quite late for a professional call. He brought his hand to his ear to greet the man and his breath caught in his throat as he listened to his words. Something must have changed about him outwardly because a silence fell over the room and he realized everyone was staring at him.

"Yes, I understand. Thank you Admiral," he said into the receiver of his omnitool before turning to face the group. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath and he looked from one face to another, nodding finally -

"She's alive," he choked out, and he wasn't sure they heard him at first until the room was filled with the sound of eleven breaths being released in relief.